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When mom woke Maxim up on the New Year’s Eve, it was half past five: «Wake up, it is time to have dinner, and you haven’t had breakfast yet»! Son was stretching while she was rushing him: «Come on, wake up»!
Max loved his mom’s cooking: there were a lot of tasty dishes, and he never knew what to try first. So he was trying everything in small portions and ended up totally stuffed. His parents were talking to him, interrupting each other, but Max, occupied with food, didn’t hear them. He was not eating for a few days – had no appetite before today. That feeling gave him a hope for soon recovery. Maxim was amazed with himself, feeling that he had missed school. It was even good that his illness matched the time of winter break. He had fifteen more days to recover, take off the gypsum and start walking. That made him glad, so he stopped eating and smiled.
– What is wrong with you Max? I am telling you that we are going out to see friends soon, and you are smiling!
– What else I got to do? I can’t go with you.
– What are you going to do when we are gone? That is very interesting.
– I’ll go to bed- what else can I do. May be I’ll read something before falling asleep.
– Will you watch TV shows?
– Probably no. However, I don’t know yet. If there is a good movie, then I’ll definitely watch it. Max was eating a cake, washing it down with tea, which was heating after cold salads. He looked at his mom, looking very elegant and pretty, just like the New Year tree! Women know how to dress up!
– Are you finished with dinner? We are about to leave. Probably, we’ll be back only tomorrow morning or even tomorrow evening. So don’t loose us!
– All right, all right, don’t worry so much.
– You are not upset with us for leaving you by yourself at the holiday?! Answer honestly!
– It is not your fault! – said Max sarcastically and didn’t add anything to that, looking at his mother resentfully. He was offended that she didn’t pay any attention to what he had said. «From the other hand, – he thought, – it is even better this way: there is no reason to ruin a holiday».
– Stop by Margarita Leonidovna, tell Roma to come over! – he shouted at the closing door and felt himself so lonely and forsaken, that his heart started to burn again… He recalled Sveta one more time. She is also watching TV, crying quietly and more then likely thinks about him, so helpless and immature. Max knew that she has inner battle for her credence and that loves helps her. Probably, this is why he feels mournful in the depth of heart. Strengths are gone when no one believes in you. He imagined how difficult that is for her. But she can do that, she is strong and she will be able to give Max support. Sveta will give him energy which will help him to make her happy. «I love you Svetlana»! Will she be able to hear him this night? More then likely yes.
At seven pm Max decided to take a nap to get some rest before Roman’s visit. He tried to imagine how Svetlana could be dressed up at the moment. That is so bad he can’t see her!
When he was falling asleep, the New Year tree was standing in front of his eyes…
XI
«Great solution out of the situation»! – Svetlana thought when she woke up in the evening from the noise guests had created. At first she got angry at her husband for not canceling the celebration. Later, however, she decided that it was a good idea to enjoy the occasion and get digressed from negativity. The new coming year should be a good one. It should be like this one – cheerful, enigmatical and mysterious. Svetlana smiled and remembered the expression: «You will spend the new year exactly how you will celebrate its beginning». She wanted to meet the guests, but felt pain in the stomach and had to sit down on the couch. Svetlana closed her eyes, not being able t stand up.
– Stay where you are, Svetlana! – Ludmila hurried up to stop her. How are you feeling?
Svetlana didn’t answer.
– Don’t worry; we brought all the snacks with us. We’ll stay here for a while, celebrate with you, and keep on going. Svetlana, please say something.
– I haven’t prepared anything, Lyudmila, – Svetlana answered quietly, not opening her eyes.
– Oh, we don’t need anything; we just came over to see you. I hope it is a good idea. To be honest, I didn’t want to bother you, but Vadim took an effort to talk me into that.
«What is going on with me? – Svetlana was puzzled. – It is not a right way to treat people who love and respect you. I have always been distant from my colleagues and people perceive me as an arrogant person. Some are offended by me, some don’t even talk to me and some treat me with coldness. Oh God! I have never noticed that before. I could not understand why all relatives and colleagues turn away from me; I am a good person and a good teacher. I feel so guilty right now! God, forgive me!
– I hope you are not offended by me; – Svetlana gave Ludmila a hug. – I haven’t given you a proper welcoming…
– Of course not! I totally understand that you are having hard time and it is not easy for you…
A tear ran over Ludmila’s cheek.
– Ludmila, I love you very much too! Probably, like one can love a sister. I am very sorry for my actions…
Svetlana shed a tear too, – more from happiness then from the disparity.
– Everyone misses you at school! You are being waited for, despite the holidays. Everyone is worried and concerned for you, – told Ludmila, mopping the tears off. She calmed down, inhaled air and said:
– As if I knew I would be crying. I didn’t apply any make up on, it would all be smudged off now if I did.
Svetlana didn’t answer – she was mopping the tears off.
– All right, I’ll go to set the table it is almost 11 pm…
Ludmila took another look in the mirror, fixed her curly fair hair, and charmingly smiled. She had impressive gray-blue eyes, beautifully shaped lips and accurate nose. «I don’t even need make-up»! – said Ludmila to herself. Standing up from the couch and leaving Svetlana by herself, she proceeded to the kitchen. She understood very well how low Svetlana felt at the moment…
– Would you like to sit here or in the living room?
– Don’t worry Vadim; of course we’ll sit in the living room as usual. Svetlana is all right. If you don’t understand, she is a different person now.
– All right Arthur, let’s move the table. Ladies need to start setting it up, time is running fast.
– We need to light up the New Year tree and turn on the video recorder. Are you planning to record the concert?
Svetlana didn’t want to stand up from the couch, but didn’t want to stay on it either. Stomach stopped hurting, so she enjoyed a feeling of wellness and tired to feel every cell in her body. Relaxed, she regulated her breath and listened her heartbeat. She was satisfied that she didn’t even have a fever. Energy was missing, but doing things slow helped. Svetlana got distracted from her thoughts by the kiss on the lips. She enjoyed it and, wanting more, moved closer to her husband.
– Are you going to change clothing, Svetlana?
She kissed him again and said:
– We are not going anywhere, so what for?
– Oh, I just asked for what you want.
– I want you to be near me all the time.
– It will always be like that, dear. You know we’ll always be together.
– Yes! Hello!
At first Svetlana didn’t hear anything when she picked up the phone.
– Mom, hello, this is me! Happy New Year!
– Hello Dear! Thank you! I wish you a Happy New Year too! Give grandma a kiss from us, ok!
– Of course I will! I am a little upset with her though.
– Nikita, what happen?
– I wanted to go home to celebrate the holiday, but she didn’t let me…
– Don’t worry son, we’ll have time to celebrate. Grandma is lonely there by herself? Don’t be upset with her, all right?
– Ok, I won’t!
– Good boy! Daddy and myself have prepared a present for you. You’ll see it when you come over!
– Yes, mom! I miss you.
– Ok, son, it is almost midnight. Don’t upset grandma.
Nikita changed the subject:
– Mom, how are you feeling?
– I am good dear. I am sending you many kisses and hugs. Once more, happy New Year son! I love you!
– I love you too mom! Get well!
Nikita hang up the phone, but Svetlana was still listening the beeps trying to visualize him at this important moment.
– Let’s sit down at the table! It is almost midnight!
Svetlana sighted when the cork loudly flied out of the champagne bottle, hit the ceiling and landed on the phone. Then, hearing the clock bit, she hangs up the phone, lifted the glass with champagne and drained it to the dregs, congratulating everyone with the holiday. The concert on TV began, so everyone watched and listened to it attentively. No one said a single word; people were thinking of their problems and digressed from thoughts in order to fill up the plates. Svetlana was watching Arthur, Ludmila and Vadim. They were concerned and tried to leave their worries behind at least for the evening, relax and have a good time. Problems can be solved later. Then it is time to expect new nuisances that are often unnecessary and pitiful, moreover, created by people themselves.
Svetlana remembered school problems which she had created for herself. She ruined relationships with everyone: colleagues, directorships, students… What was the reason for that? What influenced her actions? The answer to the question scared her. She was frightened to confess that personal pride and fake magnitude had found shelter in her soul and were giving her guidance. It seemed to be right and decent behavior. However, instead of understanding and respect which she hoped to receive, she was given quite the opposite! She was avoided, not paid attention to. Students were scared to go to her class, expecting rudeness and harshness They were petrified in front of her, intimidated to say a word. She was proud of that! Even thought she knew that the girls from her class address other teachers in order to get help in difficult life scenarios, or just to hear the advice, to talk. Svetlana created barriers. She suffered inside, but inhibited her feelings. Right after classes she was going home and did not let anyone into her life.
At that moment she was looking at Ludmila, who was sitting near her at the festive table, giving her gratitude inside. Ludmila opened her eyes and helped her see her fallacy, absolutely needless one, ultimately disturbing. Svetlana tried to change more then once; she even asked for advice how to correct herself. It seemed impossible, unrealistic and intimidating to overcome yourself. There is an abyss in front on her, and it is extremely frightening to step into the unknown. The fear is actually reaching the level of panic terror. Svetlana was trying to get rid of those thoughts. She suffered and didn’t know how to act. Once she had a panic attack when the son was watching a horror movie. She ran to the video recorder, almost broke it, and damaged a couple of tapes. Her husband and son had to make arrangements with neighbors to watch a movie at their place.
Svetlana made a wish, believing sincerely in the magic of the New Year’s eve: she wanted to change and start living a fulfilling life. She wanted to give people warmth and happiness, not fear or jealously. If she is able to control herself, then… Svetlana lost her breath because she imagined Maxim, standing at her closed door and knocking on it. Every knock reflected with the heart burn. She suddenly realized that life events depend on her too, not only on Max, as she always thought. All of his efforts would lead to no result if she just waited. «I am surprised, – Svetlana thought, – it does not scare me at all! May be I am ready? – then she said to herself absolutely calmly: – Yes, Maxim, now I am totally ready»! She poured more champagne in the glass, drank it, poured some more; then she put the glass in front of her on the table and continued brainwork: «He was probably trying to bring some positivism into my life for a long time, but I could not even notice it! It is interesting, how did I manage to fall in love with him? No matter how long I think about it, I can’t find the answer».
– I want to stitch the TV channel, any objections?
Svetlana tried to visualize Maxim. She always wanted her man to be chaste, with pure thoughts and clear intentions. She wanted him to be a real man, not just to be called a man! All mature and serious men that she had known, even her husband, processed certain flaws that made her change the attitude towards them. These flaws were killing all the feelings she had: respect, friendship, warmth. That was the reason which made her create a wall between herself and people around. Holding flowers, presented by Maxim, Svetlana saw an ideal man in the little boy. She was positive that ideal man did not exist. She thought that love was only a pitiful fiction of laity, who knows nothing about it. Svetlana was overwhelmed by hew new love. It knocked her down, turned her head, and changed everything. When she looked in the little boy’s eyes, she saw the sight of the mature man. He didn’t feel a small boy at those moments- it was Svetlana who felt herself a little girl under the influence of his powerful inner strength. Her hearted cowered when he dissolved in the crowd of students, dressed up for the occasion! And she, a mature woman, was standing at her spot for a long time, searching him in the crowd and scolding herself for not asking his name.
«Can it be true that I am going to remember this moment all my life?! – Svetlana thought and answered herself: – Yes, of course! I’ll be remembering it every moment of my life! God, thank you for this feeling»! She remembered again how she looked into Maxim’s eyes, feeling extremely happy: he was her student! She became stronger; it seemed, that just a little more – and he would shine with love, honestly, sincerity and kindness. Svetlana wanted to learn from him how to be opened for others, how to become an understanding and bright personality. She realized that she was ready for it. She will be watching his actions, movements, and manners, walk. She will become as pure as he is. When Maxim will see that she has changed, that will be a signal for action. He is the only person who can help her to achieve her dream. «I need to prepare myself for new life during the holiday time», – Svetlana said herself and had some more champagne.
XII
Maxim was walking around the room. He was surprised that the ceiling is very low and he could almost touch it with the head. Everything surrounding him was sparkling and clear and it was necessary to close eyes tight from the bright light. He always dreamed to be like that – bright and pure, ideal and flawless. Max stopped, realizing, that he was that kind of person. He enjoyed the harmony in his soul and pictured the feelings of people to whom he was granting it. He wanted to share this valuable feeling with everyone. Max was not even depressed by the circumstance that everyone took as much as he could, and not as much as Max could give. He understood that with time any human being would try to do that. Unfortunately, not every person, but still many would enter his world that he tried to create under the will of the Father. He wanted to purify people spiritually and to show them how to live and love in a right way. There is no need to lock yourself in problems, following the path of mistakes and delusions. Young man was delighted by this spectacular feeling of spiritual strength, which was blinding even for him. This inner power fortified him more and more guided his actions by lightening his path. He was walking under that light, confident that he was involved in a very remarkable task. It didn’t matter much what he was doing; even when he ate or slept, he was still loyal to righteousness and love. Sometimes, when he experienced moments of despair, this strength was carrying him away to other places or was creating other conditions, more often very complex ones. Max felt that the set task was impracticable; but he still applied his efforts to solve it, overwhelming himself with the unrealistic burden. When the task was successfully completed it was clear for him, that it was only preparation for something truly meaningful. When he looked at his life from various angles, he saw and felt everyone and everything surrounding him, and knew the possible outcomes of different situations and reasons for these outcomes.
Maxim stood still, closing eyes tight from the bright light, and was looking for a way to solve today’s problem. Like always, at first he needs to understand the situation himself: think it over, take a right decision, and then act! His actions, reaching the border of unreality, were so complicated that it was not possible to predetermine his role in their accomplishment. Suddenly Max suspected, that the answer to his question was somewhere very near, and he would need to think all of his deeds at the very last minute. This moment is more significant then long and intensive labor. Maxim heard even and rhythmical sound and thought that it was his heartbeat. However, it was a knock on the door.
He started to walk around his apartment, trying to find the door through the bright light, but it was hard to determine where it was. Walking through the whole place he didn’t know whether he should be surprised or not: door seemed to be absent. “How did I enter this place then? – Maxim thought. – Interesting, how am I going to get out of here?” He was at the spot where he had started examination, right in the center of this mysterious place, attentively listening to every sound. Only after some time he realized that the noise was coming somewhere from above. Max closed his eyes and started to raise his head slowly, but nothing could be seen. He opened his eyes and bright light blinded him…
Max could not open his eyes but he knew that he was on the couch. He sat down, hitting his leg, covered in gypsum. He saw the New Year tree again and understood that he was sleeping at home. Door bell was ringing and it became clear how the noise in his dream appeared. Maxim stood up from the couch and went to open the door, leaning on the crutch and trying to understand, why in his dream he didn’t have the gypsum.
– Come in. What time it is, Roman?
– I think it is 2 am. I have been ringing the bell for the past half hour, and left my place around 1 am.
– My relatives went out and I fell asleep. Sorry I didn’t get the door right away.
– That’s all right. I wish you a Happy New Year, Max. Get well soon, be happy, healthy and meet a great love.
– Thank You Roman, you are a great friend. I congratulate you from my heart as well and wish your star to shine bright, especially at the important moment.
– I wanted us to spend this New Year together. We had guests over, and my parents didn’t let me out earlier.
– Come in, take your jacket off. Let’s go to the living room.
Max limped to the couch and took a look at the festive table, realizing, that he should eat something. At that time Roman was brining plates, wine glasses, forks and a bottle screw.
– Max, what do you have to drink? Have you got champagne?
– I don’t like it much.
– Let’s get wine then.
– Get some from the bar, – Maxim said, filling up plates with salads, potatoes, chicken and pickles from the bottle.
– What wine would you like to drink? – asked Roman, examining the bar.
Then someone rang the door bell.
– Roman, please get the door, it will take me forever to get there…
Roman left the living room and Max thought about his teacher again and about his dream: "Probably this dream was meant to show me that I need to determine everything myself and take a decision. I need to think more instead of looking for the answer in dreams.".
– Hey, why are you so sad?
The guy who came in had a nickname Redhead Romka. When he came in his laughter entertained Max, so in the moment they were laughing together. Romka’s freckles made Maxim laugh even more, then the lovely color of his hair.
– Great, – said Maxim after calming down. – I’ll be celebrating New Year in the company of two Romans. We got a wonderful male company.
– I brought the wine “Monastery house”. Have you got the bottle screw?
– Roman, I thought you brought it here?
– I don’t remember where I put it down. Is it on the table? – Roman was surprised.
– No, – Max replied. – Bring something from the tools. Let’s invent the bike.
“Monastery house” was over. Redhead Romka left. The other Roman was drunk and left too, leaving Max alone. Wine woke up his appetite. After turning on the TV, Max had a long dinner, listening to various rubbish programs and re-laying his leg from one position to another. He finished a meal, turned off the television, turned on the New Year tree and lied down on the couch to regain strength. He didn’t want to sleep anymore or do anything else: holiday spirit was gone. It left so suddenly, that Max was not ready for it. "Nothing changed, – he thought, – I am still not ready for the situation! May be I am ready, but some strange uncertainty is obstructing me from feeling ready or being confident in success. I should not go with the tide; I need to take part in what is going on in my life. I need to make a contribution…"
Max was glad that his friends did not forget about him at the difficult moment of life and came to congratulate him. It does not matter that they did not stay long, what really matters is the sign of attention, showing that he is needed. May be it means that when we need a person, we lack something that that person has. Max knew that this specific factor connects people, provokes feelings in them. Then, when two completely different people learn something from each other or reach inner harmony, the most important moment takes place. One of them needs to take a decision weather there is a reason for further communication. More often, the answer to that question is negative, so the other person has nothing left rather then to agree to that decision. Yes, it is hard to say good-bye, but it is necessary. Both people understand it deep inside the soul and even regret break-ups, but they keep on saying at the end: "This was meant to be".
One question always tortured Max: when the person is acting unconsciously and goes with the tide, understanding the essence of his actions only after a period of time, is that his strength or his weakness? Only during the life span a person has a chance to perceive his actions fully, even when they repeat constantly and create a certain system. At that specific time a person can see the situation clearly, return to the past, put together all opportunities and take a decision. But at the same time there is a doubt… The system seems to control a person when he can’t even understand, weather he created it, or just lives under its control? Maxim did not know if it was strength or weakness. May be it was something else, different from those concepts?
