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Those two words—our son—had a ring of intimacy, but it wasn’t one they shared anymore. Never really had.
Nathan was silent for several moments, ones in which Grace could hear the kids laughing and talking on the other side of the barn. She experienced a moment of panic when she wondered if Nathan had told any of the members of his family about Evan. Would they say something to Evan? She glanced through the barn, but he wasn’t visible.
“Why didn’t you tell me then?” Nathan asked, drawing her attention back to them and their conversation. His anger at being shut out was still evident in his tone, might always be there. Especially when he heard everything she had to say.
“I was young and afraid to let anyone in, afraid someone else would try to take Evan away from me.”
“By someone, you mean me.”
“And your family.”
“You must not think much of us.”
“It wasn’t that. I always liked your family, was really envious of you. But you have to understand. I’d just been through the equivalent of psychological torture, at least from my point of view. The way I was looking at things then, I thought that if you knew about Evan, you’d be able to take him from me because you had money, family support, all the things I didn’t have. I’m not saying it was right, but it’s how my brain was working then.”
“We wouldn’t have stolen him from you. We’re not like that. Family is the most important thing to us.”
“Yes, but I’m not family.”
The sound of the kids’ voices grew louder, coming closer. Nathan shifted, made to leave. She touched his arm, praying he wouldn’t think her cold and heartless for what she was about to ask of him but prepared to deal with it if he did.
“Nathan, I need you to not tell Evan you’re his father.”
His expression tightened. “What?”
“I didn’t come here to make any big changes. We have a good life in Little Rock, one we’re going back to soon.”
Nathan shook his head. “I don’t believe you. You come here, tell me I have a son, but that I can’t let him know that.”
Grace let her hand fall away after she realized she was still touching Nathan. “He’s too young to understand, and I don’t want him getting attached and then hurt when we leave.”
Nathan threw up his hands in frustration. “Then why tell me at all?”
“I told you why.”
“Oh, yeah, so you’ll have someone on the line to take care of him in case an asteroid falls on your head. Great to know you think so highly of me. I’m okay only if you’re dead and there’s no other choice.”
Grace flinched. She understood his anger, really she did, but she couldn’t bear the thought of Evan attaching himself to Nathan and having his little heart broken when she took him away from his father.
“It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No, Nathan. I just…please, I want him to have a good time here. He’s been looking forward to this so much.”
“And you think if you tell him I’m his daddy that it’ll ruin his camping experience?” Such bitterness laced his every word.
“No. I don’t know. Can we please just give it a few days, let him get settled?” And maybe by then Nathan would have calmed down enough to see her side of things, that stability was the best thing for Evan as he grew up.
Wouldn’t having a father be the best thing?
She told the voice in her head to shut up, that she knew what she was doing.
Nathan stared at the kids emerging from the barn, Evan among them.
“Nathan?” Grace held her breath as Evan got closer, as he broke away from the others and ran toward her and Nathan.
“Mom, guess what!”
Grace hesitated in responding. She couldn’t tear her gaze away from Nathan, silently pleading with him to keep their secret, at least for now.
“I’ll see you two at dinner,” Nathan said, then stalked away.
Grace let out a sigh of relief. She didn’t know how long he’d keep quiet, but for now she could breathe again. At least as much as she was able to watching the best-looking man she’d ever seen walk away from her. If she’d known the grown-up Nathan could make her heart somersault the way the teenage Nathan had, she wasn’t sure if she would have had the willpower to come back to Blue Falls.
She felt the first chink in the armor around her heart fall away.
NATHAN TRIED NOT TO stare. Not at Grace, with whom he was equal parts angry and, damn it, fascinated. She was so different from the girl he’d known.
And not at Evan, his son. Every time he thought about it, his knees grew weak.
He kept glancing over to where they sat at one of the picnic tables, talking to another of the mothers and the little girl in the pink cowgirl getup. When he noticed Grace laughing at something, he couldn’t look away. How could she laugh after what she’d kept from him? After all she’d been through?
That same rush of hot anger he’d felt when she’d told him about how her mother had given away Evan surged through him again. He might be furious at Grace for stealing the first years of his son’s life from him, but at least she hadn’t tossed Evan away like garbage. His hands clenched into fists. He’d known her parents were strict, odd even, but he’d never imagined they were capable of such cruelty.
Part of him understood why Grace had made the decisions she had, but part of him couldn’t get past that she hadn’t even tried to tell him about Evan. She’d lost eight months with Evan, but he’d been cheated out of six years with his son. He didn’t know if he could forgive her for that.
He noticed his mother making her way through the crowd, stopping to chat with their guests for the week as well as Trudy, the ranch’s longtime cook. Grudgingly willing to keep Grace’s secret for the time being, until he could figure out how to change her mind and make sure she didn’t flee with Evan, he shifted his attention away from her and began filling a plate for himself. Not that he was going to be able to even taste the barbecue, baked beans or potato salad. He doubted even the apple pie would make an impression today.
He knew he should mingle, go and sit with the guests, but he just couldn’t handle that right now. Truth be told, he wished he could send them all home and concentrate on more important matters, like convincing Grace that Evan deserved to know his father. That she couldn’t parade his son in front of his nose and expect him not to say anything. He just had to convince her that he wasn’t going to take Evan away from her.
His mom, now with a full plate of her own, sat beside him. He forced himself to concentrate on his food.
“Pretty nice group of folks,” his mom said as she scooped up a forkful of potato salad.
“Yeah, seem to be.”
“Was a surprise to see Grace.”
Man, don’t go down this road. “Yeah. Said her boy likes cowboys a lot.” He forced himself not to look their direction.
They were silent for a few moments while they both ate, but he gradually became aware of something in the air, an awareness akin to the stillness before a storm.
“I have a grandson, don’t I?”
Nathan let his fork drop the short distance to his plate, and he pushed it all away. He couldn’t meet his mother’s eyes, wasn’t sure he wanted to know what she thought of him and this situation.
“Yes, but don’t say anything. Grace wants to…keep it quiet for now.”
“Not tell him?”
He still didn’t agree with Grace and part of him wanted to scream at her, but he found himself hiding those feelings from his mother. “She’s afraid he’s too young.”
“I don’t understand. Why bring him here then?”
He lost the fight and let his eyes drift toward Grace and Evan again. “She wants to make sure Evan has somewhere to go if anything ever happens to her. And she doesn’t want him going to her family.”
“She’s broken away from them?”
“More like they tossed her out on her butt.”
“That’s sad.”
He watched Grace and tried to put himself in her teenage shoes. Imagined how frightened she’d been that day, standing on her parents’ porch, knowing she was totally on her own with nothing. “It’s more than sad. She’s been through a lot.”
“And yet you’re mad at her.”
“Yes.”
“Understandable, on both sides.”
He glanced at his mother then, and she met his gaze.
“Her family was a real piece of work,” she said. “I hate that she was hurt in the process, but I’m glad she’s free of them.”
“She said it felt like they’d brainwashed her.”
“Of that I have no doubt.”
“They made her afraid to tell me.” Of course, his actions hadn’t helped matters any, but he couldn’t tell his mother how big of an ass he’d been in the days after he’d gotten a bit too tipsy at Blake Chester’s party and taken Grace to bed.
“Then you’ll just have to convince her there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Easier said than done.”
“Things worth having are rarely easy.”
A few more silent moments passed as he tried to figure out how to approach Grace, Evan, the entire situation.
“How did you know?” he asked his mother.
“Because he looks just like you at that age.”
Nathan eyed Evan, tried to see himself in the boy. And there it was—the shape of the chin, the dark blond hair so unlike Grace’s bright blond waves, the way he talked to anyone who would listen. If he and his mom could see it, how long before his dad and brothers came to the same conclusion? How long before Grace’s secret was out, even if he stayed quiet?
He just hoped she wouldn’t blame him and take Evan away before he even got a chance to know him. He couldn’t let that happen no matter what Grace wanted or what she’d been through.
He wouldn’t.
Chapter Four
“Don’t look now, but I think Mr. Hunky Cowboy is checking you out,” Laney said as she slid back into her spot next to Grace, two slices of apple pie in hand.
Grace’s skin warmed at the thought that Nathan was watching her, but then common sense took over. If he was staring at her, it likely wasn’t with romantic interest. He was probably stewing in his anger or trying to figure out a way to change her mind about telling Evan about his father’s identity.
“You do remember you’re on my side, right?”
“I’m not talking about Nathan.”
Grace glanced at Laney as her friend placed a slice of pie in front of her. And then she noticed a man at the next table looking her way. When their gazes met, he smiled at her from below his straw cowboy hat. She managed a quick but noncommittal smile back before averting her gaze.
Laney cut off a piece of her pie. “While Evan’s having fun this week, who says you can’t, too?” Laney waggled her eyebrows.
Grace shook her head. “Me, that’s who.”
“Might be a good way to make Nathan jealous.”
“I’m not here for that, either. Plus, I don’t want to do anything else he can hold against me.”
Laney shrugged. “Whatever. You don’t have to be pure as the driven snow to be a good mother.” Having said her piece, as she always managed to do, Laney took her first bite of Merline’s signature apple pie. Grace hadn’t tasted her own yet, but it wasn’t necessary to remember the taste. Like so many things from those months when she was tutoring Nathan, slices of scrumptious apple pie stood out in her memory as if days and not years had passed.
“Oh, this is good,” Laney said.
Before she slipped up and admitted a part of her actually did like the idea of Nathan being jealous, Grace took a bite of her pie and made appreciative noises.
Laney made a slight nod toward the man at the other table. “You have to admit he’s nice-looking.”
“He is, but the last things I need in my life right now are more complications.”
“Party pooper.”
Grace stared at Laney. “I should have brought Emily instead.”
Laney wiped her mouth with a napkin. “I can’t help it. I’m an incurable matchmaker. How many times did I try to set you up in college?”
“I’m sorry, but you’re still out of luck with me. I’m firmly single and like it that way.”
Most of the time. Except when she looked into Nathan’s eyes and her heart performed some fancy Fred Astaire dance steps in her chest.
Laney pouted. “But I think all the other women here are married. Hot cowboys with no one to pair them with, that’s a crime.”
Grace laughed. “Sorry to spoil your fun.”
“Hey, the week isn’t over yet.”
When Grace finished her pie, she gathered Laney’s and her trash and headed for the large garbage can at the edge of the picnic area. After tossing the trash inside, she turned to find the unnamed cowboy standing behind her. “Oh, excuse me.”
He touched the brim of his hat. “No problem.” He lifted his empty plate. “Good dinner, wasn’t it?”
