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Evie tried not to snigger, biting her lip as she looked at Mollie, whose own mouth was twitching. Ruby had started her career as a burlesque dancer in London. The priest was making her sound like Mother Teresa. And as for the lyrics, well he’d obviously never heard her first number one hit: Atheist Sucker Punch.
The service went on, the heat of the day filtering in among the bodies, and Evie realised this really had nothing to do with her friend at all. Ruby’s foster parents, who she’d lived with for the two years she’d been in Badgeley, were obligated to do something. But they never really knew their charge. Then again, Evie thought, did she even know Ruby Tuesday? She knew Ruby Montgomery – the person who stole art supplies for her because she knew she couldn’t afford to go to the classes. The girl who flirted with every taken boy, just to see who was enough of an arsehole to forget about his girlfriend. The girl who brought together Evie, Mollie and Chelsea, three ‘bad girls from the estate’ who had never really been given a chance in their tiny town.
Evie remembered that they’d been sitting on the hill in the park, drinking cans of coke and chewing on pick’n’mix, doing their homework when Ruby pointed out ‘they’re always going to think you’re bad girls, no matter how good you are’. She’d gestured at the homework, ‘You may as well earn the title.’
They were never really that bad, Evie smirked, just a little… mischievous. Ruby was a terrible influence though. Those two years were the most fun they’d ever had. And then she was gone.
The music started, and the procession commenced. Evie’s eyes didn’t water, not even a little. Maybe because it didn’t feel real, or perhaps because already she could see the women around her adjusting their make-up, aware of the roar of the paparazzi outside. Ruby deserved more than this. If it was going to be a circus, it should at least be a splendid circus, one with drama and colour and craziness. Ruby would hate to think she was mourned without some sort of grandeur. She would have wanted girls wailing and boys shaking their heads, champagne corks popping and balloons being let off in her memory. Hilarious stories shared with loud, dirty laughter. She would have wanted to be celebrated.
They filed out quietly, emerging into the harsh sunlight, and immediately the cameras went off again – the journalists clamouring for a good story, desperately hoping for some pictures of tearful mourners. Evie would not give them the satisfaction.
‘Evelyn!’ a voice called out behind her, and she whipped round, unsure of who exactly had ever called her that name. It was Ruby’s foster mother. Evie had never learnt her name, she was just that sour-faced older woman who so often just sighed and shrugged as they carried on.
Her eyes were also dry, Evie noted, and her lips were a thin line. This was more about obligation than any real affection for Ruby. Ruby was dumped on them after the care system realised they existed. They never made her feel loved or appreciated, and at that moment Evie wanted to hate the stiff-lipped old woman with the deep frown lines.
She pushed a letter into Evie’s hands, ‘This was found with her things, I’m assuming it’s for you.’
Evie looked down at the letter, a pale pink envelope speckled with gold glitter, edged with Japanese style stickers of unicorns and crescent moons. In the middle, in bright blue ink, it simply said ‘For my girls’. It was heavy and lumpy, holding something far more than just words. She pressed her fingertips along the ridges.
‘Are you sure this is for us?’
The woman shrugged, ‘No one else claimed it. Plus, there’s initials on the back.’ She walked off without looking back, glaring at the camera men.
Evie flipped the envelope, and true enough, at the bottom right-hand corner, in tiny writing it said:
(E, C and M)
Well, that made it a bit more obvious.
Evie looked around for Mollie and Chelsea, but was being swarmed by people leaving the church, and the demands of the journalists were getting louder.
‘Did you know her? We’ll pay for a story!’
‘Bet all the boys swooned – any of you date her? Bet she was a saucy one, eh?’
Evie couldn’t stand it any longer, marching over to the loudest one, a cigarette hanging from his mouth as he looked at her eagerly.
‘Did you know Ruby, love? Wanna get in the papers?’
Evie pulled the cigarette from his mouth and stamped on it.
‘She was my friend. And now she’s dead. Show some fucking respect.’
She barged past him, ensuring he dropped his voice recorder on the ground. The swearing behind her was faint consolation.
Her mother looked over and raised an eyebrow. Evie lifted up her hands as if to say I didn’t touch him. Her mother shrugged. She had to get back to work anyway and Evie needed to move, get beyond the fakeness of all of this.
She walked intuitively, not even thinking about where she was going. She just got out of the churchyard, down the high street, and then she could breathe. She’d been working really hard on her anger issues; taking up kickboxing, mindfulness, anything to stop that flash of red when something happened. And today her friend was gone, and a stranger was being both idolised and crucified in the papers. She knew what they’d say – drug overdose, mysterious circumstances, money worries. A four-page spread on the latest member of the Twenty-Seven Club.
Evie walked into the corner shop, picked up the lager, threw down the cash and walked out, not up for the cashier’s comments about how ladies don’t drink beer. She trudged along the school fence until it turned into hedges, thick and overgrown. She counted three steps and turned left, poking an arm through a small gap in the hedge, sighing before she chucked the beers through and wiggled through after them.
‘No graceful way to do that,’ she said to herself, pulling twigs out of her hair and surveying the scratches down her arms.
The grass was dry and overgrown, a wasteland when it had once been an oasis.
She’d been sitting for about half an hour when the hedge rustled and Mollie fell through the gap in the bushes, ‘Ow! That was much harder than I remembered it being!’
She’d changed into her jeans and a black floaty top, her hair tied back into a loose blonde ponytail now. She had less of a Mother Teresa vibe now, but that could be the fact that she had twigs in her hair and was holding two bottles of pink Lambrini. Mollie rolled up into a seated position, arching like a cat, ‘Sorry about the bevvies but it’s all I could grab on my way out. Plus, it’s kind of fitting, right?’
That had been their drink of choice, when they first met Ruby and found The Oasis; Mollie would sneak out bottles of Lambrini, the only thing her mum was never bothered about. Later, Ruby would flutter her lashes and get some of the local boys to buy them stronger stuff, but Evie quite liked the innocence of those days. Four girls with oversized straws in a fizzy pink drink, spinning around and giggling about how the stars became shooting stars if you spun around long enough.
‘So, do you think she’ll come?’ Mollie asked, dumping the bottles next to the beer.
Evie shrugged, saying nothing.
‘She wouldn’t have bothered coming back if it didn’t mean something,’ Mollie said lightly, relaxing back into the ancient checked chair.
‘People change,’ was all that Evie said, her eyes focused on that gap in the hedge.
‘This place doesn’t though,’ Mollie shrugged. ‘You can’t be angry that she got out, Eves, that was always the plan, for all of us. She and Ruby did it, and we didn’t –’ Mollie made a face, ‘– just the way it is.’
There was another rustling from the hedge, but further down, not in the same space she and Mollie had entered through. A hand appeared, clasping a bottle of prosecco, a platinum blonde head arriving after. Chelsea squeezed through with difficulty, rolling her eyes.
‘That was more difficult than I remembered,’ she grinned up at them, continuing to wiggle.
‘Because it’s not the bloody entrance,’ Evie rolled her eyes, pointing, ‘it’s over there.’
‘Well, that makes sense,’ Chelsea shrugged, looking around. ‘You’re seriously telling me none of the kids in this town are curious enough to make this their hangout?’
‘You kidding? They’ve got a skate park and a pavilion, there is no need for our shitty fairy circle with an old shed,’ Mollie laughed, looking around with affection at their sanctuary. At the back there was the caretaker’s shed, which was mostly full of pointless tools that had been forgotten about, but they’d stored deck chairs there, and a little cheap gazebo from Argos that they’d put up to keep out of the rain. Chelsea looked on, unimpressed with the chairs, dusting them off with a tissue from her bag, but still had half a smirk in place as she looked at their little oasis, overgrown and somehow so much smaller now.
‘I brought booze,’ Chelsea held up the bottle of prosecco, her eyes drawn to the pile in between them, ‘… and so did you.’
Evie didn’t like the way her voice flattened as she looked at their offerings. She couldn’t work out what it was that was pissing her off about Chelsea, itching beneath the surface of her skin. Whether it was the designer clothes, the perfect hair or the fact that she’d really been hoping Chelsea was going to turn up, stick her tongue out and brandish a blue WKD. Instead, she talked like she’d swallowed a polo mallet and had turned up to toast their friend with middle class bubbles. Like she didn’t remember them at all.
‘God, this place doesn’t change, does it?’
Evie followed her gaze, ‘Nah. Nothing ever changes, and nothing ever happens. Except the funeral of the terribly famous Ruby Tuesday.’
Mollie frowned, ‘Some things change,’ she said pointedly, raising her eyebrows.
‘Well yes, sorry,’ Evie said coolly, ‘we got a skate park, the corner shop now stocks decent biscuits and Mollie made a pretty awesome human being.’
Chelsea nodded, her face pinched, ‘I saw. Congratulations.’
Mollie raised an eyebrow, ‘Judgy Wudgy was a bear.’
‘A bear that didn’t get stuck in this shitty place and forget all about his dreams, no doubt,’ Chelsea said primly, tucking her hair behind her ear. Mollie’s smile dropped a little, but she shook it off.
‘She’s a great kid.’
‘I’m sure she is,’ Chelsea reached for her hand and squeezed, ‘how old is she?’
Mollie went to answer but Evie got there first, her voice a little higher as she stared at Chelsea’s designer shoes and bag, ‘We didn’t forget about our dreams. Life happened. We had responsibilities.’
‘I know, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. It just seems like a waste. You were a talented artist. And Mollie was a great actress.’ Mollie nodded, holding up the Lambrini bottle in thanks.
Evie huffed, ‘I’m still a talented artist. I went to art school. I sell stuff, I have an Etsy shop and had a London exhibition.’ Four years ago, she added silently. ‘And Molls still does stuff, she acts and she’s an amazing baker, even better than she was at acting!’
Mollie looked at Evie in surprise, ‘Thanks, but I’m not ashamed that most of my acting is in the Christmas panto each year.’ She turned to Chelsea, ‘I get a few gigs here and there, but I don’t like leaving Esme with my mum. You remember what she’s like.’
Chelsea nodded, ‘But the baking is your new passion?’
Mollie rolled her eyes, ‘Evie’s good at spin, as always. I do some catering stuff. I always had this thing where I wanted to cater kids’ parties, creating healthy but really cool food,’ she twisted the cap off the Lambrini, ‘but the short answer is I work at Greggs. And I’m okay with that.’
Evie looked at her like she had betrayed her, ‘No you’re not.’
She looked back soberly, ‘No, I’m not. But I’ll be damned if I have to justify my life and try to make it sound better than it is.’
Evie felt that dig, and knew it sounded like she was making excuses, like she had something to prove. And maybe she did. Stuck in Badgeley, desperate to get out again. Art college had been a glimpse into the life she could have had, working with artistic people, making jewellery, experimenting with photography and illustration. Everything felt possible. Except jobs were hard to come by, and she had to pay rent, and her mum wanted the company. She went home to regroup and, somehow, years had passed.
Evie looked at Chelsea, took in the manicured nails, perfectly done hair, the clothes, the head held high. Somehow it was all too… right. It wasn’t personal, it was like she’d been designed by a personal shopper at Selfridges. She’d gone in with a list of demands: ‘make me a successful businesswoman’; ‘make me intimidating’; ‘make it fucking expensive’… and, like a genie, they’d created her. This strange, polished version of Chelsea who was so far from the girl who used to swig WKDs and stick out her blue tongue for photos that it wasn’t even funny.
‘It’s just a waste,’ Chelsea shrugged, ‘this place is… well, it’s Badgeley.’
‘You still dancing then? You bought that fancy dress with money from the ballet?’ Evie knew she should let it go.
‘No, I don’t really dance any more.’
‘What a waste,’ Evie bit back with meaning.
‘Judgy Wudgy,’ Chelsea sighed and shrugged, rustling in her handbag for a pack of cigarettes. She proffered the pack to Mollie, who shook her head.
‘Still a B and H girl. That’s comforting.’
‘I don’t really any more,’ Chelsea shrugged, ‘Kit hates it, he thinks it’s uncouth. But… I figured if there was ever a day I was going to need a smoke…’
Evie didn’t want to ask who Kit was. It didn’t really matter. He’d just be another part of this perfect life that Chelsea seemed to have carved, when they hadn’t managed to. Mollie nodded quietly, but didn’t ask either, perhaps because Chelsea hadn’t asked about her kid. Was there even a point trying to get to know each other now?
‘I guess we’re going to walk down memory lane, then?’ Chelsea said awkwardly.
Sure, they’d all been friends before and after Ruby, but… well, it had been a long time. They were not the same people. Plus, Mollie had a child. They’d never had that much in common when they were kids, but things are just different then. You’re friends because you both want Joey to end up with Pacey in Dawson’s Creek, or because you both prefer the bright blue flavoured Millions sweets. It’s not based on anything real.
‘What else can we do? Talk about how our lives haven’t gone according to plan and get depressed?’ Mollie shrugged.
‘Well, Chels won’t be saying that, will she? Everything’s clearly gone right for our resident boffin,’ Evie said, and Chelsea turned at the sharp tone.
‘Well then that’s wonderful!’ Mollie said warmly, reaching for Chelsea’s arm and giving Evie a very specific look. ‘Today of all days, it’s good to know someone made it.’
‘Yeah, well at least Ruby shone for a while. Burn bright and all that,’ Chelsea said uncomfortably, and from the daggers Evie was giving her, she realised it sounded like another judgement. ‘I mean, that was exactly how she would have wanted it. Nothing by halves, lots of drama.’
Mollie laughed gently, nodding. Evie shrugged and rolled her eyes, but nodded too.
‘Let’s just… let’s just drink this booze and deal with everything else after, right?’ Evie faltered, a little unsure as to what this ‘everything else’ was. Their entire history with a music star? Their history with each other, and the fact that they were pretty much strangers? She was happy for Chelsea, really, but even just looking at her made Evie feel like a failure. She’d been trapped in the town she wanted to escape, and time had passed and it was running out. Look at Ruby. Nothing lasted forever.
Mollie produced some plastic cups from her handbag and carefully poured out the lukewarm pink fizz, ignoring the prosecco completely, and they silently tapped cups together, solemn and thoughtful.
‘To Ruby Tuesday,’ Mollie said.
‘To Ruby Montgomery,’ Evie corrected, and her companions nodded.
‘The girl who shone,’ Chelsea added, drinking from the plastic cup and trying to hide a wince.
Evie grinned at that, a fitting moniker if ever there was one.
‘You know, I saw her once, at Glitter Cabaret when I first moved to London. Back when she was still a burlesque dancer who sang,’ Evie offered, feeling the tension ebb as she sipped again at the sickly pink drink. ‘It was exactly that – she shone. All these people in the audience looking at her in awe. Like she was a fallen star. The energy that night was crazy.’
‘You didn’t say hello?’
‘No,’ Evie shook her head, ‘I was… embarrassed. Scared it wouldn’t be the same. So I got trashed and went home with some guy.’
The two women didn’t say anything, just looked at her. She could feel Chelsea smoothing out the lines of judgement from her face. Mollie just smiled softly, completely open, as always.
‘I wish I’d said something. I bet it wouldn’t have been awkward at all.’
Evie bit her lip and looked up at them for confirmation, adjusting her sunglasses. She knew how to make it look as if she didn’t care, but these girls had seen her games for years. They weren’t taken in by the facade any more.
‘Nah, she was still Ruby. Even when I watched her performing at the VMAs, she was still laughing as she danced, pouting in that way she thought was sexy,’ Chelsea grinned.
‘Yeah, you remember when she tried to teach us that?’ Mollie laughed, trying to pout. ‘I still can’t do it.’
‘Probably a good thing, it looks ridiculous unless you’re covered in body glitter on a stage in front of thousands of people.’
‘I dunno, she always made it look good, even with a dodgy school uniform,’ said Evie softly.
She took a breath. She needed to tell them about the letter. She fingered the strap of her handbag, where the letter sat safely. The minute they opened it, well, who knew? Ruby’s death had been full of mystery, one of those suspected overdoses that no one ever named outright, but the whispers still permeated. The magazines noted her failed relationships, first the DJ and then the music producer, and the club manager. They talked about how thin she looked, grey in pallor. Not enough sleep, too many nights up shaking away on whatever substances they decided she was on that week. It was all gossip, of course. Perhaps they took the pictures from different times, before all her stress and greyness. Before the new album got delayed, and she didn’t turn up to her gigs. Ruby Tuesday was having a breakdown, according to the media. Evie was a little terrified, in case that turned out to be true. But it had to be done.
‘Okay, so I have to tell you guys something, before I chicken out…’ Evie produced the letter from her bag, ‘Apparently, Ruby left this for us.’
‘Oh god,’ Mollie sighed, ‘it’s going to be a shit storm. She’s going to tell us something horrible. Or it’ll be a Peter Pan adventure to discover her killer or something.’
Evie and Chelsea just looked at her, and she shrugged, ‘I’m sorry, but you know Ruby. Things are never as they seem.’
‘Maybe she just wanted to say goodbye,’ Chelsea frowned.
Evie raised her eyebrows, ‘It’s Ruby. If there’s no drama, there’s no point. There’s gonna be a love child by Liam Gallagher or a dead cousin under the floorboards that she needs us to dispose of.’ Evie breathed out, half laughing, ‘However, she’s already dead, so how much worse can it get?’
Mollie sighed, ‘What if it’s a cry for help, though? What if she needed us and we could have done something…’ She broke off and looked away, tearing at the grass beneath her fingers.
