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Mollie twitched her mouth and rolled her eyes, before smiling. ‘Okay, fine, but this was horrible. I mean, is this what dating is? You told me I had to start dating again, and I’ve shown willing. I mean, what, I’m just meant to put up with a year of dick pics, obnoxious comments about paying the bill and that up-and-down eye movement as they scan my thighs, until my Prince Charming arrives, one hand on his cock and the other on his bank card? This is not my future!’
Chelsea handed over the wine and patted Mollie’s shoulder gently, ‘Babe, you did what I asked. You put yourself out there. If you are truly telling me you don’t want to be with anyone, you don’t want to meet someone who might be a loving partner, who might see all the awesomeness that we see, and might be an amazing dad to Ez, well, then you don’t have to do it any more. But if even a tiny part of you wants the happy ever after, you’ve got to start sifting through the shit to find the gold. Dick pics and all.’
Mollie sighed, rolling her head back against the bean bag. ‘I want the happy ever after. Hell, I’ll take the happy-for-a-while.’
‘Adda girl,’ Chelsea grinned.
‘Here’s to Mollie, for being brave!’ Evie held up her glass dramatically.
‘Here’s to me, for telling that dickhead where to shove his gold card,’ she grinned, holding her drink up.
‘Hear hear!’
***
‘I’m just saying, it’s important to be able to do things for yourself,’ Ruby shrugged, brandishing the screwdriver in her left hand and the plug in her right. ‘Jamie might not always be there to do this stuff for you.’
Mollie narrowed her eyes, ‘I thought we’d been through this. He passed the stupid test. You like Jamie.’
‘I do like Jamie,’ Ruby rolled her eyes. ‘He may even be the only bloke who has a good heart, good intentions and a good smile, but I’m still saying, sometimes shit happens.’
‘Not to me and him.’
Ruby tried not to laugh, pressing her lips together, and twirled her red curls around her fingertips, head tilted in question. She waited.
Mollie laughed, ‘Okay, that was pretty pathetic, I’ll admit it.’
‘It’s okay, you’re in luuuurve,’ Ruby teased.
They sat quietly, cross-legged on Mollie’s bed as Ruby wondered how to proceed.
‘You’re beautiful,’ Ruby said, smiling as Mollie blushed, her long blonde hair falling effortlessly over her shoulders, her bright brown eyes soft and warm. ‘And people will want to do things for you because you’re beautiful. But when you let them, they expect something in return.’
‘Like those boys who give you lifts to town because you flutter your eyelashes and tell them you’d be just oh so grateful?’ Mollie raised an eyebrow.
‘You’re not me, babe.’
‘So?’
‘You’re good,’ Ruby shrugged. ‘You wouldn’t lead someone on, you’d feel guilty, you’d feel like you owed them. And an owed favour is the worst thing. It puts you at a disadvantage.’
‘Ruby Montgomery, the Godfather of Badgeley,’ Mollie snorted.
‘Look, I’m just saying, you’re going to uni, and I want to teach you how to change a fucking fuse, okay?’
Mollie rolled her eyes, ‘But what you’re really saying is – people leave. So I shouldn’t wait for Jamie to change a fuse. Because people leave.’
‘I’m saying people let you down. And that always feels worse when you’re sitting in a room in the dark because you couldn’t figure out how to fix your bloody lamp, you difficult cow!’
Mollie laughed, ‘Okay, okay, show me. But I will never believe that people always let you down.’
‘And as long as you can sort things for yourself, you don’t have to,’ Ruby said.
***
The next day, Esme sat at the breakfast bar and looked at her mother shrewdly, ‘So, you went on a date...’
Esme had never really been like a normal child, but with her light blonde hair parted into two pigtails, and her oversized glasses perched on the end of her nose, she could almost pass for your standard eleven-year-old. Except for the Led Zeppelin t-shirt and the drawn-on beauty spot. And those eyes that managed to see through to your soul and demand honesty.
‘Yes, I did,’ Mollie put down a plate in front of her. ‘Eat your toast.’
‘Did he bring you flowers? And say that you looked pretty?’
No, he told me my work was worthless but he’d still bang me.
‘Not everything’s like it is in the movies, baby,’ Mollie shrugged, stroking her daughter’s cheek.
‘So he’s not going to be my new daddy?’
Mollie whirled around and felt her jaw drop as her daughter giggled, winking at her. ‘Evie told me to say that.’
‘Tell-tale!’ came Evie’s muffled voice from her bedroom, down the hall.
‘Hate you!’ Mollie yelled to her friend.
‘No you don’t!’ came the response.
Mollie rolled her eyes and sat down on the barstool next to her daughter. ‘Okay, so you have questions? I’ll answer them. I know this must be weird for you.’
‘I think it’s great! My friend Olivia’s dad isn’t married either. Her mum left.’ Esme shrugged, ‘Apparently she was overly good friends with the gardener, that’s what Olivia says.’
Mollie snorted a little to herself, ‘Well, I’m sorry for Olivia, that must be really sad for her.’
‘Olivia says I’m really lucky that I never knew my dad, because now I don’t miss him.’
Mollie tilted her head slightly, stroking her daughter’s hair and feeling that pang in her chest, that underlying fear that she wasn’t doing a good enough job, clawing at her once again.
‘Would you rather I didn’t go out on any more dates?’ Mollie looked into her daughter’s light eyes, so unlike her own, ‘I don’t mind. I’m happy without all of that.’
‘I don’t mind, Mum, God, whatever,’ Esme rolled her eyes, ‘but can I go to Olivia’s after school tonight? She was going to teach me a dance routine.’
Mollie frowned, ‘A dance routine?’
Esme shrugged, a slight blush on her cheeks as she took a bite of the toast, ‘Yeah.’
Mollie shrugged, deciding the intended heart-to-heart had been appropriately over the top for her child and agreed, hustling her out of the house and down to school. The days were getting cooler, that smell of autumn leaves as Camden exploded into yellows and oranges. The leaves were scattered on the ground and Esme loved to crunch on them as they walked. Some days, Evie joined Mollie on the walk, and they swung Esme between them, other days it was just Mollie, taking that all important time to chat with her kid.
They stopped at the school gates, and Mollie looked past her child to the other children in the school yard, ‘Are you enjoying school Ez? If you ever want to have your friends over to the studio, we can do something, you know...’
‘Mum! I’ve got to go, okay!’ Esme huffed, ‘Whatever! Come get me from Olivia’s house. Her dad’s gonna text you the address.’
Mollie felt her chest tighten, that she was just meant to let her kid go with these people. She’d seen Olivia, at school, but hadn’t seen this mysterious green-fingered mum, or the jilted dad. But Esme had been quiet and withdrawn those first few weeks at the new school, having left all of her friends behind in Badgeley when they moved over the summer. This was the first friend she’d mentioned, and Mollie couldn’t bear to disappoint her.
‘Okay, I love you.’
Esme rolled her eyes again, briefly kissed her mum’s cheek, and ran off into the school playground. Mollie frowned as she noticed all of the badges and patches were missing from Esme’s backpack. Something wasn’t right. She felt it in the pit of her stomach. Esme was changing.
She thought about it as she walked back to the studio, making lists in her head of all the small things that had changed since the school term had started.
Esme had always been different, in the most beautiful and wonderful way. She was like a time portal. She loved music Mollie had never even introduced to her, and had a strange understanding of how people interacted. She often saw things before adults did. She saw Evie and Killian getting together from the beginning. She recognised Mollie’s relationship with her own mother, Linda, easily, constantly telling her to forgive Grandma and trust that she had the best intentions. Esme was a much better person than she was. And that was her greatest achievement as a mother.
But something didn’t sit right.
Mollie walked straight into the kitchen of the studio and got to work. There was an event she was catering, a small amount of baking for a local couple’s engagement party that weekend. That would be done easily enough. And then onto the prep for tomorrow’s segment on morning TV, thanks to Ilyaria, who lived in Camden Square and worked in television, championing their events and promoting them like no one’s business. Once she’d mentioned her new venture, Mollie Makes, fuelled by passion for healthy eating and a few too many glasses of Prosecco at a launch one night, Ilyaria hadn’t stopped until she had ten kids’ parties and an after-school club interested in what she could offer. She called last week to say they needed someone for their morning news segment. And there Mollie was, with a sudden moment of fame, and she wanted to vomit.
But first, coffee.
Killian wandered in at five past nine, the same as every day, and reached for the coffee pot. It was one of the things she liked about her working day, the fact that Evie’s boyfriend worked in the room in the back of the studio, and was always happy to have a chat and sample some of her first cookies of the day. This was part of the reason she’d been lulled into a false sense of security – Chelsea had found Kit, and Evie had found Killian. There were clearly good men out there. Men who didn’t know when to stop eating her freshly made cookies, and men who wanted to set her up with horrible obnoxious accountants, but good men. There was hope.
‘What’s that look for?’ He poured them each a cup of coffee from the pot, sliding one over to her, ‘Still grouchy about the date?’
‘Evie told you already?’ Mollie huffed. The other downside of her best friend and flatmate having a boyfriend who worked in the building.
Killian shrugged and ran a hand through his dark stubble, crossing his arms, ‘She felt guilty. Like they’d strong-armed you. She feels responsible. But, I was thinking...’
Mollie held up a finger, ‘Killian, I like you. I like that we have coffee every morning and that you’re crazy in love with my best friend. If you are about to suggest a set-up with one of your friends, I will kick your arse from here till Tuesday.’
Killian froze and then nodded, ‘Ah, that scary mama face. No wonder Esme’s an angel child.’
‘Well, that’s more what I’m worried about.’
Killian frowned, and leaned back against the cabinets, tilting his head in question.
‘I think something’s up with Esme. Do you think she seems happy?’
Killian shrugged, ‘She spent all summer at the skate park, playing with the local kids, she’s still her polite, book-obsessed self... sure, I think she’s happy.’
‘But she put her leather jacket away in the cupboard, her backpack hasn’t got any patches any more, and she’s hanging out with a girl who wants to teach her dance routines,’ Mollie frowned, ‘She hates that. It’s like when I gave her a Barbie doll and she turned the hair pink with a highlighter and cut it off.’
Killian shook his head, sipping at his coffee, ‘Molls, she’s gone into Year Six, she’s got one year to either ignore everyone and wait until secondary school, or try to make friends. It’s got to be pretty lonely, being as smart as Ez is. She lives in this awesome world where she has all these people who love her and she lives in an art centre. Her family are constantly doing these fun events, and people like me are being added gradually. She probably hasn’t got the same frame of reference as those other kids. And what you learn to do in that situation is hide the parts that are different, muffle them, just a bit. It’s survival instinct. Esme’s smart, but she’s not changing, she’s just blending in.’
Mollie tugged at her hair and sighed, ‘Yeah, you’re right, I guess. I just... she’s growing up.’
‘You’ve got years of teenage fights and drama ahead, don’t worry about it,’ Killian awkwardly patted her shoulder, ‘Focus on being freaked out about tomorrow’s on-screen debut. Do you know what time they’re coming?’
‘Six-thirty a.m.! I was gonna ask Evie to take Esme to school, if it runs over.’
‘Sure, if not, I’ll take her, I’m finishing a project tonight and then I’m free tomorrow.’
Mollie grinned, ‘I really am glad you stuck around.’
‘Didn’t have much of a choice. That Evie, she kind of gets under your skin.’ Killian drained the coffee, ‘Anyway, I’ve got a day bed to build. And seeing as there’s no cookies or baked goods to keep me from my work...’
He wiggled his eyebrows hopefully and Mollie rolled her eyes, handing him a cookie from the jar, ‘Incorrigible.’
‘That’s what they tell me,’ he laughed as he walked off back to his studio, and Mollie returned to her baking, turning her worrying from Esme’s school life to her own countdown to a national television appearance. She wasn’t sure which one was more upsetting, but one was definitely more immediate. She got out her mixing bowl.
***
‘And then what happened?’ Chelsea placed her hand on her chin, grinning as she sucked on a lollipop. Evie was pretending not to be interested, painting her nails a dark shade of purple, her fluffy socks with the pigs on rather ruining the goth-girl illusion she liked to save for the rest of the school. Ruby was sitting awkwardly, legs in her sleeping bag, tucking her knees up under her chin as she pursed her lips.
‘Chels, you don’t ask a girl for the gory details,’ Ruby raised an eyebrow.
Mollie paused, quite liking the brief moment of being the centre of attention. She paused in brushing out her long blonde hair, and winked at Chelsea, saying nothing. Mollie never got to have any of this, she was the quiet one, the shy one. Boys didn’t talk to her because they thought she was standoffish, or a ‘stuck-up princess’. But Jamie MacAllister didn’t think that.
‘He just walked me to the bus stop after the party,’ Mollie blushed, ‘It wasn’t a big deal.’
Evie snorted, ‘Yeah, it was. You look like you’re about to take flight.’
‘Well, that’s fine for you guys, you’ve all dated people and slept with people and...’
‘Hey Miss Assumptions, who do you think we’ve slept with?’ Chelsea raised an eyebrow.
‘Tommy,’ Mollie pursed her lips and watched as Chelsea’s shoulders lowered and she huffed.
‘Of course, they say anything. Molls, some advice, as nice as they seem, don’t go off alone anywhere with them for longer than ten minutes, because then they can tell all their mates you shagged them. When really, you got a half-hearted kiss, choked on the chewing gum they hadn’t thought to take out, and then let you walk home by yourself. Men are dicks.’
Ruby frowned, wriggling out of her sleeping bag and hopping up next to Mollie on her bed. Linda was out at a party of her own, and the sleepover had been planned weeks in advance. The party at Bridget’s house, then coming back early (because it would clearly be lame) and watching silly movies in their pyjamas. But it hadn’t been lame, someone had scored some beers and WKDs, there were older boys and the music was good. And there had been Jamie, Jamie who she had known since they were kids, seeing him around the playground, and then suddenly he’d transferred to their school this year, looking tanned and smiling with those perfectly white teeth, his floppy brown hair looking just so teen heartthrob.
And he’d seen her. He looked past Chelsea’s confidence, Evie’s thoughtfulness, Ruby’s beauty, and he saw her, standing at the back, as she always did, hands clasped, staring at the walls and wondering how long she had to be here until she could just go home and relax with her friends.
‘It’s Mollie, isn’t it?’ He’d said, grinning as if he was so happy to see her, ‘We went to primary school together, right? You probably don’t remember me.’
But she did, and for once, she was the girl who sat at the bench at the bottom of the garden, nursing a drink and talking to a boy who was interested in everything about her. For once, Mollie was the girl who shone, unfurling into light as someone listened. She felt important, special, cherished. And she had never experienced that feeling since.
***
Mollie was elbow-deep in wholemeal flour when her phone buzzed. A text.
Hi, this is Max, Olivia’s dad. I have your daughter. You can have her back under the following conditions. Haha. Address below.
Mollie blinked. Um, jokes about stealing kids were not a great start when you’d left your kid with a stranger. The phone buzzed again:
Obviously, I haven’t stolen your kid. Sorry. Not smart. Feel free to pick her up at seven. Max.
Mollie snorted to herself, and looked at the clock. Crap. She ran upstairs to get changed into her running gear, as Evie insisted on dragging her out every Thursday, especially tonight when she needed to de-stress before her debut tomorrow morning. Luckily, Olivia and Max only seemed to live a few streets over, and Mollie hurried.
She rang on the doorbell of the extremely impressive townhouse, the bright blue door with the stained glass windows giving her a very good impression of Olivia’s life before the door even opened.
