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“But maybe Julie wasn’t the one for you.”
“She was the perfect wife. A guy couldn’t ask for more.”
“Maybe you didn’t love her.”
Interesting thought. He was beginning to think he didn’t know what love was.
“Travis!”
He stood up when he heard Elizabeth call his name. “Be right back.”
Rebecca rose and stretched. “I’ll come with you. I want to say good-night to Elizabeth and then leave. I have a lot of work tomorrow.”
She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. He waited, hoping for some reaction. Some hint of desire. Nothing. Not even the tiniest spark. She could have been his sister.
“Hang in there,” she said.
“I will.” He opened the front door for her to go in first.
Elizabeth watched Rebecca and Travis enter the hallway. They looked good together. Both tall and attractive. Rebecca said something, and Travis laughed. How easily they spent time together. Elizabeth fought down a feeling of envy. After the first year it had never been easy with Sam. He’d been charming, of course, but he’d never let her inside and never shared his feelings. Now, of course, she knew why. But then she’d always wondered what was wrong with her. Why wasn’t she enough to keep her man happy?
Travis looked up at her.
“Mandy wants to say good-night to you,” she said.
“Sure.” He climbed the stairs two at a time and went into Mandy’s room. Rebecca followed more slowly.
Elizabeth wanted to ask what they’d been talking about outside. She’d heard the creak of the swing. It had been an intimate sound. Elizabeth told herself she wasn’t jealous. Why should she be? She wasn’t interested in Travis. At least not romantically. She resisted the impulse to touch her nose to see if it was growing.
Tonight she was going to have to have a long talk with herself. She couldn’t afford to get involved with anyone, and certainly not him. He would sweep her up in passion, muddle her thinking, pleasure her body and then leave her for the next one on the list. Which almost made it easier. If Travis wasn’t such a flirt, she would have a more difficult decision. She would have to face trusting her judgment about a man. She shook her head. Never again. She was done making those kinds of mistakes.
Rebecca reached the landing. “I’m glad we got to spend some time together.”
“Thanks for bringing me the work. I’ll get started on it in the morning.”
“Oh, please take your time.” Rebecca frowned. “I don’t want to be responsible for you not getting better. You don’t have to do any of it if you don’t feel up to it. Her frown turned into a smile. “Heaven knows the paperwork has waited for months now. A couple more weeks isn’t going to matter.”
“I’m desperate for something to do during the day. Between Louise and Travis, I barely have to move around at all. I’m looking forward to getting back to work.”
“Your desk is waiting for you. Rebecca nodded toward Mandy’s room. “Now you take care of yourself and that hunk in there. He needs some looking after.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “After all the stories I’ve heard, looking after is the one thing he doesn’t need more of.”
Rebecca sobered. “Maybe I shouldn’t have passed on all those stories about Travis. He really is a nice man. Don’t judge him too harshly.”
“I don’t judge him at all. He’s been great to me and Mandy, but he’s not my type.”
“Too bad. He’s not mine, either.” Rebecca stared off in the distance for a moment. “There must be someone brave enough to take on this particular Haynes boy. I haven’t known Travis for all that long, but I know him well enough to know it would be worth the trouble.” She touched Elizabeth’s forearm briefly. “Get better, but don’t push yourself. The piles of paper aren’t going anywhere. Good night.”
She started down the stairs. Elizabeth moved to follow her but Rebecca stopped her with a raised hand.
“I’ll find my own way out. You’d just have to climb the stairs again to tuck in your daughter. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“By.”
Elizabeth watched as her boss left. When the front door closed, she stared at it for several minutes. Rebecca was great. She was looking forward to working for her. It would be nice to have some new friends in her life. Except—
She shook her head and turned toward Mandy’s room. Except for the secrets she had to keep. They made it hard to open up. There was always a barrier between herself and anyone she wanted in her life. She knew she should put it behind her, but she couldn’t. What would Louise and Rebecca think if they knew the truth? Worse, what would Travis think? She didn’t want to even imagine that moment. He would know what a fool she’d been. He would blame her, as she blamed herself, for not figuring it out, for not getting the clues. There must have been hundreds.
Stop thinking about it, she told herself. But it was hard to forget what was keeping her from the life she really wanted. Tonight’s dinner had reminded her how much she liked having people in her life. Being with everyone had taunted her with the vision of what she’d once imagined her life with Sam to be like. She’d thought they would be a family together; she’d been wrong.
Brushing aside the unpleasant thoughts, she moved toward Mandy’s room. As she entered the room she saw Travis sitting on the edge of the bed holding Mandy in his arms. They both had their backs to her.
“Sometimes I miss my daddy,” Mandy said.
“I know, honey,” Travis answered.
Elizabeth felt as if someone had stabbed her in the heart. Mandy had adjusted so well to all the changes that sometimes she allowed herself to forget how this must be upsetting her daughter. Of course she missed her father.
She wanted to go to Mandy and comfort her, but Travis seemed to be doing a fine job. Besides, it was her fault the girl didn’t have a father anymore. She’d been the one to demand Sam sign custody of their child over to her. She clutched the door frame. Sam hadn’t given her any trouble. He’d signed the papers, then passed them to her. His blue eyes had spoken his silent apology as the prison guards had led him away. That quiet apology hadn’t been enough.
Elizabeth knew this was hard on Mandy, but it was better this way. Sam had never really loved either of them. She’d finally figured out it had all been a game to him.
“How come your hugs make me feel better?” Mandy asked, settling back on her bed.
“They’re magic hugs.” Travis bent over and kissed her cheek. When he straightened, he saw Elizabeth standing just inside the room. “Hi. We were discussing her father.”
“I heard,” she said. Elizabeth addressed Mandy. “Were you feeling sad?”
“A little.” Her little girl looked up at her with Sam’s eyes. “Travis gave me a magic hug and I’m better now.”
“Aren’t you lucky.” Elizabeth picked up her stuffed teddy and placed him next to her. “Are you ready to go to sleep?”
Mandy nodded.
“I love you, sweetie.”
“I love you, too, Mommy.”
Elizabeth fussed with the covers for as long as she could, knowing she didn’t want to turn around and face Travis. What must he be thinking about her? Every time they came to some kind of agreement, something was there to remind him about the mysteries in her life. She knew he was curious. She just prayed he would stop asking her questions she couldn’t answer.
Travis was waiting for her in the hallway. Without saying a word, he placed his hand on the small of her back and led her down the stairs. When they reached the foyer she was about to say good-night, but he opened the front door.
“Come outside,” he said. “It’s a beautiful night.”
She hesitated. It would be better for both of them if she went to her room—alone. The two of them sitting in the dark could get into a lot of trouble. Their kiss this afternoon had proved that, and it had still been daylight. But the cool night beckoned. She was tired from her long day, but not in pain.
“I won’t bite,” he promised.
How could she resist him? “If you’re sure,” she said, and stepped out onto the porch.
The light beside the front door cast a soft glow down the steps. The swing was to her left, but she felt that would be tempting fate too much, so she sat on the top step and pulled her full skirt over her knees to her ankles. Travis settled next to her. The night air was full of sounds: crickets, the soft buzz of invisible flying wings, the hoot-hoot of an owl. She inhaled the smells. Damp earth from a brief afternoon shower, the last lingering sweetness of the roses by the porch rail and the hint of woodsmoke from some faraway fireplace.
A quarter moon hung just above the horizon. This was a different sky than she was used to. The lights of Los Angeles washed out most of the stars, but up here she could see the twinkling lights of the constellations.
Travis sat close enough for them to touch. Shoulder to thigh. She should probably pull away, but he was warm and familiar, her only anchor in her new world.
“You want to talk about Mandy’s father?” he asked. He’d lowered his voice, but it still sounded loud in the quiet evening. “I assume you heard what she said.”
“Most of it.” She folded her arms on top of her knees and rested her chin on them. “I can’t.”
“How about your father?”
“What?”
She glanced sideways at him. He smiled at her. In the soft light, he looked like a chiseled statue. His hair and mustache were the color of midnight, his skin a polished bronze. If it wasn’t for the warmth of his arm brushing her and the heat seeping through her dress from hip and thigh, she would have wondered if he was real. She’d escaped her past and had somehow stumbled upon this man. Was fate being kind or playing the most horrible joke on her?
“I’m changing the subject. Tell me about your family. Did you grow up in L.A.?”
“In the area. Near San Bernardino. A small town, a lot like this one. Then I went to the big bad city to go to college.”
“And you’re the only child.”
“Yes. Mom was in her late thirties when I was born, and that was a lot less popular then. I was lonely growing up. I’d always planned on having three or four kids of my own to make up for it, but it didn’t turn out that way.”
“You could have them now.”
“I’m not sure. Being a single mom is hard. I’m not getting married.” Again. She almost said it, but at the last minute held back the word. Still it hung in the night like a winged creature before taking flight and disappearing into the silence. She cleared her throat. “What about you?”
Either he didn’t notice that now she was the one changing the subject, or he was too kind to comment. She had a feeling it was the latter.
“Four boys, an assortment of uncles dropping by to visit. It was noisy.” He shrugged. She felt the rise and fall of his shirt as it brushed against her skin. It was nice. “My dad was sheriff of Glenwood for about twenty-five years.”
“Did you work for him?”
“Yeah.” He chuckled. “For about a minute. He took an early retirement, but there was a month there when I was his newest deputy.” He paused. When he spoke again, his voice was different. “He rode me hard.”
“Did it make you angry?”
He turned to look at her. “Why do you ask?”
“You sounded...” She trailed off. “Bitter, I guess.”
“Maybe I am. Not about the work, that was fine. Dad and his brothers were the original good ol’ boys. They lived hard, drank hard, played hard. By the time I was ten, three of my four uncles were divorced. The fourth one, Bob, never bothered getting married. I knew my dad had a bunch of girlfriends, not to mention a mistress he kept in the next town.” He drew in a deep breath. “This is the seedy side of the Haynes family legend. Sorry. You don’t want to hear this.”
She felt bad that he’d gone through that, but part of her was grateful to have something to focus on other than her own problems. She shifted until she was facing him. Her knees bumped his thighs. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his hands hang loose.
“People in town think it was all good times and parties at our house,” he said at last. “It wasn’t. My folks fought a lot. You can imagine what my mom thought of my dad’s activities.” His mouth twisted into a grim smile. “He was so damn proud of himself. He had four sons and, no matter what else he did, he woke up every morning in his own bed. What a saint.” He drew in a breath. “She split when Kyle was fifteen. Packed her bags and left. Not a word, or a note. We thought about looking for her, but we figured if she wanted to stay in touch, she knew where to find us.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty-one. It didn’t really bother me. I’d just finished college and was about to find my own place anyway, but it hit Kyle hard. Jordan, too, but he wouldn’t show it.”
Elizabeth’s heart squeezed painfully. Jordan wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to show his pain. Travis might have been older, but she had a feeling his mother’s abandonment had hurt him just as much. She was torn. Part of her couldn’t blame the woman for walking out on Travis’s father, but she didn’t understand how a mother could abandon her sons.
“So you decided to punish all women for what she’d done?” she asked.
“No. It’s not like that. None of us are angry at women. Nobody has figured out how to make it work.” He turned his head and looked at her. She saw the sadness in his eyes. Instinctively she reached out and rested her hand on his forearm. He didn’t acknowledge the comfort, but she didn’t mind. He felt warm and strong, even with all his pain. She liked to think she was giving a little back.
“Craig got married right out of college. Had three boys. But he couldn’t make it work. I tried with Julie. You know what happened there. I come from a long line of ducks.”
“What?”
“If it looks like a duck and walks like a— Never mind. We talked about it, my brothers and I. Watching our dad and the uncles fool around convinced us that we were all going to be faithful to the women in our lives. Wishing isn’t enough, is it? Monogamy doesn’t guarantee success. There’s something else we all just don’t get.”
He stared into the night. Their backgrounds were so different, she thought. Yet here they sat together, facing their personal demons. She was glad that she and Travis could be friends. They needed each other.
“So you stay single forever?” she asked.
“There doesn’t seem to be a choice.”
“What about children?”
He turned on the step, shifting so his back pressed against the railing. He parted his thighs and rested his right foot on the porch, bending his knee. His other foot balanced on the bottom step. Her calves brushed against his inner thigh. It was a very intimate position. Her gaze seemed drawn to his chest, drifting lower to his trousers. She looked away before she reached dangerous territory, but their new positions made her hyperaware of his heat and scent. She clutched her arms to her chest.
“I’d like a family,” he said, seemingly unaware of what he was doing to her. “But it’s not in the cards for me.”
“Too bad. You’re wonderful with Mandy.”
He brushed off her compliment with a flick of his wrist. “Speaking of Mandy, I’ve been thinking. There’s a soccer league for the younger kids. It gives them something to do during football season. The teams are coed, but they match them up by size and skill. Sign-ups are tomorrow. I thought I could take her to the park. What do you think?”
“I think you’re a sheep in wolf’s clothing, Travis Haynes. All this tough talk, but underneath, you’re a sweetie.”
His slow, sexy grin chased the last of the shadows from his eyes. “Tell anyone, and you’re dead meat.”
“Tough guy, you don’t scare me. Soccer will be great for Mandy. Thanks for offering to take her.”
“No problem. I know the coaches. She’ll have fun and make lots of friends.”
She leaned forward. “Travis, you’re wonderful with kids. This is a perfect example. You shouldn’t dismiss that.”
“The truth is, I’m a sprinter. It’s easy to play daddy for a couple of hours, but it makes a big difference when the kids are yours. I know. I’ve seen Craig struggling.”
“You keep saying that you don’t have what it takes, but from everything I’ve seen, all the parts are in working order.”
He raised his dark eyebrows. Instantly her gaze dropped to his crotch and she remembered the feel of his hardness pressing against her. She blushed and looked away. “You know what I meant.”
“I prefer my interpretation of what you said.”
