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“No, I’m just surprised, that’s all.” Shocked, more like it.
“You can’t see me living here on the Keys?”
“No. Well, you’re from the city. You’re—”
“What? You don’t even know me. How can you say that?” He tossed her own words back at her with another flare of light in his enigmatic eyes.
She stopped in front of the marina, bit her lip. He was sexy, dangerous, all male. And so very close to her, his look on her so very intense.
“You’re right,” she said abruptly. “I don’t have a right to say anything about you at all. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
She couldn’t tell him what she was thinking.
“You’re not completely wrong,” he said.
She blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I’m from the city,” he explained. “The life here on the Keys—it’s not me. Or, it wasn’t me. But things have changed. I’ve changed.” He looked out toward the water. Something in his face struck her as terribly painful, and her heart gave another wrench in response. Was he thinking of his wife, the one he’d lost in an accident? “I want it to be me,” he finished quietly.
She didn’t want to feel anything for him at all, but the look in his eyes made her wish she was a different person, the type of person who could put her arms around him and comfort him. And really just be friends.
“Do you believe people can change?”
His question took her by surprise, as did the look in his eyes, as if her answer truly mattered to him. Which, of course, it couldn’t. Why would it?
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I guess it depends on how much they want to.”
He didn’t say anything for a beat. “Come on,” he said then. “Let’s get a bucket.”
She followed him inside the marina. He paid for a bucket of fish at the counter and they walked out to the pier. She experienced the familiar discomfort that walking over water always gave her, but managed to push past it. She still didn’t like the water, avoided getting in the sea to swim, but she’d gotten used to seeing it every day. It was part of Thunder Key. The sea was beautiful, and she didn’t understand her fear of it. She’d learned to live with it.
There were a few tourists, but most of the early crowd was lined up at the dive shop and snorkel shack. The air was salty and fresh and clean. Watching Roman, she had the craziest urge to tangle her fingers through his hair, as if it would be perfectly natural, and ask him to tell her why he thought he needed to change.
“So you had some questions about the bar,” she said instead.
Business, business, business. She needed to talk about something that didn’t make her want to put her arms around him or hold his hands or probe into the sadness behind those amazing dark eyes.
“Not questions, really. I just wanted to let you know that nothing’s going to change. In case you’re concerned about that. I know that’s important to Morrie.” He leaned over the railing, tossed a fish to the tarpons below, then looked back at her. “Morrie emphasized that he wants you to feel secure here at the bar. He really cares about you.”
“Morrie’s great.” She settled her arms against the railing, stared down at the gathering tarpons. The water glittered in the growing day. “He’s been like a father to me. But you’re buying the bar, so I understand it’s up to you what you do with it.”
A thread of nervousness wound through her words, but like her fear of water, she’d learned to live with the new uncertainty since Morrie had put the bar up for sale. With no past, and the future unknowable, living day to day was all she could handle.
The fact was, no matter how much Morrie felt like a father to her, she wasn’t his family. His family was in New Mexico, and that’s where Morrie wanted to be.
“I like the Shark and Fin just the way it is,” Roman said. “And the people, too. I just wanted you to know. I won’t be asking you to move out of the apartment, and I’m not planning to change any of the staffing.”
“You’ll need a place to live,” she pointed out.
“I’m fine at the White Seas for now. I’ll figure out the rest of it as I go.”
Apparently he had unlimited funds if he could stay at the White Seas indefinitely. It was one of the most expensive resorts in the Keys simply because it was so secluded on sleepy little Thunder Key. There was limited potential for any farther development on the island due to the environmental restrictions preserving most of the remaining natural areas on the Key.
Roman dug into the bucket and tossed another handful of fish to the tarpons. The pelicans near the pier had taken note and a couple dove toward them.
Leah took a handful and a white pelican ate straight from her fingers. Roman fed another, and half the bucket was gone in minutes.
She laughed as one pelican nipped her fingers greedily, and she looked up at Roman. He was grinning back at her.
“I like it when you laugh,” he said. “You don’t laugh enough.”
That sobered her instantly. “Why do you want to buy a bar in the Keys?” Dammit, she hadn’t meant to ask him that.
He had a way of just looking at her and sending her completely off balance.
“I honeymooned here with my wife.”
It was the last thing she’d expected him to say.
“Here? On Thunder Key?”
“At the White Seas. Two years ago.”
The pain in his eyes just about killed her. The urge to touch him grew almost unbearable. There was something about him that just pulled her against her will.
If he’d only been married two years ago, his wife had to have died fairly recently. And now he’d come back. It was hard for her to imagine how it must feel for him to be here. Painful, to say the least.
“I would think this is the last place you’d want to be,” she said. Hide. That’s what pain made her want to do. But Roman wasn’t hiding. He’d come right here, to the very place that must hurt him the most. “I feel like an idiot. I was trying to set you up with Marian and I thought you were interested in me. I had no idea your loss had been so…recent. It must be difficult for you to be back here.”
He leaned against the railing. “This is the only place I want to be,” he said. The wind picked up, almost carrying his words away. She had to move closer to hear him. The salty air mingled with the musky male scent of him.
“I’m truly sorry for your loss,” she said. What would that be like, to care so deeply—and then to lose that person? She wondered if she would ever know. If she had known in the past. It was one of the things that frightened her, to think there might be someone, somewhere, who missed her. It was one of the reasons she couldn’t bring herself to date. What if she had a husband? Children? She didn’t even know if she was free. But she had convinced herself that if she had a family, she would know. Somehow. Wouldn’t she?
Most of the time the questions were just too awful to contemplate.
“I was a bastard,” he said, surprising her again. The sharp darkness of his eyes pierced her as he cut his gaze to her again. “I wasn’t a good husband during our marriage, and then it was too late. I lost her. Don’t feel sorry for me. Everything that happened was my own fault.”
He dug in the bucket again, tossed another handful of fish at the tarpons.
“Wow, not hard on yourself or anything, are you?” she said. “And you said I put myself down. I think you’ve got me beat.”
“I believe in a person taking responsibility for his actions. Especially when the person was wrong.”
“That’s admirable, but still… It takes two people to make a marriage. You can’t blame yourself entirely.”
“She did,” he said.
Leah didn’t know what to say to that. “I think if you can admit you made some mistakes, that says a lot about you. You don’t strike me as a bastard.” Nope, not at all. He was being so damn nice, she felt the shield around her peeling back with every second she spent with him. And that was bad.
Very bad.
She had nothing to offer a man like Roman Bradshaw. No past, no future, barely a present. There were solid reasons she’d made up her mind not to get involved in a relationship, and just because Roman was hellaciously good-looking and nice to boot didn’t change any of it. Discovering he was a sensitive guy didn’t mean he wasn’t dangerous.
She needed to get things back on more solid footing. Something she could handle. “Morrie told me to give you whatever access you need. If you want to look at the books today, I can make them available to you. I’ve been keeping the books and managing the bar myself since Morrie’s been gone, so I can fill you in on most of the business details and any questions you might have.”
“Great.” He threw out some more fish and neither of them said anything for a time.
The pier grew more crowded as day tourists arrived, making their way from other islands to sample the small Key’s quieter attractions.
“Do you still dive?” Roman asked when the bucket finally emptied.
Still? Her expression must have revealed her confusion.
“I thought you said you enjoyed diving,” he explained.
“No, no, I didn’t. I don’t dive. I have a phobia about the water, actually.”
He watched her for a strange beat. She was very aware of how close he stood to her, of the strangers walking past, of the sun hitting his strong arms and the warm scent of him pulling her and pushing her away all at once.
“You live on an island that’s two miles wide and you’re afraid of the water?”
“Yep. Well, I don’t mind looking at it. I just—I don’t go into it.”
“Do you know why you’re afraid?”
She shook her head. He picked up the bucket and they began walking back toward the marina.
“I believe in facing your fears,” he said. “Headon.”
“You don’t want to see me have a panic attack,” she told him. “It’s not a pretty sight.”
He stopped short.
“You have panic attacks?” Concern etched a new line across his forehead.
“I’m making a great impression on my potential new boss, aren’t I? I’m freaked out about dating, I’m afraid of water, I have panic attacks. I swear, I’m perfectly fine at the bar. I don’t crack up in front of customers. Much.” She looked at him. “That was a joke,” she added.
“I don’t think you’re nuts,” he said. He cocked his head, regarded her for a beat. “I think you’re everything Morrie said you were.”
She wondered exactly what Morrie had told him.
They reached the marina and he returned the bucket. There was a sink for hand-washing, and after they finished, he held the door open for her again. Great. He was gorgeous, rich, nice and polite. She needed to find some faults, quickly. She reminded herself that she barely knew him and had no reason to trust him. She brushed by him, back into the harsh glare of the day.
“I need to get back to the bar,” she said.
“I thought you didn’t have to be back till later.”
No, damn him. “I could show you the books.” Anything to cut short their outing. “You don’t want to spend too much time in the sun right away,” she added, trying to think of more reasons they should go back to the bar. “I’m used to it, but you’re not. The sun here is seductive. It’s stronger than you think. You can tell the tourists because they’re the ones who are sunburned. And by the way, don’t swim after dark. That’s when the sharks are most active. The mosquitoes here are ferocious, too. And you need some sunglasses—the kind that protect against ultraviolet rays—”
She stopped. He was watching her with his curiously level gaze shuttered and hard to read now. But he could read her, apparently. And she hated that. It made her heart thump and pound, and she wanted to run, hard, fast, until she couldn’t think or feel.
“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he said. “Or take up too much of your time. Let’s go back.”
All he did was make her feel uncomfortable. But now she felt like a jerk.
“No, I’ll walk you into the town. Morrie asked me to do anything for you that I could, and I owe him…everything. If you’d like me to show you around some more—”
“And take me shopping for sunglasses?” The teasing note returned to his voice.
She felt her cheeks heat. “I really wasn’t trying to ditch you,” she lied.
He didn’t believe her, she suspected, but he didn’t confront her about it, either.
“Good thing,” he said. “Because I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay.”
That was exactly what she was afraid of.
Chapter 4
He wanted to move a hell of a lot faster, but she wasn’t ready.
Roman sat in Morrie’s office, the bar’s account books spread out around him, pretending to give a rat’s ass if the bar was making money or not. All he really cared about was why Leah was so scared—not just of him, but of everything. She was scared of the water. That had blown his mind. Leah loved to swim. She’d been the one who’d insisted he take diving lessons, get the required certification before they’d come to Thunder Key. She’d been fearless. They’d explored the coral channels and canyons together, snorkeled and bodysurfed and played like kids in the calm waters of the barrier-reef-protected shore. She’d made him— stuffed shirt that he’d been—play, too.
Now she was afraid of the very thing she’d loved most. Water. Did it go back to the accident? That had to have been harrowing, her car going over the bridge that way. He couldn’t even imagine. Hell, he didn’t want to, but he couldn’t stop. What had really happened to her? It wasn’t just water that she feared, and that made him wonder if something worse than he had ever imagined had occurred on that fateful night. It was as if she feared life itself. She held back. His Leah had never held back.
He was going to have to go easy with her, and that would be the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. He wanted to charge in, take control. That was what he’d been born and raised to do in every aspect of his life. But that had never worked with Leah.
They’d gone ahead and walked into the town before coming back to the bar. Thunder Key the town was like a miniature New England village, with twisty palm-shrouded lanes and predominantly shotgun-style wooden houses mixed in with other styles, most with the unifying gingerbread trim that formed the backbone of the Keysy conch architecture. Leah kept up a steady stream of information as they walked. There were bike rental shops and art galleries alongside little bars and restaurants that clearly catered to the tourist crowd.
“The Shark and Fin is more a local thing,” she’d said. “Morrie liked it that way. Of course, you could really beef up the business if you wanted to do a little advertising.”
“I want to keep the Shark and Fin just the way it is,” he’d reiterated. “If making a million bucks a year was all I cared about anymore, I’d have stayed in New York.”
That was as personal as the conversation had gotten.
Roman shut the books. The bar did a good business. The bills were paid up-to-date, and the staff didn’t appear to have much turnover. He didn’t want to rush into the deal, though. What if Leah left Thunder Key? He had no guarantee she’d stay on after he bought it. For now he got the sense she felt an obligation to Morrie to watch over the bar while he was trying to sell it.
No way was Roman rushing this deal.
Morrie wasn’t in a hurry, either. It was clear he was concerned about who bought the bar and what would happen afterward. In particular, he was worried about Leah. Morrie had carefully avoided giving any personal information about Leah to Roman, but the older man clearly respected and cared deeply about the woman he’d left in charge of his bar. Smart, hardworking, reliable…the list of compliments for Leah had gone on and on. And glad as he was that there had been a kind, caring person to watch over Leah when she’d needed it, it still bugged the hell out of him that it had been a stranger.
Why hadn’t Leah come to him? She’d lost her memory, yet run to Thunder Key. Why?
It drove him insane to think about it. There was a place in his heart that wanted to believe she’d come here instinctively, drawn by the happy moments they’d spent on Thunder Key together.
But she’d still blocked him out. She’d come to Thunder Key, not to Roman.
The office phone rang but he didn’t pick up. It was connected to the same line that was in the bar, and he had no reason to expect a call. Then Joey stuck his head in the door and told him the phone was for him.
