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Then had come the women. She’d met his first girlfriend shortly after they’d married, learning that he had been involved with the other woman at the same time as her up until their wedding. When she’d confronted him he’d told her what she’d wanted to hear and had promised his fidelity. Soon she had been too caught up in her own pain from her pregnancy loss to care whether he was telling the truth.
But as she had risen from her grief and begun to face her reality, she couldn’t hide the signs. By then she had graduated medical school and was now the resident at Boston General and Kevin was a staff orthopedic surgeon. When she walked the halls she would notice people taking more notice of her than was normal. When she entered the emergency department she would see nurses turn and speak quietly to one another. Then finally after three years of marriage she received a written note in her locker from “a friend” who wanted her to know that her husband was sleeping with one of the hospital pharmacists.
He didn’t even deny it. Instead he blamed his infidelity on her inadequacies as a wife. In some ways Kevin still won in their divorce. She filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences, too embarrassed to have her husband’s cheating and her deficiencies aired publically. His professional reputation remained intact and he was able to carry on at Boston General as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, she was struggling to gain her own reputation outside her infamous failed marriage and position as the chief of staff’s stepdaughter.
Kevin wanted her gone, completely, and communicated more with her postdivorce with his badgering than he had in the year prior to their ultimate divorce. And it would be easier for her just to leave and start over somewhere new with all her baggage left behind, but there was something about Boston General that felt like home and she wasn’t ready to give up anything else in her life.
The wind picked up again and she felt the corners of the blanket lift. It was time to try to sleep, to force herself onto Scottish time. She rose from her chair and peered into the night, instinctively turning to her right, looking away from the ocean and at one of the neighboring balconies. She recognized Ryan. The backlighting of his suite and the darkness of the balcony created the same effect as when she had first seen him and the image of masculine perfection was unchanged. They were too far apart for words, so instead she pressed her hand to her lips and extended it toward him before walking back into her suite and closing the balcony door.
CHAPTER THREE (#u166e9547-e6c5-5220-8aaa-d2271e853f52)
NERVOUS ANTICIPATION FILLED her as Erin dressed for the unknown in the day ahead. Somehow in the heat of her moment with Ryan they had not made true plans for today, she had just asked him to meet her. When? Where? She had no idea, but she had complete faith that she would see him.
She ran her fingers through her hair, deciding to leave it down, and took a look at her appearance in the mirror. It had felt great that morning, getting ready and knowing that there was someone waiting for her who would be appreciative of her effort. Her cream tunic top had a crocheted design that while it covered her it also revealed her shape beneath. The same went for her gray slim-fit summer pants that ended a few inches above her ankles. She had small slip-on shoes that matched and would be perfect for exploring Edinburgh. She hoped she would see Ryan sooner rather than later.
He was waiting in the hotel lobby when the elevator doors opened. He looked up and smiled, sipping from a takeaway cup of coffee. He looked as good as when she had twice previously seen him. He was freshly washed and shaved and the V-neck of his red polo shirt revealed the hint of another tattoo on his chest. She walked toward him and he rose to greet her, and before she could wish him good morning his lips were against hers. The kiss was brief but no less exciting. “I’ve been waiting to do that.”
“I hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long.”
“You’re worth waiting for. I brought you a coffee. I hope you drink coffee.”
“I live on it, thanks.”
“So what is your plan for the day?” he asked.
“My plan?” Her only plan had been to be with Ryan.
“Well, my plan was to be with you, which I have now accomplished, so now we move on to your plan.”
She knew she was smiling like a fool, but still couldn’t change the way she felt. “Ah. Okay, then. Today is my only free day and my plan was to explore Edinburgh. I would be very pleased if you joined me.”
“Lead on.”
With a genuine smile she led them back outside the hotel, where Ryan took her hand. “Let me guess, we’re going to the princess castle.”
“Of course,” she replied, and felt by the time the day was done her whole face was going to hurt from the happiness Ryan seemed to be able to bring out in her. “But don’t worry, the princess castle also contains the military museum, which should appease you.”
They made their way through the irregular streets toward the Edinburgh Castle entrance. She knew not to object as Ryan paid their entrance fee and they passed through the castle gate. “Look up,” he instructed.
Above them was a spiked portcullis designed to protect the castle against siege. “Not exactly a fairytale castle feature,” he added.
“I don’t believe in fairy tales.”
“Another thing we have in common, because neither do I.”
Ryan held her hand as they passed in and out of the buildings that made up Edinburgh Castle. She had always enjoyed history and was happy that Ryan also seemed fascinated by the depth of history within the castle walls. They took their time exploring the National War Museum and she was impressed with his knowledge as he took the time to explain to her the nuances of past wars. At the end of the museum was a new exhibit dedicated to war veterans with amputations and the use of prosthetics.
“Amazing, isn’t it?” Ryan remarked, as they examined the cabinet filled with examples of modern bionic limbs.
“It is.”
“I should have been an orthopedic surgeon,” he remarked, not knowing the effect his words would have on her.
“No, you shouldn’t have been,” she blurted, not able to censor herself yet again.
“Why not?” he asked, confused by the shift in her demeanor.
“Because I like you just the way you are,” she answered, trying to cover the real meaning behind her remark.
“Why do I feel like there is something you are not saying?”
She sighed, realizing that her deflection hadn’t worked and she was going to have to bring her past into what was already the best day she’d had in years.
“Because there is. My ex-husband is an orthopedic surgeon and I would like to think that you have nothing in common.”
“Ah. So you have a thing against doctors?” She could tell he was testing her and she hoped she didn’t sound like a bitter, scorned woman.
“That would make my life very hard, considering I am one. I’ve just learned the hard way about the dangers of mixing personal and professional lives and would never risk that again.” She watched him, waiting for his reaction, and didn’t miss the conflict in his face. Was he so surprised that she was a physician or was he just as bothered as she was that her ex had entered into their time together. She wanted to go back and take away her comment. “Besides, the only type of man I could now ever imagine being attracted to is one in the military.”
She smiled, and her smile only grew as he smiled back at her.
“Is that so?”
“Absolutely and completely.”
“So doctors are not your type?”
“Nope, I only have eyes for ruggedly handsome soldiers who save my life and come with no strings attached.” As the words left her lips even she didn’t doubt her sincerity. Ryan was the complete opposite of Kevin and the possibility of something between them felt more and more right with every moment they spent together. He was what she needed, a couple of days of abandon to restore everything her failed marriage had taken away from her.
The way he looked at her she had no doubt he was feeling the same attraction she was. “Well, Dr. Erin, I think we are both fortunate that you have equally opened my eyes to the appeal of female physicians. So I take it you are not in orthopedics. What do you do?”
“Obstetrics and gynecology.”
“That would be the opposite of orthopedics,” he remarked, and she appreciated that he, too, was trying to lighten the mood.
“It’s less complicated than taking care of men.” She laughed.
“Ouch.” He feigned injury.
“It is actually amazing helping women and being there for one of the most special times in their lives.”
“Did you know that Mary Queen of Scots gave birth in this castle?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Then let’s go check out the birth chamber of James VI.” He once again connected his hand with hers and she marveled at how the same action brought even more excitement each time he touched her.
She had been right. Her face hurt from smiling. As they toured the entire castle she felt completely at peace and in her element, learning about Scottish history and with a man she respected and whose company she enjoyed. Not to mention an attraction that was growing exponentially. Every time he reached for her hand it felt as if they were connecting and throughout the day she was holding her breath, waiting for the moment when he would kiss her again.
She felt the first drop hit her shoulder as they once again passed through the castle gates. Then the second, then the third. Within seconds the sky had opened and rain was pouring down on both of them. She felt a tug on her hand as he pulled her into the protection of a narrow corridor between the old brick buildings. The small space necessitated being pressed together and any thoughts she had of being cold immediately vanished. Ryan’s hand swept her wet bangs from her forehead before his lips came down on hers.
Finally, she thought as she met him with equal passion. His lips were wet with the rain and added to the freshness of his taste. She opened her mouth to him, wanting more, and was rewarded by his response. His tongue met hers until she didn’t know where he ended and she began. At the same time his hands trailed from his initial position on her face along the sides of her body until she felt them on her bare back underneath the dampness of her shirt. Another point of heat between them.
She wanted more. Wanted him to move his hands over her and caress her aching breasts. Wanted to feel the ultimate fulfillment that the rigidity pressed into her abdomen promised.
“Not here,” he murmured into her ear, when they finally broke apart.
She looked into the pouring rain. “Want to make a run for it?”
“Yes,” he agreed with the same smile she had become accustomed to.
She kissed him once more, pressing her lips to his with the firm passion that had ignited inside her, before they broke apart and made their start on the sprint back to the hotel. It took them ten minutes but on arrival in the hotel’s lobby she was completely soaked through and panting from the exertion of their run.
She followed Ryan’s lead and they said nothing to each other, the understanding already present between them as they entered the elevator and Ryan pressed the button for his floor. As soon as the door closed they were once again wrapped around each other. His lips were on hers. His hands were covering her body. And she was burning up despite the cold, wet clothing covering them both.
As the doors opened they broke apart and with one mutual look their sprint continued hand in hand. One swipe of Ryan’s key and they were tumbling into his room. They reunited in their embrace, but this time there were no restrictions from being in a public place to hold them back. She watched as he pulled away from their kiss and peeled his soaked shirt from his body. It felt like an unveiling as she got to see firsthand what lay beneath.
Nothing disappointed. Every muscle on his body was defined. The tattoo she had seen hints of on his chest was a serpent entwined on a single rod along his right pectoral muscle. It reminded her of the caduceus, the symbol she recognized for medicine, but it was slightly different. Encircling his right biceps was another design. Either way she had never considered tattoos attractive but on Ryan they were explosive.
Before she could enjoy him any further she felt herself being stripped of her drenched top. She had previously been shy about her body, but not with Ryan. The minute she was exposed she wasn’t because he pressed back against her. His mouth rejoined hers but it wasn’t long before he was trailing his lips down her neck to her shoulder. She threaded her fingers through his wet hair and felt her body melting into his.
His hands skimmed her back before she felt the clasp of her bra release and the weight of her breasts released from their confines. Yes, she thought, this was what she wanted. He stepped back from her and she was rewarded by the look in his eye and the knowledge that he was every bit as enthralled as she was. With painstaking precision he eased the garment from her shoulders, down her arms and completely off, before he skimmed her breasts with the back of his hand. It was seduction at its finest. Then without pause he was against her, lifting her, his hands cupping her bottom before resting her on the dresser’s edge. The move had made up for their foot difference in height and she felt even closer to him.
She was finally rewarded with the feel of both of his hands, each cupping a breast and causing electric shocks of want to course through her body to her core. His hands gently caressed her as his mouth returned to her neck, his thumbs occasionally brushing against the peaks of her rigid nipples. She loved every touch, welcomed it as she felt the anticipation of what was still to come.
He paused his tactile exploration and she opened her eyes to see why he’d stopped. His hand was able to completely cover her own tattoo, a small willow tree on her lower left hip. She blinked hard, thinking about what it represented, not wanting to explain its significance, especially now.
“You’re beautiful.”
And she believed him. “Thank you.”
A weeping willow, he thought to himself, and instantly the memory of her vulnerability on the hillside played in his mind. What was he doing? He thought to himself. He wanted her, desperately, but was this fair to her? When he knew she was vulnerable? No, it wasn’t fair to her, and from what he had learned about her so far she both needed, and deserved, someone to be on her side.
“I think we should slow down.” The words were torn from him because it was what his rational thought wanted but not what his body wanted.
“What?” she said. Her eyes dilated in both passion and disbelief.
He couldn’t repeat himself so instead he reached into one of the nearby dressers and pulled out a T-shirt, which he proceeded to cover her with. He needed to cover the temptation she represented—it didn’t work. She still turned him on and now she looked hurt and that was the last thing he wanted.
“I don’t want us to do anything you are going to regret.”
“Why would I regret this?”
He wanted to be as honest as she had been. Because he was a physician and she didn’t know. Because maybe her deeply hidden sadness was making her vulnerable to him. “Because I’m worried I’m taking advantage of you.”
He watched as her arms crossed protectively across her chest and she ran a hand through her hair, which had become wild as it dried from the rain. “In what way?”
“In that I saved your life and maybe you feel indebted to me.”
“I don’t. I’m grateful, but I don’t.”
“Okay, but what about the fact that you admitted you were running away from a disaster in your life?”
“I think that’s for me to worry about.”
“Not just you, Erin.”
“I think I should go.”
He instinctively lifted her down from the dresser he had perched her on and backed away. He watched as she looked at the wet heap that was her shirt and bra on the floor before deciding to leave it and making her way to the door.
She shut the door of her room and collapsed against the back of it before sinking down on the floor. He hadn’t stopped her and he hadn’t followed her, and how she had wanted him to. The worst part was that she believed him and understood why he had stopped.
Ryan saw her as fragile and he didn’t want to take advantage of her. Where had he been three years ago? And how she wished he had been wrong, but the truth was she was still vulnerable. And maybe she would always have that vulnerability that had been born from being broken.
Was she making a good decision with Ryan? She knew she wanted him and wished he hadn’t stopped what had been the most sensual encounter she had ever experienced. But she also couldn’t deny that she wasn’t in a good position emotionally to be making major life choices. But was Ryan that? She had convinced herself last night that he was a holiday indulgence to be enjoyed but after today he felt like more. And what was worse, she actually respected and trusted him more for turning her away. So where did that leave them now?
CHAPTER FOUR (#u166e9547-e6c5-5220-8aaa-d2271e853f52)
A KNOCK AT HER hotel room door roused her from the late-afternoon nap she had been indulging in. After she had lifted herself from the room’s floor and showered the chill from her body she curled up in the hotel-provided terry-toweling robe, thinking of all the questions she had no answers for.
She fastened the robe’s sash tightly and then made her way to the door. She opened the door slightly to see Ryan, who also looked drier than the last time she had seen him. She opened the door wider and stepped aside to allow him inside. Both her eyes and her nose spotted the bag of food he was carrying.
“I thought I would bring dinner to you.”
She glanced at the room’s clock and realized that her late-afternoon nap had spread well into the evening and it was past eight.
“Thank you,” she said cautiously, not knowing where they stood. “How did you know which room I was in?”
“I saw you last night on your balcony and you’re welcome.” He went ahead and set up his offering on the round table adjacent to the glass balcony doors and she took the seat intended for her.
“Smells delicious,” she remarked, trying to keep their conversation neutral but realizing she was more than happy at his reappearance.
“It’s nice to see you smile. I was worried I had ruined things between us.”
His confession brought out an instant relaxation in her and the awkwardness of the aftermath of the previous encounter dissolved.
“You haven’t.”
“I hope you like traditional Scottish fare. It was what the restaurant recommended and it seemed fitting. Plus they had the bread pudding that you seemed very fond of last night.” He was smiling to accompany the gentle familiarity of his teasing.
“You know what they say about holidays—it’s the time to indulge.”
“Yes.” His voice had changed and contained a masculine huskiness as she realized the other meanings of her words. It was clear that, whatever had happened between them, he still wanted her, too.
“So what are your plans?” she asked, trying to shift the focus from their almost sexual encounter.
He choked on the glass of water he had been sipping from. “Excuse me?”
