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“Anything else?”
Birch’s eyes grew dark and angry. “That girl in there was once a virgin, but she isn’t anymore. Whoever raped her like that ought to be hanged. She’s still bleeding. I’ll give Sorche instructions on how to change the packing on a daily basis.”
Tray’s mouth thinned. “Very well. I’d like you to examine the boy before you leave, good doctor.”
“Of course. If the girl worsens, send one of your servants for me. There’s little else to be done for her unless she wakes up.”
“I will,” Tray promised.
* * *
Tray quietly entered his bedchamber nearly an hour later. The rain had stopped momentarily, but it would come back, pummeling against the french doors once again. March in Wales was cold and wet. His gaze moved across the room’s expanse and fastened hungrily on Alyssa’s unmoving features. Something old and hurting tore loose in Tray’s chest as he devoured her with his gaze. She looked frail in his huge bed. How long had it been since Shelby had lain there beside him? Tray shut his eyes for a brief second, the pain almost unbearable as it swept across him. God, how he missed her.
Opening his eyes, Tray went about the task of gathering the items he would need to tend to Alyssa. He tried to ignore the widening ache inside him when he gently lifted her into his arms in order to dribble a few drops of the herbal medicine between her parted lips. Her damp head lolled against his chest and the smell of jasmine encircled his nostrils. Tray inhaled the scent, his heart heavy. It was the scented soap that Sorche had used to clean Alyssa’s smooth, long limbs, limbs that were well shaped but pitifully thin from lack of food. Tray’s mouth drew into a grim line as he carefully rested her head against his shoulder. Taking a clean cloth, he dipped it into the vile concoction and placed it to the corner of her mouth.
“Come, sweet Aly, swallow the brew. I promise you, my beautiful redheaded colleen, that it will speed your recovery.” He continued to talk to her in low, gentle Gaelic tones. Was he trying to soothe himself or her? Tray wasn’t sure. The slender curve of her throat was exposed to his view and he watched it closely as he allowed a few more drops into her mouth. His breath caught and froze when he saw her swallow. It was a miracle! A miracle! Dr. Birch had said that in the most successful cases, the patient would automatically swallow instead of letting the liquid flow into the lungs. Tray pressed a small, feather-light kiss on her drying hair.
“Good, colleen. Stay alive. Sean is waiting for you. He’s safe, well fed and probably sleeping by now. And you, my sweet Aly, drink just a bit more and then I’ll let you rest for another hour. Now come, let’s see you swallow again.”
She swallowed, and Tray felt his hopes swell like a rainbow after a hard rain. He kept up the soft Gaelic banter throughout the feeding. Afterward, he changed the cloth Sorche had placed beneath her. It was wet with urine and slightly pinkish with blood, but Tray considered these healthy signs. Alyssa was fighting back. Fighting to live despite the horror she had suffered at the hands of the English.
* * *
It was near midnight, as Tray started to retire, that Alyssa began to tremble. Worried, Tray laid his large, calloused hand on her brow. He felt no fever. He built the fire higher, increasing the warmth in the room. And yet it didn’t stop her trembling. Neither did more blankets.
Grimly, Tray paced the room, alternately glancing at Alyssa and then glaring off into the darkness outside. It began to rain again, the wind lashing and howling outside Shadowhawk. With a growl of impatience, he took off the pile of blankets, allowing them to drop to the floor, then shrugged out of his robe and slid into the bed.
As gently as possible, he moved next to Alyssa, fitting his powerful body next to her shivering form. She was so pitifully small in comparison to his heavily muscled frame. Tray slipped his arm beneath her neck, carefully drawing her head onto his shoulder and fitting her protectively against him. The silk of her floor-length nightgown provided a minuscule barrier between his naked body and her. Alyssa’s trembling abated noticeably.
“Sleep, Aly. Just rest. No one is going to harm you, little one. No one. I’m here. I’ll protect you….”
She wasn’t running a fever. He began to lightly stroke the length of her long, beautifully formed back, willing away the terror she must be experiencing in some dark, distant chamber of her mind.
He lay awake for a long time, absorbing the feel of the woman next to him. He had lived seven and twenty years before he knew the wonder and joy of a woman lying at his side. Those twelve months with Shelby had taught him with what hunger a man could need a woman, to touch her, to feel her pressing herself to his length, telling him silently of her need of him as a man…. And now he held this child-woman, whose vulnerability shouted at him while she rested undemandingly in his arms. Alyssa was soft against the hard planes of his body, her shallow breath against his shoulder like mist on a cold Welsh morning. Tray found himself reaching his hands upward, threading his fingers through her hair. It was still snarled and tangled, and he suddenly felt a need to brush it until it was sleek and shone with its unusual burgundy highlights. Tomorrow, Tray promised her, tomorrow I’ll brush your hair, Aly.
Tray felt the barest movement of her breasts against his chest and he realized with agonizing clarity that she still hovered on the brink of death. He placed his hand gently between her breasts, taking care not to brush them, and felt the slow, weak beat of her heart. If only…if only she would survive. Removing his hand, he drew Alyssa back into his arms, his jaw resting lightly against her hair.
“Listen to me, Aly, you’ve got to live. According to Sean, you’re too headstrong and outspoken to die. I want to hear your voice and your laughter. I’ve wondered what color your eyes are, little one. Are they blue like Sean’s? Or perhaps a sultry brown to match the wine richness of your hair? I want to know about you. After what the English have done to you, I don’t imagine you’ll ever see fit to trust men again. Or ever learn to love a man.”
His voice grew saddened and thick with exhaustion as he continued in a hushed tone. “I’m sorry it happened, little one. It makes me feel ashamed of being a man. It wasn’t right. Believe me, I’d do anything in the world to show you that not every man is like that, sweet Aly….”
As Tray slipped into the deep folds of sleep, his arms remained wrapped protectively around Alyssa, and he found a measure of peace he’d never experienced before.
Chapter Three
Tray welcomed Sorche into the bedchamber with a warm look in his gray eyes as the older woman waddled over to him. It had become a ritual between them; each evening before Sorche retired, she would come and sit with Tray and they would catalog Alyssa’s daily progress.
“Her hair needs combing,” Sorche noted gruffly. She pulled a brush from her pocket. “Here,” she urged, placing it in his hand, “get the snarls out of her hair.”
Tray gave Sorche a sheepish glance. “I don’t know how to brush a woman’s hair, Sorche. Perhaps you should do it again.”
“Nonsense! You know how to brush a horse’s mane. Go on, sit beside her. Now pick up a few strands and gently pull the brush through them. That’s it. Goodness! Hair isn’t alive, you know! Go on, a bit more pressure. There…good!” Sorche beamed proudly, watching Tray’s hesitant progress. “She has the most beautiful color of hair I’ve ever seen.”
Tray nodded, watching the auburn tresses begin to gleam like rich wine shot with gold as he drew the brush through her thick, clean hair. “Unique. Like she is,” he murmured.
Sorche made herself comfortable in a chair beside the bed, watching her foster son. Although the light from the fireplace cast shadows upon Tray’s face, Sorche could tell he was happy. Since Alyssa’s arrival, there had again been a flicker of hope in his somber gray eyes. She took out her embroidery, occasionally looking up to check his progress.
“It’s been seven days now. What did Dr. Birch say today?”
“That she’s healing rapidly and there is no sign of infection.”
“Thank the Mother Mary for that!” She frowned, her fingers poised above her stitchery. “And when will she awake, Tray? Did he say anything about that?”
“No,” he answered, laying the newly brushed strands across her pillow. Sliding his long, large-knuckled fingers beneath another handful of hair, Tray slowly began to draw the brush through it, finding a deep sense of pleasure in the action. How would Alyssa react if she knew that it was he and Sorche who bathed her daily and tended her healing wounds? Would she flee in terror like the wild Welsh cobs that ranged over the mountains? Or would she react like his favorite mare, who loved to be petted and would sidle even closer to take full advantage of his knowing hand?
“Seven days,” Tray murmured, almost to himself. “She’s lovely, isn’t she? The bruising has yellowed and her flesh is no longer swollen. My God, why hasn’t someone taken her hand in marriage? I don’t understand it.”
Sorche chuckled. “Mind you, what Sean said about her, she’s a spitfire.”
His mouth thinned momentarily. “I wish we could get more information out of Sean.”
“He’s frightened, Tray.”
Tray nodded. “I suppose you’re right,” he conceded softly, feeling the heavy silk of her hair as he ran it through his calloused fingers. “Sean won’t even tell me her last name. Or where her family is from. I keep trying to convince the lad that we aren’t out to do them harm, that we mean to help them get back to Ireland.”
“Be patient, Tray. The boy will uncross himself. He’s frightened and in awe of you at the same time. You’re a natural father.”
Tray glowered.
“Don’t put on that iron Trayhern mask with me. You should be contemplating marriage again, Tray. Lord knows, every woman of the gentry has paraded past you and you all but ignore them. You need an heir.”
Bitterness tugged at him. “Let Vaughn continue being the stud in the family, Sorche. I’ve no interest in the women who want to be courted by my attentions. Tell me which one of them would be happy out here on Welsh soil with a husband who took joy in plowing, delivering lambs or breeding a better Welsh cob? No,” he growled, “Shelby was the only one who understood my need to be with the land and the people, Sorche.”
“Shelby was Welsh,” she said softly, seeing the pain come to Tray’s face.
Tray’s hand trembled as he held the brush just above the last thick strands of Alyssa’s hair. “And I killed her,” he whispered rawly. “Was I right to rescue Alyssa? Will she die, too? Will I awake as I have so many times before in the night, only to see that her heart has stopped beating? I wonder if I will destroy her by just being in her presence. Or if she awakes, will I in some way kill her while she remains at Shadowhawk to mend?”
Sorche moved to Tray’s side, laying her hands on his broad shoulders. “Stop torturing yourself, son of my heart,” she begged gently. “And believe me when I say that you’ve caused no one’s death. You forget, I was Isolde’s governess. I raised her and watched her grow into a beautiful young woman. She died giving you birth because her hips were too narrow. It wasn’t your fault. No more than it was when Shelby died.” Her gnarled, arthritic hand gripped his arm, her voice fervent. “Shelby had taken that bad fall in her eighth month, Tray. I’m sure that’s when the baby was killed. And she was narrow-hipped just like your mother was, besides being in frail health.”
Tray pulled his gaze from Alyssa’s peaceful features and rested his hand over Sorche’s bent fingers. “There are days that I know all of that in my heart and accept it.”
“And there are many days when you carry guilt as if it were a mantle around your shoulders, my son.”
“Yes.” Tray managed a weary smile for her benefit. “As you can see, I’m not perfect.” And then he glanced down at his twisted foot, his voice lowering. “Neither physically nor in any other way.”
“You’re kind.”
Tray laughed quietly. “Softheaded.”
“You’re generous.”
“I’m known as a pincher of pennies.”
“You love children.”
His eyes darkened to pewter. “Yes, I do. It doesn’t matter to me whether they are Welsh, English or Irish.”
“Stay the way you are, Tray. Your servants and tenants and those who deal with Shadowhawk need you. You’re fair when many others are unscrupulous.”
He looked up, a tender light in his eyes as he regarded his foster mother. “You must be tired. Do you want me to walk you to your room?”
Sorche leaned over, pressing a kiss to his slightly curled hair. “Alyssa needs you more than I. And if old Craddock saw you escorting me to my suite, he’d think you were daft.”
Her laughter was a delight to hear. Tray’s spirits lifted as he watched her leave, the only woman in the world besides Shelby who had loved him unconditionally. Who thought nothing of his clubfoot. Who made him feel like a whole man and not half of one, as Vaughn often accused him of being.
“Good night, Mother.”
“Good night, son of my heart.”
* * *
Tray allowed himself to simply gaze down at Alyssa. She was so beautiful that it stole the breath from his body. Her face was square and her skin now showed alabaster, with a slight hint of rose across her cheeks. Her lips were sculpted to perfection and slightly full, the corners lifting softly upward. It was a mouth that begged to be touched, kissed, tasted and wooed into trembling need. The winged arch of her brows only accented the possibility that her eyes would be large and clear with intelligence. Her entire face spoke of fine breeding. Whatever her origins, whether landed gentry or common farmer, hers was a face come alive from the old master painters he had studied as a boy.
The times when she would begin trembling unaccountably during the night, Tray would jerk awake, his embrace tightening to draw Alyssa firmly against him. And each time, when he rested her head on his chest, her ear pressed over his heart, Alyssa would still and her breathing would soften, her limbs slowly relaxing beneath the ministration of his hand as he stroked her shoulder and back. She drew out a fierce protectiveness in him he had never been aware of before. Tray found himself plotting to find out who had almost killed Alyssa. For the first time in his life, he wanted to strike back, to injure the party responsible for her needless abuse. Alyssa was bringing out shocking emotions Tray had never known were within him. Not until now….
He stood up and walked to the hearth, listening to the howl of the March wind as it came off the Irish Sea and whipped around the walls of Shadowhawk. Tray rested his hand against the mantel, staring down at the licking orange-and-yellow flames. He shifted from one booted foot to the other. He ought to bathe and go to bed. And hold Alyssa. Tray raised his chin, his gray eyes focusing on the girl, who looked fragile in the expanse of his bed. Alyssa was restless this evening. More so than any other night. He hoped it was a good sign. Or was she reliving the horror aboard that hellish ship?
* * *
Alyssa was breathing hard, her eyes wide with terror as she twisted to look up toward her father. Her heart pounded in her breast like a bird thrashing to escape. Mother Mary, she prayed, give him strength. Don’t let him tell that English dog anything! Gathering the last of her own strength, Alyssa screamed, “No! No! Don’t tell him anything! No!”
Everything merged into a nightmare of cartwheeling fragments as Alyssa tried to fight off the British officer as he began to rape her. Perspiration dotted her brow and she thrashed wildly, trying to free herself. And then she heard another voice, that disembodied voice that called her back and gave her a sense of protection, of peace.
“Easy, Aly. Easy. You’re coming awake. It’s all right. You’re safe. No one will hurt you….”
A sob tore from Alyssa’s lips and she felt herself growing heavier and heavier, safe in the arms that held her, rocked her. Slowly, her senses came alive. She could smell a man, an earthy male scent. And wind. She heard wind shrieking, and a fire snapping and popping in the background. Another sob rose from her raw, dry throat.
Tray watched her worriedly. Alyssa had suddenly become hysterical. If he hadn’t rushed to her side when he did, she would have flung herself out of bed. He pressed small kisses to her hair and rocked her gently, feeling her heart pounding like a wounded doe’s against his chest. A film of perspiration covered her face and dampened her nightgown.
“Alyssa? Can you hear me? You’re safe now. No one’s going to hurt you, little one. It’s Tray. I’ll just hold you until you open your eyes. Relax against me. There’s no need to breathe so hard. There’s no one here to take you away. You’re safe…safe….”
Nothing could have prepared Tray for the next moment, when she slowly lifted those thick auburn lashes to reveal large eyes the color of sea foam, eyes that reflected the utter horror of her dishonor aboard the ship. His hands tightened unconsciously upon her as he stared down into their incredible gemlike beauty. Tray saw flecks of gold in their depths, the pupils large and black as they studied him. And then they welled up almost instantly with hot, scalding tears. A lump caught in his throat and he watched helplessly as those tears gathered, formed and streaked down her now flushed cheeks. It felt as if someone had slammed a fist into Tray’s chest.
“No…no…” Alyssa babbled, her fingers digging into her skull.
“Don’t,” Tray whispered harshly, laying her back on the bed, pulling her hands from her face.
Wild terror widened her eyes and Alyssa struggled weakly. “No…Mother Mary, no!” she wailed, her voice echoing pitifully throughout the room.
Confused, Tray pinned her arms beside her head, little realizing that by doing that, he had triggered the rape to life in Alyssa’s frantic mind. She struggled briefly, finally lying limp beneath him, gasping. He immediately released her wrists, feeling the sting of tears in his own eyes. What was wrong with her? Couldn’t she see that she was safe?
“Listen to me,” Tray rasped, his voice thick and unsteady. “There’s no need to escape, Alyssa. Look around you! You’re not on board a ship. You’re at Shadowhawk. No one is going to harm you, colleen.”
Alyssa’s breathing softened and she turned her head toward him. Her lower lip trembled as she shrieked, “I can’t see! I can’t see! My eyes…my eyes…” She weakly lifted her hands, trying to understand why she couldn’t see anything even though her eyes were wide open.
“God’s blood, no!” With trembling fingers, Tray gently caressed her temple. How? Why? Dr. Birch had said nothing about blindness. “Listen to me, little one, stop crying. Stop,” Tray continued in soothing Gaelic, trying to restrain her hysteria, “Please. You’re tearing my heart apart.”
The touch of a man’s fingers upon her skin had sent a shot of paralyzing terror coursing through Alyssa, but then the dark, chanting magic of his voice assuaged her fear. Alyssa dropped her head back on the pillows and tried to control her terror. Sweet Mother of Jesus, he was a man, just like the man who had hurt her. Gradually, allowing his soothing words to sway her, she relaxed and felt his grip loosen. The moment he released her, she cringed against the headboard, her arms wrapped around her exhausted body.
“Who are you?” Alyssa begged, her voice cracking. “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!”
She felt his weight leave the bed and buried her head more deeply into her arms, fearing a blow. She was breathing hard again, like an animal backed into a corner with nowhere to escape. Alyssa blinked. Why couldn’t she see? There was no blindfold upon her. Her attention was torn between the darkness that enveloped her and the movement of what she knew to be a man in close proximity to her. Her ragged gasps punctuated the silence and she swallowed, in dire need of water. When the blow she was expecting did not come, Alyssa cautiously lifted her head. Where was she? And who was the man? And Sean! Alyssa’s eyes narrowed as she tried to control her own raging emotions.
“Where are you!” she cried, but the words came out as a broken whisper.
Tray stood frozen in guilt and shame as he watched Alyssa cower in the bed. She was trembling, the covers drawn tightly against her body. What should he do? She hated him, hated his touch. He swallowed painfully, his gray eyes anguished as he stared down at her. Although she could not see his gesture, he lifted his hand in a sign of peace and quietly began speaking to her.
“Alyssa, my name is Tray. I know you can’t stand the touch of a man, so let me get my mother, Sorche. You shouldn’t be moved yet. You’re still injured. Believe me, I won’t hurt you. Please, just stay where you are and I’ll bring Sorche.”
Alyssa’s breasts rose and fell quickly and her slender fingers gripped the sheets more tightly. Just the calming tenor of his voice shed layers of the fear that cloaked her. “Wh-where am I?”
“At a friend’s home.”
“And Sean? Where’s Sean?”
“Just down the hall. As soon as I get Sorche and attend to your needs, I’ll bring him to you.”
She gave a jerky nod of her head, biting hard on her lower lip. “He’s alive?” she quavered.
“Alive, well fed and happy. Now all we have to do is make you the same way, little one. Please, lie back down. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”
Little one…The way the endearment rolled off his tongue caressed the open wounds of her soul and relaxed her. “A-are you Irish?”
Tray managed a sliver of a smile. “Raised on the milk of the Irishwoman who will care for you, Alyssa.”
Some of the panic drained from her pale features.
“Now stay quiet and I’ll get Sorche,” he promised.
Alyssa tensed as she heard the scuff of his booted feet against the carpet. A door quietly opened and closed, and she was left in a room she could not see. Releasing the blanket, she stretched out her left hand, investigating the area around her. She had outlined the shape of the huge bed by the time the man called Tray returned with his mother.
Sorche waddled into the room, the white mobcap askew on her now frizzy gray-haired head. Awakened out of a sound sleep, she was barely sensible as she came around the edge of the bed to where Alyssa sat, tense and wary.
“Child,” she whispered, reaching out and putting her hand over Alyssa’s, “you are safe here.”
The comfort of Sorche’s gruff voice tapped the well of conflicting emotion within Alyssa, and she let out a single sob. The woman sat down near her, gently pushing the heavy hair away from her face. “Thank all the saints you’ve come back to us,” she murmured. “We were so worried for you, child. You’ve been here seven days now and no one held much hope of you recovering except Tray. Our prayers are answered.”
Alyssa groped, finding and clutching at Sorche’s arthritic hand. “I can’t see, Sorche…my eyes…what happened? Why am I blind?”
