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A chorus of agreement greeted her question as each member of staff set about their appointed tasks. Noting that junior doctor Gus Buchanan was seeing to the blood bottles and forms, Gail was preparing warm fluids, and Holly was phoning the lab and writing up details on the white board on the wall, Nathan headed out with Annie towards the outer doors of the casualty department, where they joined the wait for the ambulances with Robert and his head nurse.
The familiar charge of adrenalin hit him. He remained painfully aware of Annie’s presence, and her antipathy, but he had to try and force thoughts of her out of his mind for the moment. It wasn’t easy, however. She had haunted his every waking moment and his every dream at night for five long years—ever since the moment she had shattered his heart and his reason for being.
The silence, the loneliness, the darkness of his time without her had cut deep. He had loved her…truly, deeply, completely. She had brought fun and sunshine into his otherwise grey, joyless life. A life that had returned to being colourless and dull without her effervescent presence and the warmth of her love. The light had gone when she had left him and had never returned. Now with the other responsibilities that had burdened his life for so long in some kind of order, he had needed to find Annie again, to bring closure to a part of his life that felt unfinished.
Part of him had hoped he would see Annie and feel nothing—that the love would have gone and he would be set free, released from the prison he’d been in for five years. A prison in which he had been in solitary confinement and to which only Annie held the key to release him. Then perhaps he could put the past behind and move on with his life without Annie haunting him. But it wasn’t to be. The second he had seen her again he had known with a mix of excitement and despair that the love and desire was still there and the craving had not gone away. Being near her again was overwhelming his senses. Annie still held his emotions in a stranglehold.
It would be far better for him if he did feel nothing. Yet one look and he knew he still cared for her with everything in him. Despite what she had done, despite the hurt she had caused him running away as she had, he still wanted her, needed her, loved her. Which made his life horribly complicated and uncertain. Given her reception of him, the chance that they could reconcile the past, let alone re-establish any kind of relationship, was seeming less and less likely. Once again he was opening himself up to inevitable heartbreak and rejection, and he wasn’t sure he could survive that a second time.
The sound of sirens drew him from his troubled thoughts, and he watched the flashing blue lights of the two ambulances come closer as they moved up the hill through the lingering mist and turned in at the hospital entrance. As the first backed into the bay, Robert moved forward to hurry the elderly woman through to Resus.
When the back doors of the second ambulance opened moments later, Nathan and Annie helped the paramedics manoeuvre the stretcher out, ready to speed the badly injured patient inside. One of the paramedics was keeping pressure on an open wound in the man’s right thigh, temporarily stemming what Nathan could see was a bad bleed.
As Annie led the way to Resus, she looked at him, and he recognised in her the same charge of adrenalin and call to duty that sang in his own veins. Then her dark blue eyes narrowed briefly, and her voice was cool and professional.
‘Right, Nathan, let’s see how good a doctor you still are.’
‘Be careful issuing challenges, Annie,’ he murmured, keeping his voice low, so no one else could hear, seeing the surprise and alarm on her face as she hesitated. ‘In the days and weeks ahead I plan to show you what you walked away from and what you are missing out on. And I’m not just talking about my medical skills.’
Aware he had shaken her, he left Annie to mull over his words. Snapping back into professional mode as the paramedics wheeled the stretcher inside the designated resus bay, and the patient was transferred to the trolley bed, his focus was now solely on the man who needed the team’s attention and medical know-how.
Dealing with Annie—and confronting their past—would have to wait a little longer.
CHAPTER TWO
ANNIE was shaking as she followed Nathan inside Resus Bay Two. If only she hadn’t been foolish enough to issue that meaningless challenge. Now she fretted over his words, worried about what he had meant. Surely he didn’t think there could be anything left between them? Anxiety tightened inside her, and she cursed herself for allowing him to fluster her, derail her. The last thing she needed was to have to work closely with Nathan in the days ahead.
‘This is Len Gordon. Age fifty-nine. Multiple lower limb fractures, plus femoral break and bleed. Query possible damage to his pelvis. He’s in shock and his blood pressure is low.’
Annie forced herself to set her private concerns aside, and listened as the paramedics finished their report on the patient’s condition, running through GCS score, level of consciousness at the scene and since, BP, respiration, pulse rate and oxygen saturation, plus details of the fluids and drugs already given. Her job as Team Leader was to coordinate rather than be hands-on, so she stood back and watched as the trauma team swung smoothly into action, each focusing on their individual role yet combining as one unit. Once the initial examination had been made, she would be called upon to make decisions about what to do next.
The department’s resus teams were well prepared, and the best Annie had worked with. While the anaesthetic nurse was calming and reassuring the patient, getting what details she could from the distressed, confused man and keeping him informed about what was going on, the anaesthetist concentrated on securing Len’s airway, breathing and circulation.
Annie checked the ECG and vital function monitors one of the nurses was attaching to the patient. She listened carefully as Len’s clothes were cut off and Nathan carried out his primary survey, with each member of the team calling out necessary information. The designated scribe recorded everything on the Trauma Sheet, including relevant timings, plus drugs, fluids and treatments given.
‘Airway clear, bilateral air entry…both lungs sound fine. Pupils normal and reactive. No sign of any upper body, neck or spinal injuries.’
Annie acknowledged the information, gathering updates on Len’s blood pressure, pulse, sats and respiration rate. Gus, aided by Gail, had gained additional IV access, and was administering the fluids Annie had requested to counteract Len’s shock and blood loss. Gus had also drawn up blood for cross-matching and for the tests she asked for, including full blood count, urea and electrolyte concentrations, as well as blood gases. A nurse runner was ready to go to the lab for those tests not able to be done in Resus, to request the cross-matching and order units of blood.
‘Gus, can you see to a urinary catheter next?’ Annie asked.
The young doctor nodded, accepting the items he needed from the trolley Gail had made ready before the patient’s arrival. ‘I’m on it now.’
‘Thanks.’
‘We’re going to need that orthopod down here.’
The sound of Nathan’s voice caused a ripple of awareness to run through her, but Annie fought against her reaction to him. ‘What have you got?’ she asked, moving closer as he delivered his verdict on the patient’s lower limb injuries.
‘Open tib and fib fractures of both lower legs, dislocation of the right patella, and the right femur is broken…probably in two places. X-rays will confirm the extent of the damage. We also need an idea of any pelvic injury before he can go up to surgery, but first I need to stem the femoral bleed at the site of this deep laceration,’ Nathan informed her, concentrating on his task to halt the haemorrhage in the man’s right thigh.
Annie couldn’t help but admire Nathan’s skill and calm composure. He was just as special a doctor as she remembered, always unflappable, whatever the extent and urgency of the crisis. She trusted him completely in terms of his clinical judgement, technique and treatment of patients. It was his treatment of her heart that had been so lacking. Thrusting that painful thought aside, she ensured that the replacement fluids were running correctly, then checked the stats and the time elapsed since the patient had been under their care.
‘How’s the bleed?’
‘Under control now. I just need to get this tied off. Thanks, Holly,’ Nathan added, as the competent young staff nurse assisted him. ‘Len’s going to need a lot of work in Theatre.’ He glanced up, and her breath caught for a second as she met his gaze. ‘I’d recommend a femoral nerve block.’
‘Yes, I agree. Then we can get his legs splinted before X-ray.’
Nathan accepted the syringe Holly handed him, checked the dosage, then deftly inserted the needle, injecting lidocaine in a fan pattern in the thigh. ‘Any idea how long the radiographer will be, Annie?’
‘I’m here,’ a voice announced, and Francesca Scott strode into the resus bay, pulling on her protective lead apron.
Tall and athletic, a riot of red corkscrew curls somehow constrained in the thick plait that fell to her waist, Francesca was unfairly dubbed the Ice Maiden by some of the hospital staff. Annie had always got on well with the other woman, however, and admired her friend’s skill and kindness to her patients.
Despite her more senior role, Annie remained silent and allowed Nathan to outline the extent of Len’s injuries. Once the femoral block had done its job, and splints had been fitted, Francesca went to work using the overhead emergency X-ray equipment now in use in the A and E department. As well as the standard precautionary lateral cervical spine and frontal chest images, she took specific pictures of Len’s pelvis and legs.
‘Can you scan his abdomen and pelvic region, too?’ Annie asked. ‘We’re querying any internal blood loss.’
Using the portable ultrasound, Francesca complied with the request, and within minutes the X-ray and scan images came up on the diagnostic screen.
‘The leg fractures are clear and extensive. But there’s no sign of pelvic fracture or internal bleeding, and no free fluids in the abdominal cavity. I think it’s just bruising,’ Francesca suggested, moving aside so that Annie and Nathan could assess the various images for themselves.
Annie frowned. The X-rays were pretty gruesome. One fibula had jagged splits and fragments in several places, while the other, and both tibias, had multiple but thankfully cleaner breaks. As Nathan had predicted, the right femur had snapped in two places—mid-shaft and just above the knee that had dislocated, its patella misplaced high and to one side, the joint swollen and distorted.
Annie was acutely aware of Nathan close to her. For an unguarded moment she found herself leaning in to inhale his unique and subtle musky aroma, masculine, sensuous and once so familiar. Horrified at her weakness, she straightened and struggled to concentrate on her job. She studiously watched the monitor readings, calling for more blood units as Len was slow to respond to the fluids he’d been given.
Thankfully, the orthopaedic registrar arrived then, tutting over the X-rays. ‘We’ll operate straight away,’ he said, before setting off with copies of the notes and images to brief his department’s senior consultant.
‘OK,’ Annie called, organising her team for their final duties. ‘Let’s get ready to transfer Len up to surgery. Thanks, Francesca. Good job, everyone.’
A further flurry of activity ensued before Len, stable but serious, was on his way to the theatre team, who would take over his care and do all they could to repair the damage to his legs.
Having taken off her protective clothing, Annie went with Holly to see the family, to explain what had happened and what was going to be done during surgery. She left Holly to escort the anxious relatives upstairs to the waiting area in the surgical suite, while she returned to Resus, noting that the first bay was still occupied. Robert and his team were still battling to save the elderly woman whose heart problems had led to the accident.
Her own team had already dispersed, to deal with less serious casualties in the main department, while a nurse remained to ensure Resus Bay Two was prepared for the next emergency. Annie paused a moment, unsettled by her feelings as she looked at Nathan. He was sitting on a stool, finishing his notes, but he smiled when he saw her, causing an uncomfortable knot to form in her chest.
‘It’s only my second day here, but already I am very impressed by the whole department.’
‘We’re a close-knit unit,’ she agreed, pleased for her colleagues at Nathan’s praise.
She scanned the notes he handed her and signed off on them, clutching the folder to her like a shield as she took a step backwards, aware that they were now alone.
‘It was like old times working with you, Annie. You’ve developed into one hell of a doctor.’ The husky edge to his voice sent a tingle down her spine. ‘And we haven’t lost that natural understanding.’
She had always enjoyed being teamed with Nathan in the past. He was naturally talented, never losing his cool in any situation, and always maintaining his compassion for the patient and his generosity towards the staff working with him. Despite her painful awareness of him, for a while there, engrossed in meeting Len’s needs, it was as if the years apart had never happened. Working in tandem, displaying the kind of instinctive understanding that only grew with trust and time, she and Nathan had been attuned to each other’s thoughts and actions. And that had been scary. She couldn’t allow Nathan to ease back into her life as if nothing had happened. It had hurt too much last time. Bare minutes after seeing him again and she was already vulnerable. She had to do whatever was necessary to protect herself, because no way could she risk her heart taking a second beating.
In consequence, she kept her voice controlled when she replied. ‘All that was a long time ago. I’m surprised you’re not a hotshot consultant by now, Nathan. I thought that was all you wanted,’ she added, unable to keep the bitter edge from her voice, but regretting her challenge as the friendliness faded from Nathan’s expression, his eyes turning hard and shuttered.
‘You had no idea what I wanted, Annie. You never shared my hopes and dreams and fears because you weren’t interested in anything but what you wanted.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Really?’ One eyebrow lifted sardonically. ‘What do you know about me? What do you know about my life, my goals, my feelings?’
Alarmed, wishing she had never begun this awful conversation, Annie focused on her own years of hurt. ‘So why did you put up with me then, if I was so selfish?’
‘Because I loved you. Apparently that wasn’t good enough. It had to be your way or no way.’
She stared at him, speechless with shock, both at the pain-laden softness of his words and the fact that he so clearly believed what he’d said. But he hadn’t loved her, an inner voice cried in agonised remembrance. Had he? Tears stung her eyes. If it was true, why had he rejected her? A wave of indignation swelled within her, only to vie with a disconcerting flicker of doubt. Enough doubt that she swallowed the rush of argumentative words that fought for freedom…words she would once have been unable to contain. She was older now. She had a responsible position. She wasn’t going to lower herself by reacting childishly. Squaring her shoulders, she took a steadying breath and refused to respond further, all too worried that Nathan’s accusations would play on her mind in the days ahead.
‘We’re clearly not going to agree, and rehashing things serves no purpose,’ she stated, proud of the coolness she’d managed to inject into her voice, betraying no sign of the way she was shaking inside. ‘I suggest we get back to work. We have other patients to see.’
Eager to put distance between herself and Nathan, she left Resus and returned Len’s case folder to its proper place, so the Trauma Sheet could be photocopied for the in-house notes. She was grateful that the department was so busy, hoping she could lose herself in work and ignore her confused thoughts about Nathan’s troubling reappearance in her life…not to mention his very different recollection about their time together and their distressing parting.
In truth, she had been on edge since Frazer and Callie’s wedding. A doctor and paramedic respectively, on the local air ambulance crew, her friends had married at Strathlochan Castle on Christmas Eve, withAnnie as maid of honour. The day had ended with Callie’s bridal bouquet flying through the air and landing squarely in Annie’s reluctant arms. A shiver ran through her as she relived the moment. At the time she had felt uneasy, as if it was a bad omen instead of the good luck tradition proclaimed. Now, three weeks later, Nathan had shown up, confirming her premonition.
Whilst Annie had been thrilled at her friends’ happiness, their wedding had brought back memories, making her wonder what her own life would have been like had things turned out differently. The reality was that she was now unlikely ever to marry and have the family she had always longed for. Nathan had stolen her dreams when he’d broken her heart, and she would never trust another man again.
Maybe things had happened for the best. She’d certainly progressed much further in her career than she had expected, because she had used hard work as an escape, a comfort, a protection against the pain. The kind of debilitating pain she never wanted to experience again. Even now it hurt too much to think of what could have been—what should have been, had Nathan loved her as much as she had loved him. As much as he now claimed to have done. She had to remember old hurts and be wise to the lessons of the past, lest she fall for Nathan’s charm all over again.
Conscious of him watching her, she made her way to Reception, collected information on the next patient waiting to be seen and called her through from the crowded waiting area. Focusing on the young child—who had somehow managed to wedge a couple of polystyrene packing chips up her nose, where they were well and truly stuck—Annie determined to set the problem of Nathan from her mind. At least for the time being. Unfortunately, though, however much she might wish it, she didn’t think he was going to go away any time soon.
Consumed with frustration, Nathan watched Annie draw a curtain around the cubicle into which she had shown a worried mother with a tearful young daughter.
Every time he was close to Annie his heart started hammering in his chest, his breath felt trapped in his lungs, and his palms dampened. Let alone what happened further south, his body tightening and hardening in an instinctive reaction to her presence. She still aroused in him equal parts physical, gut-tingling desire and crippling emotional uncertainty, just as in the past.
Five years on they still had a connection, and worked well together on a professional basis, but it was clear he was going to have a difficult time making any headway with Annie personally. It had been a mistake to be drawn into a disagreement so soon. He shouldn’t have let her rile him. But her stubbornness and her inability to see another point of view drove him to distraction.
Sucking in a breath, he struggled for calm. There was so much he and Annie needed to talk about, to resolve. That they were far apart in their perception of the events of the past was obvious, and it was not going to be easy to get her to listen. However, he had to try. If he ever hoped to move on, with or without her, he needed to settle things in his head…and his heart…once and for all. But none of that was going to happen immediately. Until he could get Annie alone, away from the hospital, he needed to focus on the job and devote his full attention to the patients who needed him.
The next few hours sped by, as he worked through the assorted cases assigned to him. A series of common and familiar complaints, such as infections, angina, sprains, fractures, cuts and an asthma attack, were interspersed with two further calls on him to join the resus team. The first was a serious road accident, involving several cars on the motorway, which brought the A and E department almost to breaking point. The second serious incident involved a twenty-year-old man who had suffered a worrying head injury in a fall from some scaffolding. As soon as he was stable enough, he had been transferred by air ambulance to the neurological unit in Glasgow.
Nathan was well aware that Annie was avoiding him. He doubted she would have voluntarily worked with him at all had it not been for the resus emergencies and Robert Mowbray’s directive that she help him settle in. He didn’t need a minder, but anything that placed him around Annie was good. Her reaction to the consultant’s decision and her sharp words after they had treated Len Gordon had been the only hints of weakness, the only signs that his presence here disturbed her in any way and she was not as indifferent as she would have him believe.
It was early afternoon by the time he had a chance for a break to grab a quick lunch. His stomach rumbled. Breakfast seemed a lifetime ago, and then he’d only managed a banana and a glass of fruit smoothie because he’d been so churned up about seeing Annie again. Annie was nowhere in sight in the department, or in the staffroom, so he decided to try the canteen in the hope of catching up with her there. Seeing Olivia Barr waiting by the lifts, Nathan pushed open a door marked ‘staff only’ and slipped into the seldom-used rear stairway, determined to avoid the predatory nurse and her unwelcome attentions.
Aside from the fact that Olivia hadn’t let an opportunity go by in the last two days to come on to him, he had doubts about her as a nurse. During his short time in the department he had seen that although she had good clinical skills—when she focused on her tasks—she wasn’t a team player. And the way she spoke to and interacted with some patients left a great deal to be desired. On a personal level he had rejected several advances, making it clear that he was not interested and that if she persisted he would have no choice but to be blunt. Olivia represented everything he found unattractive in a woman, from her vampish flirting and sly insincerity to her falsely pouting lips, heavy makeup and silicone-enhanced breasts. Annie, by contrast, was the embodiment of everything that was natural and feminine, with no artificiality about her.
Annie…
As if he had conjured her up from his thoughts, he had just reached the landing of the floor that housed the canteen when the door opened, forcing him to step back, and Annie emerged into the otherwise deserted stairway. He noted her startled expression when she saw him, her nervousness apparent as the door closed behind her and she realised they were alone. She glanced around, clearly searching for some avenue of escape, but he wasn’t about to allow it. Who knew when he’d have another chance to catch her attention?
As she backed up against the door, he slowly closed the distance between them. ‘You’ve been avoiding me, Annie.’
Her chin lifted in defiance at his challenge, but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. ‘I’ve been doing my job—not thinking about you at all.’
‘Right.’ Stepping closer, he flattened both his hands on the door, one either side of her head. ‘So there’s nothing to stop you spending some time with me now?’
‘I have to get back to the department. You know how crazy it is today,’ she excused, the unsteady note in her voice betraying her unease.
‘Meet with me later, then.’
‘I can’t.’ He saw the irregular beat of her pulse at the hollow of her throat, noted the bloom of colour warm her ivory skin. ‘There’s no point in this, Nathan.’
He couldn’t resist leaning closer, so he could savour her tantalising jasmine scent. ‘There’s every point,’ he argued, everything in him craving a taste of her, something he had been denied and had yearned for for five long years.
‘Nathan…’
‘We need to talk, Annie,’ he insisted, not prepared to be fobbed off this time.
Her own palms flattened on his chest and he revelled in the contact, even though it was meant to hold him at bay. ‘No!’
‘Yes.’ He refused to allow her to ignore reality. ‘We have to face the past…if only to move on.’
‘I’ve already moved on, Nathan,’ she insisted, but to him her words lacked conviction.
‘Have you? Really?’ She might think she believed that, but he didn’t—no matter what she said to the contrary. ‘All we had together must have meant little to you if you could throw it away with such cavalier disregard.’ And care so little for its loss, he added silently. He leaned in closer, seeing anxiety darken her blue eyes, feeling the increasing pressure of her hands on his chest as she tried to keep distance between them. ‘I haven’t moved on, Annie. I don’t think you have any idea what you leaving like that did to me, or what kind of hell I’ve been in for five years. Maybe you tell yourself you don’t even care. You’ve invented your own version of reality to help justify to yourself the fact that you tossed us aside. But your perception of events is very different from mine. Well, reality bites, sweetheart, and the time has come for us to settle this.’
As if Nathan’s words were not enough to panic her, Annie froze as he moved one hand. His palm cupped her cheek, the caress of his fingers sending a trail of heat across her skin and firing every nerve-ending to zinging awareness. His thumb under her chin tilted her face up until she could no longer avoid his gaze. Robbed of speech by the intense expression in his dark eyes, she couldn’t form a single protest. Nor could she look away. He stared down at her, brooding and mysterious, his closeness making her pulse race and preventing her dragging enough air into parched lungs.
‘How is it possible that you are even more beautiful than ever?’
His husky words sent waves of arousal washing through her, tightening her insides and speeding her pulse. Terrified of her reaction to him, she fruitlessly endeavoured to hold him off, to create some more space to breathe, to think. Every part of her was on red alert—his touch, his nearness, his musky male scent all combining to rob her of common sense and strip away her resistance.
‘Nathan…’
Her warning stalled, his name escaping on a whisper of breath rather than sounding like the denial she had intended. And when the pad of his thumb grazed across the swell of her lower lip she couldn’t maintain coherent thought. As he closed the remaining centimetres between them, his fingers sliding back to fist in her hair and hold her still, she forgot every reason why they shouldn’t do this. Instead, her traitorous lips were already parted in eager anticipation when his own brushed across them. She responded instinctively as his mouth captured hers, demanding, needy, plunging her back into the once familiar abyss of heady excitement and unquenchable desire.
Annie had forgotten how incredible Nathan’s seductive, erotic kisses were. No, that was wrong. She hadn’t forgotten …she had blanked the memories out, because they caused her so much pain and hopeless longing. But her body remembered his taste, the perfection of his touch, the earth-shattering pleasure only he brought her. For an endless moment she ignored everything but the here and now. Unable to help herself, she moved in closer still, craving tighter contact, feeling the delicious jolt as her breasts pressed against the wall of his chest, stimulating the hardened peaks of her nipples. A moan escaped as Nathan’s free hand cupped her rear and drew her against him. His hips rocked into her, making her all too conscious of the hard length of his arousal, and an answering hollow knot tightened deep inside her in response. She rubbed herself over him, desperate to assuage the empty ache of need.
The hungry kiss deepened, turning almost feral in its urgent intensity. Their raging passion was immediately rekindled, flaring hotter than ever. Annie met and matched Nathan’s every move, every stroke, every suck… her teeth nipping, her tongue duelling, twining and teasing with his. She wallowed in the sense of being reborn, of coming home, her body primed, begging for the fulfilment only he could give her.
Then, somewhere below them, the sound of a door closing reverberated in the stillness. Footsteps echoed on the concrete stairs, snapping Annie back to the reality of where she was, what she was doing and who she was doing it with. With a cry of distress she wrenched away, fighting against Nathan’s hold.
‘Stop!’ she gasped.
She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t allow Nathan’s potent sex appeal to sweep away all the pain, anger and despair of the last five years as if nothing had happened. It was over. It was! As Nathan reluctantly released her she stepped away, her legs feeling too weak and rubbery to hold her up. She’d chosen to take the back stairs in an attempt to avoid him, yet had only succeeded in trapping herself alone with him in a secluded spot for long enough to forget every powerful reason she must keep him at a distance.
‘There’s unfinished business between us, Annie. Somehow, somewhere, we are going to deal with it,’ he warned her.
His intent was clear, and it scared her, because she couldn’t handle seeing him or raking up the past, knowing she was still vulnerable to him.
‘You didn’t want—’
‘You have no idea what I wanted…you never did,’ he interrupted heatedly, dragging a hand through his wayward hair. ‘And you certainly didn’t stay around long enough that last day to listen to my point of view. Then you refused to see or speak to me. I loved you, but you ripped out my heart and stomped all over it, turning your back on everything we were to each other, tossing it away as if it was nothing.’
Tears filled her eyes and she held up a hand, backing away. ‘You’re wrong!’
