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Trina blushed again under Dr Southwell’s pleased smile.
‘The weather is super. Love to stay and chat but I’m off to the hospital.’ He waved and strode off.
Trina shrugged off the awkwardness with determination. ‘So that’s who lives next door on this side and my boss, Ellie, and her husband, who happens to be an obstetrician, Dr Southwell’s son, live on the other side.’
He looked around at the three crofts as they came to hers, and paused. ‘You’re well covered for medical help then.’ He smiled a little awkwardly.
‘Never too many in an emergency.’ She smiled back, too concerned with whether she’d left the house tidy before he arrived to worry about trying to read his reaction to her neighbours. She indicated her own front path. ‘Come in. It’s small but compact, much like yours is, I imagine.’
‘Yes. Tiny, but I like it. You’ll have to come and see my renovations.’
Not your etchings? She thought it and smiled to herself. Didn’t risk saying anything in case he heard the amusement in her voice. At least she could be amused by something that she would have run a mile from a month ago. In fact, she could have rubbed her knuckles on her chest. Darn proud of herself, really.
She pushed open the door and was glad she’d opened all the blinds this morning. With everything open the sea seemed to be a part of the room, with all eyes being drawn to the open French windows out onto the little terrace. She gestured him to walk that way.
‘Great view,’ Finn said after a low whistle. ‘That’s really magic.’ He walked slowly to the French windows and absently began to undo Piper’s straps.
Trina came up behind him and undid the other one. ‘Here, let me help.’ She lifted Piper out of the straps and set her down. ‘There’s nothing to climb on. I only keep the swing chair out there and it’s against the house wall. It has to come in when it’s windy.’
Piper crawled straight for the rails and her little hands grabbed on as she pulled herself up. She bounced on the balls of her feet. Finn followed her out and Trina stood back a little and admired them both.
A bouncy, healthy little girl and her gorgeous dad. She wasn’t sure when he’d graduated from attractive to other women to gorgeous for her, but she had to admit he made an admirable picture with his big shoulders and strong back silhouetted against the ocean. His long fingers rested lightly and then the curved muscles in his arms bunched as he gripped the rail for a minute. She wondered what he was thinking about as he stood guard over his daughter, his powerful thighs either side of her as one hand left the rail and brushed her small head.
Then the penny dropped. Piper’s birthday. And his wife had left soon after Piper’s birth. That made this time of year a distressing anniversary as well as a day for celebration for Piper. Tough call. She hadn’t even crawled out of bed on the anniversary of losing Ed.
Why hadn’t he said something yesterday? Then she chastised herself. Why would he share that with a stranger?
She swallowed past the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. ‘Would you two like a cold drink?’ She managed to even her voice. ‘I have a spill-proof cup I use for one of my friend’s daughters.’
‘Piper has her water here, thanks.’ He came back in and bent down to Piper’s pack. Pulled out a little pink pop-top bottle. ‘She’ll use hers.’ Then he pulled out a Ziploc bag. ‘Aha! Here’s your part of Piper’s birthday cake.’
He glanced back at his daughter. ‘Probably best she doesn’t see it as I had no idea she could gobble as many as she did and she’ll be sick if she eats any more.’
Trina nodded and swiped the bag, turning her back to the veranda and opening the seal. She lifted out the little blue-papered cake and admired the rough pink icing and slightly off-centre sticker. ‘It’s magnificent.’
‘Piper put the stickers on herself.’
‘Clever girl.’ She looked at him. ‘Clever Daddy for the rest.’
He looked at her. Maybe saw the lingering distress in her eyes and he closed his own for a minute and then looked at her again. Nodded. ‘So you’ve guessed it’s a tough day?’
‘You have a different set of triggers but I was just thinking I didn’t even get out of bed when mine went past.’ They needed to get out and fill the day with something. ‘How about we go for a walk along the cliffs further? There’s a really cool cave overlooking the ocean about a kilometre north I could show you. And there’s a sweet little dip of green grass Piper would love.’ She smiled at the thought. ‘She could probably log roll down the tiny hill. I watched some kids do that one day and it looked fun.’
She saw relief lift the creases from his brow. ‘That does sound good. Is there somewhere you’d prefer me to change Piper before we go? I have a change mat.’
‘You have everything!’ And wasn’t that true. ‘Change mats are great. You can use my bed and save you bending down. I’ll make a little snack for the meadow.’ She turned away. Excited for the first time in a long while with a task she couldn’t wait to play with.
She slipped in two small cans of mixer cordial that she’d bought on a whim. A packet of dates and apricots for Piper. She even had arrowroot biscuits, perfect for a little girl to make a mess with. Threw in some crisps, two apples and a banana. It all fitted in her little cool bag she carried to work each day, along with the tiny checked throw she had never had the opportunity to use for a picnic.
They set off ten minutes later, Piper bouncing on her daddy’s back and Trina swinging along beside them as if she was a part of the little family. She winced at her instinctive comparison. No. Like a party of friends. Looking out for each other.
The sun shone clear and warm on their backs as they strode along the path. The sea breeze blew Piper’s bright golden mist of hair around her chubby face as she chattered away. Trina decided Finn looked so much more relaxed out in the open. It made her feel good that she’d helped.
A cruise ship hugged the horizon and she pointed it out to Finn. Piper saw a seabird dive into the water far below and they had to stop and watch for a minute until it came out again with a fish in its beak.
Trina admired the skill of the surfers, bobbing and swooping like brilliant supple-bodied flying fish on the curling waves.
When she commented, Finn shared, ‘I love surfing.’
‘I’ve never tried.’ Maybe she could add that to her adventure list.
Finn said, ‘When Piper is old enough I’ll teach her to surf. This looks a great place to do that.’
‘Dr Southwell used to surf every morning before he was married. Though I have to admit he did come a cropper when he was washed off the shelf last year.’
He looked back the way they’d come. ‘Really? Ouch. Which shelf?’
She pointed. ‘The ones under the cliffs, with the rock pools we were in yesterday.’
Finn frowned. ‘It doesn’t look dangerous there.’
‘It is on a king tide. And his timing was off if you ask him. They lifted him out with a chopper but the good news was his son met Ellie, my boss, when he came to locum while his father was away, and they married and are having a baby. That’s why I’m doing Ellie’s job for the next year—hence the change from night duty.’
‘Happy ending.’ His voice held only a trace of bitterness. She got that. But she’d moved on herself, thankfully.
She wondered if he’d heard his own subtext because his voice came out warmer than before. ‘So were they all the people in the restaurant on Friday?’
She’d forgotten. ‘Yes, that’s right—you were there. With Piper and your sister.’ She thought back over those present. ‘They were celebrating Ellie’s leave and my promotion.’
‘Congratulations.’
She laughed. ‘Thanks. First day tomorrow. We’ll see.’
She thought back to Friday and the pleasant lunch. Her own surprise to see Finn there. With another woman. Felt just a little embarrassed now she knew it was his sister. Hurried on in case it showed on her face. ‘The other older lady at the table is the one who makes the most divine cakes—Dr Southwell’s wife, Myra.’
‘I guess I’ll get to know them all. Dr Southwell’s offered me a place in his practice. I’ll start as soon as I can find day care for Piper.’
She raised her brows. ‘Do you have a specialty?’
‘I started in general practice. Then I went on and studied paediatrics. I thought everyone knew?’ Then he shook his head. ‘I guess I haven’t really spoken to many people. I have my Diploma of Obstetrics from my GP days, but no real experience in that. Just the antenatal side of it. Not the delivery part.’
He didn’t look old enough to have done all that. Catrina smiled at him, decided she wouldn’t share that thought and shook her head mockingly. ‘We don’t say delivery any more. Especially in Lighthouse Bay. We’re Midwifery Group Practice.’
He put his hands up. ‘Midwifery Group Practice. And I said delivery. My bad.’
‘Very.’ She smiled at him. ‘Everything is midwifery-led and woman-centred. The antenatal clinic is drop-in and popular. When the mother births, we support her choice to stay or go, and she’s visited at home within the day after if that’s what she wants or she can stay for a few days in the hospital. Either way, we don’t call a doctor unless someone is sick.’
He put out his hands helplessly and pretended to sigh. ‘I’m defunct and I haven’t even started.’
She laughed. ‘You’ll get used to it. You should meet Ellie and her husband. Sam’s the Director of Obstetrics at the base hospital and fell in love with Lighthouse Bay too. And Ellie, of course.’ She smiled at the thought. ‘Sam moved here from a big Brisbane Hospital so we’re lucky to have him as an unofficial back-up in real emergencies when he’s not on-call at the base hospital.’
She looked at him thoughtfully. ‘I’ve thought of someone who could mind Piper, if you’re interested.’
His face went blank and she hesitated. Maybe he wasn’t ready yet.
‘I’ll need to find someone eventually,’ he managed but she could see it cost him. She wished she hadn’t mentioned it now.
Then he said more firmly, ‘Sure. That would be great. I need to start looking.’
Trina thought about Marni. She didn’t regret mentioning her, though. ‘She’s a doll. A natural mother. Her twins are six months old and she’s just registered for day care status.’
CHAPTER NINE (#u289768e0-e4ea-5002-8271-8ee88f0aca8e)
Finn
FINN FELT HIS stomach drop. He wasn’t seeing the path or the ocean or the sky overhead. He shouldn’t have asked about day care. But something inside had dared him to. Something that wanted him to move on, as if he’d known he’d be catapulted into a decision if he put it out there. All his instincts wanted to draw back. Stop her telling him. Say he’d ask if he decided it was time. She’d understand. Not sure how he knew that but he believed in the truth of it.
Instead he said, ‘Would you recommend her?’
She looked at him thoughtfully. Kindly. ‘That’s tough because it’s not about me,’ she said gently, as if she could read his distress. Then she looked at Piper. ‘Marni could mind my child, if I had one.’ The tone was almost joking. He saw something that looked like pain flit across her face and remembered again there were people out there who did suffer as much as he did. People like Catrina. Left alone by the love of their life—without choice and unintentionally. Loss of love and no baby to hold like he did. Imagine life without Piper.
Catrina’s voice wasn’t quite steady but he could hear the struggle to make it so. It had been a very brave thing to say and he wanted to tell her that. Wanted to tell her that he understood. But still the coward inside him shied away from so much emotion.
Catrina said, ‘Maybe you could see if Piper likes her before you commit to work and see how she goes? Just an hour or two?’
‘That’s a good idea. Tell me about her.’
He saw her gaze into the distance, a soft smile on her face and a glimmer of distress, though this time he didn’t think it was for herself. ‘She’s a younger mum. Early twenties. She and her husband own the dry-cleaners in town but she’s a stay-at-home mum. Marni’s Mother Earth and the boys are six months old. Bundles of energy, healthy as all get-out, which is great because she nearly lost them at twenty-three weeks, and she spent a lot of time in hospital. As far as the midwives of Lighthouse Bay think, she’s a hero to us.’
He had to smile at that. ‘The Midwives of Lighthouse Bay. Sounds like a serial on TV.’
She laughed a little self-consciously and he regretted making light of the one stable thing she had in her life, hadn’t meant to embarrass her. ‘Don’t get me wrong. It’s another good ending to a story.’
Catrina seemed to relax. ‘It really was. Ellie’s husband, Sam, had been involved in research into preventing extreme premature birth in Brisbane, and thankfully he was here when she went into labour. Marni and Bob are a lovely couple who’d already lost an extremely premature baby daughter.’
Finn wasn’t so sure. She already had twins and he wanted someone who could concentrate on Piper. ‘How could she care for Piper as well?’ Finn was more uncertain now. ‘Sounds a bit hectic. She has twins and she’s doing day care?’
He caught Trina’s encouraging smile and suddenly saw how she could be a good midwife. Her empathy shone warm—he felt she understood and was reassuring him that he would conquer his fear of letting Piper out of his sight. All without putting on pressure. Encouraging him to test his own strength without expectations. Treating him like a woman in labour battling her own fear. Wow. She had it down pat.
Then she said, ‘She loves minding babies. And babies love her. Usually she’s minding them for free. We keep telling her she should become a midwife and I wouldn’t be surprised when the boys go to school if she’ll look at it. But, for now, she’s just starting up official day care.’
Absently he bent and stroked Piper’s leg at his side. ‘Maybe I could meet her before I talk to Dr Southwell? It’s a good idea to see if Piper likes her before I commit to work, though. You’ll have to give me her number.’
‘Or we could visit her. Meet her and her husband. See their house. They’re a lovely couple and live only a few doors up from you. In the blue pastel cottage.’
It was all happening too quickly. He could feel the panic build and squashed it down again. He could do this. Just not today.
Catrina touched his arm—the first time she had physically connected with him of her own volition—and again that frisson of awareness hummed where they touched. He glanced at her but her expression still showed only compassionate support. ‘It’s something to think about. Marni is just the one I know. There will be others when you’re ready.’
His relief made his shoulders sag. She must have seen it on his face. Was he that transparent? He’d have to work on his game face before he went back to work or his patients’ parents would run a mile.
He tried to make light of it. ‘I imagine every parent must feel like this when they have to go back to work. Torn.’
‘Absolutely. We see mums that can’t stay in hospital for one night after birth because they hate leaving the other child or children too much.’ She looked towards Piper and smiled. ‘I’d find it hard to leave Piper if she were mine.’
His face tightened. He could feel it. Some women could. Piper’s mother had no problem. And he’d be the one who had to break his daughter’s heart when the time came to tell the truth.
Catrina opened her mouth—he didn’t want to talk about Clancy—but all she said was, ‘The cave’s just around this next headland.’ He was glad she’d changed the subject.
The cave, when they arrived, curved back into the cliff and created an overhang half the size of his house. A few round boulders acted as seats for looking out over the ocean out of the sun. Or rain. Plenty of evidence suggested people had camped and made campfires there but on the whole it had stayed clean and cool, and dim towards the back. The sort of place young boys would love to go with their mates.
He could stand up in the cave easily and they stomped around in it for a few minutes before Catrina suggested they go the small distance further to the glade so Piper could be released from the backpack.
The glade, when they arrived, had a park bench and table at the edge of the slope down into the bowl-shaped dip of grass. The bright sunshine made the grass lime cordial-coloured and the thick bed of kikuyu and daisies felt softer and springier than he expected when he put Piper down to crawl. Because of the sloping sides of the bowl Piper tended to end up back in the lowest point in the middle even when she climbed the sides and he could feel his mouth twitching as she furrowed her brows and tried to work out what was happening.
He pulled a bright saucer-sized ball from her backpack and tossed it in the centre of the glade while Catrina set their picnic bag on the table and spread the cloth. Piper crawled to the ball and batted it. Of course it rolled back down the side to her again. She pushed it again and crowed when it rolled back again.
‘Clever girl,’ he said to his daughter, and ‘Clever girl,’ to Catrina, who grinned at him as she finished laying out their treats and came to sit next to him on the side of the grass hill. ‘I can’t remember when I last had a picnic,’ he said as he passed an arrowroot biscuit to Piper and took one of the apples for himself.
‘I know. Me either.’ She handed him the can of drink and took a sip of her own. Then he heard her sigh blissfully.
‘We couldn’t have had more beautiful weather this afternoon.’
‘A bit different to this morning.’
‘That’s the beauty of Lighthouse Bay. We’re temperate. Not too hot for long or too cold for long. Always leaning towards perfect weather.’
‘Always?’
Catrina laughed. ‘Well, no. We do have wild storms sometimes. That’s why I have shutters on my windows and doors. But not often.’
The afternoon passed in a desultory fashion and once, when Piper dozed off in his arms, he and Catrina lay side by side watching the clouds pass overhead in companionable silence. He’d never met anyone as restful as she was. It would have been so simple to slide closer and take her hand but the man who could have done that had broken a year ago.
An hour later, on the way home from their walk, he asked again about the exact location of the day care mum.
‘I could come with you to knock on the door? Maybe meeting the family would help?’
‘Just drop in?’ Despite his initial reluctance, he could see that an impromptu visit could be less orchestrated than one when they expected him. And he had Catrina to come with him to break the ice.
It made sense. Not fair perhaps, but this was his baby he was considering leaving in their care, and he wanted a true representation of the feeling of the household.
When the door opened to answer his knock, a smiling red-haired man answered. Past him they could hear the sound of a child squealing and the smell of a roast dinner drifted out to tantalise his nose. He hadn’t had an old-fashioned roast for years. His mouth watered.
‘Can I help you?’ Then the man saw Catrina and smiled beatifically. ‘Trina!’
‘Hello, Bob. How are you?’ The man stepped forward and hugged her and Finn was surprised.
When they stepped back from each other she said, ‘Something smells divine. Lucky you—Sunday roast.’
