The Child Who Rescued Christmas

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“That I’d overlook Brody’s origins because he would satisfy my own need?” she asked icily.

He had the grace to wince. “Something like that.”

“You were wrong. Yes, I want us to have a baby, but only because a child is a logical extension of our love for each other. While I’d be happy to adopt a child, too, the fact that Brody is yours and not a stranger’s makes this situation unique. There’s another layer of emotional baggage that has to be dealt with.”

He nodded, his face lined with a combination of resignation and misery. “I know.”

“You’re placing me in a no-win situation,” she pointed out. “You realize that, don’t you?”

“It isn’t a no-win,” he insisted. “If we can’t agree on Brody’s future, then that’s the end of it.”

His even tone wasn’t reassuring because in her gut she knew this wouldn’t be the end. For the rest of their lives together, if she denied Ruth’s request, the what-ifs would plague them.

On the other hand, if she walked away from Cole and the situation, she’d lose as much if not more.

“You want to bring him home, don’t you?” That observation was irritating in itself. While she’d been eager to start the process of fertility testing, Cole had been content to bide their time, claiming he was happy with or without a baby. Now, though, he was almost falling over his own feet to welcome his secret child into their household.

In a distant corner of her heart she knew she was being unfair, but at this moment she was still too crushed by a multitude of emotions to be rational.

“I do, but not if we aren’t in agreement. We’re a team, Sara. We have to function like one. Besides, you’re the one with the strong family background. Without your support, I can’t be his father, or anyone else’s,” he said flatly.

The idea that he needed her to do this job mollified her to some degree. It also helped to hear that her husband—a brilliant, meticulous, caring physician who’d graduated in the top ten percent of his medical school class—suffered from a few feelings of inadequacy, too. Unfortunately, could she trust him again? She didn’t realize she’d voiced her thought until he answered.

“We’ve had nearly three wonderful years together,” he said simply. “And three before that. Have I given you any reason to doubt me during the time we’ve been together?”

“I presume ‘together’ is the operative word?”

Her barb had struck home because he fell silent. “I deserve that, I suppose, but I’m the same man I was yesterday, the day before, last week and last year. I love you more now than ever and I don’t ever want to hurt you. Every decision I make is tested against that standard. Yes, on that one occasion, I let my fear overrule my good sense. Yes, I drank more than I should have and, yes, I made a bad choice that I’ll regret for the rest of my days, but I don’t want to lose you over this, Sara. I … I can’t.”

The solution to this utterly devastating change in their circumstances was simple. Leave the past in the past and focus on the future. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done, especially when she would face the proof of his poor choice every day for the rest of her life.

Could she do it? Could she ignore how his son had been conceived? Could she let go of her anger and her sense of betrayal even if Cole had been a free agent at the time?

She had to, otherwise she might as well walk out now with her packed suitcase. As her mother had always cautioned her, “Don’t do anything in the heat of the moment. You’ll always live with your regrets.” At this moment, her emotions were too raw to think rationally, so she cautioned herself to bide her time until she could approach the situation sensibly.

On the other hand, the difficulty she had went much deeper than the notion of having Cole’s child underfoot. It was the reminder that Ruth had succeeded in one night with what she had failed to achieve for months. If that wasn’t enough to howl at life’s unfairness, she didn’t know what would be.

“I’d do anything if I could turn back the clock,” he said quietly, “but I can’t.”

He sounded sincere. She wanted to believe that he’d never done anything like this before or since, and part of her did believe, but her heart was still too bruised to forgive. Given enough time, she hoped she would, but at this moment she couldn’t.

“I know you want me to smile and say everything’s okay. That I’ll unpack so we can bring Brody home and be one big happy family, but I can’t say those things.” She met his gaze. “I can’t. Not yet.”

He fell silent. “I can respect that, but while you’re mulling over the situation, we need to meet him, Sara. I need to see him. Not just a photo, but him. Brody didn’t arrive under ideal conditions, but he’s my son.”

She’d half anticipated his request. What man wouldn’t be curious about his own flesh and blood? She, on the other hand, wasn’t eager to meet the little person that he and another woman had produced so easily.

“If you’re asking for permission, feel free to do whatever you want.”

“I’d like you to go with me,” he said.

She shook her head. “I can’t. Not yet. Not tonight.”

Expecting him to protest, she was surprised when he simply paused. “Okay,” he said, weariness evident in those two syllables. “If you can’t handle seeing him so soon, you can’t. I’ll call Maitland and decline his invitation.”

As he rose and strolled toward the door, his usually squared shoulders slumped in defeat, she regretted being so petty. The thing was, she already guessed at how this situation would play out and she was simply trying to hold it at bay as long as she could, hoping another solution would present itself or, better yet, she’d wake up soon and discover this was only a nightmare.

As Cole had said, the boy’s future had to be decided. How could she possibly make the right choice if she didn’t face her demons? He was, after all, Cole’s son no matter how, why or when he had been conceived. Being with Brody would be a painful experience whether she met him tonight, tomorrow or next week, so she had to handle it like one handled any adhesive bandage. Rip off the tape in one swift motion rather than by degrees. Besides, she’d always faced her problems head-on. Ignoring them, pretending they didn’t exist, wasn’t her way, even if she wanted to indulge herself.

“Cole, wait,” she said as he reached the threshold.

He stopped and turned. “Yeah?”

“Would you really cancel and stay home tonight?”

“If that’s what you wanted,” he said simply. “I may not be the most sensitive fellow in the world, but I’m well aware that seeing the boy won’t be easy for you. If giving you more time to adjust will help, then that’s what we’ll do.”