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Her head was throbbing quite badly and whoever was attacking her door wasn’t improving it. If only they would stop banging quite so loudly, she might find the wherewithal to think.
‘Fliss!’ The letterbox rattled and someone shouted her name through the opening. ‘Fliss, can’t you answer me? Where are you? Are you all right?’
It was Graham, she realised as the pause in the knocking allowed her brain to function again. Graham was at her door, and she couldn’t understand why he sounded so worried. She distinctly remembered him telling her that he was giving a bible class this evening. He should have been at the vicarage, not hammering on her door.
She shook her head, and then wished she hadn’t when the room spun dizzily about her. Obviously, she had fainted, she thought incredulously. But how had Graham known that she needed his help?
She struggled up onto her elbows. She’d always believed she wasn’t the type to suffer sudden losses of consciousness. She’d thought she was made of stronger stuff and it was disconcerting to discover she’d been wrong. Why, even when she’d heard the news that Morgan had been murdered by the rebels—
Morgan!
The searing recollection of what she was doing on the floor hit her with lightning force. For a second, she was half afraid she was going to lose consciousness again, but Graham chose that moment to renew his assault on the door. Oh, God, Morgan, she thought sickly; Morgan’s alive. And, struggling groggily to her feet, she saw the phone receiver dangling from its cord.
‘Fliss!’ The letterbox rattled again. ‘Oh, Fliss, darling, can’t yon open the door? Can you hear me, Fliss? Oh, dear, I’m going to have to break a window. I’ve got to see that you’re all right.’
Graham!
Rubbing a dazed hand across her damp forehead, Fliss managed to regain her balance. I‘m—here. I’m all right,’ she called in a thin, wavery voice. Replacing the receiver and using the furniture for support, she started across the room. ‘Just give me a minute. I can’t seem to find the key.’
‘It’s on the floor,’ said Graham, bending to speak through the letterbox again. ‘Thank God you’re all right. I’ve been so worried. I managed to push your key out, but you’ve dropped the dead bolt so I couldn’t use my key.’
Fliss allowed her tongue to moisten lips that were as dry as parchment and bent to gather up the key. Of course, she thought, making sense of what he was saying, as this cottage still belonged to the church, it was feasible that Graham should have a key. The fact that she had had dead bolts fitted along with the existing locks had been an added security precaution on her part. She was used to living in London, where excessive personal protection was the norm.
It took a few moments for her trembling fingers to fit the key into its hole and deal with the other locks, but at last she got the door open. And, as if his patience had been stretched to breaking point, the Reverend Graham Bland—her fiancé—burst into the room, grasping her by the shoulders and pulling her into his arms.
‘Fliss!’
His voice was thick with emotion, and she wondered why her phone being off the hook should have caused him such concern. How long had she been unconscious, for heaven’s sake? He was behaving as if he knew something was wrong.
‘Should—shouldn’t you be at bible class?’ she ventured at last, when he drew back far enough to stare into her pale face. His expression gave her an anxious feeling. Did she look as numb as she felt?
‘At bible class?’ he said, shaking his head. ‘My dear, I came as quickly as I could. When the Rikers phoned me, I was—shattered. Finishing the bible lesson was the least of my concerns.’
‘The Rikers phoned you?’ Fliss felt a momentary twinge of the dizziness that had overwhelmed her before. ‘So—so you know what they—what they were ringing me about?’
‘Well, yes.’ Graham cupped her face in his large hands now, and smoothed her cold cheeks with tender fingers. ‘Oh, my dear, I can imagine what a shock this has been for you. The Rikers were frantic when you went off the phone.’
Fliss nodded, but although she was trying hard to behave rationally she couldn’t seem to stop shaking. Hearing that the Rikers had told Graham the same thing they had told her made it more official somehow. Her fears—her doubts that maybe she had been hallucinating—were all swept away by Graham’s assertion. He wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t so. By some miracle, Morgan was alive. In a few days—weeks?—he’d be coming home.
CHAPTER TWO (#u7329a598-970b-5be6-bed1-6507f808119d)
HOME...
Fliss shivered, staring up into Graham’s kind, familiar features with a growing sense of panic. This wasn’t Morgan’s home, she realised numbly. It never had been. The home she’d shared with Morgan had had to be sold when she couldn’t afford to go on paying the mortgage.
Besides, she remembered dully, she hadn’t wanted to go on living in the house she’d shared with her husband when he was alive. There’d been too many ghosts; too many memories. When Aunt Sophie had told her about the teaching job that was going at the village school, she’d practically jumped at the chance to get away from London. Whittersley was her home now. She had eventually succeeded in putting the past to rest.
Because of Graham...
She blinked. ‘I don’t understand,’ she said now, unable to deal with such disturbing details at the moment. ‘Why would the Rikers contact you? Why not Aunt Sophie? Or the police?’
Graham sighed, drawing her close again before urging her towards the sofa and ensuring that she sat down before he went on. ‘I imagine because you’d told them about us,’ he declared reasonably, lowering his bulk beside her. ‘And your aunt’s away, remember? Which is just as well. They wouldn’t have wanted to disturb her with such upsetting news at her age.’
Upsetting!
Fliss looked down at her hands enclosed within one of Graham’s hands in her lap and felt a different kind of guilt. She should have told the Rikers about her and Graham getting engaged when she’d had the chance, she acknowledged tensely. But she’d never dreamed that something like this might happen, hadn’t imagined there might be a time limit on telling them she’d fallen in love with someone else.
It would have been so much easier now if they had been forewarned of her intentions. Easier for Graham, too, she conceded, guessing he might suspect she had put off telling her in-laws about him because she still had doubts. She didn’t honestly know why she had avoided telling them about her engagement. She’d known it would never be easy. The Rikers could never replace their son, whereas she—she could marry again.
And Graham could never take Morgan’s place in her affections, she appended swiftly. He wouldn’t want to. That kind of love happened only once in a lifetime, and perhaps that was why she’d kept her news to herself. How could she explain what Graham meant to her? It was something she’d known they’d never understand.
She took a deep breath, once again avoiding a difficult situation. ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said. ‘They were so certain it was Morgan’s remains they’d found. Or at least—’ she shuddered ‘—they believed it was the car Morgan was travelling in. Why did they tell us he was dead if there was any doubt?’
‘It was virtually a war zone, Fliss,’ Graham reminded her. ‘I don’t suppose it was possible to make any absolute identification at that time. There were human remains among the ashes, and didn’t you tell me they’d found your husband’s watch?’
‘What was left of it,’ murmured Fliss, feeling sick. ‘But they should have told us he might still be alive if they weren’t sure.’
‘But they didn’t,’ said Graham gently. ‘And be thankful that the news is good. Would you rather they were writing to tell you that they’d made a mistake and he was dead? How would that make you feel?’
Fliss blew out a breath. She honestly didn’t know how she felt. For so long she’d considered herself a widow. She’d just come to terms with that, and now she was expected to accept that it had all been a terrible mistake. And what had James meant, she wondered, when he’d said Morgan had been living with the rebels for the past four years? Surely there must have been some way he could have contacted her; let her know he was alive and not dead.
‘I suppose you’re right,’ she said now, wishing she didn’t feel so confused. She glanced about her somewhat dazedly. ‘What time is it? Have I been unconscious long?’
‘Not long,’ said Graham reassuringly, lifting his hand to touch a tender spot on the side of her head. ‘I think you must have knocked yourself out on the comer of the sofa. That was why I had such a hard time bringing you round.’
Fliss caught her breath. ‘I suppose I ought to ring Morgan’s mother and father; let them know I’m all right.’
‘No, I will,’ said Graham firmly, squeezing her hands for a moment before releasing her. ‘They felt they had to call me because your phone was off the hook.’
‘I see.’
Fliss moved her head in a cautious nod, and Graham got to his feet. ‘I must say,’ he added, ‘I’m surprised they sprang the news on you so recklessly. Had you had no warning? Haven’t the authorities been in touch with you?’
‘Well...’ Fliss turned her head towards the small pile of envelopes she could just see residing on the end of the kitchen counter. ‘There might be a letter,’ she confessed, ‘but I haven’t looked at the mail. All I usually get are bills, and I’m afraid I thought they could wait.’
‘Never mind.’ Graham bent to give her a swift hug before moving away. ‘So long as you’re all right, that’s all I care about. Now—I’m going to make you a cup of tea and then I’ll make that call.’
Fliss forced herself to relax against the cushions, giving herself up to the comforting protection Graham always offered. What would she do without him? She’d come to depend on him so much. He was so big and gentle—and capable. Yes, that was it; she’d always felt so safe in his arms.
But no longer.
With a start, the remembrance of what the Rikers’ phone call was going to mean caused her to stiffen. Oh, God, she thought, here they were discussing how she’d heard the news without really considering the consequences of it. Morgan was alive. Until that moment, she hadn’t really absorbed the concept of what that really meant in terms of the future. Her husband wasn’t dead. However unbelievable that sounded, it was true.
She remembered suddenly how angry she’d been when Morgan had first told her he was going to Nyanda.
‘You can’t,’ she’d declared hotly, when he’d told her about the call he’d had from Paul Giles. ‘For God’s sake, Morgan, there’s a war going on in Nyanda, and it’s not as if you work for the company any more.’
‘But I did,’ he’d reminded her mildly. ‘And I’m only going out there to dismantle a few old missiles. I shan’t be involved in the fighting. According to Paul, the rebels have all been confined to the northern half of the country.’
‘And what if they haven’t?’ Fliss had protested. ‘What if they attack Kantanga? What if there’s a coup?’
Morgan’s mouth had tilted in a lazy grin. ‘What a lot of “what ifs”, my darling,’ he’d teased her lightly. And then he’d said, gathering her closer, ‘Just think of the homecoming we’ll have when I get back.’
But he hadn’t come back. Not then...
‘What is it?’
Graham had come back and was looking at her with anxious eyes. Had he considered what this would do to their relationship? she wondered. He’d given her his love and so much more. She’d known a feeling of security with him she’d never known with Morgan. Whatever happened, she didn’t want to let him down.
‘I—just can’t believe this has really happened,’ she said, not altogether untruthfully. But how could she tell him of the fears she had now? She looked up at him wistfully, remembering how happy she had been when he’d put his ring on her finger. ‘I feel as if it’s some weird dream; that any minute I’m going to wake up.’
‘But you know it’s not a dream,’ said Graham gently, taking the hand she held out to him. ‘My darling, this is going to take some getting used to for—for all of us.’ He bent and kissed her knuckles. ‘Morgan’s your husband. However much I love you, I mustn’t forget that. I have to accept that he has the—prior claim to your affections now.’
‘No!’ Fliss gazed up at him with troubled eyes. Whatever happened, she thought, she didn’t want to lose Graham’s love. ‘I love you,’ she said fiercely. ‘I can barely remember Morgan.’ She caught her lower lip between her teeth. ‘You have to believe me. I couldn’t bear it if you deserted me now.’
‘Fliss—’
‘It’s true.’ She was adamant, getting up from the sofa to gaze searchingly into his face. ‘We’d only been married for a few months when Morgan—when he was reported missing. We hadn’t known one another as long as I’ve known you.’
Graham heaved a sigh. ‘Oh, Fliss.’ He ran a finger round the inside of his dog collar as if it suddenly felt too tight. ‘That’s not the point, my dear. You know how much I want us to be together. But we can’t ignore the facts, no matter how great the temptation may be.’
Fliss stared at him, pulling the braid in which she always wore her hair for school over one shoulder and combing her fingers through its tuft. ‘Oh, Graham,’ she said in an anguished voice, ‘what am I going to do?’
‘You’re going to have that cup of tea,’ declared Graham practically, marching back into the kitchen. ‘And then I’ll speak to your in-laws.’ he called over his shoulder. ‘It’s time we told them that you’re all right.’
Fliss could hear the kettle boiling now, and presently she heard the rattle of the teapot lid as Graham poured the water into the pot. His large hands moved so clumsily among the china cups and saucers, and she walked to the doorway to watch him setting two of each on the tray.
Fliss’s eyes filled with affection. Although he hadn’t spent a lot of time at the cottage, he was quite familiar with domestic tasks. He had a housekeeper at the vicarage, but Mrs Arnold was quite elderly, and he was not averse to helping out on occasions.
But there was no denying that he dwarfed his surroundings. Everything about Graham was large, from his size ten shoes to his six feet something in height. He was too heavy, of course, and Fliss had declared that after they were married he would have to go on a diet. But until then Mrs Arnold’s fare of suet pastry and steamed puddings would continue to do his health no good.
‘There.’
He picked up the tray and followed her into the living room again, but before he could pour the tea someone knocked at the door. Fliss tensed, but it was only Mrs Arnold, who’d come to find the vicar. Old Mr Crabtree was very poorly, she said, and his son had called to ask if Reverend Bland could come at once.
‘Damn!’ Graham seldom swore, but he was obviously frustrated at that moment. ‘Will you be all right, Fliss?’ he asked anxiously, after sending Mrs Arnold on her way. ‘I’ll try to get back later, but I’m afraid it may be too late to make that call.’
‘I’ll do it,’ Fliss assured him firmly, accompanying him to the door and helping him on with his coat. ‘It’s probably better if I make it anyway. I don’t want them thinking I’m in a state of collapse.’
‘Even if you are,’ remarked Graham drily, buttoning his overcoat. ‘Now, are you sure you’ll be all right on your own? I can always ask Mrs Arnold to come back and keep you company.’
’I’m fine,’ she insisted, ushering him out of the door and then closing it again with rather more urgency than tact. But the last thing she needed was Mrs Arnold gossiping about what had happened. And, despite what she’d said, she doubted she’d ever feel all right again.
The Rikers arrived the next morning.
Fliss was drinking her umpteenth cup of coffee when she heard the car outside, and she wondered if it was the caffeine that was responsible for the rawness of her nerves. She should be thinking about Morgan, dammit, stuck in some hospital in Kantanga, without anyone he cared about around him. Instead of which, she was feeling sorry for herself. What kind of a wife had she turned out to be?
Graham had rung at half-past seven that morning. He’d apologised for not getting back to her the night before and hoped she’d managed to get some sleep. Fliss assured him she had, though in actual fact she hadn’t. She’d gone to bed, but she’d stared at the ceiling for most of the night.
And it had turned out that he was ringing not just to enquire about her health but also to assure her that he didn’t expect her to attend the church’s coffee morning. It went without saying, he said, that on this occasion they would have to do without her famous scones. It was only as he spoke that Fliss realised how remote from ordinary events the whole situation was. Until then, that element of unreality had prevailed.
The trouble was, deep down, she still harboured some bitterness towards her husband. She didn’t resent the fact that be was alive, of course—although even now she still found that hard to accept. What she was bitter about was the fact that Morgan had chosen to put his life in such danger. When she’d believed he was dead, she’d been forced to forgive him. Discovering he was alive reminded her of how reckless he had been.
It wasn’t as if he’d had to go to Nyanda. He had been a writer, for God’s sake, and he didn’t owe his old firm any favours. He’d left the Giles Corporation eighteen months before when he’d sold the manuscript of his first novel. It was based on his experiences in Bosnia, and his agent had been sure it would be an immediate success.
He’d joined the army after leaving university, but when he’d met Fliss he’d wanted to stay in one place. As an electronics expert, his job with one of the largest missile specialists in the country had seemed ideal for the purpose, until he’d seen the after-effects of a missile attack on a Bosnian village and had second thoughts.
The idea to try and put his experiences down on paper had been his salvation, and only the fact that the job in Nyanda entailed decommissioning missiles that General Ungave’s men had captured from the rebels had persuaded him to accept Paul Giles’s request. The money was good, he’d told Fliss, and the experience wouldn’t be wasted. At least there would be fewer missiles for the rebels to use.
So he’d gone, and look what had happened. Despite all his promises, he’d disappeared and they’d been told he was dead. And now be was back—well, almost—and she was supposed to welcome him with open arms. Where had he been? What had he been doing? Why hadn’t he let them know he was still alive?
But thoughts like these were far too upsetting, and she had to maintain an optimistic front for the Rikers’ sake. Besides, she was glad he was alive; she was just confused, that was all, she told herself. It was bound to take some time to sink in.
‘Oh, Fliss!’
As expected, Celia burst into tears as soon as her daughter-in-law opened the door. Fliss barely had time to invite them in before Morgan’s mother had gathered her into her arms, and she found her own face was wet when she let her go.
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ she said, glad to escape her father-in-law’s searching gaze. Last night she’d found it hard to offer anything positive, and it was obvious that Morgan’s parents expected her to share their joy.
Celia followed her into the kitchen, and stood pressing her hands down onto the cool surface of the counter. A small woman, with greying blonde hair and blue eyes, she was obviously in a state of barely suppressed agitation, and Fliss hoped she wasn’t going to let them down.
‘It’s such wonderful news!’ Celia exclaimed, not for the first time, and Fliss managed a matching smile. ‘To think, just a couple of days ago James and I were discussing the fact that it was almost four years since—since Morgan disappeared.’ She caught her breath. ‘Oh, Felicity, I can’t believe he’s coming home!’
‘When—when is he coming home?’
Fliss knew her words lacked the same enthusiasm, but Morgan’s mother didn’t seem to notice. ‘Welt—according to the letter—you did read the letter, didn’t you? You said last night you’d found it among your other mail.’ Fliss nodded, and she continued, ‘They say he’s suffering from some kind of stomach infection. Is that a polite way of saying he’s had dysentery, do you think?’
‘I—I don’t know—’
Fliss hadn’t thought of that, and she was grateful when Morgan’s father intervened. ‘It could be something minor,’ he said, ‘or it could be some tropical infection. Let’s not go jumping to conclusions before. we know.’
‘Anyway,’ went on Celia, ‘James spoke to the Foreign Office again this morning. He wanted to find out if we could fly out to Nyanda ourselves.’ She grimaced. ‘But with all the inoculations we’d need, and the fact that there are still patches of resistance in the country, we’ve been advised to wait until he can come home.’
Until he came home...
Fliss’s hand shook as she made the tea, but no one seemed to think there was anything unusual in that. They’d all had a shock. Dear God, that hardly covered the way she felt. She was shaking in her shoes at what it meant.
‘Thank goodness that dreadful General Ungave has been overthrown,’ Morgan’s mother remarked now, and Fliss had to bite her tongue at the memory of her in-laws practically rebuking her for not wanting Morgan to go. Morgan’s father had been in the military too, before he’d retired to Sussex, and it was because of him that Morgan had joined the army himself. ‘I believe the new president, General Mdola, went to school in England. He’s quite an educated man, I believe.’
Fliss nodded, concentrating on pouring milk into the jug to add to the tray, and Morgan’s father took up the strain. ‘I wonder if the fact that we’re just a few months from the millennium is significant?’ he said. ‘I know they’re calling it the Millennium Coup, but the rebels had been fighting for quite a long time.’
Fliss looked up. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Well...’ James Riker looked thoughtful. ‘It’s possible they’ve had some help from the West. The oil reserves in Nyanda are quite considerable, you know. And Ungave was beginning to get a little greedy, I think.’
Fliss stared at him. ‘You mean—this could have happened sooner? The West could have helped the rebels all along?’
‘Well, perhaps.’ He looked a little uncomfortable now. ‘But so long as Ungave didn’t—didn‘t—’
