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Her underarms ached with the pressure of her weight, and she questioned how long it would take to get used to it. Silence hung thick again while her mind slid back to his reference to Kaylee. His reticence to talk about his daughter confused her. A caring man had to be a loving father. That seemed logical. She always talked about Joey. She paused, realizing she’d said more to Devon about her life than she did with other strangers.
She wasn’t ready to give up yet. “How long will Kaylee be with you?”
His step slowed, almost a pause in movement. She wished she would learn to keep her mouth shut. She could only guess the situation with Kaylee—perhaps her mother—bothered him.
Devon finally looked her way. “Not long enough.” His tender tone answered her question.
“I understand. My envy that my family are with Joey while I can’t be is ridiculous. But that’s what I feel. You must feel the same.” She feared she’d overstepped the line of privacy. She needed to back off.
“Your room is close. Ready to go back?”
Her heart sank. Now she’d scared him away. “Yes, and thanks for walking with me. I trusted you would catch me if I stumbled.”
He didn’t respond. When they reached her doorway, she expected him to say goodbye.
But he didn’t. Instead, he followed her into the room and waited as she eased onto the hospital bed. When she’d gotten settled, he set her crutches against the wall beside her and motioned to the chair. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all.” The man confused her.
He sank onto the chair and sat a moment, staring at the floor, before he looked at her. “I don’t like to talk about myself. Firefighters are supposed to be strong. We save people, so it’s not easy to admit—”
“You’re not alone, Devon. I don’t want to admit where I fail.”
“Then you understand, but the difference is you did when you talked about your envy.”
“I know, and it surprised me.” She worked to get her thoughts in order. No more comments that would upset him. “I don’t talk about personal things unless it’s with someone I’m close to. Neely, for example.” But she’d talked with him. Air drained from her lungs. She gathered her wits. “But you can’t shut me up when it comes to Joey.”
“Sometimes it hurts.”
Ashley longed to know why. Her eyes searched his. “Take a chance. Tell me about Kaylee.”
A grin stole to his face. “She’s the sweetest little girl in the world. Her mother has had problems that I couldn’t help with. I suppose that bothers me more than I admit. Gina—Kaylee’s mother—needed someone available twenty-four hours a day. My job doesn’t allow that. She had my thoughts and prayers but not my physical presence. I couldn’t—”
“Couldn’t, not because you didn’t want to. You couldn’t be there because you had a community that needed you available and alert. You were in a can’t-win situation.”
He released a sigh and leaned back against the cushion. “You really do understand.”
Adam had been in the same spot. He’d wanted to be with her and Joey, but he’d had a job to do. He’d needed focus and devotion to the military. She understood. Liking it was another thing. She managed a pleasant look and a nod.
“I don’t want to talk about Gina, and when I think of Kaylee, her mother comes to mind. I’m still confused.” He looked away. “So I don’t say much about her, but Kaylee’s another story. Maybe you could meet her one day.” His face brightened for the first time.
“I’d love to meet her. Our neighborhood doesn’t have many children living nearby, so maybe she and Joey could—”
“I thought about that.”
She studied his face. “Joey’s younger and she might—”
“Joey’s bright and verbal. Age doesn’t mean a thing in his case. And anyway, she’ll love to have someone to play with—” he chuckled ‟—although a girl would be her preference.” He looked heavenward. “Her preference now. When she’s older, she’ll probably like boys more than I want her to.”
Ashley couldn’t help but laugh.
Devon stood and smiled. “On that pleasant note, I’d better get to the school or I’ll be late.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out his car keys. “If I can be of any help, Ashley, let me know. I’m right down the street. I know your first couple of days will be a learning curve for you, but you’re a strong woman. I saw that the day I met you. You can do it.” He took a step toward her, then faltered and stepped away. “Tomorrow will be here before you know it.”
He gave a wave and strode through the door. In the hallway, he paused and waved again.
Before she could respond, he was gone.
An empty feeling swept over her. Concern followed. Devon caused a rush of emotion she hadn’t felt in a long time. When Erik appeared in her life, he’d become a novelty, a test run, of being with a man who wasn’t Adam. Once again her determination had taken over, and she had wanted to prove to herself and others that she could date and find the man of her dreams. But that dream ended in a nightmare.
Then she faced reality. She needed to think clearly. Why get involved with someone who could never be that special person. Friendship sounded great, but could she monitor the desire to feel complete and whole again. Would she rush a relationship into something else like romance and thoughts of marriage?
Concern rattled her spine. She’d already compared Devon to Adam’s wonderful qualities. Comparisons triggered danger, not because of the attributes they shared, but after losing Adam, she wanted a man with a safe job, a business career, anything behind a desk—nine-to-five hours, occasional overtime maybe—but a man who came home from work at night. Not one who lived with danger every moment.
She wanted friendships, someone she could bond with and care about, but without getting romantically involved. Devon’s full life didn’t leave room for romance, either. Kaylee, his broken marriage, a demanding career. Maybe that could provide a buffer between them.
Her concern lightened. Having someone close who liked Joey and her would be nice. Their kids could play together. Giving it a chance made sense.
But could they remain just friends? The answer shivered down her back. If she perceived the friendship deepening to more than a platonic relationship, she knew what she had to do.
She’d say goodbye.
Chapter Four
Devon gazed out the window toward Ashley’s house for the third time that morning. He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. He turned away, amazed at his preoccupation with her arrival home from the hospital. He’d done everything he could. He’d purchased the milk, overseen the window repair and called Neely to let her know the cost of the tree removal. Jon had dropped off the money so he could pay the guy. The house was ready.
“Kaylee?” He listened but heard no response. “Are you hungry? Ready for lunch?” His gaze drifted back to the window when he heard a car passing on the street. A red truck. He shook his head. “Kaylee?”
His concern changed from the window to his daughter. He headed down the hall to the staircase and called again. This time he heard a clump. In a moment, Kaylee appeared at the head of the stairs.
“What?”
“That’s my question. What are you doing?”
She shrugged.
The shrug was accompanied by a guilty look, and instead of asking, he climbed the stairs and took a few steps from the landing. “Are you hungry?”
She nodded and slipped past him, her foot on the first stair.
Devon reached out and put his arm around her shoulder. “Hold on.”
She stood in place without looking at him.
His mind flew from one possibility to the other. “What were you doing?”
“Nothing.”
Nothing didn’t cause her reaction. “Show me?” His worst thought was playing with matches. She’d never done that, and he only had a couple boxes in the house for lighting candles.
She dragged along beside him, and when he stepped into the room, he stopped inside the door. His fear washed away, replaced by sadness. A photo album lay open on the floor, an album he knew held memories of happier days. Gina’s pregnancy and early pictures of Kaylee. “You’re looking at old pictures.”
He knew she’d gotten them from a bookshelf in his bedroom, and he ventured her guilt was being in his room without asking. Reprimanding her wasn’t his priority. His greatest concern was the awareness that their separated lives today bothered her as much as it did him. She wasn’t even five, and he hadn’t considered how much the divorce may have affected her.
Devon picked up the album and set it on her bed, then lifted her and placed her beside it. He joined her and opened the cover. “Did you enjoy the pictures?”
She nodded and looked at him for the first time, almost as if she was surprised he hadn’t been upset with her. When she looked back at the album, she turned a couple of pages and pointed. “Was that me?”
Her finger rested on the photo of Gina with her belly protruding beneath a light green blouse.
He chuckled. “It sure was. You arrived about a month later, and let us know you were happy to be in the world.”
“I did?” Her gaze shot to his. “Did I talk?”
“Nope. You let out a howl. A happy howl.”
Kaylee giggled and turned a few more pages. “And this was me when I was a baby.”
Devon lowered his gaze to the row of photographs, close-ups of Kaylee encircled in a pink blanket, Kaylee in his arms and one in her mother’s arms. Those days wrapped around him with good memories that had faded into despair as time passed.
Weighted with the recollections, he enfolded Kaylee in his arms and lifted her into his lap. “We can take the pictures downstairs, okay?”
A faint smile curved her lips. “I shouldn’t go into your bedroom unless I ask.” She tilted her head.
He fought back a grin. “Right.” He rose with her in his arms and hoisted her into a safe one-armed position before grabbing the album. “And now, how about lunch?”
“Pizza.”
This time he chuckled without restraint. “Not pizza, but something as good. Grilled cheese.”
“Yummy.” She ran her tongue over her lips, and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too, precious.” And she was. He held her close as he traversed the stairs and headed into the kitchen. He lowered her to the floor, and when he did, she hurried to the refrigerator and opened the door. “Can I have milk?”
“Sure can.” He set the album on a chair and pulled a glass from the cabinet, filled it with her drink and proceeded to make the sandwiches. He liked them, too.
As they ate, he glanced at the wall clock, his thoughts drifting again to the white house with the new picture window. He’d been upstairs for a while looking at the photographs, and now he wondered.
When he rose to set his dish into the sink, his curiosity got the better of him, and he strolled into the living room and checked across the street. A car sat in the driveway, and his pulse skipped. He turned away, irritated at his irrational emotions, and returned to the kitchen.
Kaylee had ripped off some of the crust and was eating the last of her sandwich. When she finished, she pushed her saucer away before taking a long drink of milk. Before she set down the glass, she grinned at him. “Milk’s good with cookies.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle, happy for the distraction. “One.”
A half frown knitted her brow. “Okay.”
He reached into the bread box where he’d slipped a package of chocolate chip cookies and handed her one. “When you’re done, we can go outside. What do you say?”
She nodded and proceeded to dunk her cookie into the glass. She nearly lost it in the liquid, but she snatched it out and bit. “Good.”
He waited while she entertained herself with the cookie-dunking, and when she finished, he rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, knowing he probably wouldn’t see Ashley anyway.
Outside, the afternoon sun warmed his back as he sat on the porch watching Kaylee search for ladybugs in the flowers. She’d found one once and she seemed to think she’d find more. She never did. Though he kept one eye on her, his glances aimed down the street. Feeling antsy, he rose and refocused. “Let’s get your bike and I’ll walk alongside you.”
Her head jerked up, and the ladybugs took a backseat to the walk idea. They rounded the house and located her bike equipped with training wheels in the garage. She jumped on and pedaled down the driveway, her legs soon too long for its small size. She’d grown up before his eyes.
The same old ache rolled down his back. He didn’t want to miss seeing his daughter grow, and even more, he worried about who was raising her. Gina or her sister, Renee. His last conversation with Gina left him feeling edgy. Something in her voice sounded different. He couldn’t put his finger on his concern, but it slipped into his subconscious and wouldn’t let go. The last thing he wanted to do was grill his daughter, but times rose when he prayed she’d reveal something that would help him understand what bothered him.
Devon hurried to follow Kaylee as she turned on to the sidewalk, and he was glad when she went left, which meant they would be heading toward Ashley’s house. As he hurried to catch up to Kaylee, he heard someone call his name. He looked across the street to see Neely waving to him from the driveway. Behind her, Joey appeared from the side of the house.
When the boy saw him, he grinned and toddled toward the street. Neely captured his hand to keep him from venturing into the road.
Devon’s heart jigged with the boy’s smile. He checked for traffic and then caught Kaylee’s attention and beckoned her to follow. He strode beside her as they crossed, and when he hit the sidewalk, Joey opened his arms to him.
“Hey, buddy.” Devon hoisted the toddler onto his hip. “Is your mama finally home?”
Joey’s smile broadened. “Mama’s home.” He turned and pointed toward the new window.
Devon turned to Neely. “I bet she’s happy to be here. How’s it going?”
“She’s nervous, but we all said we’d help as much as we can.” She gave a shrug. “I tried to get her to stay at Dad’s, but she’s determined to be here, so...”
“Ashley? Determined?” Devon gave a chuckle. “The little time I’ve known her, it doesn’t surprise me.”
Neely’s face brightened. “Me neither. My sister is strong willed.” She gestured toward the door. “Would you like to stop in and say hi? I’m sure she’d like to see you.”
He turned toward Kaylee. “What do you say?” A scowl had grown on her face, and he realized her attention was pinned on Joey. “This is Joey, Kaylee. His mama just got home from the hospital. She—”
“Why are you holding him?” Her scowl deepened.
Her reaction surprised him. Devon gave Joey a little squeeze and lowered him to the ground. “There you go, big boy.”
Joey tilted his head upward. “I’m a big boy.” He wandered closer to Kaylee and studied her bicycle. “Ride?”
Kaylee gave him a look. “No. This is my bike.”
Devon’s chest constricted. “Kaylee, don’t be mean. He has his own tricycle.” He’d never expected her to act rudely to Joey or anyone.
She grasped his pant leg and gave a pull. “Daddy, let’s go. You’re supposed to walk with me.”
Embarrassed, he gave a shrug. “I’d better pass on your invitation. Tell Ashley hi from me. I’ll catch her later.”
Neely nodded as if she understood. He tousled Joey’s hair, gave a wave and guided Kaylee back to the sidewalk, disappointed with her behavior as well as his hopes that she and Joey might become playmates. He didn’t know what triggered her attitude, but he had to say something to Kaylee and get to the bottom of her reaction.
* * *
Ashley watched out the window as Devon walked away. She’d hoped Neely would invite him in, but apparently she hadn’t thought to. Devon wouldn’t ask, not with his little daughter with him. She released a sigh and sank back into the recliner. The little girl had dark hair like her daddy, but other than that, she couldn’t see her well enough through the window to catch a resemblance. Mainly she noticed her scowl. Not a good sign.
Devon had offered to help out with Joey, and she’d hoped the kids might be friends, but the frown doused her hope. But she decided not to jump to conclusions. The look may have been caused by anything. Kids didn’t like not getting their way.
