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Her own lack of a family tinged her mind. “You’re right, Ash. God gave you a wonderful gift.” She motioned to Joey, absorbed with his cars and the block structure he’d devised. “And he’s so bright. His hand-eye coordination is amazing.”
Ashley smiled. “He takes after Adam.”
Neely’s purpose for stopping by became trivial in the midst of their conversation. She longed to say so many things that were brilliant and helpful, but she was lost. At this point in her life, she had no husband, no children, no way to deeply relate to her sister’s sorrow.
Ashley’s grieved expression smoothed away. “Let’s talk about you. I haven’t heard from you for a few days.”
The reference to her absence made her feel enveloped in failure. She’d come home to spend time with her father and sister, but for the past few days her mind had been on running into Jonny and jolted by his reference to Erik. “I’ve been trying to get Dad settled. He needs to accept his condition and take better care of himself.” Her excuse sounded feeble. A phone call took minutes.
“If anyone can do it, you can.” Ashley nudged her. “Determination.”
Neely grinned but didn’t bother to respond since she had no rebuttal. Ashley’s point was too true. “Another thing I’ve done is started to exercise, and I’ve joined a gym.” She gave her rounded hip a couple of pats. “I need to get back in shape.” She gazed at her slender sister, aware that grief had taken off her pounds. “You remember my friend Lorraine Turner. Her brother Jonny told me about a new place called Tone and Trim Fitness Center. Remember him? He was such a pest?”
Ashley’s chuckle lifted her spirit. “Not anymore, I bet. That was thirteen or fourteen years ago. Boys grow into men.”
Jonny’s image bolted into her mind, and warmth rolled up her neck. “Right. He’s not a boy anymore. You should see him. If he weren’t so young, and if I could forget the past, I’d be batting my eyes at him.” A wince of reality shivered down her back. She probably had battered her eyes at him without wanting to.
“How much younger is he?”
“Four years.” She shrugged, ignoring her escalating pulse. “He was such a—”
“Four years. That’s nothing. The older you get age issues fade away. The guy’s twenty-eight. If that’s not a man, I don’t know what is.”
His tapered frame, broad shoulders trimming to a tight waist and long legs filled her mind. And those eyes.
Ashley shook her head as if Neely were an idiot. “I’m sure he’s changed...besides looks, I mean?”
“Obviously. He’s older. He makes me laugh. He’s thoughtful. He showed concern about Dad and you, Ash. Very sincere. It touched me.” The conversation hedged on danger. Ashley’s expression already hinted at a comment brewing in her mind. “One thing for sure, I was impressed he doesn’t hate me.” She managed a grin. “You know he could with the way I treated him.”
“So what’s the downside of this guy?”
The question hung on the air. Downside? Her memory replayed their recent conversation, and she came up empty.
Ashley released a puff of air. “No downside?”
“I’m sure he has some.” Age, but Ashley already pooh-poohed that one. “I just can’t come up with any right now.” The reality of her answer threw her. “He’d be a catch for anyone.” Anyone but her. She couldn’t get past their previous relationship. But she couldn’t say it. Ashley had already negated that.
A fresh idea popped into her head. If Ashley were ready for a relationship, she would be blessed with Jonny as a husband. “Are you getting out at all, Ash?”
Her sister gave her a blank look.
“You need to socialize. How about a different job?” She loved the turn of the conversation. It got her sister off her back. “Maybe I should take care of Joey, and let you have a chance to meet some—”
“Stop.” Ashley’s hand flexed upward. “I’m working. I’m typing letters, addressing envelopes and creating some promotional materials for a few small businesses, and I can do that at home. Joey needs a parent, and I’m it.” She arched a brow. “And I suspect you have more on you mind than my socializing with women. Men? I don’t know, Neely. I’m waiting for that special someone.” Her gaze drifted out the window and the same gloom filled her face. “Adam and I had an amazing relationship. I won’t settle for anything less.”
“You’ll never know until you give someone a chance, Ash. You’re pushing me to find a relationship, and yet you’re—”
“It’ll happen.” Ashley’s gaze penetrated hers. “But it has to be natural. It’s something that can’t be planned.” She shook her head, the hint of a grin on her lips. “No blind dates.”
With her matchmaking efforts thwarted, Neely dropped the subject. “Speaking of men. I didn’t tell you everything.”
“Everything about Jonny?
“No, Erik.”
Ashley drew back. “Erik. You mean ‘the’ Erik. I thought that ended long ago.”
“It did, and that’s how I want it.”
Ashley’s expression fell askew. “Is there a problem? Why is he an issue now?”
“Jonny told me he would be at Rainie’s engagement party. I didn’t realize Erik was still in town.” Her skin prickled with memories. “I want to steer clear of him. How can I do that now?”
Ashley’s brow arched. “Say hi and walk away. It’s no big deal, Neely. Find a date. Do you know anyone who would—”
“Jonny told me he’d be happy to drive me there.” She brightened as a new idea struck her. “Maybe he can pretend that I’m his date.” The possibility dampened, and she faltered. “But I’m not sure that would make a difference with Erik. He knows how to add pressure.”
Memories spewed in her mind. His persistence to prove her love had been unending until she’d given in, and he didn’t stop there. When he managed to get her somewhere alone, he’d laugh if she said no. “What difference does it make now,” he’d ask, and he’d knock down every reason she named. Giving in had been a horrible mistake. After that experience she felt as if the men she’d dated had the same motive in mind, and that’s why she’d decided sticking to God’s will was her answer.
Instead of smiling, Ashley sat in silence, a frown growing on her face. “Did I hear you right? You want to use Jonny?”
“It’s not exactly using him.” Her pulse kicked. “He offered to pick me up and—”
“He offered a ride.” Ash shook her head. “You treated him awfully when he was a kid, and now you plan to use him for your purpose again. You’re using him as a battering ram.”
She winced at her sister’s comment. Though Ashley didn’t know about her intimacy with Erik, she’d expected her to understand why she wanted to hide behind Jonny’s presence.
“How does Jonny feel about this?” Ashley’s thoughtful look unsettled her.
Neely swallowed, already knowing what her sister would say. “I didn’t explain it to him yet.”
“You think he’ll want to be your pawn. You think he’s not good enough for a real date.” Ashley drew in a lengthy breath while Neely waited for her to continue. “I see.”
She didn’t, and she never would understand until Neely told her the truth about letting Erik take advantage of her, and her pride wouldn’t do that.
“He’s four years younger than me. He poured sand in my hair when he was a kid. I’m not going to date him for real. And I’m not playing a game with him.” Neely held her breath.
“You don’t think so?” A grim look slipped over her face. “It’s more than that, Neely. It’s something I’ve noticed and—”
“More than what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ashley’s expression made her uneasy.
“You remind me of Mother.”
Neely’s head jerked back. “Mother? Never.” Ice ran through her veins. “Why would you say that?”
“Do you recall problems you had with Mom?” She gave her head a sharp shake. “That we had?”
“She was self-focused.” But that wasn’t all, and Ashley knew it.
“And critical. No matter how hard Daddy tried to please her, he didn’t do it the right way. He didn’t say the right thing. He didn’t wear the right tie. He didn’t drive slow enough or fast enough.”
The words bit through Neely’s defense, but she toughened her guard. “I’m not critical like Mom. Not at all.”
“It’s not identical, but you find fault with people when you become vulnerable.”
She opened her mouth to rebut, but Ashley flexed her palm.
“Don’t stop me, sis. I’m saying this because I love you.”
Neely had heard it before. She could hear her mother’s nitpicking voice ring in her ears. “What are you talking about? How am I vulnerable?”
“When Erik got too close, you backed away, looking for greener grass as they say. You thought maybe the future held something better.”
“And it did.” Her voice split the air, and Joey let out a whimper. She winced at her lack of control.
“Maybe so, but you walked in here and told me how Jonny was kind and good-looking and someone you could be interested in, but then you attacked his age.” Ashley looked heavenward and shook her head. “His age? Is that not stupid? I wouldn’t have cared if Adam had been six years younger than me. I noticed him first for his looks, but I fell in love with him for his wonderful qualities. You need to value people for what’s important.”
Neely cringed. She’d made a mistake talking with Ashley about anything related to men. She’d lost her husband, and that had skewed her attitude.
Ashley rose and lifted Joey in her arms, giving him a hug. He eyed her a moment, and then squirmed down toward the floor. She settled him back amid the cars and blocks, and then dug into his toy box for a couple new distractions.
Looking at two people she loved, Neely felt an ache in her chest. Why had Ashley thrown their mother in her face? Her sister knew her motivation for leaving town was her mother’s constant criticism, and she’d just grown more determined to get away. And while duty had motivated her homecoming, once she’d arrived, love and hope overpowered her need to make retribution for her absence.
“I know you’re being like a big sister, Ash, but you’re confusing me. Why do you say I didn’t find something better? I had a good job—”
“Wait a minute. You walked away from your life in Indianapolis. If it was so great, why would you leave your apartment, your friends, and more job opportunities than you’ll find here in Michigan. Positions aren’t easy to come by.” Instead of returning to the sofa, she sank into an easy chair. “Now you’re worried about Erik, and that doesn’t make sense. Brush him off. If you’re not interested in Jonny, don’t lead him on for your own purpose. Jonny sounds like a nice guy, and maybe someone who could make you happy, but you won’t give him a chance. Or any guy for that matter, it seems. When I fell in love with Adam, I married him for better or worse, sis. I didn’t expect worse, but it happened. Still, I wouldn’t give up one moment of our time together and the love we shared.” Her gaze drifted to Joey.
Ashley’s words jolted her. “Maybe I wasn’t in love with Erik, but I thought I was. I certainly never loved Jonny although I will admit as much as I bad-mouthed him, I found his attentiveness cute. I don’t want to hurt Jonny now. I planned to be honest with him. No games.”
“There’s no harm, I suppose, if you’re honest and he agrees.” She closed her eyes with the look of exasperation. “But you’ve told me he’s a great guy. Don’t slough him off. See where your friendship goes.” She rested her hands on her knees, and leaned forward. “Real love is wonderful, Neely. I want love to find me again. No one will ever replace Adam, but I miss feeling complete. Part of me feels empty as if something is missing. I want to feel whole again, but it will take someone special.”
Drawing her shoulders back, Ashley straightened. “I want you to know that kind of love. When you described Jonny, I sensed that he could be a special person, and for once in your life, you couldn’t find one thing wrong with him.” She gave Neely a pointed look. “Except he’s a couple years younger.”
“Four.”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Four years. Open your eyes to opportunities, Neely. Mom criticized her way through life never really seeing the man who loved her so much.”
“Dad.” The word caught in her throat.
“He forgave her...always, and he tolerated her constant badgering not because he wasn’t strong, but because he loved her. Love is a power beyond understanding. When you find it, it will glue itself to your thoughts and your heart.”
“Maybe, Ash, but I don’t know if I will ever feel that kind of love.”
Her sister grinned. “One of these days, I’ll be able to say ‘I told you so.’” She rose and settled beside Neely. “My advice, sis, is keep your eyes and heart open, and love will find you, and then knock your socks off.”
Ashley grinned and opened her arms while Neely molded into her embrace. If anyone knew about love, it was Ashley.
Chapter Four
Neely looked out her bedroom window, anticipating Jonny’s arrival to take her to Rainie and Ty’s engagement party. She wished she would have talked with him first about pretending she was his date. She’d never had a chance, and when she saw him at the gym, others were around and it didn’t seem the right place.
The more she planned to ask him, the more her sister’s comments stopped her. Using him as a battering ram—her sister’s words—made her flinch, and though she thought Ashley’s analogy was a poor one, she still got the idea. She wanted to use him as a buffer between her and Erik. The problem might not arise, but if so, she hoped Jonny would understand.
How did she expect anyone to understand without knowing the details? The question nudged her so often, but being honest about the situation meant soiling her reputation and making her vulnerable. She couldn’t handle that.
She checked her dress in the long mirror. The A-line style in deep teal hung in soft folds and camouflaged her less-than-perfect figure, although she’d already lost a few pounds at the gym. She’d come home to be a support to her dad and sister, but she faced her other motive. She wanted to remake herself as well as her body. Though she disagreed with Ashley again on being like her mother, she had to admit that she did tend to run from problems. Her issues with Erik and her mother had been prime examples, but now she’d returned and had to deal with the same conflict unless Erik had changed. She could only hope.
The doorbell rang, and she looked down from the upper window. Jonny’s car had rolled into the driveway while she’d been preoccupied. Her dad’s voice sounded from the foyer, followed by Jonny’s greeting. She grasped her small handbag and hurried down the steps. Before she reached the bottom, she faltered, her heartbeat skipping as she eyed Jonny in a dark-colored suit with a white shirt and conservative dark tie.
He took her breath away. She hadn’t realized the width of his shoulders until now. As she opened her mouth to compliment him, Jonny cut her off with his own comment.
“You look beautiful, Neely.” He reached for her hand as she left the last step, and squeezed her fingers. “I’ll bring her home safe and sound, Mr. Andrews.”
Her father chuckled, and rested his hand on Jonny’s shoulder. “I know I can trust you, Jon. You’re a good man.”
She grinned at her dad, agreeing that Jonny had grown into a wonderful man. The more the truth hit her the worse she felt using him as protection. She hoped it didn’t come to that.
“Daddy, I want you to stay downstairs until I get back. You have everything you need down here, and when I get home, I’ll be with you when you walk upstairs.”
Her father shook his head as if she were a blithering idiot. “What can I do with this girl, Jon? She thinks I’m an invalid.”
“She loves you, Mr. Andrews.”
She grinned at Jonny who’d backed toward the door, grateful he hadn’t agreed that she’d been overreacting. She drew closer and kissed her father’s cheek. “Do as I say, Daddy, and I’ll be home no later than midnight—probably earlier.” She eyed Jonny for validation, but he only grinned.
“Good night, sir.” He turned the knob, and pulled the door open, then held it for her to step outside.
Neely gave a final wave at her dad standing in the doorway as he’d done when she was a teenager. She grinned, thinking about those years when she felt protected and supported. This time it was her turn to protect her father, a kind of reversal of roles she’d never anticipated but one she accepted.
Jonny opened the passenger door of his car, and she slipped inside, admiring his tall frame as he rounded the hood to the driver side. When he settled beside her, a woodsy scent enveloped her, and she drew it in, admiring the man who wore it.
“Your dad looks pretty good.” He started the car, and shifted into Reverse.
“You should have seen him a few weeks ago.” She shook her head with the memory. “I think it was the fear in his eyes that bothered me the most. I’ve never seen Daddy vulnerable, but that’s exactly what he was.”
“Severe illnesses remind us of our finite nature.” He guided the car onto the street and pulled away. “Heart attacks, accidents, diseases can attack us at any time. Even when we’re fit.”
She agreed, sorry that the topic came up. No one wanted to think of life ending so soon. But it did, and that meant each person had to be ready. She closed her eyes, wishing she didn’t feel the weight of her sins.
“Speaking of fit.”
Jonny’s voice drew her back. “You’re looking great, Neely. I’ve noticed the weight you lost although you’ve always looked good.”
She grinned, using his compliment to give a lift to her spirit. “Thanks, but that would be in the eye of the beholder, as they say. I behold pounds.”
“You’re too hard on yourself.”
Maybe she was.
