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The dorm fell completely silent. The girl crossed straight over to the fourth bed and slipped the photo of herself and the impossibly gorgeous boy out of its frame, before slowly ripping it in two. The rest of us winced in unison.
Scarlett, I presumed, then calmly slotted the half of the photo featuring herself back into its frame and propped it up again, before crumpling the other half in her hand and flicking it across the room, where it landed perfectly in the bin with a gentle rustle.
“There, that’s better,” she said with an Irish lilt to die for. She looked around the room and seemed to notice us for the first time. “Hey, guys,” she sang, softly. “So this must be Abigail.” She flashed me a bright smile. “Welcome to the madhouse.”
Lilly was quick to jump in and tell Scarlett all about me, which was great as it let me off the hook from having to go over everything again. Until she got to the part about Jase – when Scarlett’s face dropped. This time Rae didn’t have to warn her; Lilly backed down, but the damage had already been done.
“Can we not talk about boyfriends just now?” Scarlett asked, with a sigh. “In fact, can we not talk about boys in general?”
“Rough summer?” Rae asked, casting a glance over at the bin.
“You could say that.” Scarlett’s eyes seemed to glaze over for a second.
About Scarlett. She’s… There was Tyler again, about to tell me something, before backing away at the last minute. She’s what?
“It’s good to be back,” Scarlett said. “I’ve missed you lot. But why are you hiding up here still? Strickland’s ordered in a truckload of Domino’s, and since I don’t have to worry about Riley any more, I’m going to head down and comfort-eat myself witless.”
Lilly was up like a shot. A fresh wave of anxiety twisted my stomach. The dorm had slowly cocooned itself around me, already starting to feel familiar, safe. Now I had to leave it and not only meet everyone, but also, apparently, eat in front of them. A double whammy. I sat on the bed while the others got up to go, my fingers finding the bracelet. Rae caught my eye and threw me a curious look, before telling the other two that we’d follow them in a sec. Did she get it? I wondered. Did she know what it felt like?
“You don’t need to stay,” I told her, when the door had closed behind them and the silence had settled. “I’m fine. Just a bit…you know.” I shrugged.
“He always goes mad with the order; there’ll be enough pizza down there to last the week.” She perched down on the bed beside me. “Look, Lilly can be a lot to take in at first, I know, but she’s got a heart of gold and she means well.”
“Yeah, it’s OK, really. I know she didn’t mean it. It just kind of…”
“Threw you a bit?”
I nodded. “Yep. Daft, isn’t it?”
“Not really. Meeting us lot for the first time, I’d probably be thrown too. Scar’s a pretty big personality. She’s been here since Year Seven and she’s a prefect, a mentor and a student counsellor. She knows everyone, I mean, really knows them, you know? Especially the boarders. She’s kind of been there through all our various meltdowns and catastrophes. I don’t think there’s any of us she hasn’t picked up and put back together at some point. The secrets that girl keeps! Seriously. She’s amazing.”
“So I’m not the only one who falls apart then?” I asked with a sad smile.
“God no, we’re all at it. Scarlett’s like our very own Jeremy Kyle, but totally nice about it. She’s like a full-on celebrity around the school. The younger girls all look up to her, and the teachers love her because she’s some kind of genius. She single-handedly ups the school’s results average by roughly three million per cent I think. Plus the boys are all bewitched, obviously. You’ll really like her – everyone does.”
I smiled. “Everyone’s been so nice. It’s not normally like this. Not for me.”
She looked surprised. “Because of the military thing?”
“Kind of. Military, migratory, it all sort of…I don’t know…messes things up in its own special way.”
“Want to talk about it? Or does that just make it worse?”
I smiled. People didn’t usually ask me about it. They usually just sort of formed their own opinions and kept their distance. Rae was different. This whole place, it seemed, was different.
“When your parents are in the army, you get really used to being the new girl. It’s not just that you’re always on the move, that bit people understand, but there’s sort of more to it that they don’t always see. It’s like – you’re always just that little bit different – kind of not quite the right fit.”
“Ha,” she chuckled. “Newsflash – none of us are the right fit. Not really. It’s just that some people are better at pretending. Am I right?”
I nodded. She got it.
“I think it’s because my mind doesn’t stick on all the things it’s supposed to. Boys, and clothes, and all that stuff,” I explained. “My focus tends to be a bit different. And, you know, different’s kind of never good. Social suicide, and all that.”
“Yeah, there’s that. But then,” Rae reasoned, “if people know… I mean, if you give them a chance to see why…”
“See, but that’s the thing though. If I explain that the reason I’m sort of not really the life and soul of the party is because there’s always this thought in the back of my head that maybe one of my parents – both, now, in fact – are getting shot at, it’s sort of an automatic downer. Which tends to just make it worse.”
She thought for a moment before replying. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. It was like I was talking to Beth, rather than someone I’d just met.
“So you can’t win.” She nodded. “But, you’re here now, so you won’t have to worry so much, right? No more…migratorying, at least. I reckon everything else will probably just…you know…fall into place.”
“Right.” I grinned. “Maybe. I mean, since I’m all done with the migratorying…”
She laughed. “So, anyway – more importantly – do you like pizza?”
“Is the Pope Catholic?”
She shrugged. “Couldn’t tell you. I never pay any attention in RS. Meat and cheese though, what’s not to love?”
The knot in my stomach began to ease as we made our way down the stairs, and the low-down on Scarlett’s now ‘ex’ that Rae gave me took my mind off other things.
“They’ve been together for years. If it’s really over, she’s going to be seriously cut up. Can you imagine? Total nightmare.”
I nodded. I could – maybe not quite in the way she thought – but I really could.
We headed down the main corridor towards reception, then veered off towards a set of double doors. Rae pulled one open and nodded for me to go through, as laughter spilled warmly out towards us.
“The dinner ladies aren’t back until tomorrow,” she explained, making her way towards the front. “That’s why we always get pizza on the first night back.”
The smell was so familiar, so safe, that it wrapped itself around me like a blanket. My stomach growled, and my brain purred. Rae grabbed a plate and dived in, and I was right behind her. I went straight for the Pepperoni Passion, with a sprinkling of chicken strippers and a garnish of potato wedges. Actually it was more of a mountain of each, and I was just pouring myself a Diet Coke so as to appear slightly less unhealthy, when a familiar voice rang out behind me.
“Thought we had a date, New Girl.”
Tyler. Rae looked around at me, eyes wide.
“Oh, yeah, the grand tour. I forgot. Sorry,” I said, trying to hide my heaped plate behind my back.
“No worries.” He tore off a slice of BBQ chicken pizza, my second favourite, and took a bite. “We’ve still got time.”
“We can show her around, Ty. At ease,” Rae said. I couldn’t quite make out her tone. “Come on, Abby, let’s go find Lilly.” She started off towards the tables, and I made to follow, offering Tyler an apologetic shrug; but his words stopped me in my tracks.
“How is she?”
I turned back to him. “You mean Scarlett?”
“Yeah.”
“I…don’t know. A bit upset, I think?”
Rae’s shout echoed across the room. “Abby! Lilly saved us seats. Come on!”
I gave her a wave, almost spilling potato wedges everywhere in the process, and when I turned back to look at Tyler, he was gone.
“OK,” I murmured under my breath. “Still weird.”
When I went to sit down, Lilly slipped right back into overexcited squeal mode: “Were you just talking to Tyler?”
I nodded, looking down at my plate as everyone’s eyes seemed to swivel my way.
“What is it with you and the hotties? Teach me!”
I could almost hear the ears pricking up all around us, and Lilly came into her own and handled the introductions like a pro. She also filled everyone in on my life history again, so I didn’t have to. I had the feeling she was going to be useful like that. The only downside was that she also told everyone about Jase, despite Rae throwing a chicken strip at her.
“First lesson of dorm life,” she said. “Never tell Lilly anything.”
I forgot everyone’s name pretty much straight away, and worried about whether or not there was mozzarella all over my face, but soon everyone settled back down and concentrated on swapping summer gossip. As interest slowly drifted away from me, I asked Rae about Tyler.
“Do you not like him?”
She scrunched up her nose and shrugged. “He’s all right. Tends to follow Scar around like a bit of a lost puppy though. It gets kind of old.”
“Ah.” So that was why he’d been keen to talk to me. I just happened to be in close proximity to someone he was interested in. ‘How is she?’ presumably was meant as in ‘She’s single now, right? Please confirm.’
“Did they have a thing, or something?”
“He’d like a thing with Scar, obviously. They all would.” She indicated all the boys in the room with a wide sweep of her pizza slice. “But Scar doesn’t date boys from here. And she was pretty serious with Riley for the longest time. I think they were even on about engagement at one point.”
“Wow, that’s pretty…intense…”
“Yeah. Whatever’s happened, she’ll be ripped up inside. She won’t show it though. She’s sort of the school ‘Top Girl’, you know? Kind of has to be all…superhuman and that.”
I didn’t know, not really. If so many people liked you so much, then why wouldn’t you just be honest with them? But I nodded all the same. I didn’t have ‘social skills’ on my CV. What did I know?
“Why’d you ask, anyway?”
“Oh, nothing really, just something he said.”
“Their parents know each other,” Rae went on, around a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie. How had I missed them? “Scar and Tyler were really good friends when they were kids. Went to the same primary, I think. They used to be pretty close, but you know what it’s like when you get older. Everything gets…complicated.”
I nodded. She had that right.
I scanned the room, wondering where the girl herself had got to, and spotted her flaming hair shining over on the far table with a small group of older girls. I watched her out of the corner of my eye for a while; she wasn’t eating, just picking at the food on her plate as she talked. She really was beautiful: porcelain skin, fiery hair, and deep green eyes. Some people had all the luck. She could’ve passed for twenty easily – someone who could’ve been advertising perfume, or designer clothes, or make-up, or any number of other smooth, sexy, desirable things. And there I was, with cheese down my top, someone who’d maybe be handy for advertising the ‘before’ images for diet pills or plastic surgery.
“—earth to Abigail?”
I swivelled my head around, and cringed as I realised I’d been openly staring in Scarlett’s direction. Lilly was trying to talk to me, and as I turned back to her I spotted the clock on the far wall, which reminded me that I needed to call Mum. The thought made me suddenly, achingly homesick, momentarily yanking me out of the strange new world I’d encountered and maybe even begun to enjoy.
I told Lilly that I needed to make a call, and left her to strip the last bones of gossip bare as I headed back through to the common room. It was hot inside, the air greasy with pizza fumes and the unmistakable scent of teenagers massing. I started to feel a bit queasy – and then a lot queasy as pepperoni began to roil on a sea of warm fizzy Coke inside me. I gagged, and bolted down through reception and out into the courtyard, in need of some fresh air and maybe a forgiving tree to throw up behind. I didn’t know the code for the door yet, to let myself back in, so I wedged it open with a handy brick that looked to have been left there for exactly that reason. I scurried over towards the gate, far away from the heat and the smells, and took a few deep breaths of the cool night air.
Once I was pretty sure I wasn’t about to let fly, I turned and rested my back against the gate, looking up at my home for the next fourteen weeks. It already looked more familiar, less imposing than it had a few hours ago. The junk food, Ty’s slightly stalkery weirdness and the chaos of break-ups and sibling rivalries had stripped away the Sunday-night drama veneer of the building to leave the essence of plain old ‘school’ sitting starkly in its place.
I picked out my dorm – looking up to find the window I’d looked through earlier – when the magpie had scared me half to death. The bright pink curtains billowed out of the open window in the breeze. As I watched them dance, I caught a glimpse of a dim figure moving in the shadows inside, before the window hurtled down and slammed shut. The movement and the noise made me flinch, sending ice cubes rattling down into my stomach. I looked nervously around the courtyard, half expecting to see the bird again as the hairs on the back of my neck prickled. The trees rustled quietly, and the courtyard was still.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, before my mind could veer off down any fresh, dark pathways, and made the call.
“Heya, Mum, it’s me.”
I heard the familiar creak of the sofa, and imagined her folding her legs under her, the way she always did.
“Hello, me. How’s it all going? Are you settling in all right?”
“Yeah, fine,” I told her. “Everyone seems dead nice. We had pizza for tea.”
“Pizza? Really?” she huffed. “With all that waffle on their website about the school being committed to ‘creative, healthy nutrition’?”
Wrong thing to say, Doofus! You know what she’s like.
“No, I mean yeah, but it’s all right. There’s no dinner ladies back yet, that’s all. It was nice. It meant we got to chat, kind of mix, you know? You probably can’t do that so well over a…I dunno…bowl of lentil soup or whatever,” I explained.
“Well,” she sniffed, then relented. “That’s great, love, that you’re mixing. But don’t forget how many calories there are in a slice of pizza. Not to mention the fat.”
I’d been on enough diets to know this one. “Two hundred and twenty-seven calories in a slice of Pepperoni Passion. And 11 grams of fat. But you only need to really worry about the five grams of saturated fat, as a rule.”
She sighed down the phone, but I could hear her smile.
Of course, I’d also quit enough diets to know this means bugger all as pizza tastes so good you stop caring after the first slice.
“You know I only worry because I care. I’m so glad you’re settling,” she said. “Didn’t we tell you you’d be fine?”
“Yeah, but you always say that.”
“Well, sometimes we’re right then, aren’t we?”
Silence stretched out for a few seconds, as I childishly refused to concede the point. One out of five wasn’t exactly conclusive.
“Your exams are just around the corner, love. I know it’s difficult, what with your dad and me being sent all over the place, but that’s why we’ve gone with boarding, isn’t it? So you can stay put for once, put down some roots, make some friends you’ll be with for more than six months. We’ve—”
“Yeah, Mum, I know,” I interrupted.
“Well…Good.” She sighed again. “Because it’s not easy for us either, you know.”
The silence stretched out longer this time. I couldn’t say what I was thinking. That if I ever had kids, I wouldn’t join the army. Or that if I was in the army, I wouldn’t have kids. Because it just wasn’t fair on them.
“Abby?”
“Yeah. I’m here. I know. It’s fine.”
“All right then, love,” she said, in her I-don’t-really-believe-you-but-I’m-too-tired-to-argue voice. “Good luck for your first day tomorrow. My plane leaves at five in the morning. I don’t know when we’ll be able to talk next, but I’ll text you as soon as we land. Don’t forget to email your dad. You know he worries too.”
