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‘My mother asked where I was going at this time of the night. They’re driving me crazy already.’

And she smiled because it was said without malice. He put out his hand and when she took it he pulled her onto his lap.

‘How are they driving you crazy?’

‘Because in the twenty years that I haven’t lived at home, nothing has changed. They hadn’t had dinner and I suggested that we get a takeaway, as you do. But no, she wanted us all to sit down and have a proper dinner, as she calls it.’

Victoria found that her smile widened.

Oh, she loved glimpses of family life.

‘Well,’ Dominic continued, ‘I don’t really have the ingredients for a proper dinner in my kitchen, so I said I’d go shopping and of course that meant she had to come with me...’

And he was smiling now as he told her about the little shopping trip. ‘Do you know how many different types of potatoes there are? Well, I do now. And for all the potatoes in the supermarket they didn’t have the ones she preferred.’

‘Of course they didn’t.’

He let out a soft laugh and then looked to the woman on his lap and Victoria looked back at him.

She felt his hand around her waist and the warmth of his palm through the fabric. ‘I’m sorry it’s been such a bad day,’ Victoria said.

‘It’s not now.’

The world and its problems were outside and waiting and he would give them all the attention that was needed. But right here, right now, the night felt kinder than the day.

‘I do have to go...’ he told her.

‘I know that you do,’ Victoria said, but she did not move from his lap and he made no move to stand.

He looked at her hair which tumbled down over her shoulders and he knew that she wore nothing beneath the robe. He looked at her mouth and then back to her eyes.

A train rattled past which told her the time. She actually liked the sound—it was like having an erratic cuckoo clock in her home but, Victoria knew, this train was the last of the night and she would not hear that sound again until just after five.

And what would her life be like then?

More complicated, Victoria was sure, because it was she who moved in for his mouth.

She tasted resistance—oh, yes, she did—for Dominic had not come here for that and did not want to muddy the waters...while, of course, also desperately wanting to.

For muddied waters became crystal clear as he tasted her kiss and it was all terribly simple after that. It had been a day of holding back and he could sustain it no more, for today had been hellish and now the night was not just kind, it was inviting.

Escape beckoned and he drew her in closer, hitching her up on his lap while his hands went into her hair. But Victoria pulled them down, for this was her kiss to him. And so she turned in his lap and straddled him so his hands were free to roam her.

And then he kissed her lazily as she rose on her knees to him, a kiss that simply let her lead and gladly she did. Victoria explored his mouth at her leisure as he ran his hands over her bottom and then released the tie on her robe so that it fell open.

Now his mouth was more urgent as they explored with their tongues and she knew she had never enjoyed kissing more than she did with him.

It was hungry and teasing and they shared moans of pleasure, and as his hands toyed with her breasts she was raw with need for him.

The kiss went deeper and he pulled her higher on his thighs so that she could feel him hard at her centre. She was holding his face in her hands as she kissed him and he ground her down on him.

Then she lifted higher so that he could taste her breast with warm licks, and when he pulled his mouth away, the sudden loss made her crave more.

Victoria had never wanted anyone as badly as she wanted him.

She had missed his touch and now, when there was so much to sort out, they sought the one thing that was already clear—a mutual and very deep want.

‘Please...’ she said while making room for his hands to free himself. Victoria could feel his breath on her breast as she held on to his shoulders. But when she could simply have lowered herself onto him, instead he ran his hand up her inner thigh and then played with her for a moment, sliding his fingers inside till she was quivering. But she did not have to ask twice for him to take her.

He eased himself inside her as she lowered herself down, and he swore with the bliss of her tight grip and told himself to hold on.

Victoria now wanted his skin pressed to hers. It seemed cruel that he was dressed, but she was so hot in his arms that all she could manage was a couple of buttons on his shirt before she gave up trying to open it.

He thrust upwards while pulling her down and the feel of him so deep inside her almost shot her into orbit.

It was raw and fast and there were hungry kisses in between, and then he turned his head to halt their kiss and slid his hips forward in the chair, taking her with him and allowing him to watch their union.

Victoria still held his shoulders and she, too, looked down. He lifted her hips and held her at his tip, then thrust just a little and the pleasure drove them both wild. She could not sustain it as she was starting to come so he pulled her hard down. She tightened and pulsed around him as Dominic came to her body’s command. Relishing the heat of release, she rested on his shoulder, gathering her breath, while he moved her pliant body to extract every drop of pleasure.

Victoria closed her eyes at the bliss, while knowing she did not need to wait for morning to find out how she was feeling.

She wanted him to stay.

Victoria wanted to hole them up in her bedroom and never leave because it felt as if there were too many obstacles out there.

This love felt as though it might burst from her chest if she let it; it was just too vast to handle.

There were too many feelings that must be kept in check.

For how would he react to her barrage of questions?

Her feelings were in complete disarray.

‘You need to go,’ Victoria said.

She went to climb off but he did not let her. ‘So you can say I got what I came for?’

He felt her short, reluctant laugh as he held her in his arms.

He was starting to know her a little too well and so she lifted her head up and looked at him.

‘You do have to go.’

‘I can call and tell them that if there’s a problem...’ And then he hesitated because family came first, especially at times such as this, yet she had edged her way up that list. ‘Come back with me.’

It was possibly the most stupid thing to say, but he was still inside her and that allowed a person to say the occasional reckless thing.

‘Isn’t it a bit early to be meeting the family?’ Victoria said, and got off him.

‘Exceptional circumstances,’ Dominic retorted as he sorted out his clothes. He was annoyed at himself for pushing things, and annoyed at the contrariness of her. ‘Victoria, like it or not, we’re going to be parents, and trying to sort things out from a distance isn’t working out too well, is it?’

‘I’m on nights tomorrow,’ Victoria said. ‘I just want to go to bed and have a long lie-in.’

‘So when will I see you?’

‘At work, I guess.’

‘I meant away from work. I’m not going to have our relationship dictated by how often your ambulance is dispatched to the Castle, and you kicking me out isn’t exactly helping us—’

‘I’m hardly kicking you out,’ Victoria interrupted. ‘You have a family that you need to get back to and I need to get some sleep.’

She needed him gone because she was on the edge of telling him she was crazy about him.

On the edge of asking about Lorna and how it had felt to see her again.

If he knew her—the real, insecure her—Victoria was positive that he would not want her any more.

She had never cared about anyone else in the way she cared for him, and it terrified her. She did not want to add a failed relationship between them to the mix.

‘You keep asking if there’s anything you can do for me,’ Victoria said. ‘Well, there is. Just stay back.’

‘You mean that?’ he checked.

‘I do.’

She even held the door open for him.

So much for wanting a long sleep, because Victoria was still awake when she heard the first train of the morning clack past.

Dominic, she decided, could be as involved in their baby’s life as he chose to be but she would not allow him to get closer to her.

CHAPTER TWELVE

‘WHAT TIME DID you get home last night?’ Katie MacBride enquired as Dominic came into the kitchen the next morning.

Dominic, who hadn’t had to answer that question for two decades, was certainly in no mood to answer it now.

‘Did you hear what your mother said?’ William prompted. He was sitting at the kitchen table, reading a newspaper. No doubt he had got up at six and gone out to get one, just as he did back home.

‘I heard,’ Dominic answered. ‘I didn’t make a note of the time when I got in.’

He had tea and toast all prepared by Katie, and Dominic laughed to himself at his own suggestion last night that Victoria should come here.

Dominic loved his parents very much but they were straight into his business and he could only imagine a very independent Victoria’s response to his parents’ fussing.

‘What time will you be back?’ his mother asked as Dominic went to leave at seven when he didn’t really need to leave until half past.

‘I’m not sure,’ Dominic answered. ‘And tomorrow I’m on call all weekend so I’ll be staying at the hospital.’

‘What about Jamie and Lorna?’ William asked. ‘Will you be in to visit your nephew?’

‘I am going to be working!’ Dominic pointed out.

‘You should speak with your brother instead of avoiding him.’

‘Jamie’s here now.’ Dominic pointed down the hall to the bedroom. ‘How can I be avoiding him?’

Except deep down Dominic knew that he was.

Friday night was hell because little William had a run of atrial fibrillation and Dominic had to race Jamie back to be by Lorna’s side.

Dominic sat in the waiting room on the cardiac unit and saw on the news that there was an incident at Piccadilly.

He had never felt fear watching the news until he had met Victoria.

It was hell watching flashing lights on the screen and brawls taking place and knowing she may well be in the thick of it.

And what was he supposed to do?

Did he send a text asking if she was okay and just irk her some more?

Or did he just sit there feeling ill while hoping to God she was safe?

She wasn’t.

Victoria wasn’t gung-ho but she could never be accused of holding back, yet as she climbed out of the vehicle to the sounds of a brawl, for the first time in her career she did hold back.

Victoria did not feel safe.

‘Hey!’ Glen warned the guy lying on the kerb as he lashed out with his boot. ‘We’re trying to help.’ He looked over to Victoria. ‘Can you bring the stretcher closer?’ Glen said, and then he asked the police who were holding the man to get a better grip on him.

It was Victoria who drove the patient to hospital while Glen stayed in the back.

Nothing was actually said, but Victoria knew only too well that she wasn’t carrying her share of the load.

Glen was lovely; he always was.

He sensed that she had lost her nerve and so he put his big body in between Victoria and the patients during a few of the trickier call-outs. But late on Sunday night, coming into the early hours of Monday morning, after attending a domestic dispute, Glen told her something.

‘You need to tell work.’

‘I know.’

She was on leave after this shift but she would tell her line manager about the baby this morning, when they returned to base.

And then the wheels would all be put into motion, and on her return from leave her duties would change and Victoria would no longer be operational.

‘What time’s your ultrasound at?’ Glen asked.

‘Ten.’

‘You’ll be wrecked,’ he said because they finished at eight.

‘I’ll grab an hour of sleep at the station after we finish,’ Victoria said.

‘Is Dominic coming with you?’

‘I don’t want him to.’

‘Let him be there.’

‘Just leave it.’

She took a bite of her sandwich. She was not going to be discussing this with Glen, but also, she noted, he didn’t offer to come with her this time.

Perhaps now that Glen knew who the father was, he felt that it wasn’t his place to offer, but all the same, she felt terribly alone.

Victoria’s job was her rock and a huge part of her identity.

She was excited to become a mother, yet it felt a little as if everything familiar was being stripped away.

How was she going to work and be a single mum?

Just who would be looking out for the baby on nights such as this?

Would Dominic really be there for them?

She tried to imagine him dropping over to her flat to look after their little one while she headed out, or taking the baby over to his.

How long would that last? How long till he tired of any arrangements they made or, like her father, suddenly got called into work and decided that his job was more important than hers?

Or what if he met someone else, which of course he would one day, and decide that his new family was his priority?

As her mother had done.

And then she tried not to think of the other possibility—the two of them together, knowing the odds were that they wouldn’t work. He still hadn’t sorted things out with his family. Even with a desperately ill baby the brothers were unable to be close.

And as for her?

Victoria had never been close to anyone.

That was her real fear—that, even with the best of intentions, he might give them a go for the sake of their baby, but that Dominic would one day tire of her and simply leave.

‘How do you and Hayley make it work?’ Victoria asked, but she didn’t get her answer—a call-out came and as the address was given Victoria recognised it straight away.

‘That’s Penny.’

They put on the lights and Glen drove skilfully through the dark London streets and soon they were pulling up at her house.

The lights were on both upstairs and down and, as they made their way up the path, Victoria saw that the front door had been left open.

‘Through here.’ Penny’s father was on the phone trying to find out how much longer the ambulance would be, which Victoria knew from experience meant things were bad. She took a breath and went through to the lounge.

‘Hello, beautiful!’

Victoria’s smile was bright and no one would ever guess that Victoria’s heart sank when she saw Penny.

Julia was lying on the sofa with her daughter and holding her little girl’s body in her arms.

Penny’s hair was loose and it was damp with sweat; her eyes were sunken and she was struggling so hard simply to breathe. Glen put on oxygen as Victoria carefully checked the little girl over.

‘I’m going to use the bag to help you breathe, Penny,’ Glen said, and as Penny breathed in, Glen assisted her, pushing vital oxygen into her lungs.

She was terribly hot, though as Victoria peeled back the blanket she saw that she still had on her little tutu.

Victoria chatted to the little girl, but made sure she didn’t ask too many questions so that Penny could save her energy.

Her lungs were full of fluid and as Victoria inserted an IV into Penny’s arm she barely flinched.

‘You are such a brave girl,’ Victoria said. ‘I’m going to give you some medicine now and that’s going to get rid of all that horrible fluid that is making it so hard to breathe.’

Penny became a bit agitated but Julia knew why. ‘She doesn’t like the diuretics because they made her wet herself once, but that doesn’t matter, Penny.’

It did to her though.

‘I’ve got a bed pan in the ambulance,’ Victoria said, ‘and we’ll put lots of pads on the stretcher, so if you do have a little accident we’ll have you all cleaned up before you go into the Castle.’

Penny nodded and Victoria pushed through the vital medicine.

The oxygen was helping, and with the other medications she started to calm. Soon her breathing was a little deeper, and the horrible mottled tinge to Penny’s skin was starting to recede.

They needed to get her to Paddington’s.

This time there was no question that she could get onto the stretcher by herself so Glen gently picked Penny up. He placed her on the stretcher and made sure that she was safely secured, and then together he and Victoria raised it up.

‘Ready for the off?’ Victoria said as she always did.

And always Penny nodded and smiled, or if she wasn’t well enough, as was the case today, would do a little thumbs-up sign.

Today though, she spoke. ‘Not...’ She gasped but she couldn’t finish her sentence and Julia moved to reassure her.

‘We’ve got everything with us, Penny,’ Julia said, because she always made sure that she had Penny’s favourite things.

But Victoria knew that that wasn’t what Penny had been trying to say.

Victoria had seen it happen in many patients—they just wanted a moment more in their home, though usually they were much older than Penny when they felt that way.

‘It’s okay, Penny,’ Victoria said. ‘We can take a minute.’

Yes, she was time critical, but the priority, too, was to cause the little girl minimum distress, and rushing her out against her wishes would only cause her to get upset. And so she stood and waited as Penny’s eyes moved around the room.

And Julia understood then what her daughter had meant when she had tried to say that she wasn’t quite ready to leave.

Penny wanted to take a long look at her home.

And she did.

She looked over at the television, which had been paused in the middle of a cartoon, and all of her favourite characters were frozen on the screen. Then her eyes went to the chair and then over to the sofa where she had lain and she was imprinting it all.

Penny didn’t know if she would be coming home.

Julia, who was very strong and used to seeing her daughter unwell, was choking up.

‘Why don’t you get a glass of water, Julia,’ Victoria suggested, and as Julia wept in the other room, Penny sat just taking in the memories of her home.

Glen, of course, was tearing up and Penny gave him a stern look that warned him to stop then and there.

Julia bustled back in and saw Penny’s eyes linger on a photo. It looked like a holiday snap of the family at the beach. ‘Shall we bring that with us, darling?’ Julia asked.

Penny nodded and then rested back on the pillows and now she gave her usual little thumbs up.

She was ready.

Peter, her father, gave his daughter a kiss and told her that he was going to lock up and would see her soon at the hospital.

Once in the vehicle they alerted Paddington’s to let them know they were on their way along with the details and status of the patient that they were bringing in.

Glen drove and Victoria sat in the back with Julia and Penny. There was no need for sirens as the streets were empty, but the lights were on and if needed Glen would use the siren at traffic lights or if the situation changed.

The mood was sombre.

Usually Julia would read Penny a story on the way to the hospital but she just sat there while the blue lights of the ambulance shadowed her face.

‘Story...’ Penny said.

‘Well, let me see...’ Victoria answered. And she let Julia sit quietly and gather herself for whatever lay ahead.

Victoria thought for a moment; she had told Dominic that she didn’t believe in fairytales, but growing up she had loved them, just like any little girl.

She had just never had to make one up before.

Victoria thought for a moment and then she told Penny about a turret and a magic castle and a little girl who used to sneak behind the files and find her way up there. And she watched as Penny gave a faint smile so Victoria knew she must be telling the tale okay. ‘There’s a princess who lives there and she watches over all the babies and children.’

‘Truly?’ Penny gasped.

‘Of course,’ Victoria said. ‘I told you, it’s a magic castle.’

And she held the little girl’s hand and told her some more and it really did seem to soothe Penny.

Her colour was terrible though and her heart was galloping, but then Penny looked up at the blacked-out windows and smiled.

Victoria glanced up too and relief flooded her as the familiar roofline came into sight.

The not-so-new Dr Thomas Wolfe was waiting for them. Victoria had been right—he had worked here. She recognised him from many years ago when she had just started to work on the ambulances, but this was no time to reminisce with him.

She was just relieved that someone so skilled was here to greet this very sick little girl.

Thomas listened to the handover as they moved her onto the resuscitation bed. He thanked the paramedics as he examined the patient and Victoria saw his expression was grim as he listened to her back and chest.

‘You’re doing very well, Penny,’ he said to her, and he gently sat her back. She was upright in the bed as she was still struggling to breathe. The nurses worked deftly alongside him, attaching Penny to monitors and leads and pulling up the drugs and IV solutions that Thomas was calling for.

Victoria had done her job—she had delivered Penny safely to the Castle, and that had used to be enough for her. But so badly she wanted to stay and see how Penny was doing.

She actually had to prise herself away.

Maybe it was because she herself was going to be a mother that suddenly things were affecting her more.

Or maybe it was that since Dominic had come into her life she simply felt everything more acutely.

It was as if her emotions had been reset to a heightened level and Victoria felt on the edge of tears as she saw more staff running into the resuscitation room.

‘I’m going to go and get a drink,’ Glen said.

‘Sure.’ Victoria nodded and she set about making up the stretcher, telling herself to stop getting so upset, that it was just work.

Of course, Glen didn’t really want a drink; his flask was in the ambulance and there was a coffee machine close by.

He walked through the department and stood in the kitchenette; he clung to the bench and told himself to take some deep breaths.

And that was where Dominic found him.

‘Hi there,’ Dominic said, but he got no response.

He knew that Glen’s presence meant that Victoria was here somewhere, but he could see that Glen was struggling, and so, instead of heading out, he spoke with him for a while.

Dominic discovered that indeed Glen and Victoria had been at Piccadilly on Friday.

No, he didn’t push for information but he guessed, and rightly so, that the weekend had taken a bit of a toll on both of them. Dominic was very grateful to this man for looking out for her.

And they spoke about the fire at Westbourne Grove and how there had been no choice really but to move forward when they had seen just how precarious Lewis’s injuries were.

Then Dominic listened as Glen told him about Penny, about how bad it had been back at the house and how she had asked to stay for one lingering look.

‘Poor little mite,’ Glen said. ‘You just can’t help but compare them to your own sometimes.’

And then Glen asked him something.

‘Do you remember a child we brought in...?’

And he spoke about a little girl that had been brought in a few months ago, one around the same age as Glen’s daughter.