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It was true. He had been so entranced by her sense of the world, by the family they could make together, that he hadn’t been able to marry her quickly enough. They’d started trying for children right away. His mother had told him that he and Alaina should take time to cement their relationship. He hadn’t given much thought to that—until now.
“How long had we known each other?” Her eyes searched his. He could feel her trying to grasp hold of the past. Of who they were.
“We met a year prior. We were engaged for four months of that.”
She slid over on the bench and motioned for him to sit next to her. He sat sideways so he could look at her directly.
“Why the rush?”
“We loved each other, knew it was right. Why wait?”
“I wasn’t pregnant?”
“No, you weren’t. We were never able to conceive.”
It had been no one’s fault. And they had Thomas now. They had taken in a child who desperately needed a home and stability. And somehow, that seemed to soften the animosity they had felt. They’d agreed to a temporary truce and now he planned to make them a permanent family.
“I hate being dependent on you for all my memories.” Her eyes were shining with frustration. But, Porter realized, the frustration wasn’t entirely directed at him.
He gently lifted a wisp of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. “Then tell me what your dream wedding day would be like and that will be our wedding memory.”
Her eyes went whimsical, a smile pushing dimples into her cheeks. “I would want to get married at a museum, or some historic site on the grounds, but with a preacher there.”
Porter nodded to encourage her. “What else?”
“I think I would want a vintage gown and you in an old-school tuxedo, tails perhaps. And if I could dream big—sky’s the limit—I would want flowers, so many flowers, all different colors. Southern flowers, magnolias and azaleas, too.”
A long sigh escaped her lips, and she turned in her seat to face him.
“And the reception?”
“A band, so people could enjoy themselves. A buffet meal so people could eat or dance or talk, whatever they wish. I would want there to be children there, activities and a tent where they could play, sitters on hand. How does all of that sound?”
“Very close to the wedding we planned.” He took her hand in his and ran his thumb over her silk-smooth palm.
“Planned?”
He shrugged. “My mother put in her two cents, your friends put in theirs. Weddings get complicated and we both let them have their way to get things moving so we could start our life together. To be truthful, I just remember you and how beautiful you looked and how damn lucky I was to have convinced you to marry me.”
More memories hit him, about how later she’d come to resent not having stood her ground to have the wedding of her dreams. Her insistence that her style and wishes got pushed aside by his mother and wedding planners.
She inched toward him on the bench, resting a hand on his knee. Her touch made his blood surge hot beneath his skin. Damn. He wanted to take her in his arms. Wanted to taste her kiss. To taste her—over and over until they both stopped thinking and remembering.
“That’s lovely, what you just said and the way you described the feelings. I wish I recalled even a part of that.” The murmur leaped from her lips as her eyes searched his face. There was intrigue there, sure. Attraction, definitely.
“You will. Someday.”
Another deep sigh. “And if I don’t?”
“Then we’ll keep taking things a day at a time and looking to the future. Marriage isn’t perfect, Alaina. You’ve forgotten the arguments and disagreements, too. So perhaps it’s a trade-off, getting to start over with a clean slate.”
Alaina shook her head, but didn’t pull away. Her fingers continued to trace light circles on his knee. “Amnesia is a horrible illness, not some trade-off. I would gratefully welcome one bad memory now from those years, just to open the door. To see our life together.”
“What if that one memory made you stop loving me because you couldn’t recall the rest?”
He wanted this fresh start for their family so badly. He needed it down to his core. And he was afraid that if she recalled any of the past year, she’d pack up and be out of his life the way she’d intended to do before the accident.
“I don’t mean to be harsh, but I can’t remember falling in love with you. So how is that a point?”
He threw her a playful wink. “I guess I’ll just have to help you fall in love with me again.”
She didn’t smile back, her gaze narrowing with intensity. “So do you still love me?”
“Of course I do,” he said automatically because that’s what she needed to hear.
But from the look in her eyes, he could tell that on some level, behind the amnesia, she sensed the truth.
This wasn’t about loving or not loving each other. After all, they hadn’t spoken those words to each other in over a year. This second chance was about finally building the family he’d always wanted and doing whatever it took to make that happen.
* * *
Alaina leaned against the door frame of Porter’s home office, making the most of the moment to study him unobserved. Much like as he’d watched her last night in the nursery. She’d been more moved by the way he’d looked at her, almost as if he was thinking the words he never spoke. Words about loving her.
Why was it so important to hear that from him when she didn’t know how she felt about him? When she couldn’t remember meeting him, marrying him—falling for him? And some men weren’t overly demonstrative.
What about him?
She searched for clues as she watched him work at his computer, seated behind an oversize desk. He wore casual clothes, jeans and a polo shirt, his watch the only cue to his wealth. She liked that about him, how if she’d met him on the street she wouldn’t have guessed he had all these houses—and a closet as big as some apartments.
She also liked the artwork on the wall behind him. Nice choice. It fit him more than a lot of things in this elaborate vacation place. She wondered if she’d picked it out for him.
He wore thick black-framed glasses as he typed, something she hadn’t noticed before. There was so much about him she didn’t know. So much to learn and on the one hand, some would say she had all the time in the world. But she felt an urgency to settle her life, for Thomas’s sake.
And she couldn’t ignore how much it touched her heart to see her son snoozing in a bassinet beside Porter’s leather office chair. That he’d made arrangements to watch the baby while working spoke volumes. She could see that Porter wanted to be a good father, that he wanted to be active in his son’s upbringing. She wanted to trust her impressions of him and accept that she had an amazing life. She wanted to quit worrying about the past she couldn’t remember.
And yet she couldn’t dismiss the sense that she should be wary of assuming everything was as it seemed.
Porter glanced up, as if sensing her gaze. He tucked his reading glasses on top of his head, his eyes were full of awareness from their almost kiss earlier.
Even if she couldn’t remember what they’d had, she could swear she felt all those shared kisses in their past on some level. Did he have regrets about them as a couple? Was that the unsettled feeling she sensed in him?
Had he appreciated what they had?
“Alaina,” he said softly, rocking back in his chair. “I’ve got this. Easy. He’s sleeping. Go relax. Take a walk on the beach. Read a book.”
Or stay with Porter and be tempted even more? How long would she be able to resist?
Not long.
She backed out of the door. “Sure, thanks. I’ll have my cell phone with me. Don’t hesitate to call if you need me to come back for him. I want to be with him whenever he’s awake.”
She’d missed so much already. Oh, God, she was going to start crying if she kept thinking about it.
Her emotions were swinging from desire for her stranger of a husband to grief over all she’d lost. She needed to get herself under control or she would be a nervous wreck. Thomas didn’t need to have all those negative feelings around him. Maybe Porter was right about her taking time to decompress for a while.
With determined strides she moved toward the kitchen, scarfed down some toast and tea, and contemplated the events of her past twenty-four hours.
A whirlwind didn’t even begin to cover it.
Glancing around the open space, she couldn’t help but feel the decor looked as if it had been directly lifted from a catalog. Everything was gorgeous—stainless steel appliances with rustic wooden accent bowls—but it all felt too...put together.
Was this the kind of woman she had become over the past five years?
Unable to suppress her need for more answers, Alaina began to explore the house. Their house, she reminded herself. This was supposedly all hers, too, even if it felt alien in comparison to her more Spartan upbringing. She needed to learn to be comfortable here again.
Porter had made it clear that he wanted her to relax. To take time for herself. And while that was sweet, she wasn’t entirely sure she enjoyed being forced into downtime. She had lost so much of her life that downtime intimidated her.
But she had to admit she admired Porter’s dedication to Thomas. It was endearing. He had found a way to integrate work and family. And that trait was sexy as hell.
She searched for more signs of encouragement regarding their life, but the rest of the house mirrored the kitchen. It was also well put together. So manicured and manufactured. She couldn’t seem to find a trace of her artistic side at all.
Alaina thought back to the last apartment she could remember, the one she’d had five years ago. It had been modest, but hanging above her bed, she had placed a Renaissance-style painting. The myths drew her in. She loved that each painting captured a Greek tragedy or legend.
There wasn’t one painting like that in this whole place.
Did Porter hate that sort of thing? Had she given up her taste in favor of his? And should she just start changing things now?
The bramble of her thoughts was interrupted as she came to the staircase and practically walked into her mother-in-law.
Courtney’s hair was swept into a tight but elegant topknot. Polished. Her green dress swished as she moved toward Alaina. Jimmy Choo heels clicked with each step.
The poised, older woman waved with long, manicured nails. “Come with me. I need coffee. Or a mimosa. Unless you would rather some time by yourself?”
“Of course not.” Alaina had too much time to spend with a jumble of questions about her missing thoughts. “I would love the chance to visit with you.”
Her mother-in-law cast her a sidelong glance. “Dear, it’s all right. You don’t have to tiptoe around my feelings.”
“I welcome the chance to get to know you. You’re Porter’s mom.” She extended her arm for Courtney to take. It was time to start to get to know her family. Her old life.
Had they got along before?
Courtney linked her arm with Alaina’s. “I’m also your mother-in-law. Thomas’s grandmother. I’m here to help however I can. Not that you really need it. You’re very good with Thomas.”
Was she? God, she hoped so. “I don’t know anything about babies.”
“Maybe not before you got married, but since I’ve known you? You’ve learned a lot about infants. You volunteered in the NICU three times a week, holding the newborns or just talking to the ones too tiny and fragile to be held.” Her mother-in-law guided her back toward the kitchen.
Back toward Porter.
“I did that?” Another thing to add to the list of things she was learning about her life during these missing years. Fancy art exhibits. A postgraduate degree. NICU babies. She had certainly filled her time while married to Porter.
“It was hard for you, wanting to be a mother so desperately.” Courtney patted her hand. Sympathy radiated from her touch.
There was a certain calm that settled between them. An understanding Alaina seemed to be close to grasping, but couldn’t quite settle. Not yet. Although it wouldn’t hurt to ask a few questions.
“What about Porter? Does he want to be a father?”
“Of course he does. You’ve seen how he is with Thomas.”
Alaina thought back to the way he had massaged Thomas’s hurt leg last night. About how he had insisted on watching him as he worked. He was taking his fatherly duties seriously. And it made her heart melt.
“Whose idea was it to adopt?”
Her mother-in-law hesitated midstep before walking again, heels clicking on travertine tiles. “You would have to ask him that question.”
Did Courtney not know or was there something deeper here? An argument within the family? “I’m so tired of asking him about every single detail of our lives together. I was hoping you could help fill in some details.”
“I’m sorry about the amnesia, dear.” She squeezed Alaina’s hand, her touch lotiony soft. “That has to be so frustrating, but maybe you can focus on the good things, like your child, your marriage, your home. Not everyone has all of that.”
The woman was such a mix of coolness and warmth. One minute Alaina was certain her mother-in-law disapproved of her, and the next Courtney was offering genuine comfort. Navigating life lately was like walking through a maze with a blindfold on.
“I hear what you’re saying and I appreciate your trying to help. Really.” They were practically at Porter’s office now. Alaina glanced at the wall that housed photographs in handsome frames. Not one photograph had Alaina side by side with Courtney.
Glancing at her mother-in-law, Alaina chewed on her lip. What had their relationship been like? Judging by the photo albums she’d pored over, there wasn’t much of a relationship between them. She forced herself to ask the question that had weighed on her mind since Porter announced that Courtney was at their vacation house. “Did you and I like each other?”
Arched eyebrows lifted. “Honestly? Not very much. We don’t have a lot in common.”
Finally, what felt like an honest answer from someone. “I think I like you now.”
“That’s probably because you don’t feel married to my son.”
True as it was, the declaration stung. Alaina spun her wedding ring around on her finger. “And could it also be that you don’t see me as Porter’s wife anymore?”
“Maybe...” Courtney paused, worrying one fingernail with another. “I made my mistakes—you made yours. But lucky for us, we get a fresh start.”
There was a lot of fresh-starting going around. A lot of work going into creating a second chance at her life. If only she knew how long it would be until her memories came back. If they ever would. Was the effort to start over wasted—or vitally necessary?
Either way, right now, Alaina had no choice but to press on. “Courtney, will I dislike you again if I remember? Was it that bad?”
And if she remembered, what would she think of her marriage? That was a question she couldn’t bring herself to ask.
“Somehow, I think we’ve found a middle ground that will stick regardless of what you remember.”
“Good. I need a friend I can trust.” And she meant it. Whatever had been in the past between them—well, it didn’t matter right now. Alaina wasn’t that person anymore. While it hadn’t been long ago since she’d woken up in that hospital, the accident and the amnesia had changed her irrevocably. “So? Can we be friends?”
“Friends. I like that. No mother-daughter mess. I’m not your mother. Hell, I’m having enough trouble getting used to being a grandmother. And just so we’re clear, I don’t change diapers. But I excel at watching while a baby naps and I’m superb at holiday shopping.” Courtney winked a perfect smoky eye.
“I’m not going to be ready for that anytime soon.” The idea of going out in public was absolutely overwhelming. And venturing out in public at Christmastime? That sounded dreadful.
