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Every afternoon Royce told himself he wouldn’t run. Every afternoon, like precision clockwork, he was at the track, waiting for Catherine to arrive. They ran together, without speaking, without sharing, without looking at each other.
It was uncanny the comfort he found circling the track with the petite lieutenant commander at his side. The track was neutral ground, safe territory for them both. Those all-too-short minutes with Catherine were the reason he got out of bed in the morning, the reason he made it through the day.
When she smiled at him, Royce swore her eyes scored his heart. In the evenings when they’d finished jogging, Catherine would thank him for the workout and then silently return to her car. The moment she was out of sight, Royce was left feeling bereft. He hadn’t realized what poor company a disciplined life-style could make, and what poorer company the long, lonely nights in an empty bed could be. The desolation was as powerful as a blow to his gut.
The evenings were another matter. He almost feared sleep because the moment he slipped into unconsciousness, Catherine filled his mind. She was soft and warm, and so real that all he had to do was reach out and draw her to his side. Royce would never have guessed his mind would play such cruel tricks on him. He was having trouble enough keeping Catherine at a distance, emotionally and physically. In sleep, his mind welcomed her, tormenting him with dreams he couldn’t control. Dreams of Catherine running toward him on the beach, holding her arms out to him. Catherine feminine and soft in his embrace. Catherine laughing. Royce swore he never heard a sound more beautiful in all his life.
If there was anything to be grateful for, and it was damn little, it was the fact the dreams had never developed into anything even remotely physical between them.
In the mornings, Royce woke annoyed with himself, annoyed at Catherine for refusing to leave him alone and irritated with the world. With all the strength of his will, which was admittedly formidable, Royce pushed all thoughts of the lieutenant commander from his mind.
For as long as Catherine was under his command, all Royce could indulge himself in were involuntary dreams. He refused to allow himself the pleasure of recapturing the fantasy of him and Catherine alone together in quiet moments. Unhurried moments. With no demands. No deadlines. Moments when his heart and his soul were at rest.
Life could be a cruel hoax, Royce sharply reminded himself. He’d been taught that time and time again. He wasn’t about to lose everything that was important to him over a woman, even if she did have eyes that looked straight through him.
The mall was crowded, but then it generally was on weekends, especially now that folks were gearing up for Christmas. Royce allowed Kelly to drag him into the J. C. Penney store. But that was only the beginning of the ordeal. The jacket she was so keen on had sold out in her size. The helpful salesclerk had phoned three other stores and there wasn’t a single one available. Even the catalog had sold out.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Royce told her. She was bitterly disappointed and trying hard not to show it.
“Do you want to look around for a different coat?” Surely there was a father-of-the-year award for him in this offer. They’d spent nearly an hour on this wild-goose chase already, and Royce’s patience had worn paper thin.
Kelly sat on the wooden bench outside the department store, her head bent low. Royce was about to repeat the question when she shrugged.
“How about something to drink?” Royce was half an hour overdue for a cup of coffee.
Kelly nodded eagerly. She stood and slipped her small hand into his. She didn’t do that often, and Royce guessed she did so now needing his reassurance.
Royce bought her a Pepsi and himself a cup of fresh, hot coffee while Kelly scouted out a place for them to sit. Since it was close to noon, the tables were mostly occupied. They found one and sat down in the white wire chairs.
“Dad,” Kelly whispered excitedly, “look at that pretty lady over there.”
Hell, as far as Royce could see, the entire mall was filled with pretty ladies. “Where?”
“The one in the pink-and-green-and-blue jacket. Over there.” Knowing it was impolite to point, Kelly wiggled her index finger back and forth in the general direction of where she wanted him to look. “Look, she’s sorta walking toward us. Hurry and look before she turns away.”
As he’d mused earlier, life could be filled with cruel hoaxes, and it was about to play another one on him now. Before he even realized what he was doing, Royce was on his feet. “Hello, Catherine.”
“Royce.” Her dark eyes were bright with surprise as well, and frankly, she didn’t look any more pleased than he felt.
“How are you?” he heard himself ask stiffly.
“Fine.”
“Dad.” Impatiently, Kelly tugged on the hem of his leather jacket. “I like her coat…a whole lot.”
Royce watched as Catherine’s eyes momentarily left his and landed on Kelly. Once again surprise registered in the dark depths, but was quickly replaced by a gentleness and warmth that tightened strong cords around his heart. He’d never mentioned his daughter, and it was apparent she hadn’t known he’d been married. Maybe she thought he was married still.
“This is my daughter, Kelly,” Royce said, his voice low and throaty.
“Hello, Kelly. I’m Catherine.” She dragged her eyes away from him and held out her hand to his daughter. “Your dad and I work together.” She said this, Royce was convinced, as a reminder to them both. Hell, he didn’t need it.
“Your jacket is real pretty,” Kelly said quietly. She continued to tug on Royce’s sleeve until he was convinced she’d pulled the armhole down to his elbow.
“What Kelly would like to know is where you bought it,” Royce inserted dryly.
“And if they have kid sizes?” the ten-year-old asked excitedly.
“I got it right here in the mall, in Jacobson’s.”
“Dad,” Kelly said, pushing aside her drink, “let’s go look, okay?”
Royce glanced longingly at his coffee. He’d barely had time to take a single sip. Kelly was looking at him as if to say Jacobson’s was sure to sell out in the next ten minutes if they didn’t get there.
“I don’t know if they have kid sizes,” Kelly stated urgently, as though another five or ten minutes was sure to make the difference. “I know it’s a ladies’ store and everything, but you can wait outside if you want and I’ll go in by myself.”
“Why don’t I take you down,” Catherine suggested.
It took a fair amount of self-control not to leap up and kiss her. “You don’t mind?” He had to ask. Pride demanded that much, at least.
“Not a bit. Go ahead and enjoy your coffee,” Catherine suggested, her gaze returning to him. “We won’t be more than a few minutes.”
He should refuse. Royce knew it the minute she made the offer, but Kelly was looking up at him, her eyes alive with excitement, and before he could argue with himself, he nodded.
A daughter, Catherine mused. Royce had a daughter. Catherine had worked with him for five weeks, and no one had bothered to mention the fact he’d been married or that he was raising Kelly. The child was incredibly sweet, with long dark hair and eyes so blue they reminded Catherine of wild bluebonnets. Kelly was as gentle and cute as Royce was remote and indifferent.
Catherine had noted how closely Royce had watched her when he introduced Kelly. His eyes had darkened into a brittle defiance as though he expected her to do or say something about the fact she hadn’t known about the child. She found herself staring at him and the proud lines of his chiseled features. Catherine’s gaze had moved smoothly from father to daughter. There was no doubt in her mind the two were related. Kelly possessed the same beautiful blue eyes, and although her face was heart-shaped and feminine, she was clearly a Nyland.
Until she’d walked into the shopping complex, Catherine hadn’t realized how hungry she was for the sight of Royce. From clear across the other side of the mall, she’d walked directly to his side, guided by instinct to the man who’d dominated her thoughts for days on end.
“We went to the J. C. Penney store,” Kelly explained as they walked side by side down the wide concourse, “but all the jackets in my size were sold. We looked and looked and I was feeling really low so Dad bought me a Pepsi and then we saw you,” Kelly explained in one giant breath. “Your jacket is just perfect.”
Catherine had bought it a couple of weeks earlier. Being new to the Pacific Northwest, she needed something heavier than a raincoat. The jacket had caught her eye in a ski shop, and although Catherine didn’t ski, she’d been attracted to the colors, just the way Kelly had.
“I like it, too. And as I recall, they did have children’s sizes.”
“Dad doesn’t like to shop much,” Kelly explained as they wove their way between the moving crowd. “He does it for me, but I know he’d rather be watching a silly football game. Men are like that, you know?”
“So I’ve heard.” As far as understanding the male of the species, Royce’s daughter knew a whole lot more than Catherine did. For as long as she could remember, it had always been her and her mother. In college she’d lived in a girls’ dormitory.
“Dad tries real hard, but he doesn’t understand a lot of things about girls.”
Catherine couldn’t help grinning at that. Evidently she wasn’t the only one at a loss when it came to understanding the opposite sex. Apparently what she and Royce needed was a ten-year-old to straighten out their lives.
They found the store, and indeed there was a jacket almost identical to the one Catherine had that was in Kelly’s size. After Royce’s daughter tried it on and modeled it in front of a mirror, Catherine had the salesclerk put it on hold.
Kelly raced back to the large open eating area to tell Royce about the rare find. Catherine followed close behind.
“It’s got pink and green and blue. Not the same shade of blue as Catherine’s, but almost. I can have it, can’t I?” She dug into her small pocket at the top of her jeans and dragged out the five single dollar bills one at a time and then several coins from a different pocket. “I’ll pay for part of it.”
Royce stood and tossed the empty coffee cup into the garbage. “All right, all right. I know when I’m defeated.” He glanced over at Catherine and winked.
Catherine couldn’t believe it. The iceman winked as if he were a regular human being. Royce Nyland was one man in the office, another on the running track and someone else entirely different when he was with his daughter.
“I…can see you’ve got everything under control here,” Catherine said, thinking she should probably leave. She felt awkward with Royce.
“Don’t go,” Kelly cried, reaching for Catherine’s hand with both of her own. “Dad said he’d buy me pizza for lunch, and I want you to come, too.”
“I’m sure Catherine has other plans,” Royce said matter-of-factly.
Catherine noted that he didn’t repeat the invitation, which was just as well. Yet, she couldn’t hold back the sense of disappointment. “Yes, I do have some things to do. I was just going into the pet store to buy my cat a new litter box.”
“I love the pet store,” Kelly piped in eagerly. “Once they even let me hold a new puppy. I wanted to buy it real bad, but Dad said we couldn’t because there wouldn’t be anyone home during the day to take care of him.”
Catherine’s heart melted as she gazed down on Royce’s daughter. So young and tender. Catherine remembered herself at that age and how life had been such a wonderful adventure then.
“Oh, do come, Catherine. Please.”
Catherine’s gaze moved to Royce. She expected his eyes to be cool and unreadable as they were so much of the time. Instead she found them troubled and unsure, yet inviting. Catherine felt as if the air had been sucked from her lungs.
“I…are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding?” By everything that was right, she knew she should refuse. They were standing so close to the fire, close enough to get burned, and yet they each seemed to be taking turns tossing kindling into the flames.
“I’m sure,” Royce answered.
“Oh, good,” Kelly cried, seemingly unaware of the tension between Catherine and her father. “I certainly hope you don’t like anchovies. Dad gets them on his half whenever we order pizza. Those things are disgusting.”
A half hour later, they were sitting in a pizza parlor. Catherine and Kelly shared an Italian sausage and olive pizza pie while Royce ate his own, covered with the tiny fish both women found so offensive.
Although it was comfortably warm inside the restaurant, Kelly insisted upon wearing her new coat.
“Are those fingernails actually yours?” Kelly asked halfway through the meal.
Catherine nodded, her mouth full of pizza.
“You mean you don’t have a single acrylic tip?”
It was incredible to Catherine that a ten-year-old knew about such things. “Not even one,” she assured the girl.
Kelly’s eyes widened with renewed respect. She held up her hand for Catherine to examine, showing the short, stubby ends of her own nails. Catherine reached for her purse and brought out her fingernail kit for Kelly to examine, explaining each instrument.
“What are you two talking about?” Royce demanded in mock exasperation. “As near as I can figure, you women have your own language.”
Kelly reverently closed the case and returned it to Catherine. Her eyes drifted from Royce to her and then back again. Catherine could almost see the tiny wheels churning in the little girl’s head.
“Are you married, Catherine?” The girl asked innocently enough.
“Ah…no.” Catherine’s throat felt tight and dry all of a sudden.
“Neither is my dad,” the ten-year-old added, her words fraught with meaning. “My mom died, you know?” Kelly said it with complete lack of emotion, as though losing a mother was simply part of growing up.
“No…I wasn’t aware of that.” Catherine avoided looking at Royce.
Kelly took another couple of moments to assess the situation. “So you and my dad work together?”
“Kelly Lynn.” Royce used a tone Catherine had heard often in the office. It brought trained sailors to attention, and it worked just as well with his daughter.
“I was only asking.”
“Then don’t.”
“All right, all right, but I didn’t mean anything by it.” Royce’s daughter returned to her pizza, took a bite and chewed two or three times before adding. “Catherine’s coming to the movie with us, isn’t she?” The question was directed to Royce, who once more narrowed his eyes at his daughter.
“I’ll let you choose the movie if you want,” Kelly offered. Evidently the choice of which film they’d see was a long-standing battle between them, and that she’d offer to let him pick was a major concession.
Catherine didn’t know what Royce was waiting for. He shouldn’t even be entertaining his daughter’s suggestion. The fact they were having lunch together was one thing, but sitting in a movie theater together would be…should be out of the question.
“Dad?” Kelly probed.
Royce looked to Catherine, and his hard blue eyes held hers for the long, drawn-out moment. Tension thickened the air until she was convinced neither of them was breathing.
“Catherine has other things to do,” Royce informed his daughter.
Catherine was quick to reassure Kelly. “I really do, sweetheart. Perhaps we can all go another time.”
Royce’s young daughter accepted Catherine’s decision with a quick nod, but it was apparent the girl was disappointed. She wasn’t the only one. Catherine’s heart felt as heavy as concrete. She’d never felt closer to Royce than this time with his daughter. He’d lowered his guard enough for her to glimpse the nurturing, caring man shielded behind the thick wall of pride and tradition.
After wiping her hands clean with a napkin, Catherine reached for her purse and slid from the booth. “Thank you both for lunch, but I really should be going.”
Kelly slid out of the booth, too. “I wish you were going to the movie with us.”
Her eyes found Royce’s as she whispered, “So do I.”
Catherine was halfway to the door when Royce stopped her. For a moment he didn’t say anything, but stared down at her. His face revealed none of his thoughts, and briefly Catherine was aware of what a talent he possessed to hide his emotions so well.
His eyes continued to hold hers and seemed to scorch her with their intensity before he spoke, listing the movie and the time. “In case you change your mind,” he said, before turning back to his daughter.
By the time Catherine was inside her car, she’d started to tremble. What was the matter with Royce? Had he gone mad? Had she?
Royce, her XO, knowing what they were both risking, seemed to be telling her he wanted her to come to the movie. But he was leaving the decision in her hands. God help them both, she wanted it, too.
A movie wasn’t an affair, she reminded herself. If they both happened to show up at the same movie at the same time, no one would put the wrong connotation on that. The rule book didn’t say they couldn’t be friends. If friends just happened to meet at a movie, it wouldn’t be unheard of for them to sit together. Would it?
Catherine didn’t know what to do. Her head was telling her one thing, and her heart another. Both their careers could be jeopardized. It was far too much to risk for the pleasure of sitting next to each other in a matinee.
Yet when the time approached, Catherine was behind a line of preteens. Her heart was hammering so loudly, she was convinced everyone around her must be able to hear it, too. Once she glanced over her shoulder, thinking the shore patrol was on her tail. The thought was ludicrous, which only went to prove the state of her mind.
Royce was sitting in the last row, with Kelly in the seat next to him. The girl noticed Catherine immediately and leaped up from her chair as though she’d been sitting on a giant coiled spring. She hurriedly scooted down the aisle and enthusiastically hugged Catherine.
“I was hoping you’d come.” She grabbed Catherine’s hand and energetically led her to the seats.
