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“I’ll tell you when I get there.”
Her brother showed up less than half an hour later. Carol hadn’t ever seen him look this bad—unshaven, with dark circles under his eyes. He collapsed into a chair and when she offered him a beer, he muttered, “Do you have anything stronger?”
“Sorry,” she said. “Just wine.”
“I’ll have a beer, then.” He leaned forward and braced his elbow on his knees, letting his forearms dangle.
“Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?” she asked as she handed him a cold beer.
Rick twisted off the cap and took a deep swig. “Was I born stupid or did I recently acquire this personality trait?”
“The answer depends on your problem,” she said, sitting across from him. Infuriating though Rick could be, it was difficult to stay angry with him for long. She supposed his easygoing personality was as much of a hindrance as it was an asset. Perhaps everything had come too easily for him.
“Lisa’s pregnant,” he said.
Carol stared at him blankly. “Lisa? Lisa who?”
He rubbed his eyes. “A flight attendant I’ve seen a few times.”
“Obviously you’ve done more than see her,” Carol snapped, unable to hide her anger. This was unbelievable. For a moment she thought it might be a bad joke, but one look told her he was serious. Just a few weeks ago he’d declared his undying love for his ex-wife.
“What about Ellie?” she cried. “The last time we talked, you were hoping to get back together with her.” Sleeping with some other woman certainly didn’t prove his devotion.
“I know … I love Ellie and I want her back.”
“Then what were you doing with Lisa?”
“It just sort of happened,” he mumbled dejectedly.
Carol shook her head, barely able to take in what her brother was telling her. “You just sort of fell into bed together?” Her voice grew more agitated with every word. So this was the reason Ellie didn’t trust him. She’d hinted at the truth, but Carol had refused to listen, refused to believe that her big, strong, wonderful brother had clay feet—and a clay heart.
“Say something,” Rick urged.
Carol shook her head again, viewing her brother in an entirely different light. All these years he’d been her hero; now, all of a sudden she saw him for the weak charmer he really was. “You’ve certainly made a mess this time.”
“Trust me, little sister, you can’t say anything I haven’t already said to myself. This ruins everything.”
“And exactly whose fault is that?” she demanded. Unable to stay seated any longer, she jumped to her feet and started pacing the room. “You’re too smart to have unprotected sex, damn it!”
Rick closed his eyes.
“Does Ellie know?”
“No!” He nearly shouted the word. “I’m not telling her, either, that’s for sure.”
“What about Lisa?”
“What about her? She’s in shock, too—apparently whatever she used for birth control failed.”
“No kidding.” Carol was furious with her brother and too angry to care what he thought.
She took a few minutes to adjust to the news. She sat down again and placed her hand over her mouth. Her brother hadn’t come to her so she could rant at him. He was clearly looking for some sort of direction, although she had no idea what to suggest.
“You’re one hundred percent sure the baby is yours?”
He nodded and studied his hands. “We’ve been pretty involved lately.”
She swallowed a retort. “How far along is she?” she asked instead, her voice brisk.
“She just found out. A month, I guess.”
Carol flipped her hair away from her face and tried to concentrate. “When did she tell you?”
“Yesterday. She phoned me in a panic and, hell, I didn’t know what to say. What could I say?”
“Do you love her?”
Rick considered her question for a moment, then slowly shook his head. “I care about her and I like her, but as for loving her, not really. I know I don’t want to marry her. Why should I marry her because she forgot to swallow some pill?” Rick’s expression was miserable, shocked and angry all at once. “I love Ellie,” he murmured. “It’s Ellie I want to be with, it’s Ellie I need in my life.”
“Then you should’ve kept your pants zipped.” Carol didn’t mean to be crude, but her brother frustrated her. If he loved Ellie, truly loved her, he should be willing to do whatever it took to win her back. Sleeping with a flight attendant shouldn’t even be on that list.
“If you aren’t going to marry Lisa, then what?” Carol asked.
“I don’t know.”
With her eyes opened, Carol confronted him, daring him to tell her the truth. “This isn’t the first time, is it?”
“First time for what? If you’re asking whether I’ve fathered other kids, you’re wrong. I’ve always been careful, but Lisa said …” He let the rest fade.
“I meant this isn’t the first time you cheated on Ellie.” Technically they were divorced, so it couldn’t really be considered adultery. “That’s the reason she filed for divorce, isn’t it?”
Her brother looked up briefly and nodded.
Rick stayed for an hour, and they talked while dinner went cold. He was still in shock and, frankly, so was she. Rick had always been her idol and in the space of a few minutes he’d tumbled from his pedestal.
She ended up making steak sandwiches and coffee, and Rick left soon afterward for his hotel. He definitely needed sleep, but he and Carol planned to talk again the next day.
Doug returned home an hour later, thrilled that the Mariners had handily defeated the Yankees. Carol told him about the visit from her brother and his devastating news.
“It doesn’t surprise me,” her husband told her. They sat side by side on the sofa, Doug’s arm around her. “Rick’s always been a ladies’ man.”
Carol found it hard to believe her brother could be so morally lacking. It was as if this person she’d grown up with and loved was a stranger. “You knew and didn’t tell me?”
“I couldn’t. You always thought he could do no wrong.”
Carol felt sick to her stomach.
“He’s been doing it ever since I’ve known him. Fooling around with one woman while seeing another.” Doug held her close for several seconds. “The truth is, I’m not overly fond of Rick.”
“Doug! How can you say such a thing?” Rick was the one who’d introduced her to her husband. They’d been college friends and dorm mates. But now that she thought about it, Carol realized Doug had never shown as much enthusiasm for seeing Rick as she did.
“It’s true, honey. The only good thing that came out of the friendship was meeting you. I’ve never liked his ethics.”
Carol let his words sink in. She was seeing her brother realistically for the very first time. He was a selfish little boy who refused to grow up. She wondered how many people had recognized it before her.
Later, as Carol snuggled close to her husband in bed, she couldn’t help thinking about life’s many injustices.
“Why is it,” she asked in a whisper, “that women who don’t want to get pregnant have such an easy time of it?”
She felt her husband’s slight nod of agreement. “I wish I had an answer, sweetheart, but life just isn’t fair.”
“No kidding,” she muttered for the second time that night.
25
CHAPTER
ALIX TOWNSEND
Alix slept late on Friday morning, lying in bed while the last remnants of sleep faded away. She was warm and comfortable and unwilling to move. Keeping her eyes closed, she let her mind linger on the kiss she’d shared with Jordan. Never in all her life had she realized a kiss could be so good.
She’d been kissed plenty, and had lots of other experience, too. Still, no kiss had affected her like that one. The men she knew tended to be rough and sweaty and urgent in their need to dominate. She’d never known such sweet pleasure from a simple kiss. But then, she reminded herself, this could all be tied up with a childhood dream that had been shattered one night in the sixth grade.
Even now, more than a week later, she remembered every nuance of his kiss. His hands had framed her face and his eyes had locked with hers. She’d seen his look of surprise—and uncertainty. They’d parted soon afterward, and it almost seemed to her that they needed to get away from each other in order to assimilate what had happened.
Alix hadn’t seen Jordan since, hadn’t talked to him, either. She tried not to dwell on that. Unsure what prompted her, on Sunday morning Alix had walked over to the Free Methodist church Jordan had mentioned. She stood across the street and chain-smoked three cigarettes while she watched people file in.
Jordan was right about one thing: only a few of the older adults wore hats and gloves and dresses. Various families came with youngsters in tow, all carrying Bibles. Alix had only ever owned one Bible and that had been so long ago, she didn’t know where it had gone. Staring at the churchgoers, she saw that most people wore casual clothes, but that wasn’t a strong enough incentive to send her inside.
She’d loitered on the corner, hoping, she guessed, that Jordan would notice her. He obviously hadn’t; she didn’t see him either.
The music was good, upbeat and lively—not what she remembered at all. Alix had heard church music as a kid and it had sounded like something out of the Middle Ages, but it wasn’t that way now. Once she’d even caught herself humming along and quickly stopped.
After about forty minutes, she’d walked away, hands buried deep in her pockets. It wouldn’t have hurt to slip into the back pew and take a look, but fear made that impossible. Analyzing her actions now, nearly a week later, Alix wasn’t sure what she’d been so afraid of. The possibility of someone talking to her, perhaps.
Rather than brood on last week’s disappointment, Alix tossed back the sheets and climbed slowly out of bed. Laurel was sitting in front of the television, an old model with a faded picture tube and tinfoil-wrapped rabbit ears. Her roommate stared intently at a kids’ cartoon.
“Morning,” Alix muttered as she wandered into their tiny kitchen.
Laurel ignored her.
“What’s your problem?” she asked irritably. They were supposed to be friends, but Laurel rarely spoke to her anymore. She’d been sulking for weeks now.
Laurel shook her head, silently indicating that she didn’t want to talk. Alix had no idea what was bothering her, but she assumed it had something to do with that worm of a used-car salesman. He hadn’t been around lately. For a while they’d been together constantly and then all of a sudden he was out of the picture. Whatever had happened remained a mystery. Laurel certainly wasn’t telling.
“Fine, be in a bad mood.” Alix reached for a banana. “See if I care.”
Once again Laurel ignored her. Peeling the banana, Alix plopped down on the one stuffed chair in the apartment. Someone had abandoned it in a vacant lot. Alix and Laurel had come upon it and carried it the three blocks back to the apartment. It was pretty ratty, but Alix had found a printed sheet and spread it over the chair. With a few tucks and folds it wasn’t half bad. No designers would be asking her to make a guest appearance on their shows, but it worked for now.
Biting into the banana, Alix noticed that the baby blanket she was knitting lay on the floor.
“What the hell happened here?” she demanded. She flew off the chair to rescue her project. The ball of yarn had unwound and ended up near the apartment door.
Laurel wasn’t paying her any heed.
Standing directly in front of the television, Alix glared at her roommate. “I don’t know what your problem is, but get over it.”
“Keep your knitting away from me.”
Alix snickered; she couldn’t help it. “What’s the matter? Did it chase after you?”
“It was in my way.”
“So you threw it at the door?” Talk about unreasonable!
Laurel didn’t answer.
Alix examined the nearly completed blanket, unsure what she’d do if Laurel had caused her to drop stitches or worse, pulled out the needles. Laurel was treading precariously close to a fight. Alix was sick of her roommate’s bad moods, sick of her slovenly habits and sick of her mooning over a man who was a loser with a capital L.
“Get a grip, will you?” she snapped on her way back to the bedroom. They shared the one bedroom, which made life all the more difficult. The latest rumors floating around said the apartment building had been sold. Where they’d move next was as unclear as the stitches Alix had yet to master.
“You wouldn’t be so cruel if you …” Laurel didn’t finish. Instead she buried her face in her hands and burst into tears.
Alix felt awful. Sitting next to Laurel, she sighed. “It’s lover boy, isn’t it?”
Laurel nodded. “He said … he doesn’t want to see me anymore.”
Anything Alix could say at that moment would have been wrong. Laurel didn’t want to hear what a loser John was. Alix didn’t understand why Laurel couldn’t see it when everyone else did. Okay, so John had a decent job. Nevertheless, he was a sleaze and nothing would discount that sad truth.
Laurel pulled her feet up and locked her arms around her knees. She’d been overweight when they met but now she seemed to be even bigger than Alix remembered. She’d obviously gained weight since the breakup. Now that Alix thought about it, they’d been going through a lot of groceries lately.
“Eating isn’t going to help.” Alix strived to sound sympathetic.
“Are you saying I’m fat?”
“Not fat, exactly.”
“Okay, I’m fat and ugly. You think I don’t know that?” Her voice dipped with venom and her greasy blond hair fell forward as she buried her face in her knees. “And mean.”
“Mean?” Alix asked, her suspicions growing.
Laurel nodded. “Jordan stopped by the store on Tuesday and asked me to give you a message and I didn’t.”
A chill came over Alix. “What was the message?”
“He … he wanted to take you roller-skating.”
“When?”
