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“Forgive me, Eden. Just a few more questions. Then, if we’re in agreement, I’ll explain,” he said, his expression gentling.
She understood. If they weren’t in agreement, he would send her home and she would never have any idea what this was about. She would go home empty-handed. “All right,” she said around the nervous lump in her throat.
A few seconds of silence followed. Jeremy tented his fingers. “If you had to deliver bad news to a child or that child’s parents, do you feel confident that you could do so in a tactful manner? And…I don’t mean to insult you in any way, but could you promise that whatever news you were privy to would go no further than the primary parties involved?”
Eden nearly laughed at that. She had spent years explaining her mother’s lapses and absences to her sisters. Plus… “Jeremy, I’m a teacher. Delivering less than positive news is part of the job. I work hard at letting people down gently during those occasions when disappointing news has to be conveyed. As to your second concern, confidentiality is a given in my profession. I deal with touchy issues on a regular basis. Abuse, abandonment, learning disabilities, psychological problems. I would never discuss those situations outside the bounds of the primary parties. I would never betray a child or that child’s parents.” She searched her mind for proof. Words were so easy. They could be so unconvincing. “I never told anyone about the car,” she said softly.
Jeremy’s intensity eased slightly. He laughed. “You slid that into the conversation pretty smoothly.”
“You hadn’t forgotten?”
“Eden, a man doesn’t forget when he totals an Aston Martin. It’s a life-changing event. I wasn’t even supposed to be driving that car. It was my aunt’s favorite. Practically a family member to her. And while I never liked the woman and she detested me, even so…what a jerk I was.” He shook his head. “And no, I guess you never did tell, because when I came out of the coma two days after the accident, everyone assumed that it was another driver’s fault that I hit that stop sign.”
“It was another driver’s fault in a way. You did swerve to avoid hitting him.”
Jeremy shook his head. “But if I hadn’t foolishly taken my eyes off the road to wave at you, I would have seen the car and slowed. I wouldn’t have had to swerve.”
Eden inwardly cringed at the fact that he had seen her that day. Her uncle had forced her to wear a hideous, orange-and-red-flowered dress from a charity basket—to show her gratitude for the gift, he had said—and she hadn’t wanted Jeremy to see her in it. When she had seen his car, she had tried to hide behind a tree, but she hadn’t been fast enough. The dress was like a flashing beacon. Their eyes had met. There had been nothing he could do but wave at her.
“Well, you did the right thing in the end,” she said. “You told your aunt everything once you were well.”
“But you kept my secret,” he mused.
“It was your secret,” she said simply. She meant every word. A girl who grew up with a mother who was unable to be a parent because of her drinking problem knew too well what it was like to have to face humiliating truths. Between that and this last year after her husband’s desertion and betrayal, she knew what it was to have things she wanted to hide from the world. “It wasn’t mine to tell,” she said simply.
“And what if I had hurt others in that accident?”
Eden closed her eyes and looked away. “I would have told, then,” she said, guessing that was not the answer he sought.
Silence followed. Somewhere a clock chimed. Eden waited, sure she would be shown the door. The clock chimed again.
“I’m going to tell you a secret, Eden,” Jeremy finally said. “And eventually, if you still want the position after you know all that the job entails, then I’m going to hire you. You might regret taking it before the next few weeks are over.”
She was regretting it already. From the minute that Ashley had called her, she had regretted even considering coming here, just as she’d known she would take this job despite any regrets.
“Tell me,” she said. “Whatever it is that I need to know.”
For a second when Jeremy looked toward her, she could swear that he saw her clearly. His expression was that intense. Her heart began to pound. “When I was in college,” he began, “I was a sperm donor. My reasons were…not the usual and they weren’t honorable. I wasn’t in it for the money the way many of the donors were. I wasn’t even trying to do something noble by attempting to help another human being. I don’t want to go into the details, but let’s just say that it was a rash act, and the whole experience was very short term, not nearly as long as the months most donors commit to. Nevertheless, I may have fathered children. I most likely did, even though I have no idea of how many there might be. Not many, I would think, if any. Still…” His jaw hardened.
“I—” Eden’s heart pounded even harder. She didn’t know where this was going, but she could tell that it was going somewhere bad.
He held up one hand, stopping her speech.
“Eden, it’s important that I find any children I may have fathered. I have good reasons, not frivolous ones, and I need…”
She looked up, straight into his anguished eyes. “It’s because you’re going blind. You’re afraid for them,” she said.
“Yes.” He bit off the word harshly.
“The sperm bank?”
“Out of business. I’ve hired a private investigator to help out, but once that bridge is crossed, there will need to be personal contact. Interaction. I’ll want to help anyone affected, to refer them to those who can advise them, to provide money and care if the worst comes to pass. I’ll want them to know what to expect. I have to do this right. Those children and their parents have to be protected. They have to be approached with sensitivity, more than I trust myself to be capable of.”
She stood and moved closer. The desire to touch him was strong, but she wouldn’t do that.
“Tell me what they can expect. What can you do? What can you see?”
He turned and looked down at her, and now, with only a small bit of space separating them, she realized the full impact of being this close to him.
“I can’t do everything I used to do, but I do all that I can,” he said quietly. “And I can still see you. At least for now. I can still see most of you.”
Eden’s breathing kicked up. She had no idea what “most of you” meant, but the mere fact that he was concentrating on her with such fierceness made her heart race.
“You’re good with children?” he asked.
“Yes. Very good. My students are happy. My sisters, whom I raised, don’t live near but they call frequently.”
“You care about young people, then. You can talk to them and their families.”
He was closer still. Somehow she managed to nod. “I can do that.”
“When the time comes,” he continued. “When I find them—and I will—I’ll need someone who understands the complexities and fears and joys of children. I have no experience and I won’t have any. There’ll be no children for me. I won’t risk passing this on to anyone else, but for anyone who might share my DNA I’ll do what I can. I’ll want you to help me research the possibilities for maintaining normalcy from those who’ve lived through it, not just from my doctors. I’ll want you to help me be an example of what can be, not what can’t be. Do you understand, Eden?”
She understood that this man fought demons, that he was racked with guilt, that he had closed off avenues in his future. She also understood what he was asking her and what taking this position might cost her, because he was just as potent as ever.
“I understand. I’m not only an excellent teacher, by the way. I’m an excellent researcher. And I have contacts. People who work with those in need. Discreet people. I know that’s not what you were asking, but it might help you… and in helping you be a help to the children. I think you need the skills I possess.”
He stood there for a minute as if astonished at her words.
“I think Ashley might have been right.” Jeremy reached out as if to touch her before lowering his hand to his side. But despite his failure to make contact, her body jolted. For a long moment she was too aware of herself as a woman and Jeremy as a man she had once longed for desperately. That was so wrong and emotionally dangerous, and every fiber of her being told her to run. Now. Before she got hurt.
The men who’d had had the greatest impact on her life, from her worthless, absent father to her resentful, unloving uncle to her faithless, undependable husband, had only ever brought pain and humiliation into her life. And those had been men she at least had something in common with, not someone like Jeremy, who inhabited a world that didn’t even intersect with her own. So no, she couldn’t risk her heart and dignity again.
Except…she would. Her financial situation was so dire that she couldn’t even consider walking away. And the children facing a frightening future…she couldn’t ignore them, could she?
“Here are the details of your employment,” he told her, and he named a sum of money that nearly made Eden’s head spin. “That as well as room and board. Can you get me started on the path I need to follow? Will you stay with me until this is done or until the summer ends?” he asked.
There had been a time when she would have given all that she was to hear Jeremy ask if she would stay with him, but that had been a young girl’s dream. A shimmery, no-connection-to-reality dream that was, thankfully, long gone. This was entirely different. It was real, and it was simply work, she told herself.
“I’ll stay,” she promised. Just to help and to work, she reminded herself again.
“Good,” Jeremy said with a sudden brilliant smile that turned him into pure male temptation. Eden wanted to groan. “You’ve made me a happy man.”
The comment made Eden wonder how many women Jeremy had said that to and under what circumstances, and she knew then how risky this situation was. The fact that she was even wondering about Jeremy’s love life meant that she was just as susceptible to Jeremy’s charms as she had always been.
But she had no choice. And this time I’m notgiving in to temptation, she told herself. That’s a stone-solid promise. And she always kept her promises.
CHAPTER TWO
“I’D LIKE you to start immediately just in case the private investigator turns in some results soon,” Jeremy said. “Since you’re not from the area, I’ve taken the liberty of having the guest house readied.”
“You were that sure I would suit and that I would take the job?”
He laughed. He hadn’t been sure of anything and still wasn’t. “The guest house had been allowed to fall into a state of disrepair. It needed work, anyway. Come on, I’ll take you there.”
Automatically he held out one hand for hers and dropped a pair of sunglasses on his nose with the other. Then he smiled.
She hesitated, then took his hand. Heat flowed from her fingers to his. He ignored it.
“I’ll lead,” he told her just in case she thought that by taking her by the hand he had been asking her to help him. Pride had been his lifelong companion. It had made life with a dysfunctional past and a guardian who despised him bearable. And pride didn’t allow pity.
“I’ll follow,” she agreed, and as he let go of her, she dutifully did just that. They traveled in silence across the broad expanse of lawn that he’d covered so many times in his youth that the path was emblazoned on his brain.
When the first fuzzy outlines of the house came into sight he heard her gasp.
“It’s small,” he explained. “Only three rooms. My aunt didn’t particularly care for guests.”
“The size doesn’t matter. It’s gorgeous, cozy and such detail!” Then her voice tailed off. He knew what she was thinking.
“Don’t do that, Eden. No, I can’t make out all the small stuff these days, but if you’re going to spend a lot of time trying to spare my feelings or worrying over every word you say, I’m going to be sorry we decided to work together.”
“Maybe I wasn’t worried about your feelings but about my own for saying what might have been misconstrued. I’m supposed to be aware of the situation and in control if I’m going to be able to help you. At all times. But I spoke without even thinking. That isn’t allowed. At least not in my book.”
“Nice save,” he said with a smile. “You are professional.”
She hesitated. “Thank you,” she said primly.
Which only made him want to smile more. “Give yourself a chance,” he told her. “I’ve had months to get used to this and to learn everything I needed to know. This is all new to you. It’ll take some time. And yes, the cottage does have very nice details,” he said, moving up the three steps to the small porch. “A spindlework beaded frieze over the porch, a patterned gable with a finial on top, fish-scale shingles. It’s definitely a textured house.”
And textures, touching, which had always been important to him, had taken on a new importance these days.
He had stopped at the right angle so that he caught part of her smile. “What?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Nothing. It’s just that this doesn’t seem like a house that you would own.”
He lifted his left eyebrow, wondering where this was leading. “Why not?”
“I don’t know. I picture you in either something horribly elegant the way the mansion is or else in something terribly masculine, all stone and massive timbers. This house is…”
“Too pretty with all that china-blue and lacy-white paint? Too fussy?”
She laughed, and it was such a lovely, foreign sound that he wondered if he had ever heard her laugh before.
“Not fussy. Cozy,” Eden corrected, “but yes, it’s a bit of a Hansel-and-Gretel gingerbread of a house. A fairy-tale house. You sound as if you have some affection for it.”
Jeremy shrugged. “It made a good hideout for me when I was growing up.”
“I’ll bet your friends loved it.”
“You might say that.” He had mostly brought girls here. They hadn’t noticed the details, and he hadn’t pointed them out, but he had no intention of mentioning that to Eden. There was already too much electricity arcing between them.
“I’ll have one of my employees bring in your bags. You’ll want to have some time to yourself.” He moved down the stairs and away. “The place is open right now, but the keys are on the kitchen table. Use them. This is a safe neighborhood, but I don’t believe in taking chances.” Not anymore.
“Jeremy?”
He stopped and turned.
She frowned. “Until there are some children and parents to talk to, what do you want me to do?”
Come closer, automatically came to mind, followed immediately by Don’t come closer. “Prepare yourself,” he said, instead. “Read up on my condition and the risks inherent to any children I might have fathered so that you’ll be able to understand and explain it to those you’ll need to talk to. I have plenty of material in the library as well as banks of computers. I’ll show you after dinner. For now, just get your bearings and the lay of the land.”
She furrowed her brow. “That’s all? That is, I’m a good researcher and I’m sure that will take some time but…you’re paying me well. Isn’t there anything else I can do?”
Jeremy blew out a breath and thought about the fact that a few years ago he would never have believed he would have a need to hire Eden at all. Now she was a necessity, and the reason for that was too unnerving, frustrating and despair making.
He slowly shook his head and felt the slick slide of regret and anger push at him from all sides, but he battled it into simmering submission. He had to, because if he didn’t, his anger might show. It might come bubbling out, and it wasn’t Eden that he was angry with, but life, and his life was not her fault. For once, it wasn’t even his fault.
Carefully he searched for the words to explain. “I’m sure you know this, Eden, because you grew up in this area, but I have servants who clean and keep my house and who cook for me. I have gardeners and accountants. Those people have always been a part of my life, and the only new people I’ve hired are the investigator and you. He’s investigating. You’re… getting ready and waiting. The getting ready is really important, but it’s the afterward that’s most important. So, the answer is no on having other work for you. Other than what I’ve told you, you can’t help me. You really can’t help me,” he repeated.
His words and his tone had come out too harsh, and Eden was looking wary. “I didn’t mean to appear flippant,” she said.
He held up a hand to stop her. “I didn’t think you were being flippant. But, this situation…” He blew out a breath. “The situation is this. You’re here because there may be a child or children who need your help. If I could go back and change the past, I would never have risked fathering a child, but it is the children I’m asking for your help with, and…I’m not a child.”
“I know that.”
“You don’t. Not in the sense that I mean. You see a man disintegrating from what he was, one no longer as capable as he once was. You see a need and you want to help. That’s…nice, but understand that that kind of help isn’t what I need.”
She stood there, silent, tension hanging in the air. “What do you need?”
To be whole, to be a complete man, to rewrite the past and change the future. “Why does it matter?”
“Your needs will be their needs if the worst comes to pass,” she said simply. “Isn’t that important?”
“Yes.” But conceding that was getting too close to admitting things he wasn’t prepared to admit yet. Not to anyone other than himself.
“Besides,” she said, taking a step closer and standing taller. “I won’t lie to you. I need this job. I have plans and goals, but before I can make those plans a reality…”
She looked uncomfortable.
“Eden?”
An audible sigh escaped her. “My husband emptied our bank accounts when he left me. He owed money, and I was the one who had to pay the bills. I’m still working on that.”
“I see. I could help you.”
“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “I’ve already done the dependence routine too many times, and it’s a really ugly feeling. I need to take care of this on my own. I can’t take unmerited help. I just…I earn my way, and I don’t take money I haven’t worked for.”
“And you feel that’s what I’m asking you to do?”
