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Sophie was standing tall, her arms now at her sides, her hands fisted, her chin jutting out further, her eyes daring him to challenge her statement.
And just like that he knew she hadn’t lied, wasn’t trying to tie him into anything he didn’t want. The tension left him. Then it was back, gripping him harder, tightening the muscles in his gut, his legs, his arms.
I don’t want to be a father.
Did Sophie want to be a mother? Obviously she did or she’d have terminated the pregnancy, wouldn’t she? She didn’t know he never intended being a parent, or getting into a long-term relationship. That he played the field because he was just like his father, an expert at moving on from woman to woman. Where was the relief? Why wasn’t he falling over backwards in gratitude for her not involving him in this baby’s life? But now she had. There was no avoiding it. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Why?’
‘Don’t play games, Sophie. I’d like to know more about this baby, and how you’re keeping. What I can do for you.’ There. Responsibility kicked in even before he’d thought things through. Thanks to his dad for another lesson he’d learned well. As long as it didn’t backfire on him.
‘That’s easy. Baby and I are healthy, and there’s absolutely nothing I expect from you.’ Despite her determined attitude, a flicker of doubt crossed that intense gaze, and her fists clenched tighter.
Unease rattled him. She did want something. Despite her statement to the contrary, there were things she’d want from him. He’d do the right thing. Stand by her and the baby. But that was the beginning and end of it. He wouldn’t be tied down. Not for the sake of a child. It wouldn’t work. He and Sophie didn’t know anything about each other.
You know the sex can be out of this world.
One great bonk in extenuating circumstances didn’t make a long-lasting relationship. Anyway, it probably wouldn’t be the same again. Want to put that theory to the test? Yeah, he did. But wasn’t going to now.
Another thing against further involvement was that he didn’t do love. Didn’t believe in it. He’d got this far without it. One too many times watching his father’s latest girlfriend pack her bags and leave when he’d been a boy had taught him that getting involved with anyone led to nothing but anguish. It’d hurt every time, watching them walk away after he’d become close and begun to think they might be there as he grew up. Sometimes it had broken him. At first he’d had to learn not to cry, then he’d learned to be stoic, and finally gruff and rude. Love wasn’t anything like it was cracked up to be. Not even the mother of his unborn child was getting a look in. Telling Sophie any of that wasn’t happening, though he still needed to talk to her. ‘What time are you taking a break?’ he snapped, louder than he’d intended.
Sophie stared at him as though searching for something.
He only hoped he could provide whatever it was. All the more reason to go somewhere private before she said anything. ‘Well?’
Looking around the busy room, where heads had lifted at his question, she shrugged, which set his teeth on edge. ‘I can go to lunch any time I like. Despite how it looks I don’t exactly get rushed off my feet. Unless there’s a forced march in the wind,’ she added with a tentative smile.
‘Then you get queues of soldiers with all sorts of maladies that show no symptoms.’ He wanted to smile back but was all out of them right now. ‘Seen it all too often.’ That caution on Sophie’s face was unexpected, given how she’d thrown herself at him in Bamiyan, and again underlined how little he knew her. It also softened his stance the smallest of bits.
Toughen up. Don’t go all soft over this. A baby, huh? A huge responsibility even if he only kept to the outskirts of the child’s life. But...he was going to be a dad.
I am not ready for this. Will never be ready. This changes everything.
He and Sophie were now tied together in some way for ever. He turned for the entrance, his legs tensing, ready to run, hard and fast, as far away as possible, to outrun this crazy situation.
The only thing holding him back was that he’d always taken his responsibilities seriously.
Haven’t been dealt this hand before.
True. It was as terrifying as that bomb in Bamiyan, and the consequences were going to last a lot longer. He had another mark to step up to, one he was not prepared for and had absolutely no idea how to manage.
‘We need somewhere quiet for this discussion.’ Sophie probably had similar concerns. Her sympathetic tone felt like a caress even if the intent of her words was a harsh reminder of what was ahead.
How could she remain so calm? He could hate her for that. No, not fair. She’d had months to prepare for today. And his anger was directed at the shock she’d delivered, not at her personally. But she should’ve told him. Then he’d have been prepared. A shudder rocked him. Really? Would he ever be able to look back at this moment and say it was a good thing to have happened? His hands clenched. Not likely.
‘Is there somewhere we won’t be interrupted?’ Cooper demanded. There were a few personnel on this base he knew and would enjoy catching up with—some other time. His best mate would have to wait too. Right now he wanted this upcoming conversation done and dusted in one sitting, though he somehow doubted it was ever going to finish, that there’d always be things to discuss about their child. Their daughter. Sophie had said, she’s yours. Oh, hell. A wee girl. His throat clogged. His daughter. This would take some getting used to. If he even wanted to, and right now he didn’t. How could a guy whose mother had committed suicide when he was six and a father who’d had an endless stream of women moving through their lives grasp the basics of good parenting?
‘We could go to my quarters.’ Then Sophie hesitated. ‘No, we’ll go off base. There’s a place a couple of kilometres south where I can get a sandwich and you can have whatever you might want.’
An ice-cold beer would go down just fine about now. Sweat was rolling down his back. From the temperature or his turmoil, he wasn’t sure. Probably both. ‘You got a car?’
She nodded. ‘I do.’
‘Let’s go.’ The idea of that beer had his mouth watering, while the idea of talking about the baby and their future wasn’t doing his stomach any favours, instead causing a tightness he couldn’t loosen. So much for a quick visit and maybe a bit of sex. Sometimes life threw curveballs. Big suckers. He needed to learn how to catch them without doing any damage.
* * *
Sophie drove as fast as legally possible. Which said a lot about her state of mind. Lately she’d become ultra-cautious about a lot of things, like she was afraid to create further havoc in her life. But Cooper’s sudden appearance in the medical unit had floored her. Knowing he was turning up had done nothing to prepare her for the sight of this man. None of her memories of that hot body had been exaggerated. No wonder she’d thrown herself at him in Bamiyan. But would she have if the situation hadn’t been so explosive? Ha. She had to ask that when Cooper was involved?
She should’ve told him the moment she’d found out she was pregnant, but what would’ve been the point? She didn’t want him thinking he had to become a part of her life. It wasn’t as though they knew each other or were in love. Getting hitched or involved in any way whatsoever with a man because she was pregnant was not on the agenda. Marriage had never been something she wanted, and pregnancy hadn’t changed her mind. She could support her own child, didn’t need to do someone else’s washing or clean up after him for the rest of her life so that her daughter could see her father every day.
Three days ago when Alistair had told her Cooper was coming he’d given her a chance to prepare what to say, yet her mind had remained blank.
She got on well with the lieutenant colonel, had managed to ignore the fact he was Cooper’s close friend until now. She suspected he’d guessed who the father of her baby was right from the moment she said she’d met Cooper in Bamiyan at the time of the attack. He’d have done the sums. Was that why he looked out for her, made her life as easy as possible? Because of his friend?
The sooner they got to Harry’s Place the sooner she could tell Cooper the little there was to say and then she could get away from his brooding presence. At least he hadn’t erupted when she’d said the baby was his. He’d come close at one point but had managed to haul the brakes on his temper. Told her something about the man, didn’t it? Controlled under fire. But of course she’d seen that before, knew how he reacted when being attacked.
‘I don’t suppose this rust bucket runs to air-conditioning?’ Cooper looked decidedly uncomfortable as he tried to move his large body in the not-so-large car.
‘See that handle? It’s for the window.’
His sigh was filled with frustration, and probably had nothing to do with their mode of transport. ‘I figured.’
Then use it. ‘The tyres are near new, and the motor hums. It’s all I need.’ It wasn’t as though she took it on trips out into the desert or across state.
His head tipped back against the skewed head rest. He seemed to be drawing a deep, calming breath. ‘Whatever possessed you to buy it in the first place? There must’ve been better vehicles available in town,’ he snapped. The deep breathing was apparently a fail.
She ignored the temper and its cause. Plenty of time to talk about their baby once they got to Harry’s Place. ‘It’s a hand-me-down that goes from medical officer to medical officer.’ When his eyebrows rose she explained, liking the safer subject. ‘A couple of years back some guy bought it and when he was shipped out he handed it to the incoming medic, said he wouldn’t get much for it if he sold it and as most medics are never here for long it might as well become a fixture.’
For a moment Cooper was quiet and she hoped that was the end of any conversation. Silence was better than questions she found herself looking for barbs in.
But no. That was wishful thinking. ‘How long have you got to run on your contract with the army?’
‘Ten weeks, but I’m only going to be on call for those weeks. I don’t expect to be called up. What about you?’
‘I’m done. For this contract anyway.’
‘You’re going to sign up again?’ She didn’t know how she felt about that. It wasn’t as though they would want to spend time together, yet he was the father of her baby. Despite her own reservations about Cooper, her daughter deserved to know her dad, to spend time with him. It would never be her fault her parents weren’t together, and therefore she shouldn’t suffer the consequences.
The irony had her pressing her lips together. She’d grown up having it rammed down her throat with monotonous regularity that she was the only reason her parents had married. Mum had been pregnant so they’d done the right thing and tied the knot. Unfortunately they hadn’t liked each other and the numerous arguments had been monumental, always ending with the blame landing firmly at Sophie’s feet. They’d certainly put her off getting hitched. Why bother when she was happy and free? Becoming trapped and miserable would be a rerun of her childhood. So—no tying the knot in her future. Unless she found a man she loved unconditionally and who returned the sentiment. As she hadn’t been looking, she didn’t know if such a beast existed.
‘I think I’m over the military.’ Cooper stared ahead as he answered her question.
‘What next, then?’
‘Hospital contract.’
‘Where?’ she persisted.
‘Auckland.’
So he wasn’t just visiting, he was stopping. Guess she should be glad they’d be in the same city. Shouldn’t she? That depended on lots of things. ‘That’s where you come from?’ When he nodded abruptly she commented, ‘You’re not happy with my questions.’ It was like pulling teeth.
‘Not particularly.’
Fair enough. ‘But I know next to nothing about you.’
‘That’s how I like it,’ he snapped.
With all his relationships? Or just the one involving her that he’d have to adjust to? Could be he thought she was working out how much she could ask for child support. She contemplated letting him stew for a while, then realised how bitchy that was. Not so long ago he’d been sucker-punched with most men’s worst nightmare. Her memories of the day she’d learned about the baby were still sharp, and that had been months ago. Shock followed by excitement, followed by fear. Those emotions still rocked her some days. ‘For what it’s worth, I have no intention of demanding money from you to raise my daughter.’
‘Our daughter.’
Kapow! So he’d accepted the fact he was a father. Or had he? Was this just a hiccup as he processed everything? Her head spun. It seemed too easy. Far too easy to be true. What was the catch? When no answers came to mind she focused on driving safely and getting to Harry’s Place in one piece.
Wonder of wonders, there was a parking space right outside the main entrance. With her usual efficiency—baby brain on hold for once—she backed into it and turned off the engine.
Our daughter.
The knob came off the handle as she wound hard to close her window. ‘Stupid car. Something’s always falling off.’ Opening the door to allow some air flow through, she couldn’t stop her mind running away on her.
My baby. Our baby.
A knot formed in her gut, dread cramping her muscles. ‘I don’t expect anything of you.’
‘I’m starting to get the picture. Why didn’t you contact me about this? Apart from wanting nothing of me, wasn’t I entitled to know?’ His hand waved between them, sort of in the direction of her extended belly. As though he was struggling with the whole concept after all. Which made more sense and was a lot closer to the reaction she’d expected.
The heat was building up rapidly and making her feel very light-headed. Shoving out of the car, she slammed the door, leant against it until her balance returned. Stepping onto the pavement, she told him, ‘It’s not like we knew each other.’ It was hard not to yell at him, to ram her words in his face.
‘Which gave you the right to decide I shouldn’t have anything to do with my child?’ The pewter of his eyes was now cold steel. His mouth had become a flat line that dragged his face down, making her realise it was the first time she’d seen him without a hint of a smile softening his expression. No, that wasn’t right. He’d looked stunned and shocked when he’d first seen her in the medical unit. No smile then either.
‘I always intended telling you after the birth.’ Her cheeks were getting hotter by the second, and not from the heat slamming up from the pavement.
‘Why not before?’ He stepped up beside her, dwarfing her with his size as he glared down at her.
‘It’s personal. Private.’ She so did not want Cooper hanging around for midwife appointments and examinations. No, thank you.
‘That’s it? Personal? Private?’ When she continued to watch him, he snapped, ‘It took two to tango in the first place. You can’t just kick me into touch and then haul me back as it suits you.’
She gasped. She wasn’t doing that. ‘It’s not like that. I wanted this time to myself to get used to the fact my life’s changed irrevocably.’ She couldn’t tell him that every time she’d thought of emailing him vivid memories of being piggy in the middle of her parents’ disastrous marriage rolled in, and had her shutting down her good intentions. She’d been afraid to include Cooper in case her daughter had to grow up with the same pressures. Bad enough she knew next to nothing about good parenting, let alone adding Cooper to the mix. Tossing the hand grenade back at him, she asked, ‘What could you have done these past months?’
‘Supported you.’
How? Money? Marriage? They were in the army, unable to move to be with someone even if they wanted to. She shuddered. ‘I don’t need that from you.’ Her friends would be there for her if—when—she asked. Her head spun. Happened a lot lately. The sun pounded her from above. Then the ground was rushing up to meet her.
‘Hey, easy.’ Strong arms wrapped around her, held her safe. Too safe. She liked these arms, remembered them holding her as they’d...made a baby.
Sophie struggled to free herself of Cooper. This was another reason she hadn’t wanted him on the scene throughout her pregnancy. There’d been days when she’d gone into panic mode, wondering what on earth she was doing, going through with the pregnancy. But it wasn’t like there’d been any alternative. She’d never have an abortion. But the thought of raising a child was frightening. On those bad days she’d been vulnerable, and if Cooper had been around she might’ve clung to him, relative stranger or not. There was something about him that could easily undermine her resolve to go it alone and that was dangerous—for the three of them.
Cooper kept his hand on her waist, and began walking her inside. ‘Let’s get out of this sun. It’s debilitating.’
‘It sure is.’
So are the spikes of heat in my blood brought on by your touch.
Her knees felt as firm as a piece of string, and her breathing was shallow.
Sex in hard boots.
Kelly’s words from that fateful day ricocheted around her skull. There’d been an instant attraction back then, one she’d fully intended ignoring. Seemed bombs could blow up more than the earth and buildings and people. All thoughts of staying clear of Cooper had gone AWOL when she’d leapt into his arms behind the accommodation block. Now he was with her, doing the same job to her internally as the sun was doing externally. Pregnancy had made her emotional, and this was just another example. Less than seven weeks to go and then she’d again be in charge of her hormones and everything they upset. Fingers crossed.
First there was a conversation to be had. How could she have got pregnant to a man she’d known a few hours and never seen again? A man she knew zilch about—being a sexy hunk didn’t count. Except that’s what had got her into this situation in the first place.
‘Are you looking forward to becoming a mum?’ Cooper asked as he sat down opposite her at a small table inside, after ordering their drinks and some sandwiches.
Sophie nodded slowly. ‘I am now.’ When she’d first seen the blue line on the stick she’d gone into denial. Being a mother had not been on her to-do list. That had ideas on it like climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge, hiking in Greece, going to Iceland to see the Northern Lights. This...her hand touched her belly...was something she’d thought she’d consider later if and when she found the right man. Or if her biological clock switched on.
‘But not in the beginning.’ Cooper was studying her too intently for comfort. Looking for what? A history of madness or irresponsibility?
‘I’ve never been inclined to settle down.’ Too many things to see and do in this world to want to disappear behind a picket fence. Except that theory had slapped her across the face recently. Avoiding life was no longer an option. But Cooper wasn’t going to take advantage of these uncertainties. ‘Now I’m ready.’ Despite the panic that occasionally overwhelmed her, she could say, Bring it on. She couldn’t wait to meet her daughter.
Their daughter.
Eek, but this was awkward.
Thankfully her phone rang just then. Ignoring Cooper’s scowl of disapproval, she answered. ‘Yes, Corporal?’
‘Captain, can you come back? One of the Unimogs went off a bank during the exercise and they’re bringing the men in to be checked over.’
Instantly Sophie was on her feet. ‘Any reports of serious casualties?’
At her question Cooper also stood up. ‘I’m available if needed,’ he said quietly.
‘So far only two probable fractures have been reported, but we’re to see all the personnel who were on board,’ the corporal informed her. ‘ETA is thirteen hundred hours.’
Less than an hour away. She had to head back and make ready for the soldiers. It was a lucky escape from the conversation she wasn’t ready for. ‘I’m on my way.’ Sliding her phone into a pocket, she turned to Cooper. ‘A Unimog tipped off a bank. So far we’ve got a couple of likely fractures. The rest of the crew is to be given the once-over. I’ve got the staff to cover it.’
‘In other words, you don’t need me.’ Was that disappointment behind his question?
‘I’d have thought after a long-haul flight you wouldn’t want to work.’
‘You were expecting me, weren’t you?’
‘Yes.’ She turned to the guy behind the counter. ‘Can you put my sandwich in a bag? I’ve got to go.’
‘No problem, Sophie. How’s that baby doing?’
‘Like a gymnast training for the Olympics.’ She grinned, then saw Cooper scowling again. Didn’t he like her being friendly to the locals? Tough, he was out of luck. She did friendly. Plus guys like the one behind the counter had been a part of her life for the last few months. Cooper hadn’t.
