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The guy was too shrewd for his own good. ‘Can’t think of anything.’
He got laughed at for his efforts. ‘You’ve fallen for her.’
‘In thirty seconds? Give me a break.’ He shuddered at the thought. And that wasn’t because Madison was a horror.
‘I’ve heard that’s all it takes.’
‘Shouldn’t you be sorting those files?’
Wrong thing to say.
‘So I’m right.’
He had to shut Jock up fast. ‘You couldn’t be further from the mark. I cannot, will not, fall for a woman, no matter how much she interests me.’
‘You ever think it time to let that go, mate?’ One of Jock’s eyebrows lifted nonchalantly, as if he didn’t know the boundaries he was stepping over. But he did, and wasn’t afraid to show it.
Heat hit Sam’s cheeks as he snapped, ‘Knock it off, Jock. You know the story. Nothing’s changed.’ Anger tightened his gut. He would never let it go. He didn’t deserve happiness when William had died because of him.
Jock started to say something and Sam was instantly defensive, cutting him off. ‘Don’t go there,’ he repeated, the warning loud and harsh in his voice. Back in New Zealand there was a woman hurting because of her fiancé’s death, a lovely woman who’d never have William’s children or share her life with the man she loved.
But across the room his pal merely shrugged as if this wasn’t important. ‘No problem. So where did you know Captain Hunter?’
‘Madison. We weren’t friends, just attended the same school. But there was no not knowing who she was.’ Sam dragged his hand over his face. Maddy’s career moves had been unbelievably similar to his. ‘And don’t even say we should play catch up on people we might both have known at school. I’m not interested so I’m staying out of her way as much as possible for the time I’ve got left here.’ As the words were spilling regret flicked through his jaded psyche. He wanted to spend time with her despite the restrictions he’d imposed upon himself. But he’d stay away. One week wasn’t too long to hold out on this strange need to touch base with her sneaking through him. One week.
‘You seen the roster for tomorrow’s patrol?’ There was a mischievous sparkle in Jock’s eyes that didn’t bode well for his vow to stay clear of trouble.
Dread he didn’t understand floored him. One look at the notice board partially explained. ‘Swap with me.’ Maddy had problems. He’d seen them in her eyes, in that fear, and for him to get involved, maybe help her, would endanger both of them. Ultimately he’d let her down, one way or another. He did that to people who mattered to him. Never again. ‘Please,’ he grunted. Not quite begging, but damned close.
‘No can do. I’m rostered to take my crew into town and check out the hot spots there.’
‘So swap.’
‘Nope.’ Jock shook his craggy head. ‘Captain Hunter’s all yours.’
Sam’s crew would be patrolling beyond the town’s perimeters. ‘That sucks. She’d better be up to scratch,’ was all he could come up with, though he didn’t understand his concerns. Neither did he understand why his fingertips tingled and his groin ached just thinking about her.
Like he was eighteen all over again, working hard to be Mr Popularity at school, to show it didn’t matter he was being raised by a family that was unrelated to him because his own had left him. A wonderful, kind and caring family, but not his.
Jock clapped a hand on his shoulder. ‘These next few days could prove interesting. Time I witnessed you being brought to your knees over a woman.’
‘You going to let up on this any time soon?’ The guy knew what had gone down in Sam’s past so why all this bull dust?
A low cry came from the treatment room, cutting through his gloom. He raised an eyebrow at Jock. ‘One of ours?’
Jock shook his head. ‘That’s the mother of a three-year-old boy with five rotten teeth and inflamed gums. They were brought in while you were out filling the gas tanks.’
So he hadn’t been texting. ‘You never mentioned them when I came back.’ Or when he’d started out to welcome Madison.
Jock shrugged. ‘You want to swap anything, you can take this one for me.’
‘Where are you up to with the boy?’ Sam held out a hand for the notes being extended in his direction.
‘Waiting on bloods before putting him out so as we can extract what’s left of his teeth.’ Jock fidgeted with other files on his table. Everyone knew he hated working with children, found it too stressful since losing a child in an emergency operation under extreme conditions in Afghanistan two years ago. He’d been on a hiding to nothing before he’d even picked up the scalpel but no one had been able to make him see that then or afterwards.
Sam could’ve asked to change places on patrol in return for taking over the boy’s case and Jock probably would’ve obliged but, damn it, he wouldn’t do that to his pal. All right, Jock was a pal, was getting closer all the time, but not so close Sam would hurt him. Good to have him at his back, though.
‘Would you look at that?’ Jock’s eyes were so wide he appeared blinded by bright lights.
Sam didn’t have to turn in the direction his mate was staring to know Maddy had entered the room, way earlier than he’d expected. ‘She’s quite something, isn’t she?’
‘Can see why you were mooning at the window.’
‘I wasn’t mooning.’
Jock’s head bobbed like a balloon on the water. ‘You sure you don’t want to stay on for the next six months?’ he cracked.
Sam laughed, if that’s what the strangled sound that burst from his mouth was. Bitter, dry and full of despair. ‘I’m no good for her.’ But he had to face up to her—now and again and again over the coming days—without becoming mesmerised by her. He turned to nod abruptly at Madison. ‘That was quick.’ Some colour had returned to her cheeks, but the exhaustion remained.
‘The shower was cold.’ Her shrug was defensive.
‘That happens around here.’ Relief softened him. Her fear had backed off. He doubted it was gone, but right now she wasn’t being crippled by it. Wariness now met his gaze. Was she worried he’d told everyone she’d freaked out over a dust cloud? Not a chance. ‘Cold water’s just another thing to get used to. Come and meet the crew. Jock, Madison Hunter.’
Jock was on his feet in an instant, his hand extended in greeting. ‘Hey, great to have you on board. Sam says you two know each other from school.’
Her mouth twisted into something resembling a smile. Not her old full-on, love-me-or-get-out-of-my-space smile, but something softer and more cautious that inexplicably settled over Sam’s heart, loosened some of the tension he wore twenty-four seven. She said, ‘That’s an exaggeration.’ She might’ve been talking to Jock but those weary eyes were on him. ‘I didn’t play rugby and Sam wasn’t into debating.’
‘You still do that? Belong to a debating team, I mean.’ Damned if he could turn away. It felt as though he was falling into a pit, a deep one filled with the scent of home, the warmth of people he’d grown up with, the lure of a future he’d denied himself too long. And would continue to deny himself. But he would not hide from Madison for the next week. Decision made, he closed the gap between them. ‘You used to be very good.’
‘At arguing a point?’ Her mouth softened. ‘I still argue about most things, but no longer under the guise of representing a team.’
‘You sure Sam wasn’t in your team?’ Jock filled the sudden silence developing between Madison and Sam and halting the prickly sensation tripping down Sam’s spine. ‘He’s always disputing everything around here.’
‘Really?’ Those brown eyes widened, lightened into the colour of his favourite milk chocolate. ‘So you know better than the army?’ she teased.
‘Don’t tell the commander.’ He grinned.
‘As if he doesn’t know,’ Jock quipped, before heading towards the room where his young patient waited.
‘I said I’d take that case,’ Sam called after him. He needed to get out of here anyway. ‘You give Maddy the rundown on how the clinic works.’
‘No, you do that.’ Damn the guy but he’d shut the door on anything else Sam had to say.
‘What case?’ Maddy asked. ‘Can I do something to help?’
‘No, everything’s under control. Anyway, you’re not fit for duty until you’ve had some sleep.’
‘I guess. One of the troops unwell?’ She didn’t let a subject drop easily.
‘A child was brought in to have teeth removed.’ Now she’d really crank up the questions.
‘One of those waiting outside earlier? I thought you said they weren’t allowed in very often.’
‘There are exceptions. Especially with children.’
‘I’m glad.’ Her hand hovered over her stomach. ‘Kids shouldn’t be denied treatment because of the adult world around them.’
‘Agreed.’ He took a long breath, pushed aside thoughts of children and babies, especially those he’d once hoped he might have with a special woman he could give his heart to. When Maddy opened her mouth he rushed to close her down before she said something that might have him saying things he told no one. ‘You like kids?’
That hand flattened hard against her belly. The fingers whitened they were so tense. ‘Adore them.’ Her voice quivered.
Why? What was going on? Things weren’t adding up. Earlier she’d been terrified of smoke that hadn’t been smoke, now there was a distinct hint of sadness in her expression. ‘So do I,’ Sam commented, still wondering if Madison had problems at home. There were no rings on her fingers. Her surname hadn’t changed. ‘You haven’t married or got into a full-time relationship?’ he asked, oh, so casually, so as not to wind her up.
‘Divorced and single,’ she muttered after a long minute contemplating the wall behind him.
He hadn’t realised he’d been holding his breath until he heard those words. Would’ve been better if she was hooked up with someone. Then he’d be able to laugh at this annoying sense of wanting to get closer to her. He’d never step on another man’s patch. What did that matter when he had no intention of having a relationship at all? ‘I’m sorry to hear that. About the divorce, I mean,’ he added quickly, in case she misinterpreted his comment.
‘So was I. At the time.’ Then she winced. No doubt thinking she’d said far too much about herself. ‘Shall we go and see if we can help Jock?’
‘Sure.’ The boy did not need three doctors but Sam needed to get back on track with keeping away from Maddy, and she, he suspected, needed a diversion after revealing something so painful. The divorce must’ve been something she hadn’t wanted. Had she got over it? For her sake, he hoped so. Wasting life pining for what might’ve been would be a shame, thought the expert at it.
CHAPTER THREE (#u33cd5417-ba4e-5353-b19a-5759563b7091)
‘NEED SOME BLOOD HERE,’ Sam called from the other side of the treatment room six hours later.
At the sound of the deep voice that brought images of pebbles rolling up the beach on a wave Madison looked up to find Sam watching her. ‘You want me to get it?’ When she already had her hands full?
His headshake was abrupt. ‘You carry on extracting that bullet.’
‘I’m on to it.’ Literally. The forceps she held tapped against metal deep in her patient’s thigh right on cue. Maddy grimaced. Talk about being thrown in at the deep end. Removing a bullet from this man’s thigh wasn’t difficult, but it was different from anything she’d dealt with in emergency departments back home. Which could explain why Sam had given her this patient when they’d been called in from the barracks. Getting her up to speed ASAP. Bullets and the army went hand in hand, she just hadn’t thought she’d be facing any this soon. She’d wanted something outside her comfort zone, and now it looked like she’d got it.
He seemed to have to pull his gaze away from her to call out, ‘Cassy, a bag of O neg wouldn’t go amiss here.’
‘Coming right up,’ replied the nurse she’d met half an hour ago when she’d raced in dressed in a hurriedly pulled on long T and shorts.
One wide-eyed stare from Sam and she’d also hauled on scrubs quick smart. He had no idea of the hideous sight her garments covered, and the scrubs would make doubly sure neither he nor anyone else did find out. ‘What’s up?’ she’d asked at the time to nudge his attention away from her. Just in case Sam had X-ray vision and could see through her clothes.
He’d brought her up to speed fast. ‘Three locals were brought to the main entrance with injuries sustained when a man in the market went berserk with a gun. You’ve got the thigh wound.’
‘Not a problem,’ she’d replied, and had ignored his muttered comment that had gone something like ‘nor should it be’.
‘We have stocks of blood on hand?’ Maddy asked now. ‘Seriously?’ This wasn’t a fully equipped hospital with all the bells and whistles. Neither was there a blood bank to draw from.
‘We keep a small supply on hand. The troops donate as it’s required.’
‘I guess we’re lucky the gunman wasn’t a very good shot or there’d have been more casualties,’ she said, dropping the bullet into a stainless steel dish with a clang.
‘The hospital in town will be busy with other victims,’ Sam explained. ‘We get those who’re prepared to make the uncomfortable trip out here.’ He paused cleansing the gaping wound on his patient’s head and watched as she sutured her patient’s laceration. ‘Very tidy.’
Her hackles rose. Did he think she wouldn’t do a good job? Of course he wouldn’t know she was a perfectionist. Lifting her eyes, she drew a quick breath. The face looking at her was devoid of rancour, filled only with admiration. ‘Thank you,’ she muttered, bewildered, and waited for the axe to fall.
‘So sewing’s one of your talents.’ His smile was soft, not egotistic or antagonistic. Apparently genuine. Even friendly.
Which worried her more than an abrasive style would’ve. ‘It wasn’t until I went to med school.’
‘You wouldn’t have had to make your own clothes when you were growing up.’ Now he grinned in what was becoming a familiar way.
‘Nope. Does anyone these days?’ she asked. She was softening more and more towards him, and she hadn’t been here twenty-four hours yet. Hard not to when he was playing nice, when her arms still had memories of those strong hands keeping her from dropping to the ground earlier. So much for remaining aloof to safeguard herself from rejection. The first rejection had decimated her. She’d never get up from a second blow. Come on, Sam was only being friendly, nothing else.
‘Not me, for one. I let the army choose my clothes.’
She aimed for light. ‘Not Paris fashion, are they?’
‘Now, that’s something I know nothing about,’ he drawled.
‘Me either.’ But her mother dressed superbly from high end shops. Madison came from money and that had caused grief at school from some of the small-minded sorts. Shame none of those imbeciles had bothered to learn how hard she’d worked during out-of-school hours before mouthing off about her family. ‘But I admit to having an interesting wardrobe back home.’ A fantastic collection of outfits her mother had bought her and which were totally impractical in her day-to-day life. Something to do with getting back out amongst the city folk and finding a new man apparently.
Maddy shuddered. Not happening. This time because she’d learned how fickle love truly was. One glimpse of her scars and Jason had come up with every excuse in the book to bail on their marriage. Sure, he’d taken a few months—long, dark, lonely months—but in the end he’d gone. And he’d supposedly loved her. What she’d never got around to telling him was that her chances of having children had been severely compromised as well. What had been the point? She hadn’t wanted him staying because he’d felt sorry for her.
Focus, Maddy. That’s history.
Continuing to suture the wound in front of her, she stifled a yawn. So much for getting some sleep before her tour got fully under way. Who was she kidding? Her head had been full of Sam Lowe, dust and smoke, Sam, burns, and more Sam. Digging for a bullet had been a welcome reprieve.
Sam was staring at her, lifting goose bumps on her skin and unexpected, unneeded hope in her belly. ‘You okay?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’ She stared right back, her breath hitched somewhere between her lungs and her nostrils. The deeper she looked into that well the harder it was to find the strength to ignore him. The same concern she’d seen in the midst of her meltdown over the smoke blinked at her. Which was plain scary. Could she manage to work alongside him without falling into the trap of wanting him? You don’t already? That’s why she had to keep him at arm’s length. This yearning for Sam was growing, not in great dollops but it was there, moving in under her skin, raising her temperature degree by agonising degree, shaking her need to remain immune to men until cracks were beginning to appear.
Cassy nudged Sam. ‘One bag of cells for your man.’
His gaze appeared to drag across Maddy’s face, a soft caress, as though loth to leave, then he flicked his head sideways to eyeball the nurse. The syringe in his left hand was in danger of snapping as he stepped back from the bed. ‘Get a line in, will you?’
‘No problem.’
Maddy dropped her eyes to her patient, focusing on his wound but unable to push Sam out of her mind. That need he’d brought to her expanded around her determination to ignore it, swamped all ideas of staying immune to him in particular, frightening and exciting her. Forget the excitement. How? Remember the horror in Jason’s eyes the first time he’d seen her burned abdomen. That particular image could always toughen her resolve like nothing else could.
‘How’s the third victim doing?’ she heard Sam ask through the mess in her head.
Cassy answered, ‘Went into cardiac arrest but Jock got him back. You think your man needed blood. Not even close.’
‘We need a volunteer to give a pint?’
Maddy looked up at Sam’s question. ‘I’m O neg, if you need it.’
‘We’re good to go at the moment.’ The nurse slid a needle into Sam’s patient’s arm. ‘Righto, my man, let’s get you hooked up and these little red cells doing their job.’
Madison let the words wash over her. Operating rooms were the same wherever she went, and as close to home as she knew these days. Listening to the banter, suturing a shredded muscle was soothing in an odd kind of way.
Sam had gone quiet. A flick of her eyes showed him working on his patient’s scalp where the man had taken a pounding from an unknown object. His attention was so focused on the job that he had to be trying very hard to ignore something. It wouldn’t be her, surely? Hopefully not. Yet a shaft of disappointment jabbed. Disappointment she refused to delve into. Instead, she hunted for a bland question and came up with, ‘Where are you headed next week, Sam?’
