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Which was why she and Mac had to remain totally professional on the job. She was not going through that again. Rolling her shoulders, she muttered, ‘Guess we’ll do our best to knock along.’ And she’d do her darnedest not to remember that hot night in Sydney every time she came within breathing distance of him.
‘Kelli.’ Mac tapped her shoulder lightly. ‘I apologise. I should’ve been the one to tell you about the changes, even if it was the personnel department’s place to get in touch with you.’
She gave a tight smile. ‘Yes, you should’ve. We’re better than that.’
Mac scowled at her reproach, and she instantly worked to loosen the tightness in her neck and shoulders, and took a step back. No loosening the cramp in her belly while standing close to him. But keeping him onside was important. Working in Auckland Central’s emergency department was her dream job and she’d do anything to keep it.
Anything? Avoid Mac as much as possible? After they’d shared kisses that had tricked her alter ego into sneaking out and letting her hair down—literally. And into having the most amazing time with a man she’d ever experienced, and that was without sex.
Her shoulders slumped. Mac had walked away when they stood outside her hotel room, key at the ready, leaving her wondering what had caused his abrupt change of mind when his desire for her had been plenty evident. A part of her had been relieved. Everything had happened so fast, those kisses so explosive, she hadn’t had a moment to consider the consequences. Not least what he’d think after seeing her naked.
But since then there’d been no putting alter ego back in the box. It was up and fighting. Instead of her usual placatory persona being in charge there’d been nudges and changes going on inside that messed with her mind.
Working in Suva had given her time to take a long look at herself. Getting away from Mac and his inscrutable face after Sydney had been a priority. It had been as though he regretted their night of dancing and kissing. Which hurt bad. She hadn’t been able to forget one touch, one kiss. Nor the gut-twisting moment he’d walked away from her outside her hotel room when she’d believed they were heading inside to the king-sized bed. That should’ve shut down all these hot, needy sensations that slammed through her whenever he came close. Should’ve. Didn’t.
Might explain why she found it hard to return to being the woman who played safe in order to keep people on side so they couldn’t find anything to pick at her about. It hadn’t been about that with Mac and yet she’d still been rejected. So why wasn’t she angry with him? Ignoring him? Why the heat and need for him?
In Fiji she’d figured it was time to dump the past. To stand tall and stare down anyone not accepting her as she was. To stop feeling sorry for herself and start taking some risks, get hurt maybe, loved, but most of all live. Had that night with Mac brought this on? Or was it because he’d shown her something she wanted? Excitement and maybe something more, something deeper?
Despite her new approach to life—still in training—Tamara’s insane suggestion had blindsided her.
Ask Mac to partner you to Billy’s wedding.
If only she could, and feel blasé about it. What if he laughed at her? Made her feel small? On the inside only; she’d never been small physically. ‘Elephant, elephant.’ Those taunts had returned with a vengeance after Steve did his number on her.
So much for looking life in the eye, Kelli.
‘You okay?’ the man wrecking her new purpose asked.
She stared at him. ‘I guess.’ Her belly tightened painfully while her heart went on a rampage, beating up a storm behind her ribs. Mac was sexier than she’d remembered. How did that work? That chest stretching the top of his scrubs turned her toes upward, and made her fingers itch to slip across the expanse of warm skin covering it. That was how.
She raised her eyes to his inscrutable face, despair trickling out on a sigh. He was better looking than her brain had allowed. Definitely sexier now she’d felt his strength under her palms. A lot more serious too, if that was possible. Selective memories here. She should be thinking only of watching him walk away from her that night and the twinge of relief that nudged her, nothing else. But some things were downright impossible.
Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as moisture dried up.
I can do this. I can do this. I have to do this.
The next phase of her career was going to be an absolute blast. ‘Right, we’d better get on with the show. Any changes in staff since I’ve been away?’ Apart from the nurse she was now filling in for, that was.
‘Michael’s swapped to our shift, having decided day shift without Conor around wasn’t so much fun,’ Mac told her as they began walking towards the hub of the department. ‘Otherwise all’s normal.’
‘Cool. I like working with Michael.’ Kelli looked around at the familiar territory, and tried to feel at home again. But it was impossible when Mac was within reaching distance. The Mac she’d got close to, not the Mac she’d wondered what it would be like to make love to. There was a difference between wondering and knowing. A huge, belly-tightening, heart-shaking difference, and she didn’t have the answer. Her fingertips tingled with memories of him; warm skin, rippling muscles. And that was only his back, his arms. She gasped.
Stop it.
So much for putting that night behind her and getting on with her life. Kisses had never wrecked such havoc on her equilibrium before.
‘Everyone likes working with Michael,’ growled Mac.
Her head flipped up. Jealous? But the burnished green eyes that met hers said no, instead warning she was not special around here. Definitely not special to him. Anywhere. ‘I’m sure they do,’ she muttered as something sharp lanced her heart. ‘How did my swap from Fiji work out?’
Relief filled those thoughtful eyes. ‘She was overwhelmed for the first few days but once she got the hang of the continuous stream of patients she found her stride. Talk about soaking up knowledge faster than a sponge takes in water. She thrived, and didn’t want to go home at the end of her stint.’
‘I can understand that.’ Perhaps she could swap permanently with the Fijian nurse.
‘You didn’t want to come back to Auckland?’ Mac asked, his voice now grave. ‘Or to ED and working on night shift?’ He mightn’t have asked ‘Or working with me?’ but the question hung between them.
She avoided the hot topic. Hot? She was standing by Mac, right? Scorching. ‘Bit hard to give up those beaches and the warm water and return to Auckland in autumn.’
Did you miss me at all while I was away, Mac?
‘Talked to Tamara lately?’ he asked. Guess that meant no.
‘Less than an hour ago.’ The friend whose wedding had started the inferno between her and Mac. ‘She’s sick of being pregnant, says her belly feels like it will pop open any minute.’ She’d been full of unwanted advice.
‘Conor told me she’s as restless as a hive of bees.’
Definitely not going to talk about themselves. She could run with that. Safer, if not sad considering how well they got on in Sydney. I missed you so much it kept me awake most nights, Mac. But playing safe was her way and she’d grab this with both hands. Best way to put the whole caboodle behind her.
Then the phone in her pocket vibrated with an incoming text. Probably her mother, in which case she’d not even look, definitely wouldn’t answer. She was not going to the wedding with Jason; nice, successful, upright citizen that he was. Today was Monday. She had until lift-off on Friday to find someone to go with her.
Ask Mac to partner you to the wedding.
Go away, Tam. Go away. He wouldn’t want to attend a wedding where he knew no one but her.
You both only knew the bride and groom at my wedding.
Yeah, well, that was different. It had been small, and while Conor’s Irish family were full on, they’d been convivial, not loaded with awkward questions about her and Mac. Unlike her mother if Mac partnered her to Billy’s.
‘Hey, Kelli, welcome back.’ Stephanie, the head nurse on night shift, appeared before her, a genuine friendly smile lighting up her face. ‘Great to have you working with us.’
Now that was a better welcome. ‘Glad to be here.’ Put some effort into it. ‘Truly.’ If not for working alongside Mac, that was. ‘I’ll have all those mornings to do other things.’
‘Like?’ Stephanie grinned. ‘Sleep in?’
‘More dress designing.’ Her passion outside nursing. Why did her gaze slide sideways towards Mac? He was not one of her passions. He couldn’t be. Dress designing. Mac. Her mind flipped back and forth. Passion.
‘I’d forgotten you made those amazing dresses.’ Stephanie was prattling on, oblivious to the fact Kelli was distracted by their boss. ‘You ever try selling them to the fashion shops?’
Dragging her focus back to Stephanie, she nodded. ‘I’ve sold a few that way.’
‘We’d better keep you happy working with us or we’ll lose you to a new career.’ Stephanie reached over to the counter and picked up a file.
‘Nope. Nursing’s my first love. Designing’s a hobby.’ She held her hand out for the file. ‘What’ve we got?’
‘A lad of seven, fell off his skateboard, probable fracture of the left ulna. He’s all yours.’ Stephanie didn’t let go of the file. ‘For now I’m doing triage, but that could change. Letting you know in case you’re interested.’
‘Thanks.’ Kelli headed for the waiting room and her first patient of the day. Of the shift, of the night roster. Of working with Mac. Her feet tripped over each other. This should be easy-peasy. It wasn’t. Mac had dominated her thoughts since Sydney. Honestly? He’d started sneaking under her radar months earlier when he’d first arrived in Auckland Central’s emergency department. The volume had been turned up by those kisses they’d shared, had her hormones in a right tizz.
Concentrate on work. Sure. ‘Davy Roughton?’ she called, scoping the room.
‘That’s us.’ A young, distressed woman stood up and helped a boy off his seat.
Kelli crossed to them, bent down to the boy’s level. ‘Hello, I’m Kelli, your nurse. I hear you had an accident with your skateboard.’
His top teeth dug deep in his bottom lip as he nodded slowly. He held his left arm awkwardly against his chest. ‘It went too fast.’
She grinned. ‘They do that sometimes, don’t they? Like they’re trying to trick you into thinking you can do anything.’
Another nod, this time more relaxed. ‘I can do jumps and things. But the board went over the step too fast and tipped me off.’
‘You’ll have to train your board to behave.’ She straightened up. ‘Come on. Let’s get you fixed up.’
The mother said, ‘The triage nurse suspects he’s broken his arm.’
‘We’ll have Davy taken to Radiology for an X-ray to verify that. Then it will be a case of applying a cast and sending your young man home with painkillers.’ She looked down at the lad. ‘He’s a brave soul. Not a lot of tears.’
‘There were a few initially but Davy’s usually fairly stoic. Like his dad.’ Mum sounded closer to tears than her boy.
‘Let’s get this sorted. Would you like a coffee or tea? There’s going to be a bit of hanging around.’
‘Love a tea, thanks. Milk and one.’
Kelli ushered them into a cubicle and helped the boy up onto the bed. After settling him in comfortably she checked his temperature. ‘All good there. I’ll get our patient carer to make that tea, and tell the doctor you’re here.’
Mac was at the bedside when she returned minutes later. ‘We need an orderly to take Davy to X-ray, Nurse.’
‘Yes, Doctor.’ She gritted her teeth.
Since when did they go all formal? Got it. Mac was no more comfortable with her being here than she was having to stand within metres of him, seeing, hearing him, breathing in that tantalising male scent mixed with a pine aftershave. Her blood thickened just thinking about him.
He shot her a glare. ‘Now, Nurse?’
Of course. An orderly. Nothing to do with male scent and heat. Kelli phoned the orderly room, then headed to the desk for another patient file. The boy was being cared for and there were more patients needing her attention.
‘Something bothering you, Kelli? You seem distracted.’ Mr Distraction himself stood on the other side of the desk.
Shaking her head at him, she muttered, ‘Not at all. Just getting back in the groove.’ Guilt prodded at her though. She was concentrating more on Mac than work. After six weeks away and no contact with him, she should be over him. Her body wasn’t listening, craving for more—more tender, yet igniting touches, more bone-melting kisses, more of those hands, his hard, muscular body against hers as they moved to the band’s music.
‘When did you get back from Fiji?’ The unexpected question cut through the daydream.
‘Saturday night. A tropical storm on Friday closed Suva Airport for twenty-four hours so I couldn’t get out.’ Couldn’t drive to the airport in Nadi for the same reason.
‘So you’ve only had a day and a half to unpack and get back into your routine?’
‘More than enough.’ If you didn’t count the family dinner on Sunday and being pestered about going to the wedding with Jason. ‘I got the groceries in, did the washing, and generally got settled. My flatmates didn’t go off the rails and trash the place while I was away. It’s not like I was gone for a year.’ Now there was a thought. Twelve months away would take care of what ailed her. But it wouldn’t solve her immediate plan of who to take to the wedding to avoid her mother’s choice.
If only her family didn’t worry about her so much. Sure, her engagement to Steve had been a hellish mess, sending her into a funk ever since, but now she was ready to get out in the dating world, she wanted to do it her way.
On her hip the phone vibrated. Again. Only her mother could be so persistent. Her friends didn’t bother texting while she was at work, knowing she wouldn’t answer. Using personal phones on duty was a no-no. Of course Mum ignored that.
Careful. Mac was watching her closely, too closely, and she didn’t trust that he couldn’t mind-read. He could do pretty much everything else. ‘What?’
‘Nothing.’ He turned away.
‘Good. I’ll get the next patient.’
He came back, looking as though he couldn’t fathom what he was about to say. ‘What is it that you’re not going to ask me to partner you to?’
‘How—?’ The floor tilted. She made a grab for the desk. Drew a breath. Tried to unscramble the words in her head. ‘Has Tamara been talking to you?’ Kelli knew the moment the question was out she was wrong. Tam might poke her with thoughts on Mac but she’d never go behind her back and talk to him about them. Shaking her head, she added, ‘No. She hasn’t. So I don’t understand...’
‘That was who you were talking to as you stood in the middle of the entrance causing people to duck and dive around you?’ His smile was bleak. Not heart-warming at all.
At least her heart didn’t think so. But she needed an answer to his question. It was none of his business, even if his name had been mentioned, but she hated hearing someone talk about her and then look away when they realised she’d heard. It started all sorts of doubts and worries.
So. Go for nonchalant. For cruisy. For this is unimportant. For my mother’s already got me a date so you’re off the hook.
‘I need someone to go with to my brother’s wedding this weekend.’
But... Come on. Add, But it’s all right. I’ve got it sorted.
The words just wouldn’t form.
‘You thought you’d ask me?’
No, I didn’t. Tamara did. But if I’d had the courage to put myself on the line I might have. ‘Just an idea. But I know you’re busy, and it would be boring ’cos you won’t know anyone, and weddings can be tedious unless you’re involved.’ Gulp. ‘Sorry you overheard. It wasn’t meant to be put out there. Girl talk, you know?’
‘I’ll accompany you.’ He sounded as if he’d prefer to be pig-hunting in the mountains.
‘You don’t have to.’ She hadn’t actually asked him. Didn’t want him feeling sorry for her single status. ‘You haven’t thought it through.’
‘Are you stuck for a partner or not?’
‘One of my own choosing, yes.’
‘There’s someone who could go with you?’
‘He’s not an option as far as I’m concerned.’ She shuddered. Whereas this man standing before her shaking his head in bewilderment was the best option ever. Which was why she should take up the Jason offer.
Hello? Thought you’d stopped playing safe.
‘Then you’ve got me.’ Mac watched her, bewilderment giving way to amusement. ‘Cutting it fine, weren’t you?’
‘I have been out of the country for six weeks.’ In case you hadn’t noticed.
‘Don’t I know it.’ Shock removed the amusement. ‘I mean, I... I don’t know what I mean.’
Or what you want me to think you mean. He’d missed her. Not necessarily something to get excited about with that denial hanging between them. ‘You can pull out. I won’t rant and rave all shift.’ Not aloud anyway.
