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Overheard
Mark Love
Jacqui Saunders
Conversations from the buses, boardrooms and bars of BritainThink you've heard it all before? Think again with this hilarious collection of conversations from around Britain, overheard at tourist hotspots, in queues, at work and on public transport.Packed full of verbal wit and gags it is guaranteed to get people talking and remember the stupid things that they have overheard.MicrocosmA tired looking mother stands hands on hips in the play park watching her two young children tumble in the dirt.MOTHER:(shouting)Jordan! Syria! Play nice!Casanova on the 137A young Casanova is chattin' on his mobile, while sitting on a bus.CASANOVA:I am so glad you called sweet. Yeaaaahh. Girl I ain't sitting on no bus. I'm here, driving, yeah? Yeah, well you soon see it girl. You gonna come out with me tonight? Cooool. I'm sooo glad you called yeah? I was thinking 'bout you…let's meet up…where? Okay I'll take you there…Yeah I'll take you there girl. I won't bring my wheels if we'ze going there. Thas alright. Thas alright…I'll be there. What's your name girl..? I know what your name is girl, I want you to spell it. Donna, Dana! D-a-n-a yeah? I knew that. I am sooo glad you called yeah? I was thinking 'bout you.A hilarious record of what people really do say. Watch out-you never know who might be listening!
Overheard
conversations from the buses, boardrooms and bars of Britain
Mark Love & Jacqui Saunders
Table of Contents
Cover Page (#u8c10217a-11f3-5690-b671-bd4284de9b2c)
Title Page (#u85ec43d5-2303-5498-8554-bd590e65ea65)
Introduction (#ufee09b2f-37b7-5437-abd0-cab39c398f8e)
Toy Story (#u5ee70979-1399-5eea-a7b4-1958c4f8e502)
Zip It (#u3d98a57a-3f8f-5468-88a9-03c7a07b7317)
The Heroic Potato (#ue1c96681-7c3f-53f7-a0fc-446e9e0253f2)
The Speculators (#ua7afed15-9b86-5d6b-98ed-4ff2edf75a5c)
The Grieving Process (#u5439e694-3e38-5a6f-a88c-0de207e2e708)
The Fablus Flautist (#u9fd3f1a0-0ce6-599a-8c4f-2b075c534e0f)
The Ear Complaint (#ud4708771-9d9c-5ce2-b060-4ba7e4ba827a)
Yorkshire Watter (#u9a3603f1-c917-510c-a853-b89b656e8f75)
You can’t cheat yer Nan (#u4bf2359e-ee9c-508d-a611-bf3bc401c124)
Year Zero (#u489a82c3-e83b-5b94-b1b2-8440a2634140)
The Dry-Cleaner (#uf827e438-ef4f-56b1-9af4-e7d569a3554a)
The Crunch (#u4260ee7f-d5e1-5536-a7dc-c82609cd16ea)
Would You? (#u15b9b055-0583-5b3c-b204-db0b4f1d33a8)
The Communication Age (#ud31c8019-5088-51a4-9776-eaf3b68362a7)
The School Trip (#u1cba6c5c-5911-5c5f-a275-9c037826455a)
The Comedic Properties of Fruit (#u9cdd49f1-ba28-5d2d-9a7e-a3377331f968)
Winsor (#ua8d58bed-3c1c-5436-bc43-d1330ef006a8)
The Chocolate Teapot (#u563f9623-b911-58b2-b1bb-7e8e042103af)
Why? (#u8aeb3695-00c3-5e41-b4f6-d2b563fd56ad)
Reclassifying the Kids (#u8bd28ffa-208e-54f6-9752-162ee555fc19)
The Art of Luvvy (#u4de600a4-8042-5092-a442-8bf7c2d970b1)
Wolves (#u3970d1a7-952d-57a4-93e5-26f1c17c779b)
Telegraph Road (#ua6498bdd-37a6-5bf3-b803-20517627f8e5)
Stranger in Town (#u74842013-687f-5295-b55d-88002333ec44)
‘Spolicy (#u90cb8a57-c467-568a-9464-e975f1b9d5b7)
The Man Who Has Everything (#u503ede32-b1a7-5f3b-8564-0ff458412c27)
Snappy Shopper (#ud7cf29db-5086-5660-befd-db0f800c829f)
The Washing-line of Hope (#u0f86ca3a-e727-5346-83f9-142782e5379b)
Scusting (#u197ef11c-8b80-5457-a61d-b6ff982067f4)
Memorable Elephants (#uf37dd3ad-28e3-5fd7-bbe9-3f45c8d98c82)
The Endless Queue (#ub0637156-f861-52dd-80f7-46499ba22b0b)
Two Birds Having It Off (#u84f6a33b-6f52-5a5b-b2f1-3bd0aff407f2)
Multicultural, innit? (#u334b470f-692d-58f2-8572-5d3702337501)
The Hot Date (#u085ae943-4e0a-5e7a-9b21-5eb630b71ca3)
S&M in the High Street (#uc11d6034-818f-55af-8dde-16b998029915)
Romance (#u486194eb-9a0a-589e-82c9-2a970e9bdf16)
Rice (#uaf1204f0-4efb-5cfd-a6d5-1d33dcefa331)
Taking Stock (#uf2a8a205-ae7e-5ab7-a178-37386648fa96)
Public Inconvenience (#ueaddae05-ef72-5604-a884-a6ddcb0291c6)
Controversy (#u0d8d379f-41a0-5189-917d-cf121b24df76)
Potty (#uf171ae2c-c6da-55e9-ae41-3954a08d6cbf)
Parenthood (#u246d24ef-69cd-529c-938d-c03383aaa881)
Over-inflated (#u04abd1a4-65c6-5486-a1b6-7fce5ad450e1)
Not the Done Thing (#ud0124c51-552b-502e-8d25-aa97cf2b2762)
Nah, Mate! (#u3969b340-d47a-576b-8216-41bb6fb2c45b)
Mothers (#u3d3a15ea-797a-542f-bc6e-d49869750088)
The Celebrity and the Portaloo (#uc8328577-65d7-5f54-9107-6d8de6d847d4)
Tourist Information (#ucbe83b4b-be80-58bc-a02c-102427c8f430)
Jimmy Scumbag’s Report (#ue7d4e8a1-f63e-53d7-8f09-a92af2efe091)
Man’s Best Friend (#u9aeeed77-16b1-52c3-9223-27116880908a)
Tea? Coffee? (#ue714e6cc-79d8-59f5-8be6-0448dfb61b13)
Innocence (#u3f15a0d7-b207-539e-a722-008b9d6cc3ab)
Maltesers (#ua673061b-f74a-5e6e-ae75-3c2641bdf7d7)
History Repeating Itself (#ud07ab4ea-e1be-51dc-840d-7bdc3f9c3472)
Mad as a Bee (#ua90f0040-ccc9-5eaa-96a5-50e4bb20e7d5)
Goths (#uf3a05b7e-d4ec-5473-9229-f6ef3a9519ff)
Arsebergers (#u83704942-3094-5c88-8652-67171c5d7dc1)
It’s the Thought That Counts (#uc5f78175-4b48-5ddc-a2aa-dc20a4531abd)
Learning by Example (#u2099fc37-49af-583a-90af-64279d2e5b47)
Fast Food (#ua851ad48-a10a-59b2-9231-9a10774db842)
It Takes Me Back (#udfa6e9c1-08d6-5fa3-979f-3ed7de195247)
Esmerelda (#ue3b92a98-83d8-5b58-8b6b-7f9fa78a5085)
Good Genes ain’t Everything (#ua84c2396-75ef-5146-b7c6-5d5758369f8d)
A Building Term (#u40188ae4-4dc4-5798-996e-391f19fa4d61)
Giving Direction (#u12cc1d25-d946-52a3-aa84-5609a4c2b936)
Battery-powered (#u0888e4d1-8cbf-5c03-b3da-866ccd942466)
Generation XXX (#uf5f210b4-a83c-51d0-854c-b1284c568acc)
Balham? (#u5ae748a0-8f3c-508a-80ec-a2efa5f98a86)
Gazebo (#u842cdf0c-18f7-5329-97aa-553293c0abc0)
Dullest Cat Food Story in the World (#u9f26eb39-349a-5af3-addd-c4e0dbf40abd)
Front or Back Bottom? (#u90655d12-ccb4-5e09-b89a-316380d7cc78)
Death of a Hamster (#u8758ed0d-8b8d-5657-9c0d-24bab354ebc4)
Finding Sense (#ue130aa7a-8130-5ea8-ab11-48790fee7fa1)
Don’t Go There (#ua4f86fea-0db8-5468-af95-d9747800a7c8)
Focking Americans! (#ub94068ad-c575-5dea-a699-57255108e602)
Bounced (#u432937f3-c455-53a0-8a9e-bf4ff0514039)
Conditioning (#u879aa6d3-ef44-5399-9efa-b1c21ae5d563)
Cheese People (#u8b4d5c07-a59f-55d6-a396-2cbb53829f02)
As if! (#udf382ddb-c21d-54f3-a070-d1623b103bcf)
Chalk (#u62421e17-2341-572a-83ba-ce947896da64)
Casanova on the 137 (#u5946cd77-d84d-5ff8-bb5d-6764636d326d)
Biting Jelly (#ud3adf4f5-cea7-509f-a890-6a6b743db14c)
Dimensions (#ua7e1e6c1-aa87-5d44-ab43-84e5503b7545)
Cannon Balls-up (#u60c38aef-f99c-5cd4-8fcc-c3c9901d8a3c)
A Good Investment (#u47f807f4-eb54-5b83-8c7e-c3e99025a2fa)
No Great Shakes (#u201e952b-d655-5084-ae70-110587f9af1c)
Greek (#u7309da2b-ca4e-5223-a5ef-b7e38caae850)
Pity (#u3e89fd10-b429-58e9-86df-692be5a6bdd5)
Care in the Community (#u96dd51ed-f04c-5b0b-b64d-73f5bd8eecf2)
Where You Hide Yourself (#u7258d4b3-5d97-5096-9ece-3cc17c4a4c64)
