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‘Why did you not tell me any of this before now?’ He sounded angry and she couldn’t blame him for that.
He’d just been shot because of her.
‘I did try telling you my uncle was following us.’
‘But you didn’t give me details, did you?’ Karim stretched out a hand and lifted her chin so that she was forced to look at him. ‘You omitted all the facts that would have given your story credibility.’
‘I wanted to tell you,’ Alexa murmured, ‘and several times I almost did. But you have to understand that in my situation not talking is the only thing that keeps you alive. For the past sixteen years, I haven’t been able to trust anyone. I disciplined myself to stay silent, and I can’t suddenly change that.’
Karim let his hand drop, clearly struggling to absorb the enormity of what she was telling him. ‘If William is willing to go to those lengths to keep the throne for himself, then there must have been times when you’ve wondered whether he could have played a part in your father’s death.’
She stared into the semi-darkness. ‘He had my parents killed.’ Somehow the eerie silence of the cave made her statement all the more dramatic.
Then she heard him draw breath. ‘I can see how it would be easy for you to believe that, given the way he has treated you, but—’
‘I was there.’ She turned her head to look at him and in the dim torchlight his arrogant profile looked hard and forbidding. ‘I saw it happen.’
‘You witnessed the explosion that killed your parents?’
‘It was meant to kill me, too. We’d been staying at our country house for the weekend. Just as we were about to leave I remembered that I’d forgotten my doll.’ Her heart-rate trebled, and suddenly her palms felt sweaty and her mouth was dry. This wasn’t something she talked about. She never talked about it. ‘I went back to the house and the car exploded.’
Another long silence followed her shaky declaration, and suddenly Alexa found herself just longing for him to comfort her, as he had during her nightmare, but he sat still as if her words had somehow rendered him immobile.
Finally he spoke. ‘You are sure your uncle was involved?’
‘Well, I had no way of proving it, of course—but, yes, I’m sure. I saw him immediately after the explosion.’ She gave a shiver. ‘I’ll never forget the look on his face, Karim. He wasn’t sad or even shocked. The only time he looked shocked was when they found me and brought me to him. And even though I was so young I just knew that he’d intended for me to die, too.’
‘You were eight years old.’
‘He wanted my whole family dead. He hated my father. Hated him for everything he had. And I was terrified,’ Alexa confessed. ‘To begin with I tried to talk to people, but they just thought I was hysterical. I’d witnessed my parents’ death, after all. Then someone I confided in just disappeared. Although I was young, I realized that talking to anyone was dangerous.’
‘I can’t believe he intended to harm you. You were a child.’
‘But a dangerous child.’ Alexa’s chin lifted. ‘My father’s child. Rovina is in my blood, and my uncle knew it.’
‘You were impossibly young to find yourself so alone.’ Karim shook his head in disbelief. ‘I’m surprised it didn’t break you.’
Alexa was silent for a moment, remembering how terrified and lonely she’d been. ‘There were days when I was desperate for someone to just hold me and tell me that everything was going to be all right.’
There was a long silence, and the light flickered as Karim put the torch down on the rug. Then he reached out and lifted her, pulling her onto his lap and curving his arms around her. ‘I am holding you, habibati,’ he breathed softly, stroking her hair away from her face and guiding her head onto his shoulder with his hand. ‘And everything is going to be all right, I promise you that. Your uncle will not come near you again. You have my word on it.’
‘I—what if the Sultan doesn’t believe me?’
Karim was silent for a moment. ‘He will believe you, I can assure you of that.’
He seemed so convinced that Alexa felt herself slowly relax, and it felt so good to be held that for a moment she just lay there, enjoying the rare indulgence of letting someone else take control. ‘It feels funny talking about it. I keep waiting for you to stand up and confess that you’re not who you say you are. That you’re actually working for my uncle.’
His arms tightened. ‘I can understand that you have been extremely traumatized by your experience, but I promise you that you can trust me.’
Alexa closed her eyes and snuggled closer and his warm, masculine scent made her stomach quiver. ‘Have you any idea how it feels to have someone on your side after a lifetime of being alone?’ For the first time in as long as she could remember, she felt safe. ‘How is your arm?’
‘Barely hurting.’
She smiled in the darkness. ‘You’re lying.’
‘Tell me about your dream, Alexa.’
Her smile faded. ‘I don’t want to talk about that.’
‘Try.’ He smoothed a hand gently over her hair, and shifted slightly so that he held her even closer. ‘For me, habibati.’
‘After they were killed, I suppose I was in shock. I just wanted to wind the clock back. I wished I’d made my parents go back for the doll while I stayed in the car. I wished something had happened to stop us leaving at that exact moment.’ Alexa paused, hollowed out by sadness. ‘That’s the dream I have. Time and time again I race towards the car to warn them, but I’m too late. I’m always too late.’
‘I cannot believe I didn’t discover any of this when I was in Rovina.’
‘You weren’t looking.’
‘Why was no one able to protect you?’
‘My uncle is very, very clever and he had many supporters. And, don’t forget, he didn’t exactly present me in a good light. By the time he’d finished, most people were wondering how a princess who couldn’t even drive her car straight could possibly run a country. I knew I had to get away if I was ever going to survive. I pinned all my hopes on this marriage to the Sultan. It was my only escape route.’
‘And you’re taking it.’
‘Do you blame me?’ She lifted her head and saw Karim’s eyes glitter in the torchlight.
‘No,’ he said harshly. ‘After everything you’ve told me, I do not blame you.’
‘You saved my life tonight.’ Unable to help herself, she reached out a hand and touched his face, feeling the roughness of his jaw beneath her fingers. ‘I just panicked and ran.’
‘You have no reason to thank me.’ Suddenly he seemed tense. ‘It is my job to protect you. And I will protect you, Alexa. You can be sure of that.’
His job. Alexa felt despair and disappointment mingle, and let her hand drop. What had she expected? Comfort wasn’t part of his job description. ‘I don’t know what the Sultan told you when he gave you this mission, but I don’t suppose the brief included getting yourself shot. It was hard for me to trust you, but I’m glad I did. You’re the first person I’ve met who hasn’t betrayed that trust. Thank you.’
‘You are safe, and that is what matters.’
She knew she ought to move. He’d taken her in his arms to give her comfort, nothing more. But she couldn’t bring herself to move away from his warmth and strength. In a minute, she promised herself, her eyes sliding nervously around the shadows of the cave. ‘Do you think they’ll find us?’
‘No. You should get some sleep.’
‘I don’t want to sleep.’
‘Because of the nightmares? I suspect you only have the dream when you are wound up and tense.’
Sensing that he was about to tip her off his lap, she reached up and wound her arms round his neck. ‘Can we stay like this? Just for a minute?’
His muscles were rock hard and rigid beneath her quivering body. ‘Alexa—’
‘Please, Karim?’ She whispered the words against the smooth, warm skin of his neck and felt his throat move.
‘Alexa, we can’t—’
‘I just want you to hug me, that’s all. Do you know how long it is since anyone hugged me? I was eight years old, and I barely remember it.’
He didn’t answer for a moment, and then shifted his body and lay down, taking her with him. ‘I will hold you and you will sleep.’
He made it sound like an order, and she gave a contented smile because only Karim would think of ordering a person to sleep.
But at least he was still holding her.
‘Do you always try and control everything that goes on around you?’
‘Always.’
She felt his muscles flex as he reached for a blanket and covered them both. ‘Sleep, Alexa.’
The darkness suddenly seemed intimate and welcoming, and she wondered why she’d ever been afraid of the caves.
But the moment his arms came round her, and she felt his hard, athletic body brushing intimately against hers, she knew that there was no hope of sleep.
Why did she feel like this?
It was just because she’d confided in him, she told herself, because he’d saved her and listened and offered sympathy. These feelings inside her were there simply because, for the first time in her lonely life, she’d dared to share her problems with another person.
It was just gratitude.
But the slow, dangerous curl of warmth low in her pelvis didn’t feel anything like gratitude, and she shifted slightly to ease the electric buzz in her body.
‘Stop moving.’ Karim sounded equally tense, and she was just about to pull away from him when he gave a low groan, rolled her on her back and brought his mouth down hard on hers, his kiss hungry and urgent. His hand slid into her hair and cupped the back of her head, holding her firmly while his mouth seduced hers with shocking expertise, demanding a response from her.
And she gave freely. It didn’t enter her head to push him away, because why would she want to stop something that felt so completely right?
He kissed in exactly the way she remembered, and her response was as wild and uncontrolled as it had been before. Excitement exploded through her, and she dug her fingers into his hard, strong shoulders, holding on as he drove her wild. She felt helpless and out of control, and when she felt his hand slide over her taut nipple she cried out against his mouth and arched in urgent invitation.
He knew exactly where to touch her—how to touch her—to derive the maximum response from her, and Alexa shifted against the blanket in an attempt to relieve the maddening ache between her legs. And he must have known what he was doing to her, because his hand moved lower still, and she felt the gentle brush of his fingers touching her intimately. And that almost agonizing intimacy jerked her out of her stupor.
She couldn’t do this, could she?
No matter how right it felt, it was still wrong.
Karim couldn’t be part of her future.
‘No.’ Never had it felt so hard to say that word, and her fingers closed over the hard muscle of his arm as if she knew that she was never going to have the will-power to do this by words alone. ‘No. We have to stop. We have to stop now.’ Before she was unable to stop. And she was already so close to that point.
He broke the kiss briefly, but only to look deep into her eyes, and the intensity of that look and the warmth of his breath was as seductive as the touch of his mouth. ‘You want to stop?’
No. No, she didn’t. But she had to. ‘I don’t want this.’
‘That’s a lie.’ Dismissing her rejection with his usual confidence, his mouth claimed hers again and she felt herself descending into a thick, sensual fog that threatened to consume her.
‘No, Karim.’ Denying her own sensuality, she dragged her mouth away from his and this time she turned her head. ‘You have to stop! It’s not right. I’m marrying the Sultan. We shouldn’t be doing this.’
‘You want me.’ His arrogant statement left no room for denial, and she didn’t even bother trying.
‘Yes. But that doesn’t change anything.’ Faced with the most impossible decision, she shifted away from him slightly, wishing that she knew how to calm the reaction of her body. ‘I—This should never have happened. I can’t be with you, Karim. I’m not the sort of woman who can sleep with one man and then marry another. It wouldn’t be right.’
She was still a virgin and that, at least, she could give to the Sultan.
He was silent for a moment, his powerful body tense over hers, his breathing harsh and laboured as he struggled to exercise control. Then he rolled away from her and she caught a glimpse of his face. The expression in his eyes was fierce and his jaw was tense. And then he flicked off the torch and they were plunged into darkness.
Now what?
Alexa started miserably into the inky blackness, not knowing what to do or say. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but knew that she had no right to do that, but it was suddenly vitally important that he knew just how much he meant to her.
‘You’re the first person in sixteen years I’ve been able to trust,’ she said softly, the darkness giving her the courage to say things she never would have been able to say in daylight. ‘I didn’t dare trust anyone else or let them close, because they always had a reason for being with me and that reason was always something to my disadvantage. It’s been so different with you. You insisted on protecting me even though I didn’t want your protection. Even though we’ve only spent a short time together, I feel I really know you. You’re the first friend I’ve ever had. And, if things were different, you would have been my first lover.’
‘Enough, Alexa.’ His voice was raw, or perhaps the darkness simply exaggerated the emotions. ‘Get some rest now.’
The disappointment lay inside her like a heavy weight that couldn’t be shifted.
She sat still for a moment, trying to reason with herself. What had she expected—a declaration of love? No, not that. But something that indicated that her feelings hadn’t been entirely one
sided, because she knew that they hadn’t been. He cared for her; she knew he did. And yet he hadn’t once expressed those feelings.
But was that so surprising?
She was about to become the Sultan’s wife.
Perhaps he believed that the only way he was going to be able to watch her marry another man was if he denied those feelings.
But she wished, even if it was just for this one night, that he’d told her how he felt. It would have made everything easier, somehow, even though it wouldn’t have changed a thing.
She was on her way to marry the Sultan.
But for the first time ever, that marriage felt less like a sanctuary and more like a sacrifice.
Battling with unfulfilled sexual desire, and a serious attack of conscience for the first time in his life, Karim lay still until the sound of her breathing indicated that she had fallen asleep.
Her words troubled him more than he would have thought possible.
What was it she had said—that he was the first person that hadn’t betrayed her trust?
And yet that wasn’t true, was it?
His role as her bodyguard had been secondary to the main purpose of his mission: to persuade her not to marry the Sultan.
But now that he had the facts he could see that Alexa’s character had been grossly misrepresented. And, knowing the truth about her, he had no doubt that she would make the Sultan a perfectly good wife. She was clearly loyal, resourceful and resilient. And she was remarkably well-adjusted, considering the considerable hardship she’d suffered since the death of her family.
Ironically enough, perhaps the only blot on her copybook was her reaction to him
