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‘You don’t have brothers or sisters …?’ Izzy asked and he shook his head. ‘Neither do I, but then I’m sure the grapevine gossip told you that.’
Instead of reacting to the charge he picked up on the previous statement. ‘Actually I was told that I couldn’t have children, or at any rate it would be unlikely.’
But unlikely had happened, a miracle had happened. Did she really think he’d be content with yearly updates on his child’s life?
Izzy was confused by his admission. She knew he was not impotent so that left what …?
‘Three years ago I had chemo.’ He offered the additional information in the manner of a casual afterthought.
Her eyes flew to his face ‘You’re ill?’ Beneath the calm surface Izzy could feel the ice forming … counting, she waited for the next breath. ‘You’re not dying? God, no!’ She took a deep breath, let it out in a long hissing sigh and made a struggling attempt to breach the social chasm that had opened up at her feet.
His broad shoulders lifted in a fluid shrug. ‘We are all dying, cara.’
Izzy, conscious that her knees were shaking, flashed him a dark look, annoyed that he was making light of a subject that was anything but. ‘You know what I mean.’
He conceded the point. ‘I had the all-clear, but surgery … well, you saw the scars.’
He watched as she closed her eyes, her long curling lashes fluttering like butterfly wings. Her eyelids lifted. ‘Well, you might have said that straight off instead …’
‘Sorry.’
Two years ago he had been in remission and the doctors had been cautiously optimistic, explaining that if he went another two years then his chances of suffering the disease were no more than those of any other member of the population. If it did return then worst-case scenario would be to amputate the leg.
Roman touched his leg now at the thought. The metal inserted to replace the diseased section might give him pain and preclude him enjoying some of the athletic pursuits he once had, but it was a hell of a lot better than the alternative!
He had cheated death, but for a while it could just have easily gone the other way. Life was that fragile. Not that he had dwelt on the possibility of death for long. What would have been the point? Such things were out of his hands and if he had learnt anything from the experience it was not to waste time worrying about things over which you had no control.
Izzy released the breath she had not been aware of holding. ‘You were awfully young for …’
‘Cancer? Yes, I was twenty-eight.’
God, so young at a time when a man like Roman would think he was invincible. ‘But they must have … I mean, don’t they … freeze your …?’
‘Are my future children in a test tube in some laboratory somewhere?’ His eyes flashed as she blushed and nodded.
‘Yes, but due to a technical glitch they got thawed prematurely.’
Her eyes widened. ‘That’s terrible! You said you were dumped. Is that why …?’
‘The beautiful Lauren gave me back my ring? Actually she kept the ring, but, no, she was fine with the idea of a baby-free life. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of admitting to her that if the cancer returned then there was the possibility that they might have to amputate my leg. Poor Lauren couldn’t stand the idea of being stuck with a cripple.’
Izzy’s contempt for this woman knew no bounds.
‘She sounds like a total and complete idiot!’ she fumed, wondering if underneath the cynical, amused façade he wasn’t still in love with this prize bitch.
Probably—men had no judgement when it came to beautiful women.
She caught him looking at her oddly and added quickly, ‘I’d have thought they’d have had all sorts of backups to prevent that kind of thing from happening?’
‘They do, but they also have human error.’ The sympathy in her wide clear eyes was genuine, as was the dismay when he added, ‘Lily might be my one chance to be a father and I intend to be fully involved in her life.’
Fully involved. The words made her uncomfortable. ‘I get that … I see, but I’m sure you’ll have your own family.’
‘I already have a family.’
‘We’re not …’ Izzy took a deep breath and forced herself to speak more moderately. ‘In what way, fully?’ she asked, struggling not to sound defensive and knowing she hadn’t succeeded.
Roman held her eyes and set out his intentions so that there was no chance of her misunderstanding. ‘In every way …’
He saw her blue eyes flicker and the muscles beneath the pale skin of her throat ripple as she swallowed, probably wondering what he knew about being a father. But what did he know about being a father?
Refusing to acknowledge the rare voice of silent self-doubt, Roman pushed it away.
‘I hope you’ll help me.’ Roman felt he was being pretty fair given the circumstances, but he would learn with or without her help. ‘I’ve already missed out on the first months of her life.’ Roman stifled the resentment that made the muscle in his cheek clench. What was important, he reminded himself, was the future.
‘And for that you blame me.’
‘I’m trying hard not to.’ But her attitude was making it increasingly difficult; she was so spiky and damned confrontational.
Sensitive to the thread of accusation in his voice, Izzy raised her chin. She was perfectly willing to take responsibility for her part. She’d had sex with a stranger and had got pregnant—not something she was proud of—but she hadn’t done so alone.
‘I realise it might be difficult for you to share Lily …’
Her eyes widened and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Holding the buggy handle, she used her free hand to lift the collar of her jacket against the chill breeze that was blowing.
‘And why the name Lily?’ Roman asked, looking at the sleeping child.
‘Why. Don’t you like it?’
The suggestion of a smile vanished from his sensual lips as he turned his attention back to Izzy. ‘Do you have to be so defensive? Look, if you want a fight I can do that,’ he said, now visibly exasperated.
‘Of course I don’t.’
‘Actually, I like the name …’ A name he had had no part in choosing. He pushed away the thought and the anger that came with it.
‘Roman, I would have told you about her, but I had no idea how to contact you.’ She gave a laugh to hide her embarrassment and managed to inject a note of rueful amusement into her voice as she added, ‘I didn’t even know your name.’
‘You could have hung around to find out.’
‘When I woke up you were gone.’ Izzy closed her eyes, feeling the familiar sick churning of shame and self-disgust in her stomach as she relived the moment she’d realised that her lover of the previous night had not waited for her to wake up.
That had been the grim reality for her in the early hours of the morning after she had fallen asleep in the arms of her lover, believing this was perhaps the start of a love affair between two people destined to be together.
Even the memory embarrassed her now.
Now she knew it had just been sex. Casual sex.
‘I’d only gone across the road to …’ Izzy shrugged and lowered her gaze, still able to recall the guilt and self-disgust she had felt when she had woken up in that strange room alone. She intended never to forget it.
‘It doesn’t matter now, Roman. It was such a long time ago.’
‘And you have so many meaningless affairs that you might have me mixed up with someone else?’
‘Hardly an affair,’ she countered calmly. ‘More a one-night stand.’
‘I have no taste for semantics.’
‘Well, I like things to be clear … and clearly I’m not your family.’
‘You’re the mother of my child. That makes you my family.’
Izzy’s teeth clenched in frustration as she watched his dark eyes follow a young woman wheeling a pushchair along a path that ran parallel to the lake. She released a hissing sigh and dragged a hand down her cheek, tucking the stray shiny strands of hair behind her ear.
‘You can visit Lily any time you like.’
‘I don’t want to visit Lily.’ His dark eyes held hers as he dropped the bombshell so casually that she barely heard it go off. ‘I want to watch her grow up. I want to help her with her homework. I don’t want to visit her—I want to live with her. Support her …’
‘I support her. I’ve been supporting her for the past fourteen months.’
‘How?’
His scepticism irritated the hell out of her.
‘What do you want—a report? A letter from my bank manager or my CV?’ She gave a snort at his expression.
‘You work? You’re an academic like your mother?’
‘No, I’m not an academic.’
His brow lifted. ‘Have I touched a nerve?’
‘No, you have not touched a nerve!’ she yelled, then, encountering the ironic glitter in his eyes, bit her lip. ‘I did an interior design course at college and got a place with Urquarts.’
‘Impressive. It must have been hard to leave.’
‘How do you know I’ve left?’
‘You are living in Cumbria,’ he pointed out. ‘Not really commutable distance.’
‘Oh, yes … well, actually I’ve done a couple of small commissions the past few months on a self-employed basis … It’s simply a matter of juggling.’ Ten balls in the air but she wasn’t about to admit to him how difficult it was.
‘It is wise, no doubt, for you to keep your hand in, considering how hard it will be for you to get your feet back on the career ladder, but I’m sure you already know that.’
‘It is possible to have a career and be a mother.’
‘Of course it is.’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘Are you patronising me?’ she asked in a dangerous voice.
His dark brows lifted. ‘I am admiring you. Clearly if you got a job with Urquarts you are good at what you do and ambitious …?’
Izzy responded to his quizzical look with a blank expression, determined not to give him any ammunition to use against her.
‘It is good for a woman to be ambitious and stimulated by her work, but the balancing act will be much easier to achieve when you have support … when you are not living alone.’
Izzy just stared at him for a speechless moment. Had he heard a thing she had said? Finally shaking her head, she surged to her feet. ‘That isn’t going to happen. Lily lives with me … she needs me … I need her … no … no … no!’
She reminded him of a tigress defending her young as she positioned herself between him and the buggy. ‘Calm down. I’m not trying to take Lily off you. There are ways around this.’
She folded her arms across her chest. ‘Amaze me.’
‘We both want to live with Lily, so the obvious solution would be to cohabit. Another option we should not discount out of hand, of course, is marriage … a definite possibility.’
Izzy stared at him and thought, My God, he’s insane! My baby’s father is a lunatic. Marriage, he actually said marriage!
‘You’re joking, right?’
‘I’m deadly serious.’
Izzy grabbed the buggy. ‘Just keep away from me and Lily.’
‘You’re being very emotional about this.’
‘Too right,’ she said, turning the buggy around.
He rose with a curse. ‘Look, you’re not letting me explain this properly. You’re not going to deny that a child needs two parents.’
‘Not if one of them is insane.’
‘When I said marriage I was simply referring to a contractual arrangement, not a romantic one.’
‘Love and marriage, now who ever heard of such a crazy idea? It’ll never catch on.’
‘I’m thinking of Lily. Who are you thinking of?’ he yelled after her, smiling despite himself when without turning she made a rude gesture over her shoulder.
‘I’ll be back!’
She did turn then, yelling, ‘I’ve heard it before and the other guy was much more impressive.’
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_3eb7b891-5521-5290-a0a8-0ebe8dd37cf8)
THE only person Izzy had confided in was Michelle, whom she described the conversation to over coffee and cakes the next morning.
She laughed about it and made it sound like a joke but in truth she was really anxious. Would he try and take Lily from her?
Then Michelle reacted in a way Izzy had never anticipated and instead of condemning Roman she actually defended him.
‘Well, I’m not saying it wasn’t over the top, but at least he isn’t trying to dodge his responsibilities, which a lot of men in this situation would, you know. Did he actually propose? It’s actually rather romantic when you think about it …’
