Peace In My Heart

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‘How brave of you. So what do you plan to do with your life now this war is over? Will you take up sailing and fishing? And have you found anyone who fancies you?’

‘What a question!’ Remaining silent for some moments, he sat sipping his half-pint of beer. Joanne suspected that she’d asked the wrong question, never having seen or heard him going off on a date with any other girl. Did that make him feel unwanted and lonely, which may account for why he kept asking her out as well as these personal questions? Perhaps he felt the need to find himself someone to care for him, having lost his parents. Then his next comment completely stunned her.

‘I don’t have a girlfriend but am quite fond of you, and concerned over what you suffered. The truth is, Joanne, I saw what that GI did to you down on the beach that day. I suspect he may have left you in a sorry state, in which case if you’re in need of saving your reputation by finding yourself a respectable man to marry and protect you, may I apply for that position?’

Evie was up like a lark first thing every single morning. On the first Monday in this job she’d spent the entire day attempting to locate all the addresses on the list, having walked for hours around parts of Castlefield and Salford. Now, knowing where she had to call, she’d knock on doors then politely ask for the payments due. Some folk would readily or sulkily provide the money; others slammed the door in her face or made all manner of excuses.

‘Can’t pay at the moment. Maybe next week if I win summat. I’ll let you know,’ was a frequently typical remark.

And so it went on, day after day, week after week. Evie felt wracked with nerves every time she approached sour-looking men who viewed her with diffidence and disdain. Others proved reluctant to commit themselves, despite being impressed with her good manners. After gritting her teeth and promising to call again, she would smile and move on to the next house. As darkness fell and very often it began to rain, soaking her through, she would deliver the money she’d received to Mullins each evening, as instructed. Generally, Evie would politely point out how she’d failed to collect as much as was owed, something she was apologizing for right now.

‘I’ve done the best I can and succeeded in persuading some clients to pay up, but others don’t even answer the door or else firmly state they don’t possess the necessary funds.’

‘I assume you tell ’em when you’ll call again and that’s why they hide?’ he snapped.

Taking a breath, realizing she never said anything of the sort, Evie gave a weary smile. ‘I reckon it takes days or weeks before some can find the amount they need.’

‘You ain’t doing too well then. You should call twice a week at different times so they never know exactly when you’re coming. Try a bit harder to get the money off ’em that’s due.’

‘I doubt that will work, or that I’m very good at this job.’ Evie felt she was working hard, yet Mullins didn’t seem prepared to give her the slightest praise for her efforts, or be very helpful. But then, as he had clearly explained to her, she was required to do as he ordered. And he was most rude by constantly complaining that she fell short of his impossibly high standards. Giving him a polite smile, she went on to say, ‘You clearly have a low opinion of my worth. Night after night you complain. I can see this must be a problem for you but I feel worn out by working hard in this so-called part-time job, and failing to achieve whatever you demand. Pestering people too often doesn’t seem to work. You should probably have employed a young man, not me.’

Harold’s face darkened. ‘I’m not in favour of chaps. Much prefer a woman to work for me. I reckon you’ll improve if you do as I say.’

‘Whether or not you’ll admit it, you’re losing money hand over fist. Same as Mr Eccles is, the mill being outdated so ’appen if you’d listened to the suggestions I made, I might have kept that job and helped him to improve it. Please let me have it back, I’d much prefer that job to this one, as many other women would, since we love working in a textile factory. I’d be much better at that.’

His face was purple as he glowered at her, a blue line around his lips, and for a moment she was fearful he might actually be about to hit her. But taking a huge indrawn breath and showing a great effort of will, he brought his temper under control. ‘I’m damned if I’ll allow you to tell me how to run things at t’mill, or in this business of mine. I’ve no financial problems, am doing fine, but need to earn more as I too could ultimately lose my job if the mill closes down. Tha’ll have to mek sure tha does better, or you’ll lose yer flamin’ house as well as this job.’

He slammed his door shut in her face and Evie turned on her heel and stamped away. What a difficult man he was. It came to her that renting this house off Harold Mullins meant she was completely under his control. But no alternative properties were available, and she’d failed to find other work. Dreading to think how much worse this job could become she made a vow to keep searching for more suitable employment as well as a better house. Meanwhile, she had to accept reality and keep on working for this man to earn money to care for her family, once they all arrived. Oh, hopefully they would come home soon.

Joanne felt as if she was drenched in confusion, having unbelievably heard Bernie’s offer. The idea he’d seen what happened that day on the beach when Teddy had made love to her before dashing away, left her frozen with anguish. Why on earth would he offer to marry her simply because of a difficult situation he suspected she was in. No doubt that was because being a local defence volunteer in the Home Guard, bravely doing his bit during the war when he was young, he still felt the necessity to protect people.

It was Teddy, the man she loved, whom she wished to marry, certainly not their aunts’ nephew. He couldn’t provide her with any sort of future that would appeal or make her happy, save for a form of protection and security. Being a mixed-up lad with no well-paid job, why would she care about him? The only thing she could find in his favour was his improved appearance. He was better looking now he was older, for all he was still a bit lean and obsessed with doing his duty. But how could he truly prove to be in love with her?

Now, as she walked alone by the shore feeling a benign coolness with the promise of autumn in the air, her eyes scanned the silvered water and golden sand, as if expecting Teddy to appear at any moment. Whenever she thought of him, the ache in her heart became increasingly painful. Would that beloved man call and confess how he missed and needed her, not having realized until now how much he truly loved her? He might then decide to find a job here in Blackpool and work hard to build a future for them together.

‘Give me the chance, that’s all I ask. I do love you, darling,’ he might say. Oh, how she longed to hear that.