скачать книгу бесплатно
Of course, in reality, she was far from that. She was decidedly out of control. But liberatingly so. She needed to do this more than anything she’d done in her life before. Lewis was going to give her back her self-esteem, her confidence, her very soul. He was going to revitalise her spirits and recharge her batteries. He was going to make her feel like a real woman again.
She found it surprisingly easy to free him from his clothes, marvelling at the way her non-fumbling fingers handled him so naturally, and so expertly. Not a hint of revulsion rose to spoil her skilful stroking. It was as if another person were inhabiting her body, a wildly uninhibited, chillingly expert woman of the world.
‘Olivia,’ Lewis choked out when her head began to descend.
She stopped and looked straight at him.
‘It’s all right,’ she said, and smiled. ‘Stop worrying. I won’t let you come.’
Lewis was deathly silent after that, except for the small scratching noises his nails made on the leather as his fingers curled over and over.
‘Now stay right where you are,’ she murmured at last, pushing her hair back from her face and sitting upright. ‘Promise me you won’t move, now.’
His expression was disbelieving when she abandoned him, his eyes widening when she hitched up her skirt and peeled off her stockings and panties. Olivia wallowed in the way he ogled her legs. She didn’t take off her skirt, finding a decidedly erotic charge in being nude underneath it. She didn’t take off her blouse, either. That could wait.
Turning away from Lewis’s galvanised gaze, she refilled her glass with champagne and took a deep swallow, just in case the wonderful effect of the alcohol began to wear off.
Bringing the glass with her, she returned to straddle Lewis’s lap with her knees, glad now that her conservative skirt was not too tight. Even so, it rode up her thighs quite a way to accommodate her position. Staying kneeling upwards so that their bodies weren’t actually contacting, she tilted the champagne to her lips once more.
‘I think I might need some of that,’ Lewis muttered hoarsely.
‘Be my guest,’ she said, and handed him the glass. He drained it, then dropped it over the back of the sofa to clatter against the other discarded glass.
‘I have to warn you,’ he said thickly, ‘that I don’t have any protection on me.’
‘I noticed that,’ she said with a dry little smile, and started undoing the buttons on her blouse.
‘This is crazy, Olivia.’
‘Calm down, boss. This is good old Olivia here. Do you think I’d ever be a health hazard?’
‘Not usually...’
‘Nicholas always used condoms,’ she elaborated ruefully. ‘I also started on the pill last month. I was just about to trust Nicholas, you see. Silly me! But not to worry. I trust you, Lewis. You have honour.’
‘Honour! My God, do you think this is having honour—letting you do this when I know you’re drunk, not to mention on some crazy rebound trip?’
‘Don’t underestimate your attractiveness, Lewis,’ she purred. ‘How do you know I’m not doing this because I’ve always fancied you like mad, but controlled myself because you seemed happily married? How do you know I haven’t fantasised about you every day these past six months, that I haven’t thought about you making love to me in your laboratory, or on your desk, or right here like this, with you buried deep inside me and my breast on your mouth?’ She watched him lose it then, the wildest, most primitive expression filling his face.
Knocking her hands aside, he ripped open her blouse and pushed up her bra to reveal her full, hard-tipped breasts. His hands were rough on her, his mouth hungry as he laved the nearest nipple with his tongue. Olivia tipped her head back with a low, sensual moan, her hair falling away from the arched curved of her spine. Sucking the whole aureole solidly in his mouth, Lewis pushed her skirt up to her waist, positioned himself at the entrance to her body then pulled her sharply downwards.
Olivia gasped. She wasn’t sure why men liked this position so much but she finally saw its attractions for the woman. Never had she felt so filled, her flesh totally impaled on his. Instinctively and voluptuously, she began to move, rising and falling upon him in the most incredibly pleasurable fashion.
All thought of Nicholas and revenge disappeared in the face of what was the most mind-blowing sexual experience of her life. Lewis was gripping her buttocks, squeezing them hard, urging her to a more vigorous rhythm. She obliged, her movements gradually growing more frantic.
Her head was spinning, her body burning. She could not find enough air for her pounding heart. Her mouth fell open and her cries overrode Lewis’s ragged breathing, a high keening sound which ended when the first spasm struck. Olivia sucked in sharply, her head snapping forward. Immediately, Lewis groaned and arched upwards, his flesh pulsating and pumping deep within her.
Olivia could actually feel her own flesh contracting around him, squeezing him, milking him. The sensations nearly took her head off. Eventually, he sagged beneath her and slumped back against the chesterfield.
Olivia stared at his still gasping mouth and tightly shut eyes, then down at her own semi-naked self. Gradually, her nerve-endings stopped screaming and a wave of satiation flooded her body, bringing her down from her sexual high with the suddenness of a wet sponge thrown in her face. A sickening reality replaced the wild exhilaration she’d been feeling a minute before and a cold clammy sweat broke out all over her body.
Dear God, what had she done?
Her stomach started churning over and over. Battling hysteria, she yanked her bra down over her breasts then struggled to do up her blouse. Bile rose into her throat and she knew she was going to be sick.
She barely made it to Lewis’s private washroom, just managing to lock the door behind her before she was violently ill into the toilet bowl. Even after Olivia was sure everything she’d eaten and drunk that day had left her body, more spasms struck. Beads of perspiration dotted her forehead as she hunched over in agony.
For several pain-racked minutes Olivia thought she might die. She wished she would die. Then she would never have to go out of this room and face Lewis again.
Her hand shook when she finally reached to flush the toilet. Moaning, she staggered over to the washbasin where she rinsed her mouth out with water, before sinking down into a heap on the cold tiled floor. She was huddled there, her head leaning against the vanity, when there was a thumping on the door.
‘Are you all right, Olivia?’
All right! How could she possibly be all right after what she’d just done? The shame of it all brought tears to her eyes and the most awful tightness to her chest.
‘Olivia?’
‘Go away,’ she choked out. ‘Just go away.’
‘Don’t be silly. You’re ill. I’m staying.’
‘If you don’t go right now,’ she screamed at him, ‘I...I don’t know what I’ll do!’
He sighed. ‘I see. I had a feeling you’d regret things afterwards. Hell, I regret them myself. But damn it all, Olivia, you made it impossible for me to stop you.’
‘Please,’ she begged, squeezing her eyes shut. ‘I... I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘You want to forget it ever happened; is that it?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not sure I can do that.’
‘You have to. Or I...I’ll resign.’
‘Resign!’
‘Yes.’
‘I don’t want you to resign,’ he muttered. ‘All right, I’ll go, if that will make you feel better. Promise me you’ll call yourself a taxi. Pay for it out of the petty cash tin.’
Olivia grimaced. ‘I’ll pay for it myself, thank you very much. I don’t need to be rewarded for what happened just now. I’ve never been so disgusted with myself in my life.’
‘It takes two to tango, Olivia,’ he said. ‘I’m as guilty as you are, if guilt is the word.’
‘What other word is there?’
‘Need, perhaps.’
‘Need?’
‘Yes. But we can talk about that another day. You’re not in a fit state to discuss the complexities of life at this moment.’
‘Just go, for pity’s sake!’
‘All right,’ he said. ‘I can see you’re too upset to think straight just now. But I’ll call you at home in the morning. Then we can talk about what just happened without the heat and emotion of the moment, okay?’
‘Okay,’ she mumbled.
‘Good girl.’
Good girl? He had to be joking. Her behaviour just now had been appalling. Lewis had nothing to feel guilty about. It hadn’t been him taking advantage of her drunkenness. It had been her, taking advantage of his no doubt frustrated state. Olivia was well aware Lewis hadn’t even looked at another woman since his marriage broke up. If he had, there would have been phone calls toing and froing, not to mention other evidence. He certainly wouldn’t have been working back late every night, and sometimes all night.
No, he’d been living a celibate life since Dinah left him, yet he was a normal red-blooded man in the prime of his life. His inability to resist his sozzled secretary’s provocative and quite aggressive sexual attentions had been perfectly understandable. No, the shame and the guilt was all hers, right down the line. It was generous of the man to find excuses for her. She didn’t deserve such consideration.
‘Tell me again you’ll be all right,’ he persisted unhappily at the door.
‘I’ll be all right,’ she said weakly, then sniffled, tears now running down her cheeks and dripping off her nose.
‘I’m sorry, Olivia. You don’t sound all right. I couldn’t live with myself if I left you like this. Let me in.’
‘No,’ she sobbed. ‘I can’t.’
‘So be it’
Olivia gaped as, with an almighty cracking noise, Lewis broke down the door.
CHAPTER THREE
‘DAMN and blast!’ Lewis groaned, rubbing his shoulder. ‘That always seems so easy in the movies.’
Despite grimacing with pain, he still bent and scooped up a speechless Olivia from the floor. She was awed by his gentle consideration as he carried her from the small washroom, angling her carefully past the mangled door before laying her softly down on the chesterfield. Snatching some tissues from his desktop, he dabbed at her damp cheeks and still wet mouth, picking out a long strand of hair from where it had caught between her lips.
‘I’ll get you a glass of water,’ he said gently, and hurried back to the washroom.
Unfortunately, his absence brought Olivia’s mind back to the scene of the crime, so to speak. The sight of her shoes and underwear on the floor near his desk made her groan. Memories flooded in of the things she had done and said.
Her heart twisting, she rolled over, buried her face into the black studded leather and burst into fresh tears.
The chesterfield dipped behind her, and she felt Lewis’s hand on her trembling shoulder.
‘Please don’t, Olivia. God, I can’t bear to see you like this.’
‘I...I’m sorry,’ she blubbered.
‘It’s not you who should be apologising.’
Olivia heard his guilt and felt terrible. With a great effort of will she pulled herself together and rolled over to face him. ‘But it wasn’t your fault, Lewis.’
‘Yeah, right.’
His eyes dropped from hers, his shoulders sagging.
Olivia took the glass of water he was holding and drank deeply, using the time it took to empty the glass to collect herself, and her thoughts. She supposed she could keep indulging herself and totally fall apart. Or she could face what she’d done, honestly and without melodrama, and try to go on from there.
The temptation to just throw in the towel was strong, she had to admit. After all, what was the point in going on? The future she’d been working for and planning towards had no hope of being revived. Yvette had seen to that Olivia knew it would take ages before she could trust her heart to another man. If ever.
Olivia was a very careful person.
When she was sober, that was.
Olivia gulped down the last of the water and came to a decision. Lewis didn’t deserve her adding to his guilt in this matter. She could at least pretend she was all right for now, even if it wasn’t so.
There was no doubt in her mind, however, that she would have to resign. How could she possibly face Lewis day after day in this very office? How could she stop the memory of this afternoon from undermining both her own self-respect and the respect her boss once had for her?
Still...the resigning could wait till after the Christmas break. Frankly, she was far too fragile to do anything at the moment except go back to her flat and go to bed.
Alone.
But first she had to make Lewis feel better about his part in all this.
‘Thank you,’ she said quietly, and handed him back the empty glass.
His eyes lifted to search her face. ‘Are you going to be all right, Olivia?’
‘Yes, of course,’ she said, although her smile was small and wan. ‘I’m just being a typical woman.’
‘Oh, no,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘You’re far from being a typical woman.’
Olivia blushed fiercely and Lewis groaned. ‘That’s not what I meant, damn it! Hell, I can’t seem to do anything right.’
‘I think you’ve done a lot of things right, Lewis. Not many men would be as considerate or caring in the same circumstances. Believe me when I say I don’t blame you for a single thing.’
‘That’s because you’re not in my body.’
Olivia decided to leave that one well and truly alone. ‘What’s done is done,’ she said wearily. ‘I think we’re both being far too hard on ourselves.’
The corner of Lewis’s mouth lifted in a wry expression. ‘Naturally. We’re human beings. But perhaps you’re right. Enough is enough. I’d better take you home now. You still look a little green around the gills.’
Olivia didn’t doubt it. She felt dreadful. Alcohol poisoning, probably. Either that or some of the seafood she’d devoured with gay abandon on her champagne high might have harboured some gut-raising bacteria.
‘I’ll bring the car round to the side door,’ Lewis offered, ‘and meet you there in... say... five minutes?’
Olivia was grateful for the opportunity to retrieve her underwear in private, although the action of gulling them on sent her back to that unbelievable moment when she’d taken them off. Had that really been her, that incredibly bold and sexy woman who’d held Lewis in thrall? He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her, hadn’t been able to stop himself from wanting her.
Olivia shuddered violently. She still could not believe what she’d done. Looking back, it was as if it had been some other person saying and doing those things.
Shaking her head, she leant against the desk while she angled her feet back into her shoes then stuffed the ends of her blouse back into her skirt. When she walked out to her own office the first thing she saw was the black bow she’d so recklessly pulled out of her hair all those hours earlier. Groaning, she shoved the painful reminder into her handbag, swept up her jacket from the back of her chair and hurried out of the room.
