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Driin! Driin!
Stop it! Stop it!
Driin! Driin!
The ringing enters me and continues undaunted to echo. My whole head throbs following the incessant rhythm of the trill...
Damn it! Why don't you explode?
Driin...
Now the noise is softer, more distant, almost imperceptible.
The phone has stopped, but then why do I hear it anyway?
It's not real, that's why!
Yes, it's just the memory ringing and calling me, taking me back to the time when it all began...
Home
"Hello? Who is this?" I mumble with a slurred mouth.
"Hello Davide, this is Roberto, am I disturbing you?"
"No, no...tell me." Lie. At nine o'clock on a Sunday morning I'd kill an altar boy too!
"I just couldn't wait to tell you something incredible!" Typical euphoria: yesterday I met...
"Yesterday I met..." ... the most beautiful woman in the world!
"The most beautiful woman in the world!" Obvious. As is Roberto, by the way.
"It's... it's that I can't wait anymore! This time she's the one, she's... she's gorgeous!" Ouch! He stutters as well.
"And how... augh...," I yawn, " ... how did you meet her?"
Obvious question. I look around. Coffee. I'm craving, needing a liter of coffee.
"Do you remember I had made friends with that group of people in a chat room?"
"Yes..."
I catch a pot with cold coffee in it, put it on the stove, turn on the gas and wait.
"Well, we decided to meet at a club they attend often."
"And in this group you met the suave maiden?"
The coffee is now hot and I reach for the pot.
"Ouch!" Hot as hell, the damn thing!
I use a potholder and pour it into a glass.
"Not really, the only two girls in the group are...let's just say nice!"
That means: a real stinker.
"Then I guess I'm lost. Sorry, but when does the fairy show up?"
A teaspoon of sugar, I turn and taste.
"Blah!" It really sucks! Nothing like freshly brewed coffee. Idiots, me and my laziness.
"Keep calm, I don't want you to lose the taste." No mercy for sleep, though?
I listen silently, straining to swallow my dose of caffeine posing as a coffee substitute.
"When we entered the place, I thought that if they frequented such a place, it meant they were completely out of their minds! The decor resembled a catacomb, with coffin-shaped tables, skulls everywhere, and violent Heavy Metal music overwhelming you, all topped off with a rich and varied fauna of tattooed lunatics with serial killer faces."
"Um... a great place for a hot date! How did you survive?"
"All appearance, trust me. The bigger and more pierced they are, the more tame they are. Anyway, aside from the initial discomfort, after a couple of beers everything seemed a little more normal to me."
Thankfully, he called. Now I was hungry, too.
"The evening was going on quietly, nothing exciting, but it was going on. Then suddenly I noticed a girl sitting alone at a small table not far away. She was staring at me insistently. Beautiful, trust me! The great thing was that, with mischievous glances, she was doing nothing but inviting me to go to her. My heart rate tripled, I could feel the adrenaline whipping every inch of my body and I didn't give a damn what the others at the table were saying, I just thought I had to go to her and kiss her on the lips. She had fully bewitched me!"
I don't think it should be that hard to bewitch a drunk with the hormones of a revved up Lamborghini.
"I have no doubt to think so! So what did you do?"
Where had I put the cookies? Ah, there they are!
"I gathered my courage and did the first thing that popped into my head: I got up under the guise of going to the bathroom. I walked by her table and then flashed her my best smile!"
"Did she reciprocate?"
Cookies without salt? How the heck did I get that wrong?
"More than that! I've never seen a better smile! On the way to the bathroom I was practically flying! But now hold on tight here comes the best part of the story. When I came out of the bathroom, she was standing, leaning against a pillar, with her arms crossed waiting for me. You can imagine the look on my face when I saw her."
"Dumbstruck. Undoubtedly."
"Well, sort of, yes. I'm sure you would have been dumbfounded, too, in my place. She had on a decidedly short and very, very tight dress that highlighted her every curve perfectly in keeping with the universe. Trust me when I tell you that more generous than that, God could not have been!"
"Interesting...then what happened?"
"Then the first gaffe. She stares at me and says: are you going to seduce me with your hidden talents? I there and then don't understand and look at her curious about the strange question. She points at my pants and I realize that I had forgotten to unbutton my fly! Immediately I dissolve into a thousand excuses, while I try in every way to close the zipper, which was also jammed. At that point she stops me and says: don't worry, you did it.
How? What?
"Did you get it? What do you mean you got it? Don't tell me that..." He's mocking me! No doubt about it!
"It means she threw herself at me and while we were kissing she pushed me into the bathroom. Then she locked the door and...my God, I still can't believe it!"
Neither can I and I am a man provided with a lot of imagination....
For the first time since middle school he woke me up for a serious reason.
"But now you have to tell me everything in detail!"
You really managed to pique my curiosity.
"Actually, I'm a little bit confused, it's like I have a hole..." You've had that since birth.
"What the hell are you talking about? It's not like I asked you what cocktail you had, you can't not remember the most mind-boggling thing that's happened to you in the last ten years!" Maybe even twenty.
"It's weird, isn't it? And yes I was a little tipsy, but not totally drunk! I know something happened, but don't ask me what. I only remember that when I came out of the bathroom I was like in a trance and I staggered back to the table with the others, who in the meantime had given me up for lost." He raved.
"What happened to that woman? Did you ever see her again after that?"
"Yes, when we left, before leaving the club, she was standing by the door and smiling she came towards me. I was the last in line and kept contemplating her. She mischievously put her mouth to my ear and whispered: see you soon! Then she disappeared into the crowd."
"And when do you plan to go looking for her?" Assuming, in the best case scenario, you don't see her coming out of the bathroom with someone else.
"Tonight itself! I want to take her to my apartment this time though, the bed is certainly more comfortable!" He tries to sketch a half laugh of understanding. He fails badly.
"Roberto... I know you have already thought about it, but I recommend you: you don't know her well, try to be careful. Remember to take the right precautions..."
After all, he's a nice guy, a bit of a pain in the ass and quite petulant, but still a nice guy.
"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing and I've got a new twenty-four box. I have to say goodbye now, I have to get ready, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow at the office. Bye, Davide."
Twenty-four: call it just recovery.
"Sure! Bye and good luck."
With the hope that he would remember something later.
In bed
Now the sunlight is starting to fade. It's clouding over, a relief for my eyes. I loosen the grip with which I held them firmly closed. I feel a slight ache in my temples from exerting myself too long.
I stop struggling against the bed that keeps me encased, because I'm part of it now.
I try to open my eyes. Nothing doing, the eyelids are glued.
It's not possible! I can't stay here motionless waiting for someone to find me!
More minutes pass. Now the annoyance becomes anger.
I rebel, concentrating all myself on that simple movement that I will have done a million times. Easy, isn't it?
One, two and... three! Nothing.
Easy my ass!
But what's happening to me? What's happened to me? Is it possible that I don't remember anything from last night?
I smell something...where is this scent coming from?
Office
"Do you like it? My sister gave it to me for my birthday. Good, right?" Yes, I would recommend it to any prostitute.
"Do you decided to intoxicate the whole office? You're already wearing those armpit miniskirts, then you're also bathing in perfume, don't complain if someone gives you a good pat on the butt!"
Direct approach. Could this be the time she smiles and lets me know she wouldn't mind?
"Except for the fact that I put in very little...and besides, it's not like they're all maniacs like you, dear!"
Sour and moody like most secretaries. But do they take any special courses?
Attempting a smile, I flip through the mail she gently tossed to me on the counter.
"By the way, Francesca, has Roberto arrived yet?"
"Who, the klutz? No, he still hasn't shown up this morning. At the very least he's still trying to get his brain in gear, assuming he can find it."
It's more likely that he's walked by without her noticing him, since her attention is entirely focused on the nail art she carefully applies to her nails.
"Alright, thanks, I'm off to the office, but...don't tell me you have a white hair?"
I hold back my laughter and point to an unspecified spot in her thick hair.
"Where? No way!" Hit and miss.
Vanity: the woman's weak spot.
"And yes... I'm sorry, but it's right there. Must be the stress of overwork?"
I leave her to her hysterical search for the non-existent evil one, while she torches her hair, plucking at it like a monkey.
It's ten thirty, I huff and puff and throw my pen on the coffee table. Coffee break. But what happened to Roberto? Do you want to see that last night he came back from the nymphomaniac and she exhausted him so much that he hasn't recovered yet? I kick the vending machine that has swiped my coin twice. It works, the coffee comes out and meanwhile I try to call Roberto.
First ring: free.
