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“I know that I have no reason to ask you for anything and you have no reason to go along with it. But you were there in Jay’s hospital room, Scarlet. You heard him beg me—us—to take care of Luna. He was worried enough about leaving Rachel all alone, and now he’s powerless to do anything but leave his daughter behind. I know our situation is complicated, but I couldn’t tell him no. I need your help.”
Scarlet crossed her arms over her chest. He knew from years together that it was her defensive posture. She was uncomfortable with this entire situation. “What are you asking of me, Mason? Do you want us to get back together just so you don’t have to do this alone?”
“No, of course not.” But what did he want? He really hadn’t had enough time to process what all this would mean. Life-changing moments that arrived in the wee hours of the morning were hard to work through with a combination of stress and sleep deprivation. He couldn’t process a long-term plan at this point; he could only focus on his next steps. The most important things were to make sure Luna was safe and Jay was at ease.
“For now, I just need you to do me two favors. First, please let’s keep the divorce a secret from Jay and the rest of my family until after...” Mason couldn’t finish the sentence. He still hadn’t fully accepted the fact that his brother had only weeks left to live. Skin cancer was supposed to involve removing a bad mole and getting a lecture about sunscreen. It wasn’t supposed to strike down an otherwise healthy father in his early thirties.
Scarlet watched him silently with dark eyes that didn’t betray what she was thinking. She was always too hard for him to read. Whatever happened inside Scarlet’s head was a secret from Mason. To this day, he wasn’t sure if she blamed him for the fact that they couldn’t have children. It was his fault, really, but did she look at him and see a barren future because of him? He didn’t know. He also didn’t know if she felt he was responsible for everything that happened with Evan. Had he fought hard enough to keep him? Had he hired all the best attorneys their money could buy to keep their son in their home? He thought he had, but it hadn’t been enough.
All he knew was how he felt, and he felt like a failure where Scarlet was concerned. Mason wasn’t the kind of man who failed at anything. He turned a small Venice Beach surf store he started in college into a chain with locations at every major beach in California, Florida and Hawaii. Spencer Surf Shops was more successful than he’d ever dreamed. But none of that mattered to him when he saw the brokenhearted look on Scarlet’s face the day they took Evan away. He had failed her in the one dream she longed to fulfill more than any other.
“Okay. What’s the second favor?” she asked at last.
“I need to move back into the house.” He held up his hand to stop her inevitable protest. “Not forever. I don’t want you to think I’m just trying to sweet-talk you into taking me back so I have a permanent babysitter. But I want to create the illusion of a secure future for Luna with the two of us to give Jay some peace of mind. Everyone thinks we’re still together.”
Scarlet flinched. “You walked out on me and now you just expect me to let you move back in?”
Mason tried not to let her reaction hurt his feelings. He was the one who had left, although he didn’t like the idea that she’d already gotten used to living without him. They were together nine years. “Yes, that’s what I’m asking, but you know I wouldn’t if I had any other choice. It’s just for however much time Jay has left. It will also give me some time to get my place ready for a baby. Our house has a nursery ready to go.”
Scarlet’s already pale skin seemed to blanch at his words. “Evan’s nursery? You want to put Luna in Evan’s room?”
Mason’s jaw tightened. Scarlet’s protection of Evan’s space was something that he’d never challenged before. He knew it wasn’t healthy to keep the room like a shrine to a child who was never returning, but pushing the issue with her seemed like a cruel fight to pick.
“It’s an unused nursery,” Mason clarified. Evan was never going to use it ever again. It was just a room with a crib, a changing table, and some baby supplies and toys that would help ease the situation they were in. “I’m not saying Luna has to stay there forever.”
Scarlet’s lips flattened into a tight line of displeasure, but she didn’t argue with him. Instead, she seemed to be considering his request for a moment, finally dropping her arms at her sides. “Okay, fine. You can stay at the house and bring Luna. But,” she emphasized, “I’m not going to be your nanny, Mason. I’ve got a new gallery opening in San Francisco in two weeks, not to mention a large commissioned piece for a hotel in Maui. I’m behind on it because of everything that’s happened between us and I have to get it done.”
“That’s fair,” Mason said cautiously. “What do you need to make this work for us?”
“I’m happy to keep up appearances for Jay’s sake, but you need to get a nanny to take care of Luna. I won’t—no, I can’t—go into Evan’s room. I don’t even like the idea of Luna using it, but I know that’s unreasonable. You can use it, but don’t expect me to be in there singing lullabies and rocking Luna to sleep. Please don’t ask me to.”
Mason watched as frustrated, glassy tears formed in Scarlet’s eyes. It had been over a year since the judge awarded Evan back to his biological mother, but it may as well have been yesterday as far as Scarlet was concerned.
He had hoped that she might enjoy the time with her niece, but that didn’t appear to be the case. She actually seemed repelled by the idea, which surprised him, but he wouldn’t push the issue. If she agreed to the two favors that really mattered, he would find a way to make it work even if Scarlet was hands-off with Luna.
“I understand. Thank you for doing this. I’ll see about a nanny first thing in the morning.”
“Where is the baby now?” she asked.
“With my parents.” It gave them something to focus on other than the grief. Luna was the same happy baby she always was. For her, nothing was different and that was a good distraction for them. “They’ll probably keep her until Rachel’s memorial service.”
Scarlet nodded and reached into her purse. She pulled out a key and handed it to him. “This is to the house. I had the locks changed after you moved out. Just let me know you’re on your way before you show up. Remember this isn’t your place anymore.”
Without another word, Scarlet turned and headed toward her car in the hospital parking lot. Mason watched her drive away with an aching feeling of disappointment in his stomach. He hadn’t been able to shake that feeling the last few years of their marriage as they battled to start a family. He’d hoped that maybe when they were apart, the feeling would go away. It only got worse.
Scarlet had agreed to do him these favors, but he could tell she didn’t want to. She had loved her little niece, but she resisted the idea of being hands-on with her. He hadn’t had time to ponder the possibilities of what Luna could mean for their relationship, but it was clear that those ideas would just be fantasies. She didn’t want anything to do with Luna. She wanted a child of her own. Once they were divorced, there was no reason for her to even pretend to be a family. Hell, that was why he’d left in the first place, so she wouldn’t be held back from her dream.
That meant that once Jay passed away, Mason was going to be raising his niece all on his own.
A feeling of overwhelming panic started to wash over him. It felt like the first time he’d caught a huge wave surfing and had been engulfed by the harsh cone of water. He could only brace himself for the inevitable wipeout, knowing he was in way over his head.
Two (#udef2877e-4cb0-5bc6-969a-cee3e7d20c73)
“You just need to go in there. Get it over with.”
Scarlet turned to her manager, April, with a frown. They were sitting on her poolside deck overlooking the Pacific Ocean. “All right, you’re cut off. No more wine for you.” She picked up the bottle of chardonnay from the table and moved it out of her friend and employee’s reach.
“I’m not drunk. I’m serious, Scarlet. Do it right now. I’ll even go with you. Just open the door and step into the nursery. I think once you do it you’ll feel better. It’s just a room. It doesn’t have any power over you that you don’t give it.”
“Thank you, Dr. Phil. I’ll take that under consideration, but I’m not going in there right now.” April was Scarlet’s best friend, but she was regretting confiding in her about her latest situation with Mason. She was from the school of tough love and wouldn’t pull any punches if she thought Scarlet needed to hear the truth.
“Does anyone go in there? Ever?”
“The housekeeper goes in to clean once a week.”
“Did Mason ever go in there?”
Scarlet hesitated to answer, the memories of that night flooding through her mind like it was yesterday. “He did once. The night they took Evan away. He sat on the floor and cried. Losing Evan was hard on us both. Adopting that beautiful baby boy was a dream come true for us after struggling so long with infertility and sitting on the waiting list to get a baby. It was the best four months of my life. And then when the mother changed her mind...”
April reached across the table and took Scarlet’s hand. “I know it was hard on you. And I’m not going to be the jerk who tells you to move on and forget about him, because that’s never going to happen. You loved that little boy more than anything. Hell, I couldn’t get you to put him down long enough to paint. But I do think that you’re being unreasonable about the nursery. It’s just a room filled with furniture like any other room. Once Mason and Luna move out, maybe you need to redecorate.”
Scarlet snatched her hand away. “Redecorate?”
“Yes. Donate the furniture and baby clothes to a needy family. Paint the walls. Maybe turn it into an office or a yoga studio. Something that won’t haunt you every day about what you lost.”
Scarlet took a large sip of wine and sat back in her Adirondack chair. April was right. She knew she was right. She just hadn’t been able to make herself do it. In her heart, it was Evan’s room. It was their chance at a baby, as brief as it was, and changing that room meant that she was giving up on that part of her life. Or at least it felt that way.
“After they move out, I’ll consider it,” she agreed reluctantly. That answer would hopefully be enough to appease April, but not require her to march into the house and do something about it right that instant.
April gave her a satisfied smile and took a bite of the homemade guacamole and chips she’d brought with her for their girls’ night in. “When is Mason moving in?”
“The funeral service for Rachel is tomorrow, so probably tomorrow night or the next morning.”
“Are you prepared for having your soon-to-be ex-husband living in the house again?”
Scarlet sighed. She wasn’t really sure how she felt about it. “It’s hard to say. This whole situation is so complicated. On one hand, he hasn’t been gone that long, so having him back in the house may just feel like he’s been on an extended business trip. Then again, he’ll be in the guest room, not in bed beside me.”
“You could always invite him into the bed beside you,” April said with a sly wink.
Scarlet responded with a nervous giggle. “Yeah, right. I’m sure he’d bite, because that won’t complicate matters at all. Anyway, if my feminine wiles were that powerful, I wouldn’t have lost him in the first place.”
April ignored her sarcastic tone. “I still don’t understand how you two could break up. You were the perfect couple. Your marriage was what I was striving for. Now you’re divorcing and living in separate houses. It makes me feel very dubious about my own love life. I don’t get it.”
No relationship was perfect, although it might look like it from the outside. “We had issues. There were a few things that bothered me before the baby thing came up, but I thought we could work through it. In the end, I’m not the one who left, April. You’ll have to ask Mason why he decided to give up. I know things between us had become...strained... And then he told me he wanted a divorce.”
It had been only a couple months since their marriage unraveled, and the moment was still fresh and painful in her mind. She knew she hadn’t been herself. Not since they lost Evan. But she’d been getting better. She was trying to reimagine her future without a child in it, and that took time to come to terms with.
“What reasons did he give for wanting the divorce?”
“He said he didn’t want to hold me back from my dream of having a family. Since he was the one who couldn’t have children, he said he thought it was best to step aside and let me find someone who could.”
April’s mouth fell open. “That’s the most romantic breakup I’ve ever heard of.”
Scarlet shook her head. “I don’t know that I believe it was entirely selfless. It sounds noble, but I know Mason. He can’t stand to fail at anything. Mason doesn’t do well when he isn’t on top. He’d rather walk away from something if he can’t succeed. He’s done it before. Did you know he was a vice president at his father’s company before he quit and started the surf shop? That he dropped out of grad school? This was the same thing. Staying married to me would be a daily reminder that he failed and couldn’t give me a child. And by that point, we’d started growing apart. If you’d asked me two years ago about us ever divorcing, I would’ve laughed in your face. But we’d become strangers living in the same house.”
She knew most of that was her fault. Once they started to try having a family, she’d become obsessed with the idea. As the only child of two only children, Scarlet had always wanted a big family. Three or four kids at a minimum. For the first five years of their marriage, she and Mason had been focused on their careers and they’d been very successful. It wasn’t until they decided to finally try for a family that things started to come apart.
Their passionate nights became dominated by ovulation kits and monthly disappointments. Then romance went out the window entirely in the face of sterile doctors’ offices and medical exams that uncovered that Mason was infertile. It had been a huge blow to them both, but Mason seemed especially devastated by the diagnosis. She had tried to convince him that she didn’t care, that they could adopt a child who needed a home. When that fell apart, too, they had no hope left for their marriage to cling to. At that point, Mason did what he always did—he made a decision without consulting her, and moved out.
“Do you think things will be different with him back in the house again? Now that he has custody of Luna, perhaps you could reconcile.”
Scarlet didn’t really think that was an option. Being back together would be awkward at best, contentious at worst. She imagined them tiptoeing around each other, trying to adapt to a new dynamic that flew in the face of nine years together. “This won’t really be the right environment to rekindle our romance. We’ll have Luna here. And the nanny.”
April set down her empty wineglass and turned in her seat to look at Scarlet. “May I ask what the nanny is about?”
Scarlet’s brow furrowed at her friend’s silly question. “I’m on deadline. That massive humpback whale oil painting is due next week. You of all people should know that. And we’re on the verge of opening up the Fisherman’s Wharf gallery. That’s going to keep me busy.”
April didn’t look convinced. “So busy that a woman desperate for children can’t make time in her day to care for her orphaned niece, who needs a mother more than anything in the world?”
Scarlet frowned at her insightful friend. So she wasn’t that busy. They would need help with Luna, though. She’d rather have an in-home nanny than put her in day care while they worked.
“Tell me that you’re not putting up these walls as a self-preservation mechanism,” April said.
“A what?” Scarlet snapped.
“You got attached to Evan and you lost him. Are you deliberately keeping distance between you and Luna so you don’t get attached to her, too?”
That question hit a little closer to home than Scarlet cared for. Best friends saw too much sometimes. “It’s not my baby, April, and Mason and I aren’t reconciling. I know this whole thing seems like a terrible twist of fate that will reunite us and give us the child we’ve always wanted, but that’s just not the case. Mason made it very clear to me that this is all for show, to put Jay at ease.”
She sat back in her chair with a sigh. “Of course I love Luna as my niece, but no... I’m not going to let myself fall head over heels for her when Mason is her sole legal guardian. I basically have no rights in the matter. When he decides the time is right, he’s going to take her away from me and carry on with his life. I’ll be alone again, and brokenhearted, because he decided I need to go out and have a child of my own. No.” She shook her head. “I’ll do what he asked of me, but I can’t let myself get attached to another child that isn’t mine. That’s why I refused to try adoption a second time after we lost Evan. I couldn’t go through that again.”
“So there’s no chance whatsoever that you and Mason will call off the divorce and raise Luna together?” April looked at Scarlet with big, hopeful eyes.
Scarlet understood. It was a beautiful fantasy to have. They really had had a marriage that made other people jealous. They’d started out their careers together, had common goals and interests, and aesthetically they were a match made on a Hollywood film set. Losing Mason had been doubly hard because she really didn’t think she’d ever find another relationship like that one. It was one of a kind and she hated to let it go, but she couldn’t figure out how to hold on to it either.
She’d once held that kind of hope for her marriage, but she’d realized she was being naive. “No, April. While it might seem like our divorce was all about kids, it isn’t that simple and adding a baby won’t fix everything. Mason and I are not getting back together no matter how things might look.”
* * *
Mason’s gaze kept drifting from the white casket covered in pink roses to his wife and niece beside him. The service had been beautifully done. He was surprised, really, considering they had everything arranged for Jay and nothing arranged for Rachel. Fortunately, the funeral home had handled most of the details, and they’d purchased their plots months before after Jay’s grim diagnosis.
To Mason’s other side, Jay was seated in his wheelchair. It was hard for Mason to look at his younger brother. He was like a shriveled skeleton inside the black suit he’d worn last when he was fifty pounds heavier. A hospice nurse had come out with him to check on his oxygen and make sure he didn’t overdo it. Even though it was July, he had a blanket over his lap and a pink rose clutched in his hand. All things considered, he was holding together pretty well.
Mason wished he could say the same about himself. On the outside he looked calm and collected enough, but on the inside he was a bundle of raw nerves. Just a glance at Jay or Scarlet was enough to set him on edge, and for very different reasons. He’d even done a shot of whiskey to get him through the service.
Every time he looked at his brother, he thought about Luna and the future he never expected. Being a father was an idea he’d taken for granted until it couldn’t happen. Once he realized it wasn’t in the cards for him, he’d let it go along with his marriage. The concept of being Luna’s father once Jay was gone—and a single father at that—scared the hell out of him. Would he make the same choices Jay would’ve made for his daughter? Would he screw the kid up by levying the same unrealistic expectations of perfection on her the way his parents had done to him? That was the vicious cycle, right?
Each time he turned away from his brother, he caught a whiff of Scarlet’s perfume on the air. He knew the scent well, having bought her a bottle of it every year on her birthday for the last nine years. The scent reminded him of her hair spilled across pillowcases, of his lips pressed against the hollow of her throat, tasting her pulse, and of her wrapped in nothing but a towel getting ready for the day.
He’d been desperate when he’d asked Scarlet to play house with him for a few weeks. Now a part of him regretted it. Leaving her the first time had been hard enough, but it was something he knew he had to do. Being back under the same roof might make it impossible to leave a second time. But he had no other choice. He couldn’t give her what she needed, despite what she might say to the contrary.
Glancing over at her, he saw Scarlet weeping silent tears as she clutched baby Luna in her arms. They’d decided that their time as a reunited couple needed to start at the service so there was one less worry on Jay’s mind. Once it was over, Mason would unload his stuff from the back of his Range Rover into the beach house. He’d also packed a bag at Jay’s house with Luna’s clothes and some toys. He’d move the rest of her belongings directly into his new place once the time came.
Thankfully, along with her stuff, Mason was also able to bring over Luna’s nanny, Carroll. She was happy to stay with the baby and keep her job, which would ease the transition for everyone involved. It would also give Luna a familiar caregiver when her whole world was changing around her.
Who was going to help Mason as his whole world changed around him?
The pastor ended his short graveside sermon and began the commitment prayer. “We thank You for Rachel’s life here on this earth, and we recognize that the body that lies before us is not Rachel, but rather the house in which she lived. We acknowledge that Rachel is rejoicing, even now, in Your very presence, enjoying the blessings of Heaven. Father, we commit her body to the earth, from which our bodies were originally created, and we rejoice in the fact that her spirit is even now with You. We thank You, Father, that in the days, weeks and months to come, these realities and the abiding presence of Your Spirit will especially strengthen, sustain and comfort Rachel’s friends and family until they can join her there. In Jesus’s name, amen.”
The pastor gestured to Jay and the nurse rolled him forward to place his rose on top of her casket. Jay placed his palm flat against the smooth white wood and closed his eyes. “I’ll see you soon, baby.”
Once he moved back, the pastor thanked everyone for coming and the crowd started to disperse so the team could complete the burial. With Jay needing to return immediately to the hospital, the family had opted against a wake, so it was done. Mason was relieved it was over, even though the next step he had to take might be even harder.
Mason squeezed Jay’s shoulder. “We’ll bring Luna to see you in a day or two, okay?”
His brother nodded and turned to the ambulance that had pulled into the cemetery. “My ride is here. Take good care of her.”
Mason, Scarlet and Luna stood by the grave as the crowd cleared away and Jay was taken back to the hospital. When they could stall no longer, he turned back to her. “I guess we’d better go. I’ve got a lot of stuff to bring in and get settled.”
Scarlet wiped her damp cheeks and nodded. Luna had fallen asleep in her arms. They walked to the car like the family everyone thought they were, loading Luna into her car seat and climbing into the front together.
Driving down the highway back to Malibu with Scarlet in the passenger seat and a baby in the back was a moment that brought back uncomfortable memories for Mason. It felt so easy, so normal, and yet it reminded him of Evan and their short stint as parents.
He’d thought they had a great marriage. He’d had no doubt that they would be together forever. They complemented each other well, had common interests and were very compatible in their day-to-day lives. He enjoyed spoiling Scarlet. He could tell her anything without feeling judged. It was a far cry from the family he’d grown up in, where his father was always needling at him to push harder and do better. He’d meant well, of course, wanting Mason to succeed, but in the end, all he’d done was create a man with an inability to accept failure.
When they’d brought Evan home from the hospital, he had been only four days old. Mason remembered holding his son in his arms, looking at Scarlet and thinking their life was really complete now. Their perfect marriage had now become the perfect family, despite his inability to give her a child of their own. He’d started to think that perhaps he hadn’t failed in this endeavor at all. Scarlet was happy, Evan had a loving family...things had worked out the way they were meant to.
It wasn’t until they got the call from their attorney telling them that Evan’s birth mother had changed her mind that he believed otherwise.
Scarlet pulled the gate opener out of her purse and Mason waited for it to open, allowing them to pull onto their property. “I’m going to put her down to finish her nap,” she said, getting out of the car and unfastening Luna.
Mason went to the back of his SUV and opened the hatch. He hadn’t packed much—a couple of suitcases’ worth of clothes, toiletries and random items he might need, like his laptop and tablet.
As he stepped through the ground-floor entry of their former home, Mason hesitated. He’d moved on instinct up until this moment, but he realized things were different now. Some of the furniture had changed. His favorite chair and big-screen television had moved with him. There was a large floral arrangement on the dining room table in a vase that he didn’t recognize and a bright-colored rug in the entry that was way too loud for his taste.
It was obvious this wasn’t his house any longer and he wasn’t sure where to go next. “Where am I sleeping?” he asked. Initially, he’d thought he’d be in the guest room, but that was where the nanny would sleep. Their four-bedroom house had a master suite, a nursery, a guest room and Scarlet’s art studio.
Scarlet paused and turned to look at him. “I guess we’d better make that decision before the nanny arrives with her things. I think you’ll have to sleep on the futon in my studio, with Carroll staying in the guest room that adjoins the nursery. Since my studio is upstairs near the master, it’s probably a better choice anyway. Even the nanny will think that we’re sharing a room.”
“We can’t just share a room?”
“Uh, no. I’m going along with this whole thing for Jay’s sake, but if you think you’re going to take liberties with me, you’re wrong. I think it’s best you sleep in the studio.”
Although the idea of toughing it out on a futon didn’t appeal to him, she was right. “I don’t want to clutter your workspace. Will I be able to put my clothes and toiletries in your bathroom?”
“I suppose.” Scarlet placed the sleeping baby into the Pack ’n Play they’d set up in the living room. “Just don’t make a mess,” she added with a smile.
Mason chuckled as he turned to the stairs and carried his bags up to the second floor. They both knew that Scarlet was the messy one. Mason was the oldest child, raised to the highest standards possible. He was as perfect as he could be. He was tidy. He cleaned up after himself. He always put his clothes in the hamper and his shoes on the rack. He even made the bed. Or at least his side if Scarlet was still in it.
