скачать книгу бесплатно
“Marry me, Sabine,” he said.
“No.”
He almost wished Sabine had gone back to laughing. The firm, sober rejection was worse. It reminded him of her pained, resolved expression as she broke off their relationship and walked out of his life.
“Why not?” He couldn’t keep the insulted tone from his voice. He was a great catch. She should be thrilled to get this proposal, even as spur of the moment and half-assed as it was.
Sabine smiled and patted his hand reassuringly. “Because you don’t want to marry me, Gavin. You want to do the right thing and provide a stable home for your son. And that’s noble. Really. I appreciate the sentiment. But I’m not going to marry someone that doesn’t love me.”
“We have a child together.”
“That’s not good enough for me.”
Gavin scoffed. “Making our son legitimate isn’t a good enough reason for you?”
“We’re not talking about the succession to the throne of England, Gavin. It’s not exactly the horrid stigma it used to be. Having you in his life is more than enough for me. That’s all I want from you—quality time.”
“Quality time?” Gavin frowned. Somehow legally binding themselves in marriage seemed an easier feat.
“Yes. If you’re committed enough to your son to marry his mother when you don’t love her, you should be committed enough to put in the time. I’m not going to introduce a ‘dad’ into his life just so you can work late and ignore him. He’s better off without a dad than having one that doesn’t make an effort. You can’t miss T-ball games and birthday parties. You have to be there when you say you will. If you can’t be there for him one hundred percent, don’t bother.”
Her words hit him hard. He didn’t have bad parents, but he did have busy ones. Gavin knew how it felt to be the lowest item on someone’s priority list. How many times had he sat alone on the marble staircase of his childhood home and waited for parents who never showed up? How many times had he scanned the crowd at school pageants and ball games looking for family that wasn’t there?
He’d always sworn he wouldn’t do that to his own children, but even after having seen his son, the idea of him wasn’t quite a firm reality in Gavin’s mind. He had only this primitive need to claim the child and its mother. To finally have someone in his life that couldn’t walk away.
That’s why he’d rushed out to Brooklyn without any sort of plan. But she was right. He didn’t know what to do with a child. His reflex would be to hand him off to someone who did and focus on what he was good at—running his family business. He couldn’t afford the distraction, especially so close to closing his latest business deal.
And that was exactly what she was afraid of.
She had good reason, too. He’d spent most of their relationship vacillating between ignoring her for work and ignoring work for her. He never found the balance. A child would compound the problem. Part of the reason Gavin hadn’t seriously focused on settling down was because he knew his work priorities would interfere with family life. He kept waiting for the day when things at BXS would slow down enough for him to step back. But it never happened. His father hadn’t stepped back until the day he handed the reins over to Gavin, and he’d missed his children growing up to do it.
Gavin didn’t have a choice any longer. He had a child. He would have to find a way—a better way than his father chose—to keep the company on top and keep his promises to his son and Sabine. He wasn’t sure how the hell he would do it, but he would make it happen.
“If I put in the quality time, will you let me help you?”
“Help me with what?”
“With life, Sabine. If you won’t marry me, let me get you a nice apartment in the city. Wherever you want to live. Let me help pay for Jared’s education. We can enroll him in the best preschool. I can get someone to help around the house. Someone that can cook and clean, even pick up Jared from school if you want to keep working.”
“And why would you want to do that? What you’re suggesting is incredibly expensive.”
“Maybe, but it’s worth it to me. It’s an investment in my child. Making your life easier will make you a happier, more relaxed mother to our son. He can spend more time playing and learning than sitting on the subway. And admittedly, having you in Manhattan will make it easier for me to see Jared more often.”
He could see the conflict in Sabine’s pale green eyes. She was struggling. She was proud and wouldn’t admit it, but raising Jared on her own had to be difficult. Kids weren’t cheap. They took time and money and effort. She’d already sacrificed her art. But convincing her to accept his offering would take time.
He knew Sabine better than she wanted to admit. She didn’t want to be seen as one of those women who moved up in social status by calculated breeding. Jared had been an accident, of that he was certain. Judging by the expression on Sabine’s face when she opened the door to her apartment, she would’ve rather had any man’s son but his.
“Let’s take this one step at a time, please,” Sabine said, echoing his thoughts. There was a pained expression on her face that made him think there was more than just pride holding her back.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve gone from having no kids to having a toddler and very nearly a fiancée in two hours’ time. That’s a big change for you, and for both Jared and me. Let’s not uproot our lives so quickly.” She sighed and gripped his hand. “Let’s get the DNA results in, so there are no questions or doubts. Then we can introduce the idea of you to Jared and tell our families. From there, maybe we move into the city to be closer to you. But let’s make these decisions over weeks and months, not minutes.”
She glanced down at the screen on her cell phone. “I’ve got to get inside and set up.”
“Okay.” Gavin got out of the car and came around to open her door and help her out.
“I have tomorrow off. If you can make an appointment for DNA testing, call or text me and we’ll meet you there. My number is the same. Do you still have it?”
He did. He’d very nearly dialed it about a hundred times in the weeks after she’d left. He’d been too proud to go through with the call. A hundred people had drifted in and out of his life, but Sabine leaving had caught him by surprise and it stung. He’d wanted to fight, wanted to call her and convince her she was wrong about them. But she wanted to go and he let her.
Now he could kick himself for not manning up and telling her he wanted her and didn’t care what others thought about it. That he would make the time for her. Maybe then he would’ve been there to hear his son’s heartbeat in the doctor’s office, his first cries and his first words. Maybe then the mother of his child wouldn’t look at him with wary eyes and laugh off his proposal of marriage like a joke.
He made a point of pulling out his phone and confirming it so she wouldn’t think he knew for certain. “I do.”
Sabine nodded and slowly started walking backward across the grass. Even after all this time apart, it felt awkward to part like strangers without a hug or a kiss goodbye. They were bonded for a lifetime now, and yet he had never felt as distant from her as he did when she backed away.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” she said.
“Tomorrow,” he repeated.
He watched as she regarded him for a moment at a distance. There was a sadness in her expression that he didn’t like. The Sabine he remembered was a vibrant artist with a lust for life and experience. She had jerked him out of his blah corporate existence, demanded he live his life, not just go through the motions. Sabine was nothing like what he was supposed to have but absolutely everything he needed. He’d regretted every day since she’d walked out of his life.
Now, he regretted it more than ever, and not just because of his son. The sad, weary woman walking away from him was just a shadow of the person he once knew. And he hated that.
The outdoor lights kicked on, lighting the shimmer of tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Gavin,” she said before spinning on her heels and disappearing through the doors of the community center.
She was sorry. And so was he.
Three
Gavin arrived at the office the next morning before seven. The halls were dark and quiet as he traveled to the executive floor of the BXS offices. The large corner office had once belonged to his father and his grandfather before him. Gavin’s original office was down the hallway. He’d gotten the space when he was sixteen and started learning the business and then passed it along to his younger brother, Alan, when Gavin took over as CEO.
Opening the door, he walked across the antique rug and set his laptop bag and breakfast on the large wooden desk. The heavy mahogany furniture was originally from his great-grandfather’s office and was moved here when BXS upgraded their location from the small building near the shipping yards.
His great-grandfather had started the company in 1930, Depression be damned. What began as a local delivery service expanded to trains and trucks and eventually to planes that could deliver packages all over the world. The eldest Brooks son had run the company since the day it opened. Everything about Brooks Express Shipping had an air of tradition and history that made it one of the most trusted businesses in America.
Frankly, it was a bit stifling.
Despite how he’d argued to the contrary with Sabine last night, they both knew this wasn’t what he wanted to do with his life. The Brooks name came with responsibilities. Gavin had been groomed from birth to one day run BXS. He’d had the best education, interned with the company, received his MBA from Harvard... Each milestone putting him one step closer to filling his father’s shoes. Even if they were too tight.
Sabine had been right about some things. He had no doubt his family would assume Jared would one day be the corporate successor to his father. The difference would be that Gavin would make certain his son had a choice.
He settled in at his desk, firing up his computer. He immediately sent an email to his assistant, Marie, about setting up a lab appointment for their DNA testing. With it, he included a note that this was a confidential matter. No one, literally no one, was to know what was going on. He trusted Marie, but she was friendly and chatty with everyone, including his father, who she used to work for. Gavin had barely come to terms with this himself. He certainly wasn’t ready for the world, and especially his family, to know what was going on.
Marie wouldn’t be in until eight, but she had a corporate smartphone and a long train ride in to work. He was certain she’d have everything handled before she arrived.
That done, he turned to the steaming-hot cup of coffee and the bagel he picked up on his way in. The coffee shop on the ground floor of the building was open well before most people stumbled into BXS for the day. Gavin spread cream cheese on his toasted bagel as he watched his in-box fill with new messages. Most were unimportant, although one caught his eye.
It was from Roger Simpson, the owner of Exclusivity Jetliners.
The small, luxury jet company specialized in private transportation. Whether you were taking a few friends for a weekend in Paris, transporting your beloved poodle to your summer home or simply refused to fly coach, Exclusivity Jetliners was ready and waiting to help. At least for now.
Roger Simpson wanted to retire. The business had been his life, and he was ready to finally relax and enjoy the fruits of his labor. Unlike BXS, he didn’t have a well-groomed heir to take his place at the head of the company. He had a son, Paul, but from the discussions Roger and Gavin had shared, Roger would rather sell the company than let his irresponsible son drive it into the ground.
Gavin quickly made it known that he was interested. He’d been eight years old when his father let him ride in the cockpit of one of their Airbus A310 freighters. He’d immediately been enamored with planes and flying. For his sixteenth birthday, his parents had acquiesced and got him flying lessons.
He’d even entertained the idea of joining the Air Force and becoming a fighter pilot. There, sadly, was where that dream had died a horrible death. His father had tolerated Gavin’s “hobby,” but he wouldn’t allow his son to derail his career path for a silly dream.
Gavin swallowed the old taste of bitterness on the back of his tongue and tried to chase it with his coffee. His father had won that battle, but he wasn’t in charge anymore. He clicked on the email from Roger and scanned over the message.
BXS was about to offer a new service that would push them ahead of their shipping competitors—concierge shipping. It would appeal to the elite BXS clientele. Ones who wanted their things handled carefully and expeditiously and were willing to pay for the privilege.
The fleet of small planes from Exclusivity Jetliners would be transformed into direct freight jets that would allow the rich art lover to see to it that their new Picasso bought at auction over the phone would arrive safely at their home the same day. It would allow the fashion designer to quickly transport a dozen priceless gowns to an Academy Award nominee while she filmed on set two thousand miles from Hollywood.
It was a risk, but if it worked, it would give Gavin something he’d been wanting his whole life—the chance to fly.
Sabine had encouraged him years ago to find a way to marry his obligations and his passions. It had seemed impossible at the time, but long after she was out of his life, her words had haunted him.
Just as her words had haunted him last night. He’d lain in bed for hours, his brain swirling with everything that had happened after he’d answered Clay’s phone call. Sabine had always had the innate ability to cut through his crap. She called it like she saw it, as opposed to all the polite society types who danced around delicate subjects and gossiped behind your back.
She didn’t see Gavin as a powerful CEO. The money and the privilege didn’t register on her radar at all, and really it never had. After years of women chasing after him, Sabine was the first woman he was compelled to pursue. He’d spied her across an art gallery and instantly felt the urge to possess her. She had no idea who he was or how much he was worth at first, and when she did, she didn’t care. He insisted on taking her out to nice dinners, but Sabine was more interested in making love and talking for hours in bed.
But she couldn’t ignore their differences. They’d lasted as long as they had by staying inside the protective bubble of the bedroom, but he could tell it was getting harder for Sabine to overlook the huge, platinum gorilla in the room. She didn’t see his power and riches as an asset. It was just one thing on a list of many that made her believe they didn’t have a future together. She would rather keep her son a secret and struggle to make ends meet than to have Jared live the life Gavin had.
What had she said? ...You know what it’s like to set aside what you love to do for what you’re obligated to do.
He did. Gavin had done it his whole life because of some misguided sense of duty. He could’ve walked away at any time. Joined the Air Force. Sacrificed his inheritance and what little relationship he had with his parents. But then what would happen to the company? His brother couldn’t run it. Alan hadn’t so much as sat down in his token office in months. Gavin wasn’t even sure if he was in the country. His baby sister, Diana, had a freshly inked degree from Vassar and absolutely no experience. His father wouldn’t come out of retirement. That meant Gavin ran BXS or a stranger did.
And no matter what, he couldn’t let that happen. It was a family legacy. One of his earliest memories was of coming into this very office and visiting his grandfather. Papa Brooks would sit Gavin on his knee and tell him stories about how his great-grandfather had started the company. Tears of pride would gather in the old man’s dark eyes. Gavin and his father might have their differences, but he wouldn’t let his grandfather down. He’d been dead for four years now, but it didn’t matter. BXS and its legacy was everything to Papa Brooks. Gavin wouldn’t risk it to chase a pipe dream.
A chime sounded at his hip. Gavin reached down to his phone to find a text from Marie. She’d arranged for an appointment at 4:15 with his concierge physician on Park Avenue. Excellent.
He could’ve just copied the information into another window and included the location to send it to Sabine, but he found himself pressing the button to call her instead. It was a dangerous impulse that he wished he could ignore, but he wanted to hear her voice. He’d gone so long without it that he’d gladly take any excuse to hear it again. It wasn’t until after the phone began to ring that he realized it was 7:30 in the morning. Sabine had always been a night owl and slept late.
“Hello?” she answered. Her voice was cheerful and not at all groggy.
“Sabine? It’s Gavin. I’m sorry to call so early. Did I wake you?”
“Wake me?” Sabine laughed. “Oh, no. Jared is up with the chickens, no later than 6:00 a.m. every morning. I tease him that he’s going to grow up to be a farmer like his granddaddy.”
Gavin frowned for a moment before he realized she was talking about her own father. Sabine spoke very rarely of her parents. Last he’d heard they were both alive and well in Nebraska, but Sabine wasn’t in contact with them. It made Gavin wonder if he wasn’t the only one who didn’t know about Jared.
“My assistant got us an appointment.” Gavin read her the information so she could write it down, including the address of the doctor’s office.
“Okay,” she said. “We’ll meet you there at a little before 4:15.”
“I’ll pick you up,” he offered.
“No, we’ll take the subway. Jared likes the train. There’s a stop about a block from there, so it’s not a problem at all.”
Sabine was fiercely independent. Always had been. It had made him crazy when they were dating. She wouldn’t let him do anything for her. He wanted to argue with her now, but he wouldn’t. His afternoon schedule was pretty hectic, and he’d have to shuffle a few things around to drive out to Brooklyn and get them in time unless he sent a car. And yet, he wasn’t ready to end the conversation, either.
“After the appointment,” he said, “may I take you and Jared to an early dinner?”
“Um...” Sabine delayed her response. She was probably trying to come up with a reason why she couldn’t, but was failing.
“A little quality time,” he added with a smile, happily using her own words to get his way.
“Sure,” she said, caving. “That would be nice.”
“I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“Goodbye,” Sabine said, disconnecting the call.
Gavin smiled as he glanced down at his phone. He was looking forward to his afternoon with Jared. And even though the rational side of his brain knew that he shouldn’t, he was looking forward to seeing Sabine again, as well.
* * *
Sabine was surprised that it didn’t take long at the doctor’s office. The paperwork took more time than anything else. Gavin and Jared got their cheeks swabbed, and they were told the office would call with the lab results on Monday.
By four forty-five, they were standing on the sidewalk watching the traffic stack up on Park Avenue. Sabine secured Jared in the collapsible umbrella stroller she sometimes took into the city. It was too busy to let him walk, even though he was getting more independent and wanted to.
“What would you like to eat?” Gavin asked.
Sabine was pretty sure that the majority of places he was used to eating at were not equipped to feed a picky toddler. She glanced around, getting her bearings for where she was in the city. “I think there’s a good burger place about two blocks from here.”
Gavin’s gaze narrowed at her. “A burger?”
She swallowed her laugh. “Let’s wait until Jared is at least five before we take him to Le Cirque. They don’t exactly have a kid’s menu.”
“I know.”
Sabine shook her head and started walking toward the restaurant. Gavin moved quickly to fall into step beside her.
“You’re used to taking people out to nice places and spending a lot of money for dinner. I suppose that’s what people expect of you, but that’s not how Jared and I roll. We’ll probably all eat for less than what you normally pay for a bottle of wine. And that’s fine by us. Right, Jared?”
The little boy smiled and gave a thumbs-up. He’d learned the gesture in day care a few weeks ago and since then, a lot of things had called for it. “Chee-burger!”
“See?” Sabine said, looking over to Gavin. “He’s easy to impress.”
The restaurant was already a little busy, but they were able to order and get their food before their toddler started to revolt. Sabine tried to keep her focus on Jared, making sure he was eating small bites and not getting ketchup everywhere. It was easier than looking at Gavin and trying to guess what he was thinking.
Things were still very up in the air between them. He was being nice to her. More polite than she expected, under the circumstances. But once the test results came back, Sabine was certain that things would start to change. Gavin had sworn he wasn’t about to snatch her baby from her arms, but she was more concerned about it happening slowly. A new apartment in the city. A new school for Jared. New clothes. New toys. Even if he gave up the idea of marrying for their child’s sake, things would change for her, too. He’d insist she stop working. He’d give her spending money. Suggest they just move in with him.
And when the time came that she decided to move out, she was certain he’d see to it that Jared stayed behind in the stable home they’d created for him there. She’d be unemployed and homeless with no money of her own to fight him for custody.
These were the thoughts that had kept her quiet throughout her pregnancy. The same fears that made her hide Jared from his father. And yet, she found herself smiling as she watched Jared and Gavin color on the kid’s menu together. There was a hamburger with legs dancing on one side. Jared was scribbling green across the bun. Gavin was more cautious, making the meat brown and the cheese orange as he stayed between the lines.
