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“I’m not leaving. Even if you ask me,” she said, climbing into the passenger seat.
“I won’t,” he said, wiping his tears on his tweed jacket sleeve. He folded his arms across the steering wheel and then laid his face on them. “I can’t believe he’s gone. What will I do?”
“What you’ve always done. You’ll grow. Learn and become a man,” she said with a tiny shrug.
“I miss him so much already,” Austin said. He gulped, sounding to Katia as if he’d swallowed something very large. She understood the feeling intensely.
“I know you do,” she said softly, looking at the round dials on the metal dashboard. “That part never goes away.”
His face twisted into a grimace of disdain and disbelief. “What do you—” He stopped abruptly. “I’m so sorry, Katia. So sorry. Of course you know how I feel. You know exactly how I feel. None of the people I go to school with have lost their dads. But you have.” Tears filled his eyes, yet he studied her as if he was seeing her for the first time. “It’s been a while since you talked about your father. Do you still miss him?”
“Every day,” she whispered, a flame igniting at the base of her esophagus and flaring up into her throat. “He—he used to call me Katia lyubov.”
“Louie bov?”
“Lyubov. That’s how you say it.” She nodded. “It means Katia love.”
“He was a sentimental man, then?” Austin asked.
“Yes. He worked hard all his life, but my mother said he had the heart of a poet. She always loved fine things, and he wanted to give them to her—that’s why he worked so hard to bring us to America. He told her he would give her the world, but—”
“He died,” Austin finished for her. “Just like my dad.”
“Yes. Now they’re together. Watching over us, my mother says.”
“Do you believe her?” Austin asked solemnly.
“I do.”
“But how can you know? For sure, I mean. Sometimes I think that whole heaven thing is just another fairy tale.”
“You’re just angry right now. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I am angry. My dad wasn’t supposed to die. He was too young. We had great plans for after graduation. He told me we were going to go to Germany together and drive the autobahn. I wanted to see how they made German cars. I wanted to take classes over there and learn to fix all kinds of foreign cars.”
Katia looked away from him. “Your mother was never going to allow that to happen and you know it.”
“My dad could have talked her into it.”
“She would never let you be a mechanic. Even I know that! She wants you to be a businessman and get a degree from Harvard.”
“Well, it’s not what I want. Besides, I don’t see any other man of the house around here now, do you?” he asked.
“No.”
“See? That’s how things have changed. I’ll be making the rules now.”
Katia chuckled at the lofty tilt to his chin and the smirk on his lips.
She pushed her face up against his. “Don’t you ever look at me like that again, Austin McCreary, or I will never speak to you again. You are not the boss of me and never will be. You got that?”
Austin moved back a few inches. “I just meant that things will be different.”
“Yes. They will. But our parents still make the rules. We don’t have any power yet.”
“Power?”
“That’s what my mom says all the time. She must remind me twice a day that I’m only a servant’s kid. I have no power. That’s why I have to graduate high school and go to college. I think your mother is right about that, too.”
“But I don’t want to run the family business. I want to work on antique cars.”
“Well, I want to be a movie star.”
“You’re pretty enough,” Austin said with a smile that Katia knew she’d remember the rest of her life.
“Austin, I’m not sure what I actually want to be. That’s just what I want right now. I’ll probably change my mind a bunch before I’m even your age. I only know one thing.”
“What’s that?”
She reached into the pocket of her winter coat and pulled out the envelope that she’d hidden in her drawer for a week. “I want to give you this.” She handed it to him.
Austin took the envelope. “What is it?”
“Open it and see.”
Carefully, he pulled out a folded piece of red construction paper. It opened into a heart. On it, Katia had glued bits of white lace she’d found in the attic, and she’d written snippets of Russian poems. She’d folded over pale blue pieces of construction paper and glued them to the heart, as well. Each of the folded notes contained dates.
“What is this? July 17? And September 26? I don’t understand.”
“Those are special days to me. On July 17, the summer I first came to live here, you taught me to ride a bike. On September 26, you finally let me play tennis with two of your friends. You said you needed another person for doubles.”
“Yes. Last year. And we beat them,” he said.
“Christmas is always a special day here. And so is Halloween. That’s why I put those dates down.”
Austin looked at her then, and for the first time, Katia was aware of a boy looking at her with love in his eyes. She felt her heart thrum and warmth surged through her. She didn’t know if what she was feeling was normal or not, but it was incredibly exciting.
“And today is February 14. Valentine’s Day,” Austin said, reaching over to touch her hand. “I don’t have a card for you. I don’t have one for anyone. I guess I didn’t think much about it.”
“I made the card a while ago.”
“Before my father’s heart attack.”
“Yeah.”
“So you didn’t give me this just to make me feel better today?”
“No.”
“Then, why?”
“I want to be your friend, Austin. Your real friend. Always.”
“I’d like that, Katia,” he’d said as he gently folded the Valentine, put it in the envelope and slipped it into the breast pocket of his tweed jacket.
“Always...” Katia said out loud, jolting out of her reverie. Of all her memories of Austin, that Valentine’s Day was the sweetest. But what happened afterward made it painful to remember, too.
Austin hadn’t had a single opportunity to make any rules for himself. That autumn, his mother had shipped him off to New York to attend York Prep School, where he’d remained until his graduation.
With Austin away at school, Katia felt as if she’d been set adrift on an iceberg in the middle of the Black Sea. Katia didn’t know whom to blame. At times she felt as if she’d done something wrong, but her love for Austin wouldn’t allow her to hide in shame. Other times, she was angry that Hanna would think so ill of her that she couldn’t trust Katia and Austin to be alone. Through it all, she was lonely without Austin and she missed him more than she’d thought possible. By the time she was sixteen, they’d truly fallen in love, and the days without him were torturously long and empty. Nothing she did could fill the void. She counted the days until he came home for holidays. She wrote long letters to him and mailed them without Stephania’s or Hanna’s knowledge.
Though he never wrote back, he called her every Sunday night just after his weekly call to his mother. Katia waited in her bedroom and told her mother that one of her girlfriends was on the phone. Austin had to stand in line for a pay phone in his dorm, with other boys hanging over his shoulder, and the calls were often strained and awkward. Too often, Katia hung up in tears.
When Austin did come home for vacations, Katia made a fool of herself by hanging on to him, begging for kisses and promising to do everything and anything he asked. Then he would leave again for school and the torture would start all over.
Katia was so caught up in her obsession with Austin that she didn’t realize her wise and sharp-eyed mother had seen and heard everything.
Stephania was convinced Katia would get pregnant on Austin’s next school break. There was barely enough income to contribute to Katia’s upcoming schooling as it was. The cost of a third mouth to feed—not to mention the time and energy required to care for a baby—would diminish any hopes Katia had of attending college, and her future opportunities would dwindle. Stephania told her daughter that her own job in the McCreary household would be on the line if things went too far with Austin. He would come out of the scandal unscathed, while Katia and Stephania would pay the price—financially and emotionally.
Katia tried to convince her mother that she was wrong about her and Austin, but Stephania couldn’t be swayed. Before Austin returned home, Stephania announced to Hanna that she wanted to quit. In a matter of days they’d moved to Stephania’s cousin’s house on the South Side of Chicago.
Katia was devastated. She was impossibly in love with Austin, and she believed in her heart that he loved her back. But the shame she felt when she overheard her mother explain their sudden appearance in Chicago to her cousins was unbearable. Katia would always know that because of her love for Austin, her mother had lost a good income. They’d been forced to take charity from their family.
Yet being without Austin was agonizing, and Katia cried every night for months after the move. Still, she was embarrassed by the way she’d acted around him; when they were together, she couldn’t think straight, much less make intelligent decisions. Though Katia knew that she would never have gotten pregnant, she had to admit her mother was right that her relationship with Austin could have compromised her future and well-being.
The only way to cure her addiction to Austin was to never write or call him again. She despised herself for not contacting him, but at the time, she’d felt she had no choice. She had to make a new life and put Austin in the past—forever.
Fortunately, Stephania landed a good-paying job at a luxury hotel in downtown Chicago. She loved her work and often brought Katia to the city to shop and eat in the hotel dining room. Stephania adored Chicago city life, and this was her way of trying to make amends with Katia after taking her away from Indian Lake. Those had been good years, despite Katia’s broken heart. Stephania had remained at the hotel until she’d died of cancer nearly ten years ago.
Katia had come a long way since she’d lived in Indian Lake. But thinking of Austin now, she rediscovered a lead coat of guilt she thought she’d long ago discarded.
Katia had broken Austin McCreary’s heart, and she’d never apologized, never tried to contact him. Never once had she lifted a finger to do the right thing.
She was the bad guy.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_d535c713-9f30-53c0-a8a8-b43047010718)
KATIA WAS WEARING a gray wool pencil skirt, a black turtleneck cashmere sweater and black pumps when she walked into Jack’s office on Monday morning. Jack had called her in for a brainstorming meeting with him and Barry. She carried a legal pad, pen and the chocolate mousse for Barry.
“Good morning, gentlemen,” she said cheerily, placing the foil-wrapped cake on the credenza behind Barry’s chair. “That’s for you and Ava.”
Barry glared at the wrapped silver lump. “Thanks. What is it?”
Katia’s smile dropped from her face. She noticed Jack’s head was down as he peered at a report of some kind in front of him. The tension in the room was as thick as February fog and nearly as visible. “Cake. Okay, guys. What’s up?”
Barry glanced out the window.
Coward.
Slowly, Jack raised his head, and his dark eyes settled on her. “Have a seat. Want some coffee?”
“I’m fine,” she replied. “Let’s get to it. You look like you could use something.”
“Something,” Jack mumbled.
Katia stared at the partners. She didn’t like the way they were avoiding her gaze, and Jack’s face almost wore pity. She felt her blood turn to ice. “You’re firing me.”
Jack folded his hands on his desk. “I think that’s a little drastic just yet.”
Barry squirmed in his chair. “I had suggested some staff cuts, but Jack disagreed. The problem is that for all intents and purposes, the company is most likely going down.”
Katia pressed her fingertips into her temples. “Wait a minute. Back up. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? We’re supposed to be brainstorming. Maybe I can help.”
Barry swiped his face with his palm. “Right now, we’re bleeding money. If we cut your salary and lay off a few employees, Jack and I might be able to hang on.”
“A couple of the... You mean Tina?” Katia couldn’t believe this.
Apparently, whatever mess they were in, Barry’s solution was retreat. Well, she’d tried that strategy once in her life and look where it had gotten her. No. Retreat was out of the question. No wonder Jack had wanted her to stay sharp for this meeting. These guys needed a miracle.
Jack leaned forward. “I didn’t tell you last night, Katia, but on Friday, Tina handed in her notice. After the wedding, she and Allen are moving to Wisconsin. He got a job as assistant coach at the university.”
“But...she didn’t say a word to me.” Katia felt wounded and slightly betrayed that Tina hadn’t confided in her. Clearly, Tina saw their relationship differently than Katia. Tina was Jack’s employee and Katia’s assistant. They weren’t friends, as Katia had assumed. No, Tina had probably read the situation correctly. Katia should have known better than to assume her work relationships were anything more.
Katia’s mind kicked into warp speed. She may have been wrong to get so invested in her friendships with colleagues, but if she wanted to keep whatever career she had left, she needed to come up with a brilliant plan to save her job.
“Can I at least say my piece?”
Barry sliced the air with his arm. “I don’t see how—”
Jack cut him off. “Go ahead, Katia.” He shot Barry a quelling look. Barry frowned but told her to go on. Katia took a deep breath and decided to give it all she had. “Since the first day I walked into these offices, I knew I was in the right place and that I would help your company grow. I took pride in my work, and I still do. You both know my goal is to eventually become a partner here. I want equal say, equal pay and equal respect. I want to grow old with this company. You two may be the last honest guys in the insurance business, and I swear to you, I have no problem convincing clients of that. I also know I could sell our plans to the devil himself if I had to.” She stood up and put a hand on her slim hip. “So out with it. What’s going on?”
Jack exhaled and leaned back in his chair. He twirled a ballpoint pen in his fingers. “All right, truth time. You’re aware that we’ve been pushing for new clients. That’s why we sent you up to Michigan and Indiana. You brought us three good companies, but it’s not enough.” Jack paused and glanced at Barry, who gave him a slight nod. “Katia, our expenses are eating us up. Both Barry and I have taken a pay cut. But the corporate taxes doubled this year. We got notice two months ago that our rent has increased by more than half. Sure, we could move—”
“But rents are skyrocketing in Chicago,” Barry cut in. “Add to that the mounting cost of benefits and the 401(k) program. It’s not what it was when you first signed on.”
“That’s why Barry came up with the idea to become a web-based business. Our site is really shaping up—I think Barry’s done a great job.”
Katia smiled at Barry. “It’s a good move. It shows we’re on top of the times, and it gives us access to people in other states without having to travel. But it’s not enough, is it?”
“No,” Jack replied.
Katia tried to concentrate. Coming up with a good idea felt like chopping through a jungle with only a butter knife. Then she had it. She pictured a billboard she’d driven by on one of her trips to Indiana. Stillinoyed? it had read.
The billboard was a direct slam against the political system that was strangling Illinois businessmen like Jack and Barry. Katia had read articles about the steady stream of Chicago-area businesses that were relocating to Indiana. The state was trying to entice companies with lower corporate and property taxes, less regulation and more affordable goods and services.
“How far would you be willing to move?” she asked the partners.
Jack stared at her. “What are you talking about?”
