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Thursday or the weekend? It was the least he could do.
He could see that Kit didn’t like the idea. In fact, she probably loathed it. Not that he could blame her.
The doctor pointed at Kit. ‘You rest. It’s important, you hear?’
Kit nodded and swallowed. ‘I hear.’
Alex wanted to hit the doctor for frightening her.
The doctor’s glare transferred itself to Alex. ‘She’s to have no stress, no worry. She’s not to be upset in any way.’
Alex’s hands clenched as fear punched through him then too. ‘Right.’ No stress, no worry. He could manage that. For Kit. Till Thursday. Or the weekend.
‘I don’t need you to stay with me, Alex,’ Kit said the moment he pulled his car to a halt out the front of her house and turned off the ignition.
He didn’t blame her for not wanting him there. In her shoes he wouldn’t want him staying over either, but hadn’t she heard a word the doctor said? She needed someone to stay with her, look after her. He wasn’t leaving until someone trustworthy was here to fill his shoes.
‘I’m happy to call one of your friends or a relative—perhaps your aunt Doreen—to stay with you, but I’m not leaving you alone, Kit. You heard what the doctor said,’ he added when she opened her mouth to argue.
She closed it again. She looked pale and wrung out, and he grimaced. ‘Look, this is the story, Kit. I’m staying in Tuncurry tonight. Now, whether that’s on one of your new sofas or in a hotel room is up to you.’
‘But—’
‘It’s getting a bit late to be driving back to Sydney, especially when I’m still jet-lagged from the Africa trip.’
She rested her head against the back of the seat as if it were too hard to hold it up under her own steam. He wanted to reach out and trace the line of her jaw, the curve of her cheek. He clenched his hand. Just get her into bed where she can rest. No stress, no worry.
He swallowed. ‘Kit, how does this sound for a plan? You let me crash on your sofa, just for tonight, and tomorrow we can discuss other arrangements?’
She closed her eyes and then finally she nodded. ‘Okay.’
He had a feeling she’d agree to just about anything at the moment if it meant she could rest.
He discovered that didn’t mean she’d let him carry her into the house, though. He stayed close behind her on the slow trek from the car to the house, in case she needed a hand. They both paused on the threshold. The living room looked like a bombsite, though Frank and Doreen had obviously done their best to sweep the debris into one tidy pile.
Kit picked up a note from the coffee table. ‘Doreen has left us a casserole.’ She started to turn. ‘I should pop over and thank her.’
‘I’ll do that. You go to bed.’
She didn’t look at him. She glanced about the room and her shoulders slumped. One of her small hands inched across her stomach. Alex’s chest burned. She looked so lost and alone. He touched her shoulder, but when she glanced up at him with big worry-filled eyes he found himself drawing her into his arms and pressing her head to the hollow of his shoulder. ‘It’s going to be okay, Kit.’
‘You don’t know that,’ she mumbled, but she didn’t draw away.
He stroked her hair in an effort to reassure her, but found himself revelling in her softness, in how good she smelt, instead. ‘We’ll do everything the doctor says and you and your baby will be fine.’
She stared up at him then, a frown in her eyes.
‘If the doctor had been really worried he’d have admitted you to hospital.’
She nodded, but the frown didn’t leave her eyes. ‘What are you still doing here, Alex?’
‘There are things we need to talk about.’ Maybe honesty would win him a measure of her trust. ‘It doesn’t matter how much I might want to leave, I can’t until we’ve thrashed some things out. But that can wait until later in the week. What’s important at the moment is for you to get better again.’
He hooked an arm under her knees and lifted her into his arms. Carrying her was easier than arguing with her.
Carrying her was divine.
‘Point me in the direction of your bedroom.’
She pointed to the corridor that led off the living room. ‘First door on the right.’
The moment he set foot inside it, he wanted to back out again. This bedroom, with its big wooden bed and plaid quilt in pastel shades piled decadently with cushions, was pure Kit. It reminded him of that night.
He set her down on her bed and then backed up fast, almost falling over his feet in his haste. ‘You need to rest—doctor’s orders. Nothing else matters at the moment, Kit. I’ll go and serve you up a plate of your aunt’s casserole.’ Even sick, she looked divine.
‘Honorary aunt. Doreen isn’t my real aunt.’
Right.
‘Alex?’
He turned in the doorway.
Her chin lifted as she met his gaze. ‘You’re going to leave us, aren’t you, me and our baby?’
Her bottom lip wobbled as the words whispered out of her. Each word pierced his flesh.
She bit her lip, maybe in an attempt to get it back under control, and then she pursed her mouth. ‘You know, Alex, I can understand you not wanting a future with me. I get that.’
She glanced away, swallowed. Her throat worked. He wanted to close his eyes.
She turned and her gaze met his again, her eyes dark and shadowed. Confusion and turmoil chased themselves across her face. ‘But how can you turn your back on our baby?’
A weight slammed into place. He must look like a monster in her eyes.
Maybe he was.
He wanted to tell her to rest but the words wouldn’t come.
‘You don’t care what’s best for me. You don’t care what’s best for our baby. All you care about is what’s best for you.’
She spoke almost as if to herself and her words chilled him. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, but …
He shook himself. ‘Kit, I’m not abandoning you. I will be staying until the weekend.’
Her lips twisted. ‘What good do you think that will do anyone?’
He didn’t know how to answer.
She shifted slightly, her eyes suddenly glittering. ‘You know what? It might just be simpler if I make you a lump sum payment.’
‘What the hell …?’
‘For the donation of your sperm. That way, everyone knows exactly where they stand. There’ll be no misunderstandings.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I’m sure you can get those fancy lawyers of yours to draft something up.’
Horror welled through him. She couldn’t be serious! He—
No stress, no worry.
He clenched his hands to fists, drew in a ragged breath and swallowed back the denial that shot through him. Her eyelids had started to grow heavy. A sheen of perspiration filmed her face. She continued to glare at him with her chin hitched up like a warrior’s, but he knew a discussion like this couldn’t be good for her. ‘Rest now, Kit. We’ll talk later.’
Not that there was much more to say, he realized, his mouth growing sour with the knowledge. He turned away and headed for the kitchen. Food and making sure Kit rested—he’d focus on what he could do.
An hour later, Alex found himself on Frank and Doreen’s front veranda, hand raised to knock on their door. He’d made a deal with Kit—she’d try to sleep and he’d come over and thank Frank and Doreen.
He shifted his feet, scowled at the ground and knocked.
‘Lovey!’ Doreen appeared. ‘C’mon in.’
He shook his head and fought the urge to fidget. ‘I don’t want to leave Kit for too long in case she needs me. I just—’
‘Frank! It’s Kit’s young man, Alex.’
Alex gritted his teeth.
‘Come in and have a beer, young man,’ Frank offered.
Again, Alex shook his head. ‘The doctor has diagnosed Kit with a kidney infection. She should be fine but he’s ordered bed rest for the next few days. I don’t want to leave her alone for too long.’
Both Frank and Doreen nodded sagely, as if this made perfect sense. As far as Alex was concerned, the longer he remained in Tuncurry, the less sense anything made.
‘Kit wanted me to come over and thank you.’ He suddenly realized how grudging that sounded, as if he hadn’t appreciated what they’d done—their attempts to tidy up, the casserole. ‘I mean we wanted to thank you.’ But he and Kit, they weren’t a we and he didn’t want to give the wrong impression. ‘Just …’ He gave up. ‘Thank you. It was thoughtful of you.’
Frank eyed him. ‘You’re a city boy, right, Alex?’ When Alex didn’t say anything he added, ‘You’ll find we’re more community-minded out here.’
Community? It took an effort to stop his lips from twisting. From where he was standing, that just meant Kit would probably get stuck with looking after Frank and Doreen in a few years’ time when they both started losing their faculties.
Still, they had checked up on her today and that had been a nice thing to do. And they’d made sure she had food.
Both Frank and Doreen looked at him expectantly. He cleared his throat. ‘It’s nice to know Kit has such good neighbours.’
‘No doubt we’ll all get better acquainted now you’re here, lad.’
Alex took a step back. No way! The expectation, the cosy familiarity, the good-spiritedness, it wrapped around him, threatening to suffocate him, to bury him. He took another step back. ‘I … uh … should get back to Kit. Goodnight.’
He turned and fled.
There wasn’t any comfort in returning to Kit’s house, though. He glared at the hole in her wall and then threw himself down on the nearest sofa. White dust rose up all around him.
His curse ground out from between gritted teeth. He couldn’t bolt and leave Kit’s living room looking like a demolition site.
If the child she was carrying was his …
He leapt up and stomped off to find a broom, a bucket and some cleaning cloths. Tonight he’d be sleeping on plastic because he wasn’t taking the wrapping off the sofas until he’d had a chance to vacuum, and he wasn’t vacuuming tonight. It’d wake Kit and she needed to rest.
Alex checked on Kit again at midnight. She’d taken her antibiotics, she’d eaten some dinner and then she’d slept. So far, so good. She needed to get well. He wanted her to get well as soon as possible.
So you can leave?
He tried not to scowl.
From the light of the hallway he caught sight of the title of the book on her bedside table—What To Expect When You’re Expecting. He picked it up and tiptoed back out into the living room. Lowering himself to the sofa that would be his bed for the night, he turned to the page she had bookmarked.
And froze.
Everything went blank.
The bookmark—it was an ultrasound photograph of Kit’s child.
Of his child.
He snapped the book shut and rested his head in his hands. A baby. A child.
He lifted his head, darkness surging up to fill the empty places inside him. He wasn’t doing that again. He couldn’t.
You don’t care what’s best for our baby. All you care about is what’s best for you.
Kit didn’t understand. Him getting out of her and the baby’s lives—that would be best for her and the baby.
And for you too.
He nodded heavily. And for him too. It didn’t stop a part of him from feeling as if it were dying, though.
When he finally fell asleep that night, Alex had a nightmare about Chad. He raced through a darkened mansion, his legs wooden and heavy, his heart pounding faster and faster as he searched for the two-year-old. Chad’s laughter, always just out of reach, taunted him and spurred him on. The rooms in the mansion went on and on. He tried calling out Chad’s name but his voice wouldn’t work. His legs grew heavier and heavier. It took all his energy to push forward. He pulled open the final door, surged through it, to find himself plummeting off the edge of a cliff.
He woke before he slammed into the jagged rocks at the bottom, breathing hard and with Chad’s name on his lips. He lay in the dark and tried to catch his breath, his skin damp and clammy with perspiration. He tried telling himself Chad was safe, living somewhere in Buenos Aires with his mother, but that didn’t ease the darkness that stole through his soul.
Before he and Kit had made love, he hadn’t had a nightmare about Chad in over ten months.
He shoved the thought away. It wasn’t Kit’s fault she made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was his fault for giving in to temptation. Biting back a groan, he pushed up into a sitting position. Past experience told him he would get no more sleep tonight. He dragged a hand down his face. That was okay. There was still plenty of cleaning to do.
A sharp rap on the front door just after nine o’clock had Alex falling over his feet to answer it before the noise of another knock could wake Kit.
The woman who stood on the other side raked him up and down with bold, unimpressed eyes. ‘I’m Caro,’ she said without preamble. ‘Kit’s best friend.’ She didn’t stick her hand out. ‘Doreen rang me. I take it you’re Alex?’
‘That’s right.’
She folded her arms. ‘I’ve heard all about you.’
