скачать книгу бесплатно
“Because from what the lawyer’s telling me, it’ll be on the market before the end of the month, so I might need a buyer. You interested?”
He put down his chopsticks. “You’re serious?” He’d realized things were bad, that Jock’s affairs obviously hadn’t been left in order, but to sell the place?
“Deadly,” she answered straight back.
He had no idea what to say. “You’re sure that’s something you have to consider?”
“Honestly?” She shook her head, tears making her big brown eyes look like they were swimming. “I hope not, but from what I heard tonight I don’t know what else I’ll be able to do.”
Nathan picked up a spring roll between his fingers and dipped it in sauce, slowly eating it as he digested her words.
“If it comes to selling, if it’s what you have to do, I’ll buy the place myself.”
She laughed. “Yeah, right.”
Nathan cleared his throat and looked up, not wanting to sound arrogant but needing her to know it wasn’t an empty offer. That he could buy it tomorrow and come up with the cash immediately if he had to. “I’m serious.”
Her laughter died, the uneasy smile wiped from her face. She studied him, eyes no longer full of tears—her gaze was serious now. “You could actually buy this place, just like that?” she asked.
He shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. A year ago, hell, a few months ago, he’d have had no problem letting anyone know what he could afford, but since coming here...he just didn’t want to be that guy anymore. Staying on the farm had given him the break he’d needed, and it had also given him a fresh start, even if he was going to have to face reality and head home one day soon.
“Yeah, I could. But if I did I’d need a manager, so there’s no chance I’d evict you.”
Jessica smiled, but he knew she wasn’t sure what to say or how to take his words.
“But it won’t come to that, so don’t even worry,” he assured her.
She took another mouthful of noodles and nodded, but he sensed the change in her, as if she was suddenly viewing him as a stranger when before she’d treated him like an ally. Money attracted a lot of women—the wrong women—but he doubted Jessica fell into that category, even if she was desperate for an injection of cash to save her assets. If she did, her eyes would have lit up, her smile would have become wider—he knew all the signs—and yet she’d looked more alarmed than anything else. She could just be good at hiding her emotions, but she’d been so honest about her grief that he doubted it.
“So you said you’re a banker, when you’re not traveling?”
“I was, back in London,” he said, taking the lid off another dish. “I managed a private hedge fund.”
“Ahh, I see,” she said, like finding out what he did told her everything she needed to know.
It felt like a lifetime ago to him, and in some ways it was. The guy he was here was nothing like the man he’d been for most of his adult life.
“So will you go back? To being a banker?”
It was something he’d thought about a lot lately, and he still wasn’t sure. “That life took everything from me,” he said, pushing the memories away that were trying to claw their way back in, the memories that so often took hold of him and refused to give him any relief. “I need to go back at some point, but right now I’m happy pretending to be someone else.”
The smile she gave him this time lit her eyes again, as if she was happy with his answer. “So does the person you are here have time to help me figure out what the hell happened to my inheritance?”
Nathan grinned. It had been a long time since he’d hung out and chatted to a beautiful woman—he couldn’t even recall the last time he’d chilled out and eaten take-out food with his wife. This was the type of evening he’d missed out on over the past decade, what he’d thought was overrated. Now he knew otherwise. And it had also been a while since he’d been able to really use his brain, and if he was honest with himself he kind of missed that part of his old life.
“It just so happens that I’m great with numbers, so if you need me to look at any transactions, bank accounts, anything, I’m your guy.”
At times like this, he knew his old lifestyle hadn’t been worth what he’d lost, the memories he’d have to live with for the rest of his life. He’d tried so hard to have everything, and all he’d done was lose what he’d spent years striving for. Jessica was like a breath of fresh air, even if she was in need of his help. So long as he kept reminding himself that she could be only a friend, he’d be just fine. Because not only was she Jock’s granddaughter, she was also an attractive woman, and part of being away from home was about keeping his life complication free.
Jessica was vulnerable right now, and he wasn’t going to take advantage of that. Although if there was something he could do to help her, he would. “So tell me what the lawyer said.”
She rolled her eyes and took another mouthful before leaning back in her chair, anger taking over her face again.
“You know, when I met you earlier, I told myself to be nice to you because you were a paying guest.”
He chuckled, curious. “And now?”
Her dark eyes locked on his. “Now?” she shrugged. “Now I think that I was a little harsh. I can’t be an island forever.”
“An island?” He had no idea what she was talking about, but she had a great knack of taking his mind from his thoughts.
“Let’s just say that I usually keep to myself. I’ve always been a loner.”
Nathan didn’t know if she was just being friendly or if she was flirting with him. He’d been married for half of his twenties and part of his thirties, and even if he hadn’t been he’d worked almost every waking hour since he’d graduated, which meant he’d been out of the game for way too long. So darn long that he couldn’t even figure out if Jessica was interested or just being friendly.
“For the record, I’m pleased you’ve given up the whole island thing.”
She laughed. “Yeah?”
So much for not flirting. He’d even managed to throw a dumb joke in there, or at least his pitiful attempt at a joke.
“So tell me what it’s like being a banker,” she asked between mouthfuls.
Nathan refused to be drawn back into the past, to let himself think too much about what she’d just asked him. But Jessica knew nothing about what had happened; she was just asking an innocent question. It wasn’t her fault that just the mention of his past brought back memories so vivid, a gut-wrenching pain so deep, that it seemed like he could choke just trying to breath.
“In my first year one of the other interns died from staying awake almost 24/7 and working insane hours,” he told her, watching as her jaw physically dropped, mouth gaping open. “The poor guy was so fatigued, had worked a few days straight, and he had a heart attack.”
“You’re kidding me. Please tell me you’re kidding.”
“I wish I was,” he said with a grimace. “The kind of industry I was in, it took a lot from plenty of us, but the game of what we do is so addictive that sometimes it takes something pretty major to jolt us out.”
Her eyebrows bunched together as she stared at him. “And a young guy dying didn’t alert you to the kind of job you were getting yourself into before you’d committed?”
Nathan shrugged. It was something he’d asked himself so many times after he’d lost his wife, but he knew the answer. The truth was that nothing could have made him give up his job back then—the money had been too good and he’d loved what he did each day—until he’d found his wife. He blinked a few times in fast succession, as if it would make the memories magically disappear. And the way his family were, their expectations; they had almost made his career decision for him. But he wasn’t about to talk to her about his family, because that would be going back in time to something else he was only too happy to forget.
“That’s why I’m here,” he told her. “It took me a while, years, but I finally realized that there was a life for me away from Mayfair. I just had to leave London to figure that out.” If only it hadn’t taken him so long. “I lost someone I loved, and it made me rethink—” he paused “—everything. But I know that if I was twenty-one all over again, nothing anyone could have said to me would have made a difference.”
Jessica’s face was soft, her expression kind as she watched him. “Sometimes it takes losing what we love to show us how much that person or thing meant to us in the first place,” she said, her voice low, almost husky. “I’ve spent my entire life looking up to the world’s best riders, and then when I finally achieved my dreams I lost everything.”
He didn’t know what to tell her, because nothing he could say would change how she felt. He still hadn’t come to terms with what had happened to him, which meant there was no way in hell she would in the near future, either.
“I bet every second person tells you that it’ll get better. That you’ll learn to deal with what’s happened.”
Jessica slowly nodded, running her fingertips across the wooden surface of the table. “The only way I’ll come to terms with what happened to me is when I’m out competing again.”
He sensed there was something else, that she was holding something back. Jessica was staring past him; he guessed she was looking through the window even though the light was fading fast and it was almost dark. She was keeping secrets, just like he was.
“And then there’s Teddy.”
Nathan knew instantly who she was talking about, because he’d read all the news stories about her when it had happened. She hadn’t mentioned her horse, so he hadn’t asked, but from the way she was biting down on her bottom lip, tears glinting in her eyes, he was guessing the outcome wasn’t good.
“Did he, ah, recover from his injuries in the end?” He tried not to grimace, worried he’d said the wrong thing and not wanting to upset her.
Jessica poured herself another glass of wine, sighing and taking a large sip before looking back up. “I’ll never be able to compete him again, but he means the world to me, Nathan. He deserves a retirement here on the farm, going for a ride every now and again if he’s not too stiff, even just being in the field with a few of the youngsters to keep them company.” Her voice was shaky. “I just want him with me.”
“So where is he?”
Her eyebrows pulled together, frustration clear on her face. “He’s still stuck in the UK. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to raise the money to bring him back now, which means I’ll—” she closed her eyes for a moment, taking a visibly deep breath “—have to have him put down. He’s worthless to anyone else, and I won’t be able to afford the livery for long, if at all.”
Nathan could feel her pain, could see how upset she was talking about an animal she so clearly loved. He reached for her across the table, covered her hand with his before even thinking about what he was doing. Nathan squeezed her fingers, wondering what the hell he was doing as he looked into her eyes. It was almost painful just touching her, connecting with another human being, but he forced himself not to pull away.
“How much do you need to fly him home?” he asked.
She shifted her hand beneath his but didn’t remove it. “Too much,” she replied, voice soft.
Nathan slowly took his fingers from hers, sliding them away and reaching for his beer. But that wasn’t why he’d withdrawn—her skin, so soft and warm, was making him think how much he wanted to keep touching her. How much he’d missed being with a woman, or even just being close to any other person.
“Find out how much and I’ll take care of it.”
Her eyes went wide, round like saucers. “No.” She shook her head like she was trying to convince herself otherwise. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?” If it meant that much to her, he’d pay the bill without a second thought. “Your granddad meant a lot to me, so just think of it as my way of repaying him.”
“No matter how much he did for you, he wouldn’t let you spend thirty grand on bringing a retired horse home.”
Nathan chuckled and raised an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t know how much it cost.”
She shrugged. “That’s the rough price, but honestly? There’s no way I could ever afford it, not now, and I’m not taking handouts from anyone.” Jessica sighed. “Besides, this place won’t even be here then. I’m going to have to sell, which means I won’t even have somewhere to keep him or any of the others. I have to face the cold, hard facts.”
Nathan stared long and hard at the grim set of her mouth and the sad look in her eyes. It was almost like looking at a reflection of himself, of the way he felt so often. “Look, if you want him back I’ll pay, no strings attached. And I want to make it clear that I’ll buy Patch if it comes to that, and I’ll pay for somewhere nice to stable him if I need to, for as long as he needs it.”
Jessica’s expression changed, her eyes soft, the faintest lines appearing at the corners as she smiled at him. “Thank you,” she said. “That old horse means a lot to me, too.”
Nathan resisted the urge to reach for her again, but the way she was looking at him made it almost impossible. There was something about being in New Zealand that had changed his outlook, made him appreciate the more simple things he’d taken for granted most of his life, but until now he’d also appreciated the time on his own. Or maybe he’d just been terrified of ever letting anyone close again. Now? He knew he’d been traveling solo for long enough, but even the thought of Jessica’s beautiful smile didn’t make it easier for him to think about...what? He didn’t even know what. He only knew that he liked her, and that she made him want to push past what had been holding him back for so long.
“So you’d let me buy him?”
“If it comes to that, yes.” This time her smile was determined instead of kind when she flashed it. “But I like to win my own battles, Nathan, and that means I don’t want to be anyone’s charity case.”
From the look on her face she’d been offended by his offer when all he’d been trying to do was help. “So I can help you with one horse, but not the other?” He should have kept his mouth shut but the words just slipped out before he could help it.
“The difference is that you genuinely like Patch. He means a lot to you and you’re attached to him. But if I let you help me with Teddy then I’d owe you a debt I could never repay.” She laughed, but it was more of a nervous chuckle. “Besides, I’ve never wanted to be some rich man’s bought-and-paid-for mistress.”
This time he should have said something, but he only stared at her. All his life he’d been surrounded by people impressed by wealth, seen women flock to rich men, and here Jessica was rebuffing him immediately because of his money. Money she desperately needed. It shouldn’t have mattered to him, but something about her words only made him more intrigued. Made him want to help her all the more, a challenge that he couldn’t ignore. And a challenge that made him forget all about his demons, at least for the moment. Or maybe it was the comment about being his mistress that had shocked him into forgetting.
“You know, I think we kind of got off track,” he finally said, breaking the silence.
She only raised her eyebrows in response.
“Tonight was supposed to be about cheap and cheerful food and a few drinks,” he continued.
“And you helping me solve the mystery of my grandfather’s demise,” she added, smile back on her face.
“Let me look through all Jock’s paperwork in the morning,” Nathan suggested, wanting an excuse to see her again as much as he wanted to help. “If there’s one thing I can do, it’s figure out if anyone’s swindled the old man.”
Jessica held up her now half-empty wine glass. “I’ll drink to that.”
Nathan raised his beer bottle and met her stare, surprised that she held his gaze instead of looking away. Earlier in the day she’d hardly been able to look at him, had seemed more annoyed than anything that he’d stopped by to introduce himself, and now her smile alone was warming a part of him that had been cold for the better part of the last year. A part of him that he’d thought would never heal.
“So tell me about this gorgeous old horse of yours,” he said.
“Hey, who’re you calling old?”
* * *
Jessica stood at the door and watched as Nathan walked slowly backward. She raised her hand in a wave, before crossing both arms over her chest, more for comfort than for the cold. It was weird spending time with someone who knew so much about her, but who was essentially still a stranger. Weird but nice at the same time.
“Thanks for coming over,” she said, leaning against the doorjamb
Nathan stopped, hands pushed into his pockets. “So tomorrow we start investigating?” he asked.
“Maybe we should go for a ride,” she suggested, liking the idea of anything that meant she got to spend extra time with him.
“Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She stared after him, watching as he went part way down the drive before crossing over the lawn and heading for the cottage. So much for wishing she didn’t have a guest to deal with. Spending time with Nathan had pulled her from her own miserable thoughts, stopped her from wallowing in what had happened and what could happen in the near future. And it had made her more determined.
Jessica shut the door and headed for the kitchen, sighing as she looked at the table where they’d been sitting. There wasn’t much to clean up, just a couple of beer bottles, the take-out containers and her wineglass, and then she needed to head to bed. Although no matter how tired she was, the jet lag making her entire body fatigued, she knew sleep wouldn’t come easily. Not tonight.
As she collected the bottles and put them in her recycling container, she thought of Nathan, and then her granddad. One man was making her body tingle, making her wish she’d never been so snappy with him earlier in the day, and the other...he was making her worry. Worry about losing the last thing in her life that truly meant something to her. She’d grown up without her dad, but Jock had been the only male role model she’d ever needed. Her mom had been amazing one moment and downbeat the next, and she tried so hard not to think about her sometimes, because it only brought back memories of losing her. Of what had happened. How traumatic her death had been.
Jessica pushed the thoughts away and left the kitchen, deciding to finish cleaning up in the morning, and headed for the stairs. She looked up, ready to collapse into bed when a sliver of light caught her eye. She’d left the light on in the office by mistake, but she took it as a sign.
Jessica looked up the stairs one last time, groaned then padded barefoot to the office, stretching her back as she walked. She might be tired, but she was also on the cusp of losing the farm. She had the rest of her life to sleep and only a short time to save what she loved. She just had to remember to make time for her exercises, because if she let her back seize up and not heal, she’d become too stiff to ever get back in the saddle again. And a life without riding would be a life not worth living.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_b7557d45-171b-5846-a8ea-9d9e39b79fd5)
JESSICA GRIMACED AS SHE stretched her body out, holding the yoga pose even though it was killing her. She pushed out a big breath then inhaled again as she slowly released, before forcing her body to comply again. What she needed was a hot yoga class to go to, but she doubted there was anything local—she’d have to travel at least an hour and she didn’t have the time. Same with acupuncture—she would have loved a session, but she wasn’t keen on letting just anyone stick needles into her.
“That looks painful.”
She froze, shutting her eyes for a second. Nathan. She hadn’t expected him to be about so early, let alone to be dropping in to see her. When she relaxed out of her pose and opened her eyes, she looked up at him and saw that he was dressed in workout gear, too.
“Painful would be an understatement,” she replied, slowly stretching out and standing. “But if I ever want my old body back, I’m prepared to deal with the consequences.”
His low laugh made her smile. “That’s how I felt when I started back running. It’s been ten years since I pounded the pavements around London, and I’m finally getting fit again.”
“Another perk of quitting your job?” she asked, reaching for her water and taking a long sip.
