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“We still can do it,” she said with a laugh. “It’s an oldie but a goodie, that one. Not officially on the lunch menu, but a version of it’s still a dinner favorite so we have the ingredients.”
This time when he looked at her he didn’t break the stare, not for a second. His eyes were locked on hers, his dark brown irises flecked with gold in the bright light.
“I have to go, but how about I take you up on that offer another day? Maybe when you’re not so busy and you can join me?”
She forced herself to keep breathing, which felt like the most unnatural thing in the world all of a sudden with Ben standing in front of her. The last thing she needed was to sit down and have lunch with him.
“Sounds good. It would be nice to catch up.”
Someone in the kitchen called out her name, giving her an excuse to break away, to finally glance away from the eyes that had been holding her captive.
“I’ll see you around, Bec.” Ben held his hand up in the air and took a few steps backward before turning and heading for the door.
Rebecca watched him, didn’t move a muscle until he’d disappeared from sight, ignoring the chaos behind her. Her heart was thumping with what she knew was excitement, but the rest of her was a quivering mess of nerves, ready to slip into a puddle on the floor. Because there was no part of Ben being back that was okay, none at all.
* * *
Ben stuffed his hands deep into his pockets and walked down the street, through the crowded lunchtime buzz of inner city Melbourne. He loved Australia, loved being back on home turf and knowing he was where he belonged. Living overseas had been a blast, but the idea of dividing his time between the city and his granddad’s farm was what he wanted now, and he knew he’d made the right decision coming home. As hard as it was leaving his polo family behind, he couldn’t stay away from Gus any longer.
And seeing Bec? Wow. He’d only been home one day and it had been a fight not to turn up at the restaurant that first night, just to lay eyes on her again. The girl who’d waved him goodbye, his best friend, and then slowly disappeared from his life. But who could blame her? He hadn’t exactly been the best at staying in touch, but then she’d been downright terrible.
And then she’d met some other guy and had a kid? Little Bec all grown up and a mom? Now, that he hadn’t been expecting. In his mind he’d imagined her life on hold, expected he could come home and somehow he’d be able to convince her that their night together had been a good thing, that they were supposed to be more than just friends. He’d been a fool, naive at best, and after seeing her today he knew he’d waited too long, that she’d moved on and he’d missed his chance.
Because even though he’d had the time of his life away, ridden some of the best polo ponies in the world and traveled to the most incredible countries, he’d never stopped thinking about Rebecca. Not for a moment. At the time, he’d been so desperate to belong, loved being part of a big extended polo family, when in reality he’d had a little family here with Gus and Rebecca all along, only it had taken being away so long for him to realize it. It wasn’t until his granddad had finally admitted how sick he was that it had really hit home.
Rebecca’s soft, smiling face, pillowy lips and shining eyes had been the memory he’d clung on to, and almost four years on, he was darn pleased she didn’t have a husband. He could never stay angry with her and seeing her today had proved it. He’d gone in all tough guy, wanting to demand why she’d lost touch. But he hadn’t. And they might have been drunk that night together, but he hadn’t forgotten a moment of what had happened between them.
He’d kill the guy who’d left her, on her own and with a child, and he’d bet her parents would be happy to help him find him. Rebecca had been his best friend, and for one night she’d been his lover. Ben grimaced as he jumped behind the wheel of his car. And that one night had ruined everything between them.
* * *
Rebecca strolled in to the preschool center and locked eyes on her daughter. Lexie was running around the room at high speed, arms spread out as if she was flying, her little lips bouncing off one another to make a noise like a plane. Her heart fluttered and she turned away, not wanting Lexie to see her yet. Her little girl was clingy enough as it was, and she loved seeing her play with the other kids.
“Hey there.”
Bec turned to find Julia, one of the teachers, behind her. She was holding out a colorful, smudged sheet of paper.
“Lexie painted this today and insisted I put it somewhere safe for Mommy.”
The grin that followed made her smile, and she reached out to take it. “She has quite a talent, don’t you think?”
Both women laughed then as Bec held out the painting and squinted, trying to decipher exactly what it was. “A house covered in green slime?” she guessed.
“Day at the beach?”
A little voice interrupted them. “Mommy!”
Bec turned and scooped up her girl, planting a kiss on her shiny blond head. “Hey, sunshine.”
“Do you like my painting?”
“Of course!”
“It’s me on a horse. A horse, Mommy!”
“Mmm.” She tried not to grin as she looked back at her. The teacher had to walk away to keep from laughing. “We were just saying what a lovely horse it is.”
“It’s a polo horse.” She fought to stand on the ground. “Me on a polo pony.”
Rebecca’s smile fell from her face, until she realized Lexie was still watching her. She forced her panic away. A polo pony? How did she even know about polo ponies?
“Let’s go, sweetheart. Grab your bag and say goodbye to Julia.”
She watched as her daughter darted away, reached a hand to push back her hair as she stared at the picture. Lexie had never even been around horses, let alone ridden one, but she’d been obsessed about them since she could say the word. Just like someone else she knew. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Lexie was more like her dad than she’d let herself believe.
“Mommy?”
She dropped to her knees, taking the bag from her daughter and zipping it up. “Yes, sweetheart.”
“Granddad says you used to ride horses. That you used to ride polo ponies.”
“Did he now?” She would kill him for even talking to Lexie about her riding. That was a part of her life she’d left behind. She’d never even been near a horse since Ben had left, and she’d long since given up any dreams of making a career out of the sport she’d loved since she was fourteen. The last horse she’d had...she didn’t even want to think about the accident.
“He said you were real good, too, until you fell off one day. Did it hurt?”
“And when was Granddad telling you all this?” she asked.
“Yesterday.”
Lexie skipped off toward the door, waiting for her, her hand outstretched.
“Can we go horse riding?” she asked.
“Maybe.”
“Why maybe?”
“I don’t know anyone who owns a horse.” It was a lie, but what else was she going to say?
“Could we get a horse, then?” Lexie asked.
“Get in the car.”
She closed the door after her and stood on the sidewalk for a few seconds, eyes closed, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. Once upon a time she would have done anything to spend her life around horses, but that was in the past, and that was exactly how she wanted to keep it. She had to tell Ben, she knew that, but she still didn’t want to go back.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_fbd4f651-87f3-592d-96a2-c47c7289f2b4)
BEN SMILED AT his granddad and walked over to the young colt. The animal’s nostrils were flared, body rigid as he approached him.
“Keep your hands down. Don’t touch him until he touches you first.”
Ben listened to him, and followed his instructions. More and more he was realizing that his grandfather’s instincts were always right. He’d argued with the trainers he worked with overseas until he was blue in the face, and he’d been tired of their old-fashioned attitudes. Some trainers liked to force horses into submission, but that wasn’t something they did at McFarlane Stables. Just because half the polo trainers out there thought they were crazy for practicing natural horsemanship didn’t mean he was going to change their approach. And it was one of the reasons he’d finally had enough of being overseas, one of the reasons he’d finally broken ties with the guys he’d loved working alongside for so long to come home.
“Good. Once he turns his head in, pat him and then move the rope over his neck.”
Ben did as he was told. The horse responded to him, moving quietly, but all hell broke loose once the rope was over.
“Keep hold, even if he goes right out to the end.”
A damp line of sweat graced his forehead, but he kept hold. This was the only rough part of the exercise and he hated it, but if he got it right this time, it wouldn’t need to be done again. Because animals and force were not two words he liked used in the same sentence.
The horse stopped bucking and rearing and came to a halt, eyeing him cautiously from a small distance.
“Good boy.” He said the words softly before approaching him again. “What a good fella.”
“Give him a pat and then put the halter on him,” his granddad called out.
Ben moved forward, smiling at the horse as he stood calmly. He gave him a scratch behind the ear and then lifted the halter, rubbing his sweet spots as he did so.
Nice and gentle, Ben reminded himself, reaching up and folding the leather strap over the horse’s nose and behind his pricked ears. The horse stood still, ears flickering as he listened to him, accepting what was happening.
Ben stood back and grinned. Working with his grandfather for just one morning was worth having come home for.
“Good job, son. Well done.”
He gave the horse one final pat and then opened up the gate out of the yard, letting him canter off over to the other young stock. Ben moved toward his granddad, pleased to see the smile on his weathered face.
“It’s in your blood, always has been, always will be.”
His granddad’s voice was strong and deep, but the slap he gave Ben on his shoulder wasn’t as powerful as it used to be; his gnarled, weathered hands failing him after years of hard work. Gus McFarlane was a strong man, the kind of man who was used to commanding attention when he wanted it, but he was deteriorating fast. There was something the old man wasn’t telling him, he just knew it.
“So have you been coping okay? On your own I mean?”
Gus used a cane, walking slowly over the grass. Mind as sharp as a tack, but the body just not keeping up. Guilt washed over Ben—he’d been so desperate to leave Australia and follow his own dreams, but now that he was back he was seriously regretting leaving his granddad for so long.
“You ever hear from the Stewart girl?”
Ben’s body went rigid. “Rebecca? Yeah, well, sort of. I mean, I went to see her when I got back.” He tried to sound nonchalant. “Yesterday, actually.”
“Great girl that one. You should have married her, you know that, right?”
Yeah, he knew. But Bec was...well, Bec. It was never that he hadn’t been attracted to her, or that he hadn’t wanted her, but he’d always known he could never give her enough and he still couldn’t. Settling down with a nice girl just hadn’t been part of his plan, what he’d imagined for himself, because he’d always been focused on what he wanted. And now that he didn’t have polo, he was at more of a loss about what he wanted from life than he’d ever been.
“She gave up returning my emails a long time ago, Granddad.” He wasn’t going to let Rebecca off the hook, not when he was getting the look from the old man. The fact their friendship had fallen by the wayside was as much her fault as it was his. “And we were only friends, you know that. Nothing more.” His granddad didn’t need to know they’d spent a night together, and that’s all it had been—one night, not a relationship.
“Great little rider, that one. Hard worker and a good seat in the saddle. Not to mention darn nice to look at.”
“Yup,” Ben agreed.
“Bring her out here sometime. I’ve a filly that needs to be ridden by a woman, and there ain’t none of them out here anymore.”
Ben thought about Bec, about having her out here again. Would she even come if he asked her to? Four years hadn’t quelled his desire for her, but things had changed, heck, she’d changed.
“She won’t have ridden in a long time.” He doubted she’d make the trip. “And I’m not sure we’re on the best terms.” It had been awkward between them the other day, even if he had enjoyed seeing her again.
Gus stopped then, resting heavily on his cane.
“Don’t matter how long it’s been, because a woman like her? She’s a natural, just like you.” He chuckled. “And unless she’s already married, don’t be a quitter, son. You don’t give up on her if she’s what you want.”
Ben cleared his throat. His grandfather was unbelievable—he’d only been home a few days and already he was giving him advice on his love life.
“I haven’t got long now, doc said maybe only six months. I’m not gonna beat the cancer this time, son.” He shrugged. “Tell Rebecca I want to see her. What kind of girl would say no to a dying old man, huh?”
It was his turn to give Gus a slap on the shoulder. Thinking about his granddad dying was not something Ben wanted to give in to, and if the old man wanted Rebecca, then who was he to say no?
“We’ll be right, Granddad. Cancer won’t beat you.”
But it would and they both knew it.
* * *
“Table six! No menus yet.”
Rebecca hurried to the kitchen as the bell dinged. She hated keeping her customers waiting, especially the regulars she saw seated at her tables every week.
“Phone for you, Bec.”
“Take a message,” she hollered back.
“Sure?”
She gave the young waiter a hard stare and he shrugged. Who the hell would be calling her during a lunch shift?
She placed the empty plates down and hurried out back.
“It wasn’t about Lexie was it?” She regretted her sharp tone and gave the young guy a smile.
“Nah, someone called Ben. Said you’d know how to get in touch.”
The name hit her like a thump to her lungs. Ben. Why was he calling here? She glanced around, saw that everything was under control and stepped back from the counter. “I’m taking ten,” she called out, heading out the back door, suddenly desperately in need of fresh air and sunlight.
She ignored the noise of the city, the streets filled with all kinds of people rushing back and forward, and took a deep breath, pulling her mobile from her pocket. She should have ignored his call, stopped thinking about what she’d had with Ben before he left, but it was an impossible task and she knew it.
Seeing Ben had reminded her, what they were both missing out on, of how nice it would be to have a man around. Not just any man, but a Ben kind of man. But she’d made the decision to let him go without saying anything about how she felt, and no amount of regrets was going to change that.
And now she had to decide whether to return his call or not. And at the same time figure out what the hell I’m going to do about telling him he has a daughter.
She bit down hard on her lower lip and dialed the number, quickly as if the speed was going to make a difference. The number was still ingrained in her memory, digits that she had never, ever forgotten. Hell, it had once been her favorite number, and not just for Ben being at the other end of it. Because Gus had been as much her lifeline back then as Ben had. When he’d offer her a ride it had been like a junkie getting a fix.
