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Golyshkin. Then do persuade me, Mr. Myshevsky! I would be even glad. But before taking this Sisyphean labor (http://www.multitran.ru/c/m.exe?t=3273562_1_2)… would you like a cup of tea?
Myshevskiy. I would prefer black coffee with no sugar, no milk.
Golyshkin. As for me, I prefer green tea with jasmine. It smells marvelous!
Myshevskiy. I heard that jasmine has a smell of disease. And black coffee smells like revenge.
Golyshkin. Oh, I would never think of that! Okay, let it be your way, Mr. Myshevsky. Drink your coffee enjoying the idea of revenge. Meanwhile I will be diving into disease. Then you will tell me what brought you here.
The doorbell is ringing at the entrance hall. Rodion having changed his pajamas for jeans and shirt opens the door. Olga comes in with a medical case in her hands. She comes up to the mirror patting her hair. The young lady is dressed modestly wearing a cheap skirt and a blouse.
Rodion. Hello Olenka! Wow! Hotcha! You look more and more irresistible each day!
Olga. Oh, here you are, Rodion… How is Stalver Sigizmundovich doing? Don’t see me off, I know the way to his room.
Rodion. Olga Alekseevna! Maybe I am goofy but I can’t understand what is my fault.
Olga. How should I know? Ask your father about it.
Rodion. I can’t. He is talking to a very cool buddy now. They are bouncing off some cool stuff. So, Olenka, you will have to wait. There is vodka and coca-cola… Would you like a cocktail of Jim Morrison?
Olga. Listen, Rodion, it looks like you have nothing to do, is that right? Are you hanging around doing nothing or is it your work?
Rodion. What are you talking about Olga Alekseevna? Please, do explain for me, stupid guy!
Olga. Each time when I come to see Stalver Udarpyatovich I see you at home. So, my conclusion is that you are either an absolute idler living on your father’s means or a sheik.
Rodion. Actually, I am like pants without a shirt. I am living free life with no responsibility.
Olga. Don’t waste your time then. I don’t care about men of such type.
Rodion. Whatever… what machos do you care about?
Olga. Speaking your slang I like hot and pricy machos.
Rodion. Oh, such a pain…
Olga. All women are like that! Why would I be an exception? Am I a fright? Am I stupid?
Rodion. Oh no, Olenka! You are a pussy cat. Sweet pussy cat!
Olga. That’s it, my little boy!
Rodion. Oh shucks! I am not a little boy. If I have no bucks it’s not the reason to call me sucker.
Olga. Take it easy, cowboy! Only boiled eggs are harder than you and only stars are higher. However, I call a boy any man not capable to fulfill my dream.
Rodion. What’s that shit? Don’t make pickle-puss, tell me! Olya! Please tell me!
Olga. Well… That shit as you, dude, called it are the Iguazu Waterfalls.
Rodion. Holy cow! Where is it?
Olga. It’s in Brazil. Nothing in the world could be as beautiful as the Iguazu Waterfalls. Just imagine: more than three hundreds flows are simultaneously cascading from the towering height. And there is an internal rainbow created by a billion of water drops and the sun. I saw it on TV.
Rodion. I thought that all pussy cats dream of Paris.
Olga. You mean to see Paris and die at the top of the Eiffel Tower? This is really a bullshit!
Rodion. But Brazil is too far! I guess the antipode people must live there…
Olga. That’s right, smart cookie! When it is winter at our country they are enjoying summer. When we are crying they are singing. Is that enough or should I go on?
Rodion. Enough.
Olga. So, when will I see the Iguazu Waterfalls?
Rodion. Such a prick!
Olga. Now you see, why you are just a boy?
Rodion. I see, pussy cat…
Olga. Come on, don’t be sulky! You are a very good boy, Rodion. But I am not going to try this temptation any more.
Rodion. So, what if…?
Olga. What do you mean?
Rodion. I am not a dude, Olya. Okay, let’s a assume that you will have these waterfalls. Will you look at me another way then?
Olga. The Iguazu Waterfalls first and then we will see.
Rodion. Olya, please do answer. It’s very important for me!
Olga. My good little boy! I think I could really love you…
Rodion. Go on!
Olga. Rodion, please set my hands free! Otherwise I am going to complain your father and he will punish you.
Rodion. You are laughing at me, Olya!
Olga. Should I cry? Oh, no way! Such times had passed long ago. Once upon a time, at one apocalyptic day of my life I was lying on a hospital bed bowelled and devastated and I swore. Oh, that was a terrible vow! From now on I will never take trust any man in the world. I am not going to break my vow even for the sake of such good little boy as you are.
Rodion. Go on laughing at me! But believe me – once everything will change.
Olga. I will wait for such a day, Rodion.
Rodion. Is that true, Olya? Can I hope?
Olga. Even a mouse in a trap has a right to hope. The question is: for what and for how long? For example, my hope to see your father today has almost died. So, what can I do?
Rodion. Okay, I am going to pledge my dad. Maybe he will have mercy on me and finally send that guy packing.
Olga. I will very much appreciate that!
Rodion. But only if you are coming with me, Olya!
Olga. Are you afraid your dad mopping up on you?
Rodion. I am afraid to leave you alone. What if you disappear like a ghost? Maybe you are not a woman at all.
Olga. Who am I then?! You, smart ass!
Rodion. I mean you are not real. Sometimes it seems to me that you are just my pipe-dream.
Olga. Here is my hand, it’s of flesh and blood. Can you feel its warm? Hold it tightly. Maybe in such a way you will keep me beside you.
Rodion. Do you really want it?
Olga. Oh, if I only knew what I want!
Rodion holding Olga by her hand comes up to the office door. The voices are heard out of the closed room. Instead of coming in he tried to kiss Olga’s hand. She pulls it back and starts listening to the conversation.
Myshevskiy. Thank you for coffee Stalver Udarpayovich.
Golyshkin. Would you like one more cup?
Myshevskiy. If you don’t mind professor I’d rather jump to the point.
Golyshkin. Sure. So, Mr. Myshevsky if I understood your right you are attracted by the otherworld and its mysteries?
Myshevskiy. Actually, I am a pragmatic professor. Mysteries of the otherworld… Well, I will start caring about them when I move to that otherworld. Hopefully, it will happen not so soon. Meanwhile, I am more interested in the mysteries of the living world. I would say, only one of them. And like Orpheus I am ready to follow this mystery down to the kingdom of the dead.
Golyshkin. What is that mystery, Mr. Myshevsky? Is it worth it?
Myshevskiy. It is the elixir-stone.
Golyshkin. So, you are obsessed with the philosophers’ stone?! I must confess you have disappointed me.
Myshevskiy. But why are you speaking so disdainfully about my obsession, professor?
Golyshkin. After all, it is not even a stone if we consider how it looks like – it is a chemical substance. In fact, it is powder required for transmutation of metals into gold.
Myshevskiy. Do you think it really matters how my obsession looks like?
Golyshkin. Sure I do! Doesn’t it matter for you how looks a woman who you are going to conquer. Or speaking this dirty modern slang – to sleep with.
Myshevskiy. How can you compare these two things!?
Golyshkin. Well, perhaps, I am too quick with my conclusions…Perhaps, you are concerned about other properties of the elixir-stone. You know, if one takes this golden drink in small doses – ancient alchemists used to call it аurum potabile – it is able to cure any disease, rejuvenate human body and even prolong life.
Myshevskiy. Oh, really? Frankly, I didn’t think of that, professor. It is probably because a human being is an egoist by nature. How could he blamed of it? The God created him so.
Golyshkin. However, fortunately, for humanity The God created not all people as egoists. The history contains the examples when some individuals sacrificed their lives for the sake of other people.
Myshevskiy. Well, black sheep occurs in all herds. And after all, if each individual is happy, isn’t it enough for all humanity to be happy?
Golyshkin. You are quite a sophist, Mr. Myshevsky, I should tell you. It makes you somewhat similar to your desirable elixir-stone. Your ideas like poison get into people’s minds breaking noble ideals and turn romantic souls into cynics.
Myshevskiy. I’d say you are too stern to me, professor.
Golyshkin. Well, let’s stop this useless arguing, Mr. Myshevsky. We’d better return to the point of our conversation. Don’t you know that the philosophers’ stone is not more than a fable of ancient alchemists?
Myshevskiy. Yeah, I heard about it. Moreover, this fable had been actively exploited by all sorts of quacks. They made their money on those simpletons who believed in superficial power of the elixir-stone.
Golyshkin. So, you see…
Myshevskiy. What about Raimondus Lullius then? Do you know about the Spaniard who lived back in the 14
century? The British King Edward ordered him to make sixty thousand pounds of gold out of Azoth, Tin, and Saturn. And he did fulfill the order!
Golyshkin. At that time, all money transactions were made with tin metal. There wasn’t much gold in the royal treasury.
Myshevskiy. However, according to the historical documents the royal treasury was filled with gold at the times of Edward the King. It was used for bargaining exclusively big deals with the Hans Republic.
Golyshkin. Even historical documents might contain a sporadic mistake.
Myshevskiy. Okay, let’s assume that a quantity of gold was exaggerated. But one can’t dispute the fact itself! The golden coins made by Raimondus Lullius have been kept today in the British museums.
Golyshkin. It’s a great hoax!
Myshevskiy. Stalver Udarpyatovich! Are you blaming the British King for telling lies?
Golyshkin. Not the King, but the so-called chroniclersе.
Myshevskiy. Professor, why don’t you want to believe the simplest explanation? Somehow Raimondus Lullius managed to get the recipe of creating the elixir stone. Or does the time where he lived seem too mysterious to you?
Golyshkin. I would say yes. Medieval period is sunk in the darkness. Some historical chronicles claim that fire-spitting dragons used to dwell at that times. Should I believe them too?
Myshevskiy. Do you mean dragons? Actually, I didn’t think of that… All is possible… However, some elements of Mendeleev’s table might be transmuted into gold. That was proven yet in the 20
century.
Golyshkin. Yes, it often happens in the process of nuclear reactor working. But the concentration of gold which is emitted in the result of it is too small and too expensive. Obviously, it can’t be considered as a reasonable way.
Myshevskiy. That’s why scientists prefer not to take it seriously. Besides, this chemical reaction has some negative impact on functioning of the nuclear reactor itself. However, it’s a fact.
