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At last he stirred, lifting himself away from her. He reached for his watch from the night table, grimaced at the time, and fastened the thin gold bracelet back on his wrist. Then he turned and looked down at Cressy, his dark eyes almost dispassionate.
‘Thank you.’ His voice was cool, even faintly amused. ‘I had not expected such—enchanting cooperation. You learn quickly.’
‘Is—is that all you have to say?’ Her voice shook. She felt as if she’d been slapped.
‘No, but the rest must wait. I have a meeting in the City. But you don’t have to leave,’ he added swiftly as Cressy half sat up. ‘No one will disturb you if you wish to sleep.’
‘I don’t,’ she said curtly. ‘I haven’t visited my father today. I need to get back there.’
He nodded, unfazed. ‘Paul will contact you with your instructions.’
‘Instructions?’
‘I shall soon be returning to Greece. I require you to accompany me.’
‘But my job—my father,’ Cressy protested. ‘I can’t just—go.’
‘You will find that you can. Your employer has been most understanding. Your—services are on temporary loan to me. I did not explain the exact nature of the services,’ he added with a shrug. ‘So you can tell him as much or as little as you wish.’
She swallowed. ‘My God,’ she said. ‘You don’t allow much to stand in your way, do you? Suppose I’d turned you down.’
‘I was certain you wouldn’t.’ His mouth twisted. ‘Apart from other considerations, your sexual curiosity had been aroused, agapi mou, and needed to be satisfied.’ His hand touched her shoulder, then travelled swiftly and sensuously down her body. It was the lightest of caresses but it brought her skin stinglingly alive.
Draco’s laugh was soft. ‘You see, Cressida mou, even now you are eager for your next lesson. How sad that I have not more time to devote to you.’
Cressy reached down and dragged the discarded sheet up over her body. She recognised that it was basically a meaningless gesture, but it made her feel marginally better.
She forced herself to meet his gaze. She said, ‘You mentioned I was on loan to you. For how long, exactly?’
Draco swung his long legs to the floor. ‘I said three months initially.’
She said, ‘I—see.’
The blissful euphoria which had followed their lovemaking had gone. In its place, pain and shame were dragging her apart.
‘I suggest you see a doctor as a matter of urgency,’ he tossed over his shoulder as he walked to the bathroom. ‘Today I used protection, but even so we must ensure there’s no chance of you becoming pregnant.’
Cressy was suddenly very still, her eyes enormous as she stared after him.
With a few casual words, she thought, he’d relegated her to the status of a non-person.
Yet this was the reality of the situation. She was no longer his golden love. She was a temporary sexual partner. And the skill and artistry he’d brought to her initiation had simply been a means to an end. Draco had ensured her pleasure merely to increase his own.
And if she’d hoped in some secret corner of her mind that the glory of their coming together would soften his attitude towards her, she knew better now, and disappointment twisted inside her like a claw.
There were tears crowding in her throat, stinging the backs of her eyes, but she would not shed them in front of him.
She said quietly. ‘No—of course not.’
The bathroom door closed behind him, and presently she heard the sound of the shower running.
She released a trembling breath. Somehow she had to come to terms with the relationship that he’d offered her, and all its limitations, when the most she could hope for was that it would soon be over.
‘Oh, God,’ she whispered brokenly. ‘How can I bear it?’
And she turned her face into the pillow and lay like a stone.
CHAPTER EIGHT (#ulink_0d1552b0-41dc-53c6-a67d-903826d3cdd8)
SHE pretended to be asleep when Draco came back into the bedroom, lying motionless, her eyes tightly shut, as she listened with nerves jangling to his quiet movements, the rustle of clothing as he dressed.
When, at last, he came across to the bed, she forced her tense body into deep relaxation, keeping her breathing soft and even.
She thought she heard him sigh as he turned away, but she couldn’t be sure.
It was some time after she heard the bedroom door click shut behind him that she ventured to sit up, and make sure she was really alone.
She thought, I have to get out of here. I don’t want anyone to see me—to know…
She knew she was being ridiculous. That there wasn’t a member of Draco’s staff who wouldn’t be perfectly aware of the situation. She just didn’t want to find herself face to face with any of them.
She was scared, too, that if she gave way to sleep she might still be here when Draco returned.
She showered swiftly, but if she hoped to wash away the touch and taste of him it was in vain. His possession had been total. He was irrevocably part of her now, and there was nothing she could do about it.
She shivered as she towelled her damp hair.
What had happened to all her high-flown plans about fighting him—about remaining indifferent? she wondered bitterly.
One kiss—his hand on her breast—and all her resolution had crumbled. Indeed, she could hardly have made it easier for him. She wanted to hate him for the way he had made her feel, but she hated herself more.
There were mirrors all round the bathroom, throwing back images of a girl whose eyes were heavy with newly learned secrets. The cool lady she’d been so proud of had vanished for ever, swept away on a frantic tide of passion.
Yet the encounter had left no visible marks on her skin, she thought, with detached surprise. Her mouth was reddened and slightly swollen, and she ached a little, but that was all.
I got off lightly, she told herself. But she knew in her heart that it wasn’t true.
When she was dressed, she looked at herself and winced. All those carefully chosen garments—the business suit and prim shirt—had been worn as armour, yet they’d proved no protection at all.
She went back to her flat and changed into a plain black shift, sleeveless and severe, stuffing the discarded clothing into a refuse sack. She never wanted to see any of it again. She thrust her bare feet into sandals and grabbed a simple cream linen jacket before going down to her car.
It was a nightmare journey, a battle between her need to concentrate on the road and the storm of bewildered emotion within her. But at last she reached the hospital.
In one piece, but only just, she thought grimly.
As she waited for the lift to take her up to the ICU, she was waylaid by a nurse.
‘Your father’s been moved, Miss Fielding. He’s made such good progress over the last twenty-four hours that he’s in a private room on “A” wing now.’
‘You mean he’s getting better? But that’s wonderful.’ Cressy’s mouth trembled into a relieved smile. ‘Because he looked so ill when I was here last.’
‘Oh, he’s still being carefully monitored, but everyone’s very pleased with him.’ The older woman beamed. ‘Mind you, I think all the goodies he’s been receiving—the fruit and flowers from Mrs Fielding—have cheered him up a lot.’
‘Eloise has sent fruit and flowers?’ Cressy repeated incredulously.
‘Well, there wasn’t an actual card, but he said they must be from her. He was so thrilled.’ She paused. ‘Is Mrs Fielding not with you today? What a shame.’
When she reached her father’s room, it looked like a florist’s window.
As she paused in the doorway, admiring the banks of blooms, James Fielding turned an eager head towards her, his welcoming smile fading when he saw who it was.
‘Cressy, my dear.’ He spoke with an effort, failing to mask the disappointment in his voice. ‘How good to see you.’
‘You look marvellous, Daddy.’ She went to the bed and kissed his cheek. ‘I’ve never seen so many flowers. I’d have brought some, but they didn’t allow them in ICU, and now everyone else has beaten me to it.’ She was aware she was chattering, trying to cover up the awkward moment. Attempting to hide the instinctive hurt provoked by his reaction.
He didn’t want it to be me, she thought with desolation. He hoped it was Eloise. That she’d come back to him.
‘Those lilies and carnations over there, and the fruit basket, came without a card,’ her father said eagerly. ‘But I think I know who they’re from.’ He smiled tenderly. ‘In fact, I’m sure. I just wish she’d signed her name. But perhaps she felt diffident about that—under the circumstances.’
Diffident? Cressy wanted to scream. Eloise hasn’t an insecure bone in her body.
Instead, she forced a smile as she sat down beside his bed. ‘Yes—perhaps…’
He played with the edge of the sheet, frowning a little. ‘Has she been in contact—left any message at all?’
Cressy shook her head. ‘There’s been nothing. Daddy. Don’t you think I’d have told you?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said with a touch of impatience. ‘Certainly there’s never been any love lost between you.’
‘Well, that’s unimportant now.’ She put a hand over his. ‘All that matters is that you get well.’
‘The consultant says I can go home soon, if I keep up this progress. But he wants me to have a live-in nurse for a while. He feels it will be too much for Berry.’
His frown deepened. ‘I wasn’t sure that my insurance covered private nursing, but he says it’s all taken care of.’ He paused. ‘What I need to know is—do I still have a home to go to?’
She said gently, ‘Yes, you have, darling. I’ve managed to do a deal with your creditors. You can go on living at the house.’
He nodded. ‘That’s good. I’d have hated Eloise to find the place all shut up, or occupied by strangers, and not know where to find me. Because it won’t last—this Alec Caravas thing. She’s had her head turned by a younger man, that’s all.’
Cressy’s lips parted in a silent gasp of incredulity. For a moment she could feel the blood drumming in her ears and felt physically sick.
Was that really his only concern—providing a bolt-hole for his worthless wife—if she chose to return? Didn’t he realise she’d been Alec Caravas’s full accomplice—and that the police would want to interview her if she ever dared show her face again?
She’d expected her father to ask all sorts of awkward questions about the exact accommodation she’d reached over his debts, but he didn’t seem remotely interested. Instead he just took it for granted that she’d managed to get things sorted.
Just as he’d tacitly accepted the estrangement between them that Eloise had imposed, she realised with a sudden ache of the heart.
And he would never have any conception of the terrible personal price she’d been forced to pay on his behalf.
I’ve ruined my life to get him out of trouble, Cressy thought with anguish. And he doesn’t even care. Nothing matters except this obsession with Eloise.
She got clumsily to her feet. ‘I—I’d better go. I promised the nurses I wouldn’t tire you.’
‘Perhaps it would be best.’ He leaned back against his pillows, reaching for the radio headphones.
She took a deep breath. ‘But there’s something I must tell you first. I—I have to go abroad very soon—to work. It’s a special contract. It may take a few months.’
‘Well, that’s excellent news.’ His smile held some of the old warmth. ‘I hope it means more money—or a promotion. You deserve it, you know.’
She said quietly, ‘I’m not sure what I deserve any more. And I’m not certain if I should go—if I should leave you.’
‘Nonsense, darling. Of course you must go. We both have our own lives to lead. We can’t be dependent on each other. And the last thing I want is you fussing round me. Berry and this nurse will be bad enough.’
‘No,’ she said. ‘You’re probably right. I—I’ll see you tomorrow.’
She went quietly to the door and let herself out. In the corridor, she stopped and leaned against the wall, aware that her legs were shaking so badly she thought she might collapse. She closed her eyes as a scalding tear forced its way under her lid and down her cheek.
She thought brokenly, Oh, Daddy…
‘Miss Fielding—is something wrong?’ A nurse’s anxious voice invaded her torturous thoughts.
Cressy straightened quickly. ‘No—it’s all right.’ She tried a little laugh. ‘I think the worry of the past few days has just caught up with me, that’s all.’
‘I’m not surprised. Oh, and talking of surprises…’ The girl felt in the pocket of her uniform. ‘You know the fruit and flowers that arrived for your father with no name on them? Well, they’ve just found this card in Reception. It must have fallen off when the delivery was made.’ She beamed. ‘One mystery solved.’ She lowered her voice significantly. ‘Although I think he was hoping they were from Mrs Fielding.’
Cressy held out her hand. ‘May I look?’
The signature was a slash of black ink across the rectangle of pasteboard. ‘Draco Viannis.’
She wasn’t even surprised. She closed her hand on the card, feeling its sharp edges dig into her palm. Wanting it to hurt. Needing a visible scar to counterbalance all the inner pain.
She said quietly, ‘Thank you. I’ll—see that he gets it. Now, is it possible for me to have a word with the consultant?’
She didn’t go straight back to the house. There was a National Trust property a few miles away, whose grounds were open to the public. There was an Elizabethan knot garden, and a lake with swans, and Cressy had always loved it there.
She found an unoccupied bench and sat, gazing across the sunlit waters with eyes that saw nothing and a heart without peace.
Her father had needed her, she thought, so she’d turned her back on the love that Draco was offering and gone running to him. She’d wanted, just once more, to be the cherished only daughter—to bask in the old relationship. To be important to him again.
But that was always going to be impossible, she realised wearily. Because they were not the same people any longer. Life had moved on for both of them.
So why this last vain attempt to cling on to her childhood?
She looked down at her hands, clenched in her lap. She remembered other hands, dark against her pale skin, and shivered.
She thought, Was I really so afraid of becoming a woman? Was that the true reason I ran away from Draco?
Under the circumstances, her reluctance to face the challenge of her own sexuality was ironic. Because Draco himself had changed all that in one brief, but very succinct lesson.
