All About Me

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“Here’s the thing,” Dustin, who had to be the gay one, said expansively. “We don’t plan to be here very often. We’ll probably hire someone to run the business if we buy it. So we don’t need much.”

I eyeballed him. I can be quite intimidating thanks to my weight, especially when I draw myself up to my full height of five foot six. “Is it a studio you want to see?”

I thought about the renovations going on in the complex. There was a corner studio that one tenant wanted to unload. She was buying a house in town and needed money quickly. But two men in a studio; one as heavy as me, maybe heavier, lord help them, they’d be on top of each other.

Peter and Dustin exchanged looks. “Perhaps not a studio,” Peter said, “Do you have a one bedroom? It doesn’t have to face water. We’re thinking of renting for short terms when we’re not in town.”

“I’ll show you what I have,” I quickly said, seeing another opportunity here. “Do you have financing?”

“Oh, yes we’ve been preapproved.”

A big hurdle crossed. “Okay, let’s see what’s available.” I grabbed my keys and whisked them out the door before they could think about returning another day.

Forty minutes later we were back in the sales and leasing office. Peter and Dustin had taken photos of several apartments with a digital camera. They promised to be back in touch. After dealing with two clients in a row I was hungrier than a fat woman on a diet. And my client with the appointment still hadn’t shown up.

I ushered the boys out the door and began rummaging through the briefcase, Jen’s congratulatory present to me. I guess she felt guilty because she hadn’t delivered on that cruise; the one she was probably taking Tre on for their honeymoon. It was unfair, I’d been the one who’d stuffed that box with her business cards, and he was an employee of WARP, the station sponsoring the raffle.

I’d just found my emergency supply of M&M’s and a bag of stale chips when a woman’s voice called from the door.

“Anyone there?”

Was I invisible? I’m not hard to miss and I was dressed like I was going to a funeral. What did she think? I was the cleaning lady? I shoved the M&M’s and chips back in my briefcase and stomped to the front door. The back of my heels were really beginning to hurt. I probably had blisters. Four children, all roughly the same age, burst in through the door almost knocking me over.

“Whoa,” I said, grabbing one of the girls by the arm. “Slow down. This ain’t the Daytona racetrack you’re on.”

“Children have a lot of energy and need an outlet,” the woman said briskly, as if it were no big deal that they were circling the place and sweeping papers off Manny’s desk. “Healthy kids like to play.”

“Not in here they don’t. What can I do for you?”

I liked kids, even wanted a few, but mine were going to be disciplined.

A finger went up in the air, shutting me up. “My husband and in-laws will be right in. We’ll talk to you then.”

Snooty. Thought she was somebody and I wasn’t.

Soon a puffed up man who seemed equally as arrogant as she, arrived with a bunch of people. I mean there were plenty of them. There was an older couple, and what must be their offspring and spouses. All together there had to be at least sixteen of them.

“The others decided to stay in the van,” the red man said to his wife. Others? Don’t tell me there were more. He shook his jowls at me expecting me to cower. “Where’s Manny?”

I handed him a business card. “I’m in charge.”

After glancing at my card, he tossed it aside. “I want Manny not you, Cherie.”

“The name’s Chere as in Sonny and Cher. Manny’s not here and I’m not about to manufacture him. Who are you, anyway?”

“Thomas Houston. Mr. Houston to you. That there’s Mrs. Houston and those are my children.” He pointed to the obnoxious woman who’d arrived with the kids that were now whirling through the room like a tornado. They were totally out of control.

I was going to kill Manny when I got ahold of him. I was going to grab him by his little wiener and squeeze hard until it got big.

I didn’t want to be rude because I didn’t want to lose a job I had just started. So I said, “Because Manny said I should help you, I will.”

“Help us do what?”

We were going around in circles and I was more than a little pissed. I didn’t care about being professional.

“You’re here to buy a condo, right?” Based on the size of that family they should be buying an entire building or two.