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And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise within.
“Please, then,” said Alice, “how to get in?”
“Are you sure you want to get in?” said the Frog. “That’s the first question, you know.”
“It’s really dreadful,” Alice muttered to herself, “they like to argue, these animals!”
The Frog said, “I shall sit here, for days and days.”
“But what am I to do?” said Alice.
“Anything you like,” said the Servant, and began to whistle.
“Oh, he’s idiotic!” said Alice desperately. And she opened the door and went in.
The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to the other. The Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, she was nursing a baby. The cook was leaning over the fire, there was a large cauldron full of soup.
“There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!” Alice said to herself, and began to sneeze.
Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally; and the baby was sneezing and howling all the time. Only the cook and a large cat did not sneeze. The cat was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear[40 - [was] grinning from ear to ear – улыбался до ушей].
“Please can you tell me,” said Alice timidly, “why does your cat grin?”
“It’s a Cheshire cat[41 - Cheshire cat – Чеширский кот (обыгрывается выражениеto grin like a Cheshire cat – улыбаться во весь рот (~как чеширский кот). В графстве Чешир головкам сыра придавали форму головы улыбающегося кота).],” said the Duchess, “and that’s why. Pig!”
She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice jumped. But she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby, and not to her. So she took courage, and went on again:
“I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could grin.”
“They all can,” said the Duchess, “and most of them do.”
“I don’t know anything about it,” Alice said very politely.
“You don’t know much,” said the Duchess; “and that’s a fact.”
Alice did not like the tone of this remark. Meanwhile the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and began to throw everything at the Duchess and the baby—saucepans, plates, and dishes.
“Oh, please, don’t do it!” cried Alice in terror. “Oh, his precious nose!”
“Mind your own business[42 - Mind your own business. – Не лезь в чужие дела.],” the Duchess said in a hoarse growl. “Oh, don’t bother me! Here! You may nurse it a bit, if you like!” the Duchess said to Alice, and threw the baby at her. “I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen,” and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty. She carried it out into the open air.
“If I don’t take this child away with me,” thought Alice, “they will kill it in a day or two: it is murder to leave it there.”
She said the last words out loud, and the baby grunted in reply.
“Don’t grunt,” said Alice, “that’s impolite.”
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face. The baby sobbed (or grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on in silence.
“Now, what shall I do with the baby when I get it home?” said Alice when it grunted again. She looked down into its face. No mistake about it: it was a pig, and it was quite absurd for her to carry it further.
So she set the little pig down, and it trotted away quietly into the wood.
“It is a dreadfully ugly child,” she said to herself, “but it is a handsome pig, I think.”
And she began to remember the children she knew, who might be good pigs.
“But how to change them?”
Suddenly she saw the Cheshire Cat. The Cat was sitting on a bough of a tree. The Cat grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she thought: but it had very long claws and many teeth.
“Cheshire Cat,” she began, rather timidly, and the Cat only grinned a little wider. “Can you tell me, please, where to go?”
“That depends on where you want to go,” said the Cat.
“I don’t care where,” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“I want to get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you will do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
Alice tried another question[43 - tried another question – решила сменить тему].
“What people live here?”
“In this direction,” the Cat said, “lives a Hatter[44 - Hatter – Шляпник]: and in that direction, lives a March Hare[45 - March Hare – Мартовский Заяц]. Visit them: they’re both mad.”
“But I don’t want to see mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, we’re all mad here,” said the Cat. “I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “you are here.”
“And how do you know that you’re mad?” she went on.
“A dog is not mad,” said the Cat, “Do you believe that?”
“I suppose so,” said Alice.
“Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see, a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad. Do you play croquet with the Queen today?”
“With pleasure,” said Alice, “but I do not have an invitation.”
“You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and vanished.
Alice was not much surprised at this. While she was looking at the place where the cat was, it suddenly appeared again.
“And what became of the baby?” said the Cat. “I forgot to ask.”
“It turned into a pig,” Alice quietly said.
“Of course,” said the Cat, and vanished again.
Alice waited a little, but the Cat did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the March Hare lived.
“I saw hatters,” she said to herself; “the March Hare is more interesting.”
As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again. It was sitting on a branch of a tree.
“Did you say pig, or fig?” said the Cat.
“I said pig,” replied Alice; “can you appear and vanish not so fast, please?”
“All right,” said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly. It began with the end of the tail, and ended with the grin. Its grin remained some time.
“Well! I saw a cat without a grin,” thought Alice; “but a grin without a cat! How curious!”
She went farther and she saw the house of the March Hare. The chimneys were like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It was a large house, and she ate a bit of the mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high.
Chapter VII
A Mad Tea-Party[46 - A Mad Tea-Party – Безумное чаепитие]
There was a table under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea: a Dormouse[47 - Dormouse – Мышь-соня] was sitting between them, fast asleep. The March Hare and the Hatter were using it as a cushion. They were resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head.
“Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,” thought Alice; “but it’s asleep, so, I suppose it doesn’t mind[48 - it doesn’t mind – ей всё равно].”
The table was large, but they were sitting together at one corner of it: “No room! No room!” they cried out when they saw Alice.
“There’s plenty of room!” said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
“Have some wine,” the March Hare said.
Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.
“I don’t see any wine,” she remarked.
“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare.
“Why do you offer? It isn’t very polite of you,” said Alice angrily.
“It isn’t very polite of you to sit down here: nobody invited you,” said the March Hare.
“I didn’t know it was your table,” said Alice; “there are many cups on it.”
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide and said, “Why is a raven like a writing-desk[49 - writing-desk – конторка, письменный стол для работы стоя или сидя на высоком стуле]?”
“I believe I can guess that!” said Alice aloud.
“Do you mean that you think you can answer?” said the March Hare.
“Exactly so,” said Alice.
“Then you must say what you mean,” the March Hare went on.
“I do,” Alice hastily replied; “at least—at least I mean what I say—that’s the same thing, you know.”
“Not the same thing at all!” said the Hatter. “You can say ‘I see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat what I see’!”
“You can say,” added the March Hare, “that ‘I like what I get’ is the same thing as ‘I get what I like’!”
“You can say,” added the Dormouse in its sleep, “that ‘I breathe when I sleep’ is the same thing as ‘I sleep when I breathe’!”
“It is the same thing to you,” said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and they sat silent for a minute.
“What day of the month is it?” the Hatter asked. He took his watch out of his pocket. He was looking at it, shaking it and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little, and then said “The fourth.”
“Two days wrong!” sighed the Hatter. “Listen to me: you must not use the butter!” he looked angrily at the March Hare.
“It was the best butter,” the March Hare meekly replied.
“Yes, but there were some crumbs,” the Hatter grumbled: “you used the bread-knife.”
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again.
“It was the best butter, you know,” he said again.
Alice looked over his shoulder with some curiosity.
“What a funny watch!” she remarked. “It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell the time!”
“Why?” muttered the Hatter. “Does your watch tell you what year it is?”
“Of course not,” Alice replied very readily: “but that’s because my year is very long.”
“But my year is also long,” said the Hatter.
“I don’t quite understand you,” Alice said.
“The Dormouse is sleeping again,” said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.
