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Enemies of the People
Sam Jordison
Something has gone wrong. We're living in an age of celebratory racism, extreme inequality, uncertainty and fear. We're governed by people who claim to be populist but who seem to hate everyone. There are idiots at the wheel and we're heading for a cliff in a big red bus and no one knows how to save us.Enemies of The People reveals who has taken us to this dizzying precipice. It provides the actual, non-alternative facts about Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, Vladimir Putin and their charming friends – and also explains where they got their crazy ideas. Why did people turn so mean? How did so-called social networks like Facebook become so very anti-social? Why did anyone think it would be a good idea to privatise railways? Just how much should we fear the robots? Why is no one doing anything about Global Warming? Why is no one doing anything about Boris Johnson either?This book explains all those vital questions and more.Remember, though – they say history is written by the victors and fortunately, many of those currently winning can’t seem to write more than 140 characters at a time. This gives us the golden opportunity to set the record straight and snatch back the narrative. But if we’ve any chance of victory, we first need to know our enemy.
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Copyright (#u934a83f4-9b86-5f1a-bef2-2198f97212f0)
HarperCollinsPublishers
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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2017
SECOND EDITION
© Sam Jordison 2017
Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers 2017
Cover illustration © Jason Seiler/Richard Solomon Artists
Internal illustrations © Shutterstock.com
A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library
Sam Jordison asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
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Source ISBN: 9780008297343
Ebook Edition © June 2017 ISBN: 9780008256425
Version: 2018-03-16
Contents
Cover (#u1d2d67e8-fed7-54a1-bb74-ed753c39055a)
Title Page (#ub445b620-18e4-5c29-b695-3e68978705b0)
Copyright (#uc65ecd7e-a156-5c2c-ac30-c9b2811f0c61)
Introduction (#ue62d5cbb-fa2b-5d09-9450-592bb3cbe7aa)
Vladimir Putin (#uf99df979-9cb0-5539-8696-4cdeafaf895c)
Ayn Rand (#u61a0d803-2b82-527f-a651-520567eb47f3)
Milton Friedman (#u0b42e580-661c-58dc-9d31-137162a53b7f)
Ronald Reagan (#uac5a9511-d66e-535f-95a3-1a898dc5cf28)
Margaret Thatcher (#u378d35eb-2f80-544a-b00c-f42e89010c64)
William the Conqueror (#u8d27160d-921b-58bc-9873-7619ab2a37de)
Mel Gibson (#u42e3ef13-5629-53a5-83ee-532c7bf3594a)
Richard Nixon (#u4e092306-5112-5182-ba9d-e175b5903c0f)
Chairman Mao (#u44776ebf-49a1-5d2b-9526-f268c0fa7d84)
Henry Kissinger (#ub0e80cb8-c594-5cf1-8c2a-ffd224d200c4)
Rex Tillerson (#u98c8e9e9-533e-54eb-9a57-3efcb728b326)
The Koch Brothers (#u9c1c4e2a-38b8-5cd6-8ee0-1aca632bba73)
Thomas Midgley Jr (#ue36c7cfa-e68b-56c8-a0ab-9432d1e89c8c)
Henry Ford (#u20201d2f-46d3-536d-98b3-e62bf9f6c360)
Adolf Hitler (#u5629994c-0252-535b-a119-3f5feae5ea06)
Pepe the Frog (#u875db440-3565-5882-876a-1e8c64f016b1)
Mark Zuckerberg (#u7f03d0bc-2c55-58e5-acc9-6efe811defd3)
Arron Banks (#ubac8d48b-a5d8-5a50-8956-43b7f2726bae)
Nigel Farage (#u04a6316c-e6d1-5bee-9a32-96ca6fa3a6c1)
James Goldsmith (#ud7b04421-1481-53e0-9be4-4659a30b5c84)
Ray Kroc (#u47dac2c5-a57e-56d7-bb8e-967650623f1e)
Jeff Bezos (#ucf6ce9f9-e0fa-5509-b8fd-aa6f521e69b1)
HAL 9000 (#u87173c6d-3476-50a9-b2c5-9763436fb98a)
Julian Assange (#u2f76f4db-24d7-5db7-bd43-0e0e72ffdd12)
Steve Bannon (#uf900a670-a97e-5f00-88de-6e5019588e6b)
Donald Trump (#u47a2541e-dbe3-5fa9-aec2-bb9b2ffa7ae1)
Benjamin Franklin (#ubfa607df-e473-5cd3-8cb2-879a217e895b)
L. Ron Hubbard (#u1d955871-a669-52c6-90ee-3908b4c98091)
Jerry Falwell (#ua1c785d4-fde4-5c49-acc9-f887052bcab0)
Jesus Christ (#uec14fbf5-7f25-5063-aae8-c7e70511ca61)
Ibn Abd al-Wahhab (#u1e094df7-4c31-5747-b42e-9db6ecc7f456)
Osama bin Laden (#ua110bcc1-0360-511d-9c80-a2f3bd991ccc)
George W. Bush (#uc58f1d23-371e-5b50-ace4-6c5a1cb177fc)
Tony Blair (#u568133c0-d385-5dc5-8799-61112608c7a9)
Jeremy Corbyn (#ufcb95682-4430-5077-b6e5-b9122ac0cc7e)
David Cameron (#u7196b822-8e3e-5396-a5bc-37f524f1cb9e)
Lynton Crosby (#ue662ed55-ff05-509f-a7fa-dfbe56227f7a)
Kim Kardashian West (#u4114b801-fedf-5e35-9291-eac796e36c9d)
Chris Martin (#u4d1b45c5-e513-5306-a2dc-bcbe42478729)
Simon Cowell (#uda2af2f0-54d3-502e-8370-f1e4c1605853)
Piers Morgan (#ue1538f81-b6d9-5a28-b2ec-469bdeb00fe0)
Boris Johnson (#u52944a94-381e-59c0-a7bf-6870285b9751)
Michael Gove (#u27e1ae2b-deee-5a2c-a154-d503c4dc04c7)
Theresa May (#u6e26eec9-57eb-5c6d-ab42-d256b713320a)
Marine Le Pen (#u63d9d90e-c831-5973-bbeb-2c97b670126d)
Paul Dacre (#u977884c4-e89a-5e24-b643-80e7c0b18e18)
Katie Hopkins (#u6bf48a80-97a9-51c7-b971-eb82922c85f5)
The Queen (#uf42c704c-4ca5-5ac0-bb72-420ba45ce474)
Your Granny (#uab600e01-ca55-5aa5-9965-352f221971d4)
John Romulus Brinkley (#u4dd81a3a-2398-5230-b954-426fb9a53baa)
Acknowledgements (#u69a92cd7-cc2f-5081-8026-9c5f8b5f28d3)
About the Publisher (#udd245cd2-754f-5f3c-8a02-5f7f4569c927)
Introduction (#u934a83f4-9b86-5f1a-bef2-2198f97212f0)
Not too long ago, there was a fashionable theory that history was determined by economic and geopolitical forces rather than by individuals. Before that, the big idea was that Great Men governed history: that it took men (always men) of destiny, foresight, intelligence and strategic mastery to change the world and build the future.
But recent years have proved both those notions abundantly wrong. From Nigel Farage to Donald Trump via (inevitably) Vladimir Putin, our lives generally have been governed, endangered and thrown into confusion by a pack of angry men. (Nearly always men. Nearly always white.) Men whose ambition is inversely proportional to their ability – and stability. When was the last time you saw a decent leader outside of Canada? And when was the last time anyone in power did anything useful for you?* (#ulink_b345a1f9-b38f-5291-a8d7-42f182c0a71b) The truth is that most of the people who have guided our destiny have been far from great – no matter how often they might enjoy using that word.
And here we are, in 2017, post-truth and mid-Brexit. Nationalism is on the rise. A reality TV star is in the Oval Office. The UK is leaving the European Union and looks set to split apart. We are on the precipice of an uncertain future – and the people in this book are the ones who have stuffed us on the bus and driven us there.
Several of those listed are monsters. Not all. I have an uncomfortable feeling that Chris Martin may actually be quite sweet. But that’s okay. Enemies of the People is not just intended as a roll-call of the evil, or even the unpleasant. Instead, the chapters are devoted to those who have helped us get to this dizzying and windswept cliff-edge, whether that be through malice, bad driving or accidentally taking a wrong turn.
So it is that there’s no Attila the Hun, no Vlad the Impaler, not even Stalin. That’s not to defend such ogres in any way – just to say that other people are currently at the wheel. If I were writing ten years ago, I would probably have included a very different set of names. In ten years’ time we’ll probably have a whole new bunch of worries.
But for now, Enemies of the People should be an interesting snapshot. True to our times, it was written quickly and in anger. I can’t pretend to be objective. In fact, I can’t pretend to be anything other than royally cheesed off. I’ve seen the world I love torn to shreds and I wish it hadn’t happened.
But I have also tried to be true and to use verifiable facts. Because facts are important and facts endure. Which brings me to another big theory about history. They say it is always written by the victors. But at the moment, many of those victors can’t seem to write more than 140 characters at a time. Which gives us a golden opportunity to set the record straight, to snatch back the narrative and to find a better road.
And if you want to win, the first thing you’ve got to do is to know your enemy.
Update for the paperback edition
This edition has been revised and updated to take into account the first year of the Trump administration and the UK government’s attempts to negotiate Brexit following on from the triggering of Article 50. It’s safe to say things haven’t become any less crazy …
* (#ulink_c70414da-fe11-5d27-ae3e-7cb588e2d3d8) If you went to Eton with David Cameron, he probably did do plenty for you. But that doesn’t count.
Vladimir Putin (#u934a83f4-9b86-5f1a-bef2-2198f97212f0)
Date of birth: 7 October 1952
In a nutshell: Ex-KGB hardman turned international puppet-master and bringer of chaos
Connected to: Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, Marine Le Pen
If Vladimir Putin had a better penis, life would be safer and kinder for all of us. As it is, the world’s most obviously overcompensating politician has bare-torsoed himself into the history books by interfering in numerous elections, invading his neighbours, and corrupting political debate around the world … And that’s before we even mention the way people who oppose him keep on having allergic reactions to bullets and poison.
Okay, we don’t necessarily know that Putin has erectile disfunction. Plenty of biographies attribute his fondness for working out and chucking people around on Judo mats to the fact that he is just 5 ft 7 in. The theory goes that when Putin realised he was hitting puberty later than the other boys at his school and that they were outgrowing him, he decided that he’d have to learn some sick martial arts skills if he were to maintain his position as their chief bully* (#ulink_955a9981-9b39-5b38-9935-ca5dfdea97c0) and tormentor.
Even so, there is something about all those photos his press office release of him taking topless summers in Siberia – biceps rippling as he casts out fishing lines, pecs glowing as he rides bare-chested on sweating stallions and shoulders straining as he swims (butterfly – naturally – it’s the toughest stroke) in icy lakes. You’ve also got to wonder about his release of an eighty-minute video called Let’s Do Judo with Vladimir Putin. Also about the occasion he boasted to George W. Bush that his dog Connie was ‘bigger and stronger and faster’ than Barney, the US president’s dog. And finally, it’s hard not to worry that just about the only time we’ve seen Putin smiling in front of a camera was when he allowed that same Labrador to interrupt a press conference with Angela Merkel – knowing full well that the German Chancellor had been terrified of dogs ever since she was bitten as a child.
Such no-willy waving can also be seen in Putin’s domestic and foreign policy. Because if there’s one thing that makes Putin feel better than riding and swimming, it’s annexing and fixing. Dozens of journalists have been assassinated while he’s been in the Kremlin. Russian troops have stormed into the Crimea. He has funded and bolstered far-right-wing political parties all over Europe. Russian agents and hackers worked to change the outcome of the last US election and there’s more than a whiff of their involvement in the Brexit vote too.
Putin has woven so many complicated webs that it’s impossible to know where his influence ends – but perhaps the biggest mystery about this master of secrets and misinformation is that any of his behaviour should have surprised us. And yet, somehow … During the 2012 US presidential campaign, in those happy days when Mitt Romney was the craziest thing the Republican Party could throw at us, the man-who-once-took-a-twelve-hour-road-trip-with-his-dog-strapped-to-the-roof-of-his-station-wagon named Russia as America’s ‘top geopolitical foe’. Barack Obama joked in return that ‘The 1980s are now calling to ask for their foreign policy back, because the Cold War’s been over for twenty years.’
