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Anna left Will to entertain them while she excused herself to make a fresh pot of decaf.
Even now that they were adults, Anna worried about R.J.’s sense of disconnection from the family.
She and R.J. had been born to William Maitland’s brother, Robert, then abandoned when their mother died and Robert left, unable to cope. R.J. had been three and Anna just six months old.
William and Megan had adopted them and raised them with the same love and attention they gave their own children, but R.J. had struggled with the knowledge that he wasn’t really their child and that his father had abandoned him.
Though he’d always been protective of Anna, he’d also thought of her as William and Megan’s daughter, because he remembered their natural parents and she didn’t.
It was a defense mechanism, she knew. He’d been afraid that genes would win out and someday, despite all his efforts to the contrary, he’d find in himself the same irresponsible qualities their father had shown.
Even after he’d become president of Maitland Maternity, he’d held himself a little apart from everyone—except her—for fear he would fall short of what was required of him.
While Anna loved and counted on their closeness, she worried about the subtle distance he kept between himself and their family.
Now, though, as she heard R.J. and Dana laughing together in the other room, she felt sure that Dana’s love would go a long way toward bridging that distance.
And he had once vowed never to have children, afraid he’d be the kind of father their natural father had been. But now his wife was pregnant, and he looked as though he couldn’t be happier.
There was hope for him.
“You understand, of course,” Anna said, carrying out a tray filled with a pot of her favorite flavored decaf, three cups and a mug of cocoa, “that I’ll have to throw you the biggest, most elegant Boston shower known to man.”
“What’s that?” Will asked.
Anna set the tray on a carved bench she used as a coffee table and sat on the edge of the doe-colored leather sectional where they were all gathered.
“It’s a shower that isn’t restricted to women. Men can come, too.” She poured and distributed cups.
“We just want you to be happy with us,” R.J. said, leaning back and sipping his coffee. “You aren’t required to do anything else.”
“I’m not required to do anything at all.” Anna scolded him with a look. “But I happen to love both of you, so I’d like to do it for your baby. What’s your due date?”
“October seventeenth,” Dana replied. “I’m just about nine weeks along.” She sighed dreamily and turned to smile at R.J., her eyes alight with love and excitement. “I can’t believe we’re sitting here, talking about our son—or daughter.”
“Can’t they tell you what it is?” Will asked.
R.J. shook his head. “We want it to be a surprise.”
“But what if you get a lot of pink stuff, and it’s a boy?”
Dana laughed. “People usually give you yellow or green when you’re not sure.”
“Or we’ll just save it for the second baby,” R.J. said, wrapping his arm around Dana and pulling her toward him to kiss her temple. “God, I’m happy.”
“Me, too, darling,” Dana mumbled brokenly against his throat. “Me, too.”
Will, sitting on the other side of his aunt and uncle, rolled his eyes at their prolonged hug and smiled happily.
Anna nodded, jealousy at work deep down where she hid all private thoughts. But she smiled brightly, forgetting everything else and telling herself she was fortunate to have her son.
When she’d learned she was pregnant with Will, her husband, John, had been unenthused, and for the first month or so her happiness had felt hollow because he hadn’t shared it.
Then her family’s excitement and her reading and research began to thrill her despite John’s lack of interest. The first time she felt the baby move, she realized she already had a relationship with him, and nothing would ever diminish the miracle of that for her.
And nothing ever had. Even when she’d been about to deliver and John had chosen to support a client through a tricky deposition rather than his wife at the birth of their son, she’d approached labor gleefully, eager to see this child she’d come to love so much.
From the moment she first rested her eyes on Will, he’d been everything she’d ever prayed for.
She was delighted that her brother would support his wife throughout her pregnancy. Anna had never regretted a moment of hers, but she imagined it would be wonderful to have a husband’s hand to hold through it all. She had never and would never experience that.
“I know it’s early,” she said as R.J. and Dana drew apart. “But have you thought about names yet?”
“We bought a book that’s in the car,” Dana said, “But you’re commissioned to watch for great names as new clients come through your office.”
“How about Austin for a boy?” Will asked eagerly. “Mom’s going to do Austin Cahill’s wedding to… Mom?”
“Caroline Lamont,” she provided.
“I know Cahill.” R.J. nodded, as though expressing approval. “Nice guy. Smart. But a cool customer. I met him when I was on the board of Texas Charities, and then I saw him at the gala last month. Nothing gets by him.”
“He’s buying RoyceCo,” Will informed him. “I’d buy some shares, Unc. It’s about to go up.”
R.J. smiled at his nephew, his expression half affection, half attention. “No kidding. I’ll have to look into that. Did you tell Drake?”
Drake Logan was Maitland Maternity’s vice president in charge of finance, and he and Will met regularly to talk stocks.
Will shook his head. “I’ll tell him when I see him.”
“I imagine that’ll be quite a wedding,” Dana speculated. “I had to call Caroline Lamont when I was soliciting donations for a silent auction your mother was chairing for the Lone Star Ladies, and she sent a litter of wolfhound puppies. They made a bundle on those pups! They’d all had their shots, too, as I recall.”
Anna remembered that. “She thinks big. We’re doing a medieval English theme complete with armor and horses.”
R.J. laughed. “Don’t forget to hire someone to follow with a shovel. We’d better move, sis, if we’re going to see Mom before she goes to bed.”
He stood and pulled Dana to her feet. “Thanks for the coffee, but please don’t plan a party. You’ve got enough to do already.”
She hugged him tightly. “It’s what I do best, brother mine. And I’d love to throw a shower for you two. I’m sure I’ll have more than enough help from the family. We’ve all waited a long time to see you married and walking the floors with a teething baby.”
He held her away from him and frowned teasingly at her. “That’s sadistic.”
She smiled shamelessly. “I know. Let us have our little fun.”
“So, don’t you think Austin’s a cool name?” Will asked as R.J. wrapped an arm around him and headed for the door. Anna and Dana followed.
“It is,” R.J. agreed. “I like it. We’ll put it on the list we’re collecting. Of course, Will’s a pretty good name, too.”
Will grimaced. “It’s too ordinary.”
“But you, and the grandfather you were named for, have made it special.”
They stopped at the door, and Dana patted Will’s shoulder. “Names mean different things to different people,” she said. “Sometimes you dislike an otherwise beautiful name because you associate it with someone you can’t stand. Personally, I think Robert William would be a perfect name for a boy.”
“Not Robert,” R.J. said.
“But it’s your name,” Dana insisted.
“You just explained why we hate some names. And I have reason to hate that one.”
She sighed wearily. “It’s time to put that away.”
He opened the door. Though he didn’t dispute her statement, something in his stance, in his manner, said he would never forgive his long-missing father. His love for Dana had resolved many things in his life, but not that. Never that.
Anna hugged her sister-in-law. “Congratulations, Dana. I’m so happy for both of you. Start thinking about a list of invitees for the shower because I’m going to begin planning it right away.”
Dana kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Anna. I’d love that. We’d love that.”
As she headed for the car, R.J. lingered an extra moment and asked Anna quietly, “You’re okay?”
“Of course,” she replied, pretending she had no idea why he asked the question. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I’m sure it’s…hard for you to be happy for us.”
She punched his shoulder playfully. “A lot you know. I’m thrilled that the two of you have it all. Go! Dana’s waiting for you.”
R.J. honked the horn as they backed out of the driveway, and Anna closed the door and looked into her son’s concerned expression.
“I should probably learn something about sports,” he said as they walked to the sofa.
“Why?” Anna asked in surprise.
“Because if they do have a boy and I’m going to be his older cousin, he’ll probably want to learn things from me.”
Anna withheld a smile, afraid he’d misunderstand. “I imagine he will.”
“And I don’t think the stockmarket is going to thrill a little kid.”
“Probably not.”
“Maybe Uncle R.J. will take me to the gym when he and Drake and Michael and Uncle Mitchell play basketball.”
“You’ll have to ask him.”
They settled onto the sofa again, and Will reclined against his pillows, pulling the throw over him. He continued to look concerned. “You think I’ll get killed on the court?” he asked worriedly. “I’m not very fast. That’s why I don’t play sports.”
She tried not to make an issue of it. He rode his bike all the time, so she was sure he got enough exercise, but it was a relatively solitary activity, and she often wished he’d get involved in team sports for the social benefits.
“I suppose you could try it. Practice might make you quicker. But if you still don’t like it or don’t feel comfortable playing, you don’t have to. I’m sure your cousin will love you anyway and will have lots of other things to learn from you.”
Will sighed, and she felt his feet resting against her relax.
“My father was really a jerk to not love you,” he said, turning his face to the television. “You know everything.”
Later, when he was asleep in his bed and she walked through the house turning off lights, checking that the doors were locked, Anna thought maybe she should have recorded that statement to play back to him when he was a teenager and inevitably came to doubt her knowledge and experience.
She felt oddly restless. She was thrilled about her brother’s baby, but it would put a little more distance between them, just as his marriage had.
After her divorce, she and R.J. had supported each other in their single lives. She’d accompanied him when he needed a woman on his arm at some function or other, and he’d been her escort when she’d required one. He’d cheerfully gone with Will to father-son functions at school.
But now he had his own family to think of. He had all the things she’d hoped to find with John and failed.
Having glimpsed the possibilities of a marriage based on shared loved made contemplating her single status that much more difficult.
With a toss of her head, she walked upstairs, reminding herself how much she’d hated living with John. The only good thing to come out of their relationship was Will.
She walked into her pink and green bedroom, redecorated last year when she’d been in a mood like the one she was in tonight. Leaning in the doorway, she reflected how perfect it looked, bed linens layered and coordinated, window treatments matching, family pictures hung on the walls and interspersed with beautiful wreaths and swags from Hope Logan’s gift shop at the hospital.
She folded her arms and allowed her irrepressible sense of humor to slip into her melancholy mood.
What she needed was an arrangement like Caroline’s. She needed some kind, intelligent man to want her simply for sex.
She laughed out loud at that thought. A kind man would never want a woman simply for sex, but she couldn’t help but think that it would suit her needs right now.
It was impossible to deny that she was lonely and getting older. There hadn’t been time for serious relationships since John had left, and she didn’t believe in casual ones. With Will aware of everything, she’d thought it easier to be celibate than to be careful.
But, strangely, that was becoming more difficult as she grew older. She was very aware that soon her chances at finding love would disappear altogether, and it was hard to face the reality that she would never—ever—know what it was like to lie with a man who loved her for herself.
So maybe she should look around for someone who was only interested in sex.
With a sigh, she accepted that she would never do that with Will just down the hall.
She flipped the light off and climbed into her perfect bed, an unbidden image taking shape in her head. It was Caroline Lamont and Austin Cahill standing at the foot of a bed somewhere in Kauai. Long sheer curtains fluttered into the room on the night breeze, revealing a sliver of moon in the sky.
Anna closed her eyes against the picture, annoyed and ashamed that it had come to her. But it persisted.
He was a little cool, she remembered, and he admitted that he was a busy man. Would he take his time? She wondered idly, then hated herself for entertaining the thought. What was wrong with her? She felt like a voyeur.
But she couldn’t help it. Then an odd change took place. The naked feminine body in his arms was familiar—hips a little too wide, breasts a little too full. It was her!
While that vision was even more horrifying, it also made it somehow more acceptable to watch as Austin Cahill did everything that she’d dreamed a man would do to her—for her.
Her breath grew shallow as the image became real enough for her to feel his touch against her skin, his breath on her cheek, the graze of his knee against her thigh as he rose over her.
With a growl of disgust at herself, she sat up in bed, turned on the bedside light and simply sat there, heart pounding in her chest, fingers trembling.
She experienced a moment of real shock as she realized how deeply she was affected by an adolescent daydream.
Maybe a cold shower would help, she thought half-seriously. She opted instead to go downstairs and give some serious thought to R.J. and Dana’s shower.
