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None. Zero. Zip.
Not inside the cabin and definitely not outside in the bitter cold. The freezing wind was blowing snow down the collar of his shirt and he was turning into an icicle. He should have listened to Sarah when she’d told him to bundle up. His thick wool coat would be a welcome commodity right now, but he’d intended to be outside for only a moment. The joke was on him.
He’d intended to dial Grandma Sheryl to touch base with her. Assure her he was safe and that he’d still be home for Christmas. Let her know that he was still planning to bring the horses as soon as the snow let up. While he was on the phone, he’d also wanted to ask her why she’d purchased Sarah’s draft horses—and speaking of Sarah, why Grandma had failed to mention that the horses belonged to his high school sweetheart. That couldn’t possibly have been an oversight on her part, and Marcus was more than a little bit suspicious that this whole setup was part of some misguided matchmaking scheme Grandma Sheryl had concocted.
If only she knew just how far off she was.
He waved his phone in the air one more time for good measure, praying for even a single bar to pop up. He wasn’t surprised when he got nothing. At this rate it would be a blessing if he even managed to make it home in time for the holidays.
He especially didn’t want to miss out on Christmas this year. According to Grandma Sheryl, his older brother, Matt, was already at the ranch. There had been tension between the two boys since the day their father died. They weren’t close. The whole family hadn’t been together in years. Though he doubted Matt felt the same way about him, Marcus was looking forward to seeing his brother again, even if things remained strained between them—and even if he had to share news from their mother that might serve to pull them further apart. Their mother had recently contacted Marcus and wanted to reconcile with him and Matt. It was certainly not the type of thing one said over the phone.
He envied Matt, who was already at the ranch with Grandma, enjoying her homemade cookies and fudge. His mouth was watering already. They were going to be worried if they didn’t hear from him, but there wasn’t a single thing he could do about it, short of sending smoke signals. Hopefully the storm would die down by tomorrow and he’d be able to be on his way.
Despite the deep longing to be home for Christmas, the thought of driving away from Sarah clouded his chest with emotion. It had been so many years since they’d seen each other. At one time she’d been the most important person in the world to him. Now that they’d run across each other’s paths again, or more accurately, had been craftily thrown together by his mischievous grandmother, it seemed a shame just to leave without renewing their acquaintance. Much had happened to him during the years they’d been apart, and he imagined she had many stories to tell, as well.
Then again, maybe they would do little more than exchange numbers and stay in touch this time, and not let twelve years go by without seeing one another as they had last time. Could they even be friends now?
“Where’s the baby?” he asked as he returned to the cabin, welcoming the warmth that enveloped his frosty limbs. He shivered and rubbed his hands over his biceps. He expected Sarah to come back with an “I told you so,” but she didn’t say a word.
She was still seated on the raggedy armchair, her elbows propped on her knees. Her somber gaze was fastened to the contents inside the coffee mug she held clasped in her hands, and the slight hint of a frown hovered on her lips. She appeared as if she were searching for answers in the depths of the black liquid.
She looked up, her eyes shaded by dark circles. “Asleep. I put her down in her crib for a nap.”
“Wait—didn’t she just wake up from a nap?”
She chuckled drily. “Babies have a fairly predictable rhythm. Sleep, eat, soil their diapers. Wash, rinse, repeat. Pretty much twenty-four hours a day at first, which is why parents of newborns usually look so ragged. It’s better now that she’s six months old—she is awake for longer periods and interacts with her surroundings. Still, I think all the excitement might have been too much for her.”
Was that why Sarah appeared so world weary? Because she had to care for her baby twenty-four/seven?
“Parents have to be available according to the baby’s cycle,” she continued, “even in the middle of the night.” Her gray eyes lightened to the color of heather. Her gaze was tender, and just the smallest hint of a smile played about her lips.
Marcus took a breath. It was a relief to see her countenance brighten, even if it was only a shadow of the woman he’d once known.
“You’ll experience all the sleep deprivation firsthand when you become a father.”
His gut knotted. A father? He still held a grudge with his own mother a mile long and wasn’t absolutely convinced he would succeed as a parent where his own had failed. Still, he remembered a time when he’d wondered what it would be like to be a dad—to Sarah’s children. He might even have been able to overcome his apprehension, if their lives had taken a different turn.
After she’d broken up with him, he’d put all notions of a wife and family aside. He’d told himself that it wasn’t because of Sarah, that his feelings must not have been any deeper than a teenage infatuation. Yet in all the years since, he hadn’t had one single long-term relationship. He was a social person and he dated a lot, but conscientiously backed off at the first sign that a woman might be getting serious about him. He didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. He just wasn’t in it for the whole race. He was perfectly content in his career working with the teenage boys at Redemption Ranch down in Serendipity, Texas—or at least he’d thought he had been.
Until today.
Now he couldn’t help but wonder—what might life have been like for him and Sarah, if things had turned out differently? If she hadn’t broken his heart?
He’d always known Sarah would be a wonderful mom. She was sweet and kind right down to her bones. The fact that she put Jewel’s needs before her own without a second thought didn’t surprise him at all, nor did it astonish him when she spoke of getting up in the middle of the night to care for her child as if it was a privilege and not a chore. Despite the stress she was obviously feeling at celebrating the holiday without her spouse, her expression softened whenever she spoke of her children.
She glanced up and met his gaze, a smile still lingering on her lips. “Were you able to get a hold of Sheryl?”
He shook his head and sat on the couch facing her, leaning forward and clasping his hands on his lap. “Nope. No service. I couldn’t get a single bar.”
“That happens a lot up here, especially when there’s a storm. I hope your grandma doesn’t worry about you.”
“Me, too. Although in this case I suspect she might not be surprised that I’m lingering, with or without the weather acting up. But I hate putting an extra burden on her.”
“An extra burden?” she repeated. She studied his face as if looking for an answer in his expression.
He’d said too much already. He pressed his lips and raised his brow. There was no need to get into his issues when she had enough of her own to deal with.
“You can tell me to mind my own business if you want, but I have the distinct impression you aren’t just talking about the delay caused by the snowstorm, are you?”
Well, one thing hadn’t changed from the time they’d been dating. She could still read him like a book.
“I wish I could say the storm was all that was worrying me, but that’s not entirely accurate.” He reached for the mug sitting on the end table beside him and took a sip of coffee Sarah had rewarmed for him, telling himself the burning in his throat was the result of the hot liquid and not the emotions roiling through him.
“Is Sheryl ill?” Her voice raised in alarm.
“No, nothing like that. I didn’t mean to worry you. Grandma’s in perfect health, thank the Lord. It’s my mother.”
“Oh.” Sarah inhaled with an audible gasp. “What happened to her?”
“Nothing happened to her,” he corrected, shaking his head. “It’s more what happened to me. She called me a couple of weeks ago, right out of the blue. After all these years, she just phoned me and expected me to speak with her.”
“What did she want?”
“Reconciliation, I think. To be part of my life and Matt’s again, as if she can just waltz back in and take her place in our family like she never left. It was like a punch in the gut. Still is. I guess she decided to reach out to me and not Matt because I’m the sucker of the bunch.”
“No, you are not,” she exclaimed, rising to her feet and planting her hands on her hips. “Marcus Ender, I don’t ever want to hear you speak that way about yourself again. You are the nicest man I’ve ever met. If your mother chose to call you, it’s because she knows how kindhearted you are. That is not a bad trait to have. You should be proud of yourself.”
“She doesn’t know anything about me,” he retorted bitterly, staring down at his clenched fists, squeezing them until it hurt. “She was long gone before she had the chance to find out what kind of man I’d become.”
“No, you’re right. I spoke in haste.” Sarah dropped onto the couch next to him and tucked one leg underneath her so she was facing him. “She doesn’t deserve a son like you.”
Despite the fact that speaking about his mother always renewed the feeling that his heart had been chewed up and spit out, he was vibrantly aware of Sarah’s nearness, of her arm around his shoulders and the gentleness and understanding in her eyes. The air between them snapped with electricity.
She got him, right to the depths of his being. She was the only one who ever had. The realization was accompanied by an inexplicable feeling of loss.
“I can see where you think she might be taking advantage of you.” Sarah’s voice rippled along the pathway of his nerves.
“You don’t think she is?”
He didn’t know why he was sharing such intimate details of his life with her, except that he needed to unburden himself and she’d been a solid rock for him during his turbulent teenage years. Until today he hadn’t told a single soul about his conversation with his mother, not even his best friend, Tessa, who worked as the girls’ counselor at Redemption Ranch. He was proud of the work he’d done at Redemption Ranch, but being the counselor—the one who helped others through their problems—sometimes made him feel as if he wasn’t allowed to have problems of his own. Everyone expected him to have the answers and to be the strong one. And at times—times such as now—he just didn’t know how.
Somehow it felt right to unload his anxieties to Sarah. He’d depended on her in high school and he trusted her now. How well he remembered graduation day. Sarah had stood by him as he’d waited in vain for his mother to appear, hoped beyond hope that that would be the day she would change and realize the importance of family. Sarah had held his hand while he’d wept wounded tears.
“She says she’s sober.” He scoffed and shook his head. “She wants to meet up with me first and then eventually with Matt. Maybe try to repair some of what’s been broken.”
“How do you feel about that?”
He grunted. “I don’t know. Most of the time I’m too angry to even consider the possibility, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder. No matter what she’s done, she’s still my mother.”
Sarah absently brushed her hand across his shoulder. “She’s put you between a rock and a hard place, that’s for sure.”
“Right? And somehow I have to figure out what’s best for the whole family. I have to find a way to let Matt and Grandma Sheryl know that she wants to be a part of our lives. Matt’s going to be furious. I just hope he doesn’t take it out on me.”
“Can you find it in your heart to forgive her, do you think? Allow her to be a part of your life, even if your brother wants nothing to do with her?”
He blew out a breath and winced. That was the question he’d been asking himself for a week, and he wasn’t any closer to an answer now than he had been back then. “I don’t know, Sarah. I honestly don’t know.”
* * *
Sarah’s heart went out to Marcus. His mother had really done a number on him. She’d let her family down in the worst possible way, abandoning them and walking away without looking back. She was an alcoholic, which explained her actions but didn’t absolve them.
She could see the pain in Marcus’s eyes and felt it as if it were her own. His mother’s sudden return to his life was ripping his heart out. She wasn’t the least bit surprised that the woman had approached Marcus and not his bad-boy brother, Matt. Marcus was tenderhearted. He always tried to do the right thing—but what the right thing was in this situation was difficult to call.
Sarah’s first impulse was to suggest he toss his mom out on her ear should she dare to show up in person. She didn’t deserve any better than that, and it would spare Marcus from any additional pain she might cause. But that wasn’t Marcus’s way.
“What are you going to do?” she asked, sweeping her hand over the tense muscles of his shoulders and coming to land on his arm. His biceps tightened. Time had certainly worked in his favor in that regard. She didn’t remember him being so strong when she’d dated him in high school.
“Honestly? I don’t know. I told her I’d try to broach the subject with Grandma Sheryl and Matt, but I already know they won’t be too keen to hear the news that mom is suddenly ready for us. I highly doubt reconciliation will be on the menu, at least not for a long time to come.”
“Are you planning to meet up with her?”
“No.” He shook his head fervently and then shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Better I step forward than deny her and have her end up going after Matt. If I see her face-to-face, I’ll know right away if she’s lying about turning her life around. I suppose that’ll give me a better idea about what I should do next.”
Sarah opened her mouth to offer her support and then clamped it shut again. Surely he had many people in his life who would stand up with him during this trial—if not his family, then at least some close friends. He was nothing if not a social being. She was in a bad place in her life right now. She had nothing to offer him. And as for the two of them—
Well, there was no two of them. Not anymore.
She was still debating on what she should say to him when the lights flickered. She groaned.
His gaze widened. “Are we going to—”
He never finished his sentence. The lights flared once, she heard a loud bang and then everything went dark. It was twilight outside and there was still a small measure of gray light pouring in from the windows, but she knew it would be only a matter of minutes before they would be cast into the pitch-blackness of mountain living.
“Electrical outage?” Marcus asked.
She nodded. Onyx darted into the room, clutching her stuffed brown bunny and whimpering. “I heard a scary sound, Mama.”
Before Sarah could say a word, Marcus crossed the room and held out his hands to the little girl. Onyx didn’t hesitate. She climbed right into his arms and clung to his neck.
“It’s okay, little darlin’,” Marcus assured the three-year-old. One side of his mouth crept upward as he met Sarah’s gaze. That crooked grin had always made her heartbeat quicken, and now was no exception. She’d never found him more attractive in her life than in the moment he stepped in to console her child. “We’re going to play a little game right now. It’ll be fun. Do you like flashlights?”
Onyx nodded and Marcus shifted her to one side so he could dig into the front pocket of his jeans. He withdrew his key chain and pressed the button on a tiny silver flashlight, waving the beam toward the wall so Onyx could see the light dance against the shadows.
“Can you be a big girl and hold the flashlight for your mama and me while we gather some supplies together? It’ll be just like camping out. Do you like to camp?”
Onyx squealed in delight as Marcus handed her the flashlight and showed her how to use it. For not the first time that day, Sarah’s eyes burned with unshed tears. During the summertime, Justin had often taken the family fishing and hiking. They were some of Sarah’s fondest memories, although she doubted Onyx was old enough to recall such outings.
“Do you have a backup generator?” he asked, directing the question to Sarah. “How long do you think it will be before the electrical company can get the power back up?”
“We had a generator when the farm was doing well. After Justin passed away, I had to sell it.”
He studied her, his golden eyebrows lowering.
She tipped her chin and squared her shoulders. She knew he’d picked up on what she’d said—or rather, hadn’t said—about the debts she owed, but she refused to let him pity her.
“I’m not sure about the power company,” she continued. “It might take a while. It sounded like something major blew up just before the lights went out. A transformer, maybe? Once a couple of years ago I remember when a drunk driver rammed his truck into a transformer near the farm. We were without power for a week. I had to do all my cooking in the fireplace.
“We ate a lot of hot dogs that week.” She chuckled. “But that was in the middle of the summer, so it wasn’t quite so bad, temperature-wise. A little stuffy in the daytime, but it still got chilly at night. But now we’re stranded in a snowstorm.”
He nodded in agreement. “It’s going to get cold in here.”
Freezing cold, like an icebox. And fast. She focused on her breathing, refusing to give in to the panic rising in her chest. “I guess the first order of business is going to be lighting a fire in the hearth. Marcus, if you wouldn’t mind gathering an armful of logs, I’ll pull together some old newspapers for kindling. There should be some wood stacked in the bin just outside the back door. Through the kitchen and then to the right.” She pointed to the kitchen and crooked her finger to indicate which way he should go.
“I’ll wear my coat this time,” he said, winking at Sarah as he plopped Onyx onto the armchair. “Will you keep holding that light for your mama while I’m gone?” he asked the child, who beamed up at him as if he held the sun in the sky. “You’re a big girl. Your mama really depends on your help.”
Sarah shivered at the icy breeze that blew through the house when Marcus opened the back door and stepped outside. It was already several degrees cooler in the cabin, and the temperature was dropping at an alarming rate. She hoped Marcus would hurry in with the wood. She was already feeling a chill, and she had an infant and elderly parents-in-law to worry about. They’d be especially susceptible to the cold.
“Onyx, honey, let’s go find Jewel, Pops and Granny. I’ll bet they’ll want to see the big, roaring fire Mr. Marcus is going to help us build.”
“Can we cook hot dogs?” Onyx asked as they walked down the hall to where Jewel was napping. “And roast marshmallows?”
Sarah laughed. She hadn’t seen Onyx’s eyes light up like this in a very long time.
Too long.
“I think that’s a great idea. I might even have some graham crackers and chocolate bars around here somewhere. We can make big, smushy s’mores for dessert.”
“Yay! S’mores!”
Maybe Onyx remembered more about camping with her father than Sarah had imagined. That concerned her. She was ashamed to realize she hadn’t put much effort into doing “fun” things with Onyx since Justin’s death. She’d been so preoccupied with the debts and obligations her husband had left her that she hadn’t spent the time she should have finding ways to make her daughter smile again.
She crouched down to give Onyx a hearty hug and kiss, but the girl quickly wriggled out of her grasp. Chuckling, Sarah stood and scooped Jewel from her crib, wrapping her in a warm blanket. Then she stopped by Pops and Granny’s room to let them know about her plan to light a fire and congregate in the living room. She also suggested they both throw on an extra layer of clothing. Pops especially was vulnerable to the cold these days. His circulation wasn’t what it used to be.
“We’ll gather some blankets and be right with you,” Granny assured her. Pops simply grunted his assent.
Sarah returned to the living room, expecting Marcus to be hunched over the hearth lighting the fire, but there was no sign of him. Where was he with the firewood? Surely it couldn’t take him that long to grab an armful of logs from just outside the back door.
She entered the kitchen with Jewel propped on her hip and Onyx following close behind her, waving the beam of light across the walls and exclaiming in delight at the shadows it made. Sarah pulled the curtain aside to peek out into the backyard.
To her surprise, Marcus wasn’t on the porch. He’d shed his coat and was angling an ax at a slab of wood he’d perched on the chopping block.
Why was he chopping logs? Didn’t they have any wood in the bin? To her dismay, she suddenly remembered she’d used the last of it in October during the first big snowstorm of the year. She’d been meaning to refill the bin, but time had gotten away from her and she’d forgotten all about it.
And now poor Marcus was out there battling the elements on her behalf. She was ashamed of herself for the oversight, but how much worse would it have been if Marcus hadn’t been here? She would have been the one splitting logs in the whiteout, and she wasn’t nearly as competent with an ax as Marcus appeared to be. She imagined his fingers and toes were turning icy with the cold, but he swung away regardless.
She breathed a prayer of thanksgiving for the Lord’s provision, that He’d somehow orchestrated events so Marcus was here during the blackout. But poor Marcus!
She couldn’t even make him a cup of hot cocoa to warm him up when he came inside. At least not until they had the fire going.
