Her Cowboy Boss

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“I thought you knew I was there,” he told her evenly, rubbing his ribs. “I just stepped out to enjoy the cool air for a minute. I followed you in. Didn’t mean to surprise you.”

She tried to stop shaking, memories of the assault flashing over her, a dark night, a quiet place... She heard his voice telling her to shut up and do as she was told, saw the knife flash, felt it slice into her flesh. He’d dragged her backward between two cars.

“I...” Not another word would come.

“I was just going to correct your hand position,” Stark said conversationally, reaching for the bag. “You need to pull on the tabs. Like this.” He demonstrated how to properly get a measurement of the liquid left in the bag.

Meredith glanced over at him and nodded, gulping down air to settle her stomach. “I’m sorry,” she finally managed.

“For what?” he asked. “You didn’t scare me. I scared you. I should apologize.” Very sincerely, his hand placed flat against the center of his chest, he said, “I’m sorry.”

She knew that he was apologizing for more than scaring her, for something that he had not even done. Tears filled her eyes. She shook her head, waved a hand, tried to make light of it.

“It was silly.”

But it wasn’t silly. It would never be silly. She pushed it down, closed it off, as she had done from the beginning, and tilted her chin at the horse.

“How is he?”

“I feel he’s improved,” Stark said, easily shifting subjects. “I can’t quantify that, mind you. Just a feeling I have.”

Blowing out a breath, Meredith tried to smile, to feel better. It didn’t work. Fear had its claws in her now, and she knew from experience that it would be slow to let go.

“That’s...” She tried to swallow the knot strangling her. “That’s good. W-we have to decide what to tell Dad. Ann and Dean think he’ll resent being kept in the dark, but Rex and I don’t want to worry him unnecessarily.”

Stark shrugged. “None of my business either way, but I’ll happily talk to Wes if it’ll help.”

“All right. Thanks. I’ll let you know.”

She looked toward the door and the darkness beyond, suddenly dreading what now seemed like a long and very frightening walk back to the house. Gulping down the lump in her throat, she sucked in a deep breath, squared her shoulders and prepared to say that she would leave. He beat her to it.

“I need to get something from my truck,” he announced. “If you’re ready, I’ll, uh, walk you out.”

He knew. He knew she was frightened. And at least suspected why. A sliver of the old shame pricked her, but she was too glad of the escort to pay it much mind at the moment.

Push it down. Pack it away. Think of other things.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...

Nodding, she clasped her hands together and walked as casually as she could manage out into the aisle of the stable. He fell into step beside her, his hands tucked into the back pockets of his jeans.

As they reached the door, he said, “You’ve really been a lot of help.”

She felt herself relax incrementally. “That’s nice to hear.”

To her surprise, he turned to the right, taking a path that would carry them behind the stable, rather than to the left, the shorter path.

“I go this way,” he said, “because of the light.”

It was true that the vapor light shined over here. She hadn’t thought of it before, always choosing the shorter path, but then she hadn’t been frightened until now. Silently she trailed along in his wake. He climbed the fence. She crawled through. He didn’t try to help her, just waited for her to reach the other side. They crossed the bar ditch. She leaped, but it was hardly out of stride for him. As they walked over the dirt road, he didn’t even look at his truck, just moved on toward the house.

“I was wondering what sort of hours you were looking for,” he said. “In a job, I mean.”

Meredith caught her breath and had to focus to keep from stumbling. “I’m adaptable,” she answered carefully. “I’m used to shift work, after all.”

“Mmm. And pay? Nurses make good wages, better than you’re likely to find around here.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have to pay rent,” she said quickly, “or utilities or even buy groceries, if I don’t want to. And gasoline is certainly cheaper, not to mention insurance, and then there’s fees. You’ve no idea how many fees are involved in nursing. So I could settle for less than I’m used to.”

“Uh-huh. Anything else in particular you’re looking for?”

“It’d be nice if I could wear scrubs, at least initially.” She wrinkled her nose, admitting, “I really don’t have that many clothes anymore. I mean, where would I wear them? It’s not like I go out. I work. I go to church when I can. That’s it.” Embarrassed, she looked down at her boots, realizing only then that they’d come to a halt on the pathway beneath the trees.

“There’d be a learning curve, you know.”

Meredith looked up, elated. So he really was thinking about hiring her. “I understand, but I’m a fast learner, and I love animals. I really do.”

“That might not be as much of a plus as you think.” He strolled onward. “Animals can’t tell us where or how it hurts, but they do suffer, and when they suffer, it’s obvious.”

“I understand,” she told him softly.

“Do you? They suffer, Meri, and sometimes they die. And too often there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s just the fact of it.”

They had reached the house. She lifted a hand to the porch column, looking up at him. “Why do you try to discourage me?”

“Why do you want it so badly?” he countered. “You don’t even like me. Doesn’t make sense that you want to work for me.”

She could have lied to him, could’ve batted her lashes and even flirted a little, but that wasn’t her way.

“I may not always like you,” she said bluntly, “but I have come to respect you. And you’re my only option.” She ducked her head, adding softly, “I’ve never felt safe there. I’ve never been happy there. I don’t want to go back.”

He said nothing for a long while. Then, when she looked up, he abruptly glanced away.

“I’ll think on it,” he told her, stepping away from her.

Meredith smiled, turned, climbed up onto the porch and went into the house. He’d given her hope at least.

Tonight had shown her that she couldn’t go back. She just couldn’t.

She’d thought she was past it. After all the counseling and all the precautions, she’d held on there as long as anyone could possibly expect. In the back of her mind, she’d thought that this respite, this sojourn at home, would at least prepare her to return to the City and her work there, but it had done the opposite. Her time here had shown her that she could never go back. She should be free now to find peace and safety. At home.

Please, God. She just wanted to come home to stay.

Chapter Four (#u06533cf9-665b-54d0-8c9e-1cf0bed3aac9)

Melting into the shadows, Stark watched Meredith enter the house. No wonder she was so desperate to find a job and stay here. He recognized all the signs of trauma now that he’d bothered to look. He ought to—he dealt with them himself pretty much on a daily basis. Oh, he didn’t scream at the unexpected touch of another’s hands, but sometimes when he passed a tractor-trailer rig on the highway... He shuddered, trying not to remember.

All too often he woke in the night, struggling to free himself from the twisted metal, calling the names of his wife and daughter. How many times had he asked himself why he hadn’t left earlier? Or later? Just ten minutes would have made all the difference.

Whatever you think best, sweetheart. We’ll leave whenever you’re ready.

Meredith’s trauma didn’t stem from a freak accident, however. Her terror had been personal, deep, real and instantaneous. The moment he’d put his hands on her, the panic had completely overtaken her. She’d flashed back to some terrifying, horrifying event, and he very much feared that he knew what it was.

The thought made him ill. If he was right, and his gut told him that he very well could be, he wouldn’t have to worry about her developing an interest in him—or likely any other man—anytime soon. No wonder she didn’t like him. Not that he’d given her any reason to.

He wondered how long ago it had happened, who the man was. Surely Rex and Wes knew, but of course he couldn’t ask. Stark hoped sincerely that whoever had done that to her was locked away. Permanently.

Not that it was any of his concern. He had enough to deal with already.

Like a practice that was really far too big for one person alone to handle.

He rubbed his hands over his face. Maybe he should hire her and be done with it. She was certainly capable, and he wasn’t likely to find anyone else around here to match her skills. It might be the best solution all the way around. The unattainable man hiring the unattainable woman. Perfect.

Except...

Why couldn’t she have been a he? Some gawky kid who wouldn’t think twice about Stark’s rough ways or where he ate his meals?

Because God hadn’t been that good to Stark Burns in a long time, that’s why not.

At least that’s what Stark told himself as he ambled back out to the stable.

An owl hooted from somewhere near the old red barn. It was a lonely sound.

Loneliness, too, Stark knew well. It never left him, hadn’t left him in nearly four long years.

The anniversary of that awful day approached quickly. He tried to ignore it, telling himself that he hadn’t even been aware of the moment when his wife and daughter had left this earth, but that didn’t help. It only added to his guilt.

Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he walked back to the stable. The horse switched its tail when Stark drew near. Yes, definite improvement. That didn’t mean Soldier would recover, but a good sign was a good sign. He set his alarms and turned in.

His last thought before he slipped into sleep was that Meredith didn’t deserve to be frightened. He saw the look of terror on her face, and in his dreams, instead of standing there like a lump, he held out his arms, and she walked into them, smiling tremulously.

Her hair smelled of coconut. He didn’t know why or how he knew that, but somehow he woke the next morning with that fragrance in his nostrils.

Cathy had smelled of strawberries. He would never forget. The fragrance of strawberries sometimes still threatened to move him to tears, strawberries and sour apples. Bel had loved a certain tart candy that tasted of sour apples. Sometimes he bought a pack and opened it just to savor the smell, but then he had to throw it away.

What did Meredith Billings do to bring herself comfort?

She was trying to move home. And he could help her with that.

She and her strawberry blond, coconut-scented hair arrived with black coffee and a breakfast tray around six in the morning. He was waiting for her, sitting atop the toolbox.

“Morning.”

She gave him that devastating smile along with the breakfast tray. “Good morning.”

“Swelling’s gone down,” he told her, parking the tray on his knees. “I expect to repair the tracheotomy tomorrow.”

“That’s good.”

He removed the dish towel, uncovering a thick omelet topped with salsa and cheese, along with rolled tortillas and sliced melon. The Billings family did not stint in the kitchen. Mouth watering, he picked up his fork and said slowly, “I could use your help.”

Meredith caught her breath, but he pretended not to notice.

“Okay,” she said. “Someone has to miss service tomorrow to stay with Dad anyway.”

He’d forgotten that tomorrow was Sunday. He hated Sundays. They were his slowest days. This particular Sunday he hated most of all. But he wouldn’t think about that. He never thought about that.

Right.

Keeping his gaze on his plate, he said, “Best do it early.”

“That’s fine. After breakfast okay?”

“Works for me.”

“That’s settled then. Now, I have a favor to ask.”

Stark steeled himself, setting aside his fork to slug back strong black coffee, and nodded noncommittally. “You can ask.”

“You said you’d talk to Dad, give him an update on Soldier.”

Stark relaxed. “No problem.”

“We thought you might do that this evening. Ann and Dean are coming over for dinner. We’ll tell Dad everything that’s been going on the last few days, then you can give him the latest update on Soldier’s condition. If that’s all right with you.”

He knew she was asking him to do more than simply speak to her father about his horse, and he meant to tell her that speaking to Wes was all he would do, that he would not join the family for dinner, but he couldn’t seem to think of words that weren’t too sharp, rude or unintentionally wounding. In the end, he nodded curtly and ate his omelet. It had nothing, nothing whatsoever, to do with the date. Or so he told himself. Smiling, she skipped out of the stable, leaving him frowning at her back.

Looked like he was having dinner with the Billings family.

He tried not to think about it, going about his business on Saturday as usual. Plenty needed to be done. Somehow, though, he still found enough time to shower, shave, change and show up at the stable in time to give Soldier a thorough exam before Meredith insisted on dragging him into the house. She’d changed the IV bag before he’d arrived, and, try as he might, he could find no fault with her work.

“You want me to give your father a comprehensive report, don’t you?” he grumbled as she towed him by the arm down the aisle of the stable.

“Yes, and I also want to eat before dinner gets cold.”

He rolled his eyes, dragging his feet, but inside he felt an alarming tendency to smile. Countering it with a scowl, he allowed himself to be escorted to the ranch house. As soon as he passed through the front door into the foyer, he removed his hat and hung it on a peg on the wall. The instant he stepped into the living room, however, a little redheaded tornado hurled himself off the couch and straight at Stark.