скачать книгу бесплатно
“Almost eight months ago.”
“Eight...” He lifted his hat and ran a hand over his short, thick hair. “And you’re just now letting me know because...?”
“It’s been a difficult time,” Jackie muttered, swaying on her feet.
Fawn hurried over and pulled out a chair at the round table with her right hand. “Sit down before you fall down.” Like most of the furniture in the house, the dinette was older but of good quality.
Jackie sank down onto the chair just as Dixon glanced at Fawn. “Maybe my mother and I should speak in private.”
“No,” Jackie insisted. “Fawn has a stake in this conversation.” She smiled wanly. “If not for her, I wouldn’t be here.”
“I’m Fawn Ambor, by the way,” Fawn introduced herself, holding out her right hand. Dixon merely glanced at her then at the baby before turning back to his mother. As if realizing she had been snubbed, the baby started to fuss.
“Give her to me,” Jackie said, holding out her thin arms. Not even the long sleeves of her cotton blouse could disguise her frailness.
“No, no. You rest a few more minutes,” Fawn said. “I’ll take care of her.”
Jackie nodded and pushed up from her chair. “Maybe you’re right. I do feel weak.”
Fawn went to get the bottle and give it to the whimpering baby.
“So what happened?” Dixon asked, coming to lean against the rust-and-gold granite countertop. “Harry throw her out before the accident?”
Fawn turned to find Jackie standing, stiff-backed, in the wide, cased doorway. “No! Why would you think that?”
Dixon didn’t so much as glance in his mother’s direction. “She’s back here, isn’t she?”
Lifting her chin, Jackie slowly made her way into the other room. Fawn leaned closer, holding the baby to the side, and demanded softly, “Are you always so disrespectful of your mother?”
“She’s never given me any reason not to be,” he answered bluntly.
“She gave birth to you,” Fawn told him. “That should be reason enough.”
“Yeah, well, you weren’t here when she was the talk of the town, running off to anywhere and everywhere she could find a party and her drug of choice.”
“No, I wasn’t here then,” Fawn conceded softly, “but did you ever ask yourself why your mother did those things?”
He lifted a rather heavy eyebrow, his clear gray eyes coldly impassive. “Little boys don’t ask why their mothers are zonked-out druggies. Instead, they blame themselves. Until they grow up and figure out personal responsibility.”
Slapping his hat onto his head, he walked out through the same door from which he’d entered. Shaken, Fawn turned and followed Jackie from the room. She found her friend snuggled into an oversize armchair in front of the cold fireplace, a fuzzy blanket over her legs.
“Think you can hold her while she nurses?” Fawn asked, handing the baby and bottle down to Jackie.
Jackie’s face lit with delight. “Of course.” She smiled down at Bella Jo. “Hello, sweetheart.”
“I want to make a phone call before I start supper.”
Jackie nodded, cooing to baby Bella. Fawn paused to watch Bella grin around the milky nipple of the bottle. This was a new trick for the four-month-old, one she employed often with great success.
Slipping down the central hall to the bedroom that Jackie had pointed out to her, Fawn pulled her cell phone from the hip pocket of her jeans. Little remodeling had been done in here. The yellowed walls hadn’t seen a fresh coat of paint in years, and the hardwood floor badly needed polishing, not to mention a throw rug. At least the twin-size bed, which boasted neither head-nor footboard, had sheets on it. The room could have used a bedside lamp. And a table to set it on.
Fawn dropped down onto the bed and punched in the familiar numbers. Within moments her grandmother answered the phone.
“Auweni?”
“It’s Fawn, Grandmother.”
“Mamalis!” Grandmother exclaimed, using Fawn’s Lenape name. “I am happy to hear from you. I have prayed to Jesus for your safe trip. How is Jackie?”
“She is tired and weak, Grandmother, and her son is not what I expected. Your prayers are appreciated.”
“He is kikape?”
“Yes, he is single,” Fawn confirmed. It had been one of their fears. Unattached men did not respond well to illness. Or infants. Or anything that hampered their freedom. A married man who had given up his freedom willingly would have been more inclined to open his heart and home. He would also have had help.
“But that’s not the problem,” she continued. “Things are worse between him and his mother than I realized. He’s very resentful.”
“I remember two girls with much resentment toward a parent.”
“A drunkard who kills himself and your mother is a little different from a woman who deadens her pain with drugs,” Fawn pointed out.
“Is it?” Grandmother asked. “Seems to me the only real difference is an accidental house fire.”
Fawn bit her lip. “Perhaps you’re right.”
“My daughter’s husband was a habitual drunk,” Grandmother said calmly, “but he meant no harm, Mamalis.”
“He meant no harm,” Fawn pointed out softly, “but they are both dead. Besides, it’s been years since Jackie used illicit drugs.”
“But does her son know this?”
“I’m not sure,” Fawn admitted. “Apparently, they’ve been estranged for a long time.”
“Patience,” Grandmother counseled. “Patience—”
“And prayer,” Fawn said for her, smiling. It was Grandmother’s prescription for every situation.
Her kmis, or elder sister, was not so sanguine. Though older by only sixteen minutes, Dawn took her position as kmis very seriously. Those slim sixteen minutes might as well have been sixteen years, given how protective Dawn could be with her twin. She had not been in favor of Fawn undertaking this mission before Christmas.
Both Fawn and Grandmother had argued that putting it off until after the first of the year would be unwise, given the precarious state of Jackie’s health. They thought it best to settle the matter and hopefully give Jackie a peaceful, happy Christmas, especially considering that it could be her last.
Dawn got on the phone as soon as Grandmother and Fawn ended their conversation. Obviously she’d been near their grandmother, listening in on every word.
“You knew Dixon Lyons could be single,” Dawn pointed out, skipping right over the greeting, “so what’s the real problem?”
Fawn mentally sighed. “Like I told Grandmother, he’s more resentful than I expected.”
“No. I don’t buy it. You were prepared to deal with a single man. There’s something more.” Fawn could almost feel the thoughts churning in her twin’s mind. “He’s hunky, isn’t he?”
Fawn plopped back onto the bed. “He’s gorgeous,” she admitted. “But he can see that Jackie is ill, and it makes no difference to him.”
“Bring Bella and Jackie and come home,” Dawn ordered. “We’ll be her family. We—”
“Petapan,” Fawn interrupted, using Dawn’s Lenape name. “We should at least give him a chance to do the right thing, don’t you think?”
After a long silence, Dawn said softly, “Whatever happens, remember our mother.” Then she ended the call.
As if I could forget, Fawn thought. As if a daughter could ever forget her mother’s mistakes.
Chapter Two (#ue7056940-6668-57ed-a224-d6854caee1d9)
How dare she? Dixon fumed, letting the wind suck the door closed behind him. Pretty little Fawn Whoever obviously didn’t know his mother very well or she wouldn’t have lectured him like that.
Giving birth to you ought to be enough.
He mimicked the words in his head as he skirted between the front end of the pickup and the storage room at the end of the carport.
What did this Fawn person know about it? She’d never seen his mother sleep around the clock after one of her benders or heard the whispers at the grocery store. Fawn had never watched some strange man literally drop her loopy mother in the front yard and drive away while she reeled toward the house. He’d always wondered what was so wrong with him that she couldn’t stay home and sober—until he’d realized that his grandmother was right. What was so wrong was Jackie.
So why was she here now? After all those years when all he’d wanted was for her to come home and settle down, now all he wanted was for her to go away before she ruined everything good in his life. He finally had a healthy relationship with his dad, worked for the family business, a plan for the future, a family, and that hadn’t been easy, given the animosity toward his father from his maternal grandparents, who had raised Dixon.
His grandparents and his dad had tiptoed around each other for years after Gregory Lyons had returned to town following an eight-year stint in the army. At twelve, Dixon had barely even remembered his father, despite many letters and photographs and a few visits. Greg had a new family by then, a wife, Lucinda, and a baby son. Jackie had gone into a tailspin upon Greg’s return, partying for days at a time. Dixon’s grandparents had feared that Greg would sue for custody, so they’d kept him at arm’s length. Greg and Lucinda had soon enlarged their family with a second son, but Dixon’s time with his dad and his dad’s family had remained limited until Grandma Crane died in a fall when Dixon was twelve.
With Jackie spending more time partying than with her son, Grandpa could no longer find excuses to keep Dixon away from his Lyons family, who had proved remarkably accepting of him. They’d even asked him to live with them, but he couldn’t leave his grandfather alone with Jackie, and that had caused some awkwardness on all sides until he’d turned sixteen and could drive himself over to his dad’s place whenever he’d wanted. He’d really gotten to know his brothers then, and he’d started to learn his dad’s trade, building. Dixon had turned out to be a more than fair carpenter.
Jackie had barely waited for Dixon to turn eighteen before she’d taken off with Harry Griffin. After his grandfather’s death a couple years later, Dixon worked for his dad, and they’d done well together.
Dixon had been surprised when Jackie had actually married Harry. Loud, stout and bald as a pool cue, Harry had stood a good head shorter than Jackie. Assuming that his mother was just using the affable trucker to get her teeth fixed, because her drug use had destroyed her once beautiful smile, Dixon had expected her to return to War Bonnet after she’d gotten what she’d needed from the man, but she’d claimed to be happy and had always described Harry as a “fine man.” Dixon had always privately supposed that Harry either had money or was more indulgent of Jackie’s partying ways than her parents had been.
From the looks of her, she hadn’t mended her ways over the years. She looked closer to sixty-four than forty-four. And he really did not need her reappearing after all these years with some unmarried mommy and baby in tow. No matter how stunningly beautiful that little mother might be.
A brisk wind rattled dead leaves across the crisp brown grass surrounding the house. Dixon turned up his collar and hunched his shoulders to protect his ears as he descended the gentle slope that led him the fifty yards or so to the barn, deliberately turning his attention to the waiting livestock and away from his unwanted guests.
The red sheet metal structure loomed dark and large in the cold, windy night. Newly oiled, the door hinges merely whispered as he pushed the narrow panel inward and stepped over the sill. Three horses and the restless heifer snuffled and shifted in the loamy blackness. The body heat of the livestock warmed this corner considerably, but if the outdoor temperature dropped much further, the heaters he’d installed last year would cycle on.
Reaching up, he switched on an overhead light and swung it to illuminate the nearest stall, where the heifer awaited his attention. He’d haltered and hobbled her, as the local veterinarian, Stark Burns, had suggested, to keep her from opening the stitches that ran from the dew claw to midhock of her left hind leg. She was not a happy patient. Using the pill pusher, he got the medication down her then unwrapped the leg, applied the prescribed salve and put on a new bandage, while avoiding the vicious swipe of an angry tail.
The wound was still fresh, and he couldn’t see any improvement yet. Worse, the heifer appeared to be losing weight. That could be disastrous for a pregnant cow. Dixon tipped extra feed into her trough and mixed a few sugar cubes into it to tempt her before leaving her to go see to the horses.
He took care of the geldings, Jag and Phantom, first. Both were big, powerful cutting horses that he’d dearly love to show professionally. The stallion, Romeo, was meant to be his ticket to competing with the other two horses. The sleek chestnut bay had the bloodlines of cutting horse royalty, but he’d been born early and extremely small. Dixon had taken the chance that he would grow to a suitable size, and he’d been right. By spring Romeo would be old enough to start training. Then all they needed was one good showing at competition. After that, Romeo would get a chance to prove he could produce—or, more accurate, reproduce. The stud fees should allow Dixon to try his hand at cutting horse competitions without risking the ranch or his normal income. It was a long-range plan that his dad fully endorsed, and Dixon had worked patiently to bring to fruition.
As was his habit, he spent some time with the skittish stallion, gentling and grooming the animal. While he worked with his hands, his mind worked over his problems, specifically his mother. He couldn’t deny that at times he felt lonely living out here on the ranch by himself, but he had plans and a purpose for his life, and he wasn’t about to let Jackie throw a wrench into all that. The Bible told him to honor his mother, and maybe Jackie had given birth to him, but she hadn’t raised him, not really. His grandmother had been his real mother. He wasn’t at all sure that he owed Jackie honor or anything else.
Resolved, he put away the curry brush, turned out the light and left the barn for the house. He’d tell Jackie that she and her friends could stay the night, then he’d take a shower and figure out something for dinner. Surely they could manage one difficult night without resorting to ugliness. He prayed about that as he trudged up the slope to the house.
The wind felt bitterly sharp, as if the temperature had dropped ten degrees in the hour or less he’d been in the barn. He let himself into the welcomed warmth of central heating and immediately caught the heady aroma of sizzling steak, his stomach growling. Frown in place, he stepped into the doorway of the kitchen even as he shucked his coat, his hat still on his head. Pretty Fawn stood at his stove turning a slab of chicken-fried steak in his biggest cast-iron skillet. Evidently they’d brought groceries because he certainly hadn’t had that steak on hand. Before he could comment, he heard Jackie playfully say, “Boo!”
A quick glance showed her playing peekaboo with the baby, who sat in a carrier on top of the table, waving her arms excitedly while Jackie draped a soft blanket over her little face and quickly pulled it away.
“I see you, Bella Jo. Peekaboo!”
Instantly, Dixon flashed back to an early memory, one he had almost forgotten.
He crouched behind his grandmother’s easy chair, quiet as a mouse. Suddenly his mom popped over the top, reaching down to tickle him.
“Boo! I found you, Dixon Lee. Mama always finds her boy.”
She scrambled around to sit on the floor with him, hugging and tickling. They were both laughing when his grandmother came in to say that she was going into town.
“Wait a minute. We’ll go with you,” Jackie said eagerly.
Grandma made a face and shook her head. “No, Jackie. It’ll take too long, and it’s way too much trouble for a quick trip to the store.”
“But I haven’t been out of the house in days except to work.”
“Well, whose fault is that? You should’ve thought of the consequences of your actions a long time ago.”
Setting him aside, Jackie stiffly rose. “I made a mistake, and I’m never going to stop paying for it, am I?” she choked out.
His grandmother looked at him then, and Dixon thought, Me. I’m the mistake. His grandmother rolled her eyes, then turned and left the room. A moment later his mother also left the room, slamming the door angrily behind her and calling for his grandfather.
How long had it been before he had seen her again? It had seemed like weeks, but he knew it had probably only been days. To a boy of three, days might as well have been weeks, though. The old bitterness welled up in him.
“You can’t stay,” he announced baldly, the words out before he even thought them. Jackie looked up, surprise and dismay on her lined face before she carefully masked her emotions. He lifted off his hat, steeling himself, and plunked it onto the hook beside the door before tossing aside his coat and actually moving into the other room. “You are not going to ruin my Christmas,” he said, trying to sound reasonable, “and we both know that’s what will happen if you stay.”
“I’ve never wanted to ruin anything for you, Dixon,” his mother said softly, sitting back in her chair, “but we have nowhere else to go.”
We? Dixon shook his head. So, it was a package deal. He turned his attention to Fawn. Did Jackie think dragging along this young beauty and her kid would soften him, make him more apt to open his home? What an opinion she must have of him, of men in general.
“And where’s your husband in all this?” he demanded of the dark-haired beauty. If they were asking him to take them in, he had a right to know. Didn’t he?
She looked stunned, standing there with a plate of chicken-fried steaks piled one on top of another, her dark, tip-tilted eyes wide. “I beg your pardon?”
“Your husband,” Dixon repeated. “Why isn’t he taking care of y’all?”
Blinking, she shook her head. “I’m not married.”
No, of course she wasn’t. Why was he not surprised? He slid his mother a disgusted look and stomped out of the room.
Going straight to his bedroom, he made short work of getting clean and dressed again. He was not—not—in any way pleased or relieved or even curious about how or why the woman cooking in his kitchen could show up with a baby and no husband. This itchy, nervous, supersensitive feeling was nothing more than concern.
He wondered what to do with himself, only to determine that this was his house and he’d be hung before he’d be relegated to his bedroom by a pair of unwelcome interlopers and an infant.
After stomping on his boots, he headed back to the kitchen, but at the last moment he derailed into the vacant living room, where he plopped down onto the sofa and prayed for...something. Strength, wisdom, the right words. Kindness? He didn’t know what to ask for. He just knew that he needed help.
* * *
“You’re crying.”
