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I handed her my phone.
“Bella, where’s David?” I inquired in the friendliest way possible.
“I don’t know. He should’ve been here by now. I hope he will be late…” Bella replied and laughed. She and her friends politely sat at the opposite end of the table making sure they weren’t bothering us, in theory.
“I hate this idiot.”
“David?
“Him too! But right now, Vlad!”
“He didn’t mean to…”
“Stop defending him. He’s such an asshole.”
“Come on. Look, they’re sitting all the way there. They don’t bother you.”
“Didn’t you see what happened when they came over?”
“The hostess’s look?”
“No, besides that. Huh, you did notice that too, didn’t you?”
“I did. And i don’t care. If anything, it was kind of funny.”
“It would be funny if it weren’t so sad,” Elly remarked. “Now everyone here associates us with her – the most popular slut of the city. She’s practically a walking I AM A WHORE sign.”
“Stop it!”
“He must think I am like that too now.”
“Who?”
With her eyes she pointed in the direction of the man she had been talking about before Bella showed up.
“Elly, I don’t mean to disappoint you, but I think he doesn’t even think about you at all. First. And second, he’s got plenty going on without you. But there is light in the end of a tunnel. The good news are, form what I gather from your story, he likes whores, you heard that from Sasha.”
“I think I’m gonna pass out….”
“Oh, calm down! No one cares, just relax. Remember, TGIF!!! Relax.”
“That’s one way to support a friend,” Elly grumbled. “Even Alan’s dad is looking at us weird now, look! If only had I known…. Too late now, no matter what you do, we are losers cause we sitting at the same table with them. Fuckballs!”
“Why do you always have to be so fixated on who sits with who? Just listen to me – hear me – NO-BO-DY-CA-RES! Honestly.”
“You’re right. I gotta look happy. Frowning isn’t gonna help,” she smiled. “Is this better?”
“Now try it sincerer, that will do!”
“O.K. let’s talk about something else or I’ll get sad again.” Elly opened the menu content of which we already knew by heart. Pretending as if she was studying the possible options she said to me, keeping her eyes on the menu: “I can feel his gaze on me. Look, I’ve got goosebumps. I’m getting a frisson!”
“Fri… what?”
“Skin orgasm.”
“You’re nuts!”
“I know it’s energy exchange!” She seemed agitated. “Let’s talk about something else so that he doesn’t sense I’m thinking about him now and…”
“…and doesn’t get a frisson in his pants?” I laughed out loud.
“You’re so crazy. I envy your imagination! Anyway. Tell me can you believe her mom’s a doctor?” asked Elly not even trying to conceal the look of disgust as she glanced at the opposite end of the table. “Just look at her. She’s so ratchet. Like a white trash. Can’t anyone else see it?”
“White trash?”
“Of course! Just watch her. No matter how hard she’s trying to hide her essence, I can see right through her. You know, you can take her out of a trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer part out of her! Zero elegance and evil less sophistication. And you know why?”
“Elly, if i have to be honest…”
But my friend didn’t let me finish knowing I was about to change the subject.
“Sophistication…” – she went on and on as if she didn’t hear me – “…is an innate trait. It’s a privilege, transmitted by certain genes, you can’t just work it out in yourself, you can’t cultivate it, no matter how many diamonds your jewelry features, or a fancy university diplomas you have. Sophistication, much like feminine is a thing one’s born with, it can never be attained.”
“I think you got off the wrong foot, having woken up on the wrong side of the bed after a sleepless night.”
“On the contrary, I slept fine. It’s just seeing that trash drives me insane.”
“Please, spare me the drama. Elly, I strongly disagree. Even if she were from a trailer park, don’t you think there are doctors too! Why do you think this way of people?”
“I speak nothing but the truth! Truth of life. I’ve nothing against trailer parks, villagers, and small shit-hole towns. But I can’t stand grifters such as her. She lies through her teeth and makes things up as she goes,” Elly shrugged her shoulders. “Look at her friends! It’s like some kinda shapito circus.”
“Just friends. What’s wrong with them? And they’re born here, the same city you were born in. They even go to the same school you go to.”
“So, what. We may be from the same city, and even go to the same school. Only I was born, and have always been living by the Kremlin. And those are just suburban queens.”
“Elly! How are you even friends with me? I come from another country!”
“Oh, don’t get me started here. Your bloodline speaks for itself. You’re an honest, decent lady with iron integrity. Sometimes, way too good. You know how they say – a tattler is worse than a thief?”
“Here we go. Even I got my fair share,” I laughed. “Elly, you’re such a chauvinist. Did you know?
“I take after Rose,” Elly roller her eyes. “I don’t even care who comes from where. Even if she -” my friend glanced in the direction of Bella – “…was born inside the Kremlin, or on the Red Square, she would still scream trailer park to me. Look at her, she’s nothing.”
“Elly. Will you stop it! I can’t listen to this anymore. This can’t be you!”
“Sorry. It’s just they’re so annoying. I don’t want to share a table with a bunch of whores. They are kind of from wealthy families. And don’t look at me this way, Eva. You know the lady’s first rule: not to sit at the same table with night walkers.”
“I think you’re getting a PMS. She’s not one of those. She’s just a silly girl. Way to trusting.”
“Can you even hear yourself? Trusting? You are too trusting, Eva! Where do you think she got all those diamonds from?”
“She said she…”
“Yes. Yes. Yes. Her daddy died and left her a fortune. Australian golden mines and blah blah blah… You can’t be that stupid to believe in all this?”
“You can’t accuse someone of lying just because you don’t like them!”
“I can’t stand her and I can’t help it.”
“I can see that. Calm down, chew some mints.”
“As if it will help. Besides, I know I have a great intuition.”
“One would argue. Your intuition was quite silent when you agreed to this dinner with…”
“Shut up! Don’t even say that name. Are you even my friend? Please, forget all about this.”
“My silence comes at a price.”
“No doubt about that,” Elly smirked. “You see that friend of hers, the one who looks like a depressed mouse? Who is she? And the fat one? I wouldn’t be surprised if she looked hard for them to bring them with – to look like a superstar next to them.”
“Elly! You’re so vicious! Knock it off!”
“Whatcha girls talking about? Me?” Vlad suddenly appeared behind us. He had finally made it to the restaurant. He was the only decent guy from our hangout who we both liked as a friend.
“Here you are, finally,” Elly snidely hissed.
“Bet you hoped I wouldn’t make it?” he grinned.
He bent and gave kissed each of us on the cheek. Instead of saying hi to Bella and her friends, he resorted to a polite nod. He sat down next to me, thus making me one in the middle. “In between the rock and a hard place, as always,” I thought to myself.
“Vlad, what’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong, Google? he asked Elly laughing.
“You don’t love us, Vlad.”
“I love Eva, but you… you are a real bitch.”
“Asshole!”
“Because of you, my best friend has been suffering for two weeks. Doesn’t leave his house. You didn’t have to turn him down that harshly. You know he’s so into you. I warned him it’s not gonna end up good. He sounds like he’s been flushed down the toilet and here, look at you laughing and shining social butterfly. You haven’t even thought of him once… poor guy.”
“Vlad, let’s not start, ok? I don’t need a man who can’t keep his promises.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, first he was begging me to go to Paris with him for the weekend. I said right away, we’re not sharing a room in the Ritz. He said he wasn’t even thinking to suggest that and that each of us will have our own room, that he already payed for two rooms. Besides, my visa expired, and so he said he’d take care of it, too. He said that will send his driver to take my passport… and that was it.”
“Well, he failed his exam because got high night before and his dad pulled his plug… cut his ‘allowance’…”
“My point exactly. I don’t need a sucker who can’t go to the bathroom without his daddy’s permission.”
“A trip to Paris isn’t exactly going to the bathroom…”
“I didn’t say it was. You did…”
“I know you. You don’t think twice to say something nasty about anything.”
“What’s wrong? By the way, speaking of Paris. Even Paris stank shit up until nineteenth century, my dear Vlad. Karamzin, traveling at the time around post-revolutionary France, was utterly shocked, traumatized if you will, having seen luxury and shit intertwine. You know what he suggested?”
“He didn’t tell me…” Vlad burst into laughter.
“He recommended to stay at the terrace of Tuileries Garden. It is from there that you could enjoy a stunning look over the city without having to smell its fragrances. ‘Don’t get any closer’ he’d say, because it stinks,” concluded Elly, disgust written all over her face.
“Yes, I remember that,” I joined the conversation. “His son, years after that in his letters described his trip to Paris in a funny way. He wrote something like “closer and closer, it stinks more and more! Hurray. We’ve arrived.”
“You could come up with a song. You nailed it. You get an A”
“So, do you!”
We burst into laughter. Vlad seemed bewildered, with a hint of pettiness, watching us laugh.
“Eva, let her be silly. But you, why are you laughing?” he looked at us as if we were out of our minds. “You girls want a piece of advice?”
“No!” we answered in a perfect unison.
“Then listen and don’t’ tell me I haven’t warned you. If you want some decent guys – like myself – to like you…” he went silent for a moment to emphasize the importance of what he was about to reveal, “-stop it with your overly intellectual pretentious jokes, OK? I mean it like an older brother. That’s a turn off.”
“Hey bro, can I ask you something?” asked Elly with a clear sarcasm in the voice.
“See what I am talking about? Sometimes it’s better to say nothing…. and life would get so much better. When I didn’t know you Elly well enough I used to think ‘she was a hot as fuck’, pardon my language, but that’s like the best compliment we guys use.”
“You guys?” Elly smirked.
“Us…. decent serious guys. Shut up for a minute, will you? I’m not done yet… So. ‘Crazy long legs and stuff’. But once you opened your mouth and spoke…. and you spoke two words to each that was said to you. So, then I stopped thinking of your legs and started thinking you sounded like a Google-Sirt hybrid.”
“You’re so retarded, Vlad,” Elly laughed.
It went without saying Vlad did have the privilege of being able to tell the truth to our faces, like a true friend. It was mutual. Elly never took offence, just ignored it at times. We knew nobody besides three of us will ever hear it. Vlad didn’t hesitate to stick out for us and defend us to anyone who dared to say anything disrespectful or even cast a weird look. He was indeed like our older brother. Despite being young, Vlad possessed quite a few qualities of a mature men. Not only was he generous, but he also cared deeply about his friends and those he loved – a very few people. Most importantly, he knew how to keep secrets. Among his flaws was his brutal honesty. The words he sometimes chose would cut those he happened to talk about like the sharpest blades. There was however one person he had never joked about. That was me. Occasionally he would say something funny, silly, and not super offensive about Elly and I together, never once was his fun making directed at me. Rumor had it amongst our friends, that we were secretly dating – an utter nonsense. What I thought it was all about was his respect towards me.
“Eva. You seem very quiet today. Or Siri won’t let you say a word?” He looked over at Elly but saw nothing but indifference.
“Don’t say that about Elly. Don’t call her Siri.”
“What about Ok Google?”
Vlad really enjoyed and would often laugh at his own jokes and if someone happened to not get it, they were immediately “blacklisted’ by Vlad. I was lucky, I liked both his sense of humor and the way he laughed. Such an infectious laughter he had, I never heard anyone laugh quite like that.
