скачать книгу бесплатно
Of course it was. Chagrined, she nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll stay on bed rest as long as you tell me I need to.”
“Well, let’s plan on a couple of days at least,” Kim clarified. “Then we’ll see how it goes. You are fairly far along in your pregnancy, but every week you carry the babies, the better their chances of survival without complications.”
Alyssa knew her doctor was right. She’d make ends meet, somehow. “Okay, so when are you going to start weaning me off the medication?” she asked.
“Right now,” Kim said with a smile. “Marla? Start lowering the drip rate, a few milliliters per hour, while monitoring for contractions.”
“Okay.” Marla made her way to make the first adjustments on the IV pump.
“Dr. Rayborn?” Alyssa called when Kim moved as if to leave.
“Yes?” She turned back toward Alyssa.
“If Jadon shows up this morning, I’ll see him.”
Kim raised a brow. “Are you sure? I don’t blame you for needing some time.”
There wasn’t enough time left in all creation for her to be ready to face Jadon, and that was the God’s honest truth. So she’d be better off facing him now, since she fully expected he wouldn’t be sticking around much longer. He was reminding her more and more of her father, who certainly hadn’t stuck around for very long. Some men just weren’t meant for long-term relationships.
Once he understood she wouldn’t force him into playing the role of loving father to her unborn twins, she suspected he’d do his all-too-familiar disappearing act once again.
“I’m sure.”
“Jadon?”
At the sound of his name, he glanced up to find Kim standing in the entryway of the waiting room. He flashed a crooked smile. “Hi.”
She raised a brow and shook her head, raking a gaze over his rumpled clothes. “Don’t tell me you slept here all night?”
“Okay, I won’t tell you.” He stood and stretched, trying to work the kinks out of his back. “What’s up?”
“Alyssa is being weaned off the terbutaline, and so far the contractions haven’t returned. She’ll be in the labor and delivery area for a while yet, but she’s ready to see you.”
She was? Alyssa was willing to see him?
He’d waited so long he’d assumed she’d decided against it.
“She knows I’m here?” he asked, suddenly extremely nervous about seeing her.
Kim nodded. “Yes, although I didn’t tell her you slept here all night. But she did confirm you’re the father of her babies, although if you need a formal paternity test, that can certainly be arranged.”
“No. No tests. Unless Alyssa wants one.” He almost blurted out the truth, about how now that he thought about it, he knew exactly when they’d conceived. The one time he and Alyssa had gotten carried away and hadn’t used protection.
But this wasn’t the time, or the place, or the appropriate person with which to have this conversation. He needed to talk to Alyssa first.
No matter how difficult.
“She’s in Labor and Delivery room number five.” Kim smiled again. “Take your time. I have patients to see in clinic this morning so I won’t be back until later this afternoon, unless something changes.”
He nodded, feeling nervous. He made his way back down the hall of the labor and delivery suites. The door to Alyssa’s room was closed. He knocked, and then, when he couldn’t hear anything, opened the door. “Alyssa? May I come in?”
“Yes.” Her voice was weak, and he hesitated, wondering if his timing was bad. Maybe he should wait until she was fully recovered from her hypothermia episode.
Don’t be a coward, he told himself, pushing the door open and entering her room.
Her face was pale, framed by a cloud of her dark, curly hair spread out over the pillow. She looked better than she had when the paramedic unit had brought her icy-cold, limp body through the trauma room doors.
He’d never been so scared.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, tentatively coming closer.
She lifted a shoulder and smoothed a hand over her belly, as he’d often seen pregnant women do. There was something innately caring in her gesture. “Fine. They’re telling me the babies are doing well, which is all I care about.”
He didn’t necessarily agree, since her well-being was very important to him, but nodded anyway. She was so beautiful, especially now, with her body soft and round with child. His gaze dropped to her lush breasts, not entirely hidden by the shapeless hospital gown she wore. They were fuller than he remembered.
He swallowed hard and dragged his glance away. What was wrong with him? Alyssa wouldn’t appreciate his lustful thoughts. Especially after the way he’d left her so abruptly.
“Look, Jadon, I know you weren’t expecting this.” Alyssa, always direct, cut right to the heart of the matter. “But you need to know, I tried to call you. I left a message, but then the next time I called, your phone was disconnected.”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, knowing she had every right to be upset as he pulled out his new cell phone. “My old cell phone was stolen.” And he wasn’t about to share the details of that story. At the time, he’d been lucky to have escaped with a mild concussion and a few cracked ribs. His cell phone and wallet had been the least of his worries. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I didn’t get your messages. See? New phone, new number.”
She stared at him with wide, solemn blue eyes. “You had a right to know about the babies, but please understand that, other than some financial support, I don’t expect anything from you.”
He scowled, annoyed with the way the conversation was going. “What do you mean? I’m their father.”
Her unblinking gaze bored into his. “Can you honestly tell me you’re here to stay this time? That you’ll be here for me and the babies no matter what? You’ll never need to take another unexpected personal leave of absence?”
For long moments he debated lying to her and reassuring her he was here to stay. But his life wasn’t his own. He had responsibilities. If his mother called, he’d have to drop everything to leave again.
And he couldn’t lie to Alyssa, even by omission.
Not about this.
“No, I can’t tell you that I won’t ever leave Cedar Bluff. But if I do have to leave, I’ll make sure to let you know first. And you can rest assured that, no matter what happens, I have every intention of being there to help support you and the twins. Emotionally support them, as well as financially.”
Her eyes widened in surprise, as if she hadn’t expected him to say that. “But you made it clear you weren’t interested in a serious relationship,” she protested, her eyes full of barely hidden anxiety.
“So did you,” he shot back.
She stared at him, unable to refute his claim. They’d blithely jumped into an intimate relationship, never considering the possible consequences of their actions.
“Obviously things have changed, for both of us,” Jadon continued. “I plan to be a part of my children’s lives, so you’d better get used to the idea.” She wasn’t going to get rid of him that easily. “I’ll give you some space now, because I don’t want to cause you any more stress while you’re supposed to be resting, but you can be certain I’ll be back later.”
She didn’t utter a word as he turned and walked away.
CHAPTER THREE
ALYSSA had no idea bed rest could be so boring. It seemed all she could think about were the things she couldn’t do. The next twenty-four hours crawled by painfully slowly. Daytime television was pathetic. She searched and searched for some Christmas-themed programs but didn’t find a single one. Where were all the wonderful Christmas shows she’d remembered watching as a kid? Didn’t they air them anymore?
She hoped the hospital carolers would come back. Or maybe the music channel on the television? She picked up the remote and turned it on, taking a deep breath when the lyrical sound of Christmas music filled the air.
She closed her eyes and hummed along, trying not to dwell on the four hospital walls holding her captive.
The problem with having nothing to do was that her thoughts kept going back to Jadon. He hadn’t made good on his threat to return, and she wasn’t certain if she was relieved by the lapse or disappointed. She tried to convince herself his absence was for the best. She needed time to get over the shock of knowing he was back. Somehow, she simply couldn’t believe he’d meant what he’d said.
He wanted to be a part of their children’s lives? Supporting them emotionally as well as financially? What exactly did that mean?
Was he envisioning some sort of joint custody agreement? Dual parenting? The thought of giving up her babies on alternate weekends made her feel sick.
So she tried not to think about their dubious future at all. Especially since Jadon hadn’t been able to promise he wouldn’t leave again. Maybe his definition of emotional support was different from hers. Once he understood the amount of work twins entailed, he’d likely disappear for good, just like her father had. She needed to keep her heart safe. No way did she want to be hurt like that again.
Several of her coworkers stopped by to see her, giving the occasional break in the monotony. Susan, her coworker in the ED, brought her a beautiful red poinsettia plant, which provided a cheerful, festive feeling to her room. Seth had popped in very briefly to assure her that Ben was indeed doing fine and that he’d be discharged the following morning.
Alyssa could only hope an early morning discharge was in her future, too.
As she hadn’t done a thing all day except lie in bed watching television, sleep didn’t come easily. She spent far too much time thinking of Jadon.
Remembering their last night together.
The way they’d made love, urgently, as if knowing, instinctively, the heat and passion between them couldn’t last.
The desolation she’d felt once she’d realized he was gone.
At the time, she’d told herself she was better off without him. They’d met during a very complicated trauma resuscitation, two victims of a multiple motorvehicle crash. From the very beginning, she’d realized Jadon was an excellent physician. She’d admired the way he kept calm in a crisis, yet treated the distraught families with dignity and respect. His charisma was like a beacon, drawing her near. She’d warned herself to ignore the attraction she felt for him, but it seemed like every time she glanced up at him, he was staring at her.
When their fingers had touched that first time, pure electricity had sizzled between them.
Eventually, they weren’t able to stay away from each other. He asked her to come home with him after a late shift they’d shared, and against her better judgment she agreed.
She knew better than to fall for a handsome guy like Jadon. Her mother had harped on the inability of handsome men to remain faithful. Alyssa had seen a few of the early photographs of her parents together, realizing her father had indeed been a good-looking guy.
And he’d left a week before her third birthday, leaving her mother to raise a young daughter all alone.
All her life Alyssa had tried to avoid ending up like her mother. Her mother had been forced to go from job to job, always seeking better pay, which hadn’t been easy since she didn’t have a college degree or any specialty training. It wasn’t her mother’s fault that she’d spent more time working, or obsessing about working, than paying attention to Alyssa.
So Alyssa had vowed to make something of her life. To never be dependent on any man. She’d taken out student loans to attend college, to have a career as an ED nurse so she’d never have to worry about not having a steady, reliable job.
She’d also avoided being hurt by men, like her mother had been, keeping her relationships lighthearted and fun. Especially if the guy she was with seemed like he wasn’t exactly father material.
Like Jadon. Yet here she was, pregnant and alone. With twins, which put a big crimp in her plan to stay independent.
And as much as she wanted to blame Jadon, she knew the truth of the matter was that she had no one to blame for her situation but herself.
Jadon was exhausted; he’d been called in early for his night shift because the ED had been flooded with trauma calls. He hadn’t slept very well in the first place, and being called in early meant he’d missed going back up to L & D to check on Alyssa. During the night, he’d had a few minutes of downtime, but obviously then wasn’t the appropriate time to wake her.
When he finished his shift at eight-thirty in the morning, he took a few minutes to swing by to see how she was doing.
He helped himself to more coffee, double-strength to keep the fatigue at bay. With less than three hours of sleep, and a physically demanding endless stream of patients, his entire body ached, as if he’d been run over by an eighteen-wheeler.
As he stepped off the elevators on the fifth floor labor and delivery area, he ran into Seth, Kylie and Ben. He quickly realized they were making their way down to see Alyssa as well.
“Jadon,” Seth greeted him coolly. The silence stretched for a long moment before Seth grudgingly made formal introductions. “This is my fiancée, Kylie Germaine. And her son, soon to be our son, Ben. Kylie and Ben, this is Dr. Jadon Reichert, one of the ED physicians here at Cedar Bluff.”
“Good to see you both again,” Jadon said, forcing a smile. He’d noticed Seth hadn’t introduced him as a friend, but only as a colleague. He turned his attention to the boy. “Especially you, Ben. You’re doing much better than yesterday.”
“Yes, well, he’s finally been discharged, but has also refused to leave without seeing Alyssa,” Kylie commented dryly.
“Alyssa can’t come to visit me because she might have her babies too early,” Ben announced in an allimportant tone.
Jadon’s lips twitched with the need to grin. “Yes, that’s right,” he agreed. “She needs to rest. But I know she’ll be glad to see you, as she’s been very worried about you.”
“I love Alyssa,” Ben said very seriously. “She risked her life for me.”
“I think she’s special, too,” Jadon said, his chest feeling tight with emotion. He thought Ben’s case of hero worship for Alyssa was sweet. Not that he blamed the kid.
He’d heard the story yesterday, about how Alyssa had fallen into the icy water, trying to rescue Ben. She’d gotten the boy out first, but then almost couldn’t make her way out of the water. When he thought of how things could have ended very differently, he felt sick and shaky all over.
“Come on, Ben,” Seth said, interrupting them. “Let’s go and visit Alyssa, shall we?”
Jadon told himself he was overreacting to Seth’s abruptness, but the way Kylie dodged his gaze only confirmed it wasn’t his imagination. With a flash of annoyance he tried not to obsess about how he didn’t even know Kylie on a personal level—she hadn’t been here in Cedar Bluff when he’d left—so there was no reason for her to carry a grudge against him. She’d obviously picked up on Seth’s disdain.
Part of their attitude might be because they were afraid he’d leave Alyssa again, he acknowledged.
But even more, he suspected Seth didn’t think he was good enough for Alyssa. A fact he couldn’t argue.
Even aside from the problem of sustaining a relationship, what did he know about being a father? Or having a normal family? Nothing. His family had been anything but normal.
He stood where he was, watching them make their way down the hall to Alyssa’s room, a closely knit family unit, regardless of the lack of formality of marriage. Clearly they were good friends with Alyssa.
Maybe this wasn’t a good time to visit after all. His presence in the room with Seth, Kylie and Ben would only make things awkward.
Coward, his subconscious jeered.
With a muttered oath he continued down the hall to Alyssa’s room. He stood in the doorway, watching her smile and laugh while hugging Ben.
He swallowed the hard lump in his throat and stepped farther in the room.
When Alyssa saw him, the light in her eyes dimmed. “Hi, Jadon.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked, avoiding Seth’s none-too-subtle glare. “You look much better this morning.”
“I am better,” Alyssa said. “Dr. Rayborn has written my discharge notice. I’m free to go home.”
“That’s wonderful news.” He was very glad to realize that Alyssa was stable enough to go home. At least he didn’t have to worry about the twins being born too prematurely.
“I have to stay on bed rest for a few days,” Alyssa explained, including all of them in her earnest gaze. “But Dr. Rayborn told me to come back to see her on Wednesday. If all goes well, I might be able to return to work after that.”
He bit back a protest, knowing his opinion on her working this late in her pregnancy wouldn’t be welcome. He wanted to reassure her about how he planned to help her to financially support the babies but at the same time he didn’t want to invite an argument, especially in front of Seth and Kylie.
