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He finished arranging for Mark’s transfer to the PICU, and then followed up with the nursing staff who’d been exposed to Mark before he’d been placed in protective isolation. He wrote prescriptions for Mrs. Kennedy’s family and one for himself.
Once he was caught up with his work, he went over to the unit clerk. “Will you page Dr. Holly Richards for me again?”
Susan, the unit clerk, frowned at him. “Holly who? You mean the infectious disease doctor? Dr. Davidson?”
Davidson? She’d changed her name from Richards to Davidson? Had she been wearing a wedding ring? He didn’t think so. The truth hit him like a brick between the eyes. Holly must have divorced Tom, taking back her maiden name.
Guilt burned the lining of his stomach as he realized her divorce might be a part of the reason she’d returned home. He furrowed his fingers through his hair, not entirely surprised by the news.
Damn. It wasn’t too hard to figure out what had happened. He’d bet his life savings Tom had cheated on her. The jerk.
Guilt swelled again, nearly choking him. He should have handled things differently. Why had he believed Tom when he’d claimed he’d changed? Tom had always been too much of a womanizer, and Gabe suspected Tom hadn’t changed, even after Tom had asked Holly to marry him. But he hadn’t had any proof, just the deep niggling suspicion that wouldn’t go away.
On the day of Holly and Tom’s wedding, he’d noticed Tom flirting with Gwen, Holly’s maid of honor, and confronted him. They’d argued bitterly. Tom had sworn he’d given up other women, promising he’d gotten them out of his system once and for all. Gabe hadn’t believed him, telling Tom how Holly deserved better. Tom had turned the tables on him, accusing Gabe of wanting to cause trouble as he desired Holly for himself.
The accusation had been painfully true. More true than he’d wanted to admit.
He’d known the wedding was a mistake, but had figured there wasn’t anything he could do about it. But as the hour had grown closer, he’d realized he couldn’t stay. Couldn’t stand next to Tom at the altar as his best man, watching Holly marry a guy who didn’t deserve her love. So he’d handed the rings to one of the other groomsmen and left the church. In some perverse way he’d hoped Holly would get the message and do the same.
But he’d learned later that she hadn’t walked away. The wedding had gone ahead as planned. She and Tom had moved to Phoenix, Arizona shortly after the wedding, so Tom could take a position as medical director of a large surgical intensive care unit while Holly had taken a critical care fellowship position.
Only now she was back, as Holly Davidson rather than Holly Richards. And she was an infectious disease specialist, not a critical care intensivist.
“Did someone page?” Holly asked, walking back into the arena. She’d come from another room, and he felt foolish for interrupting her while she was seeing another patient.
“I did.” He hated this feeling of unease between them. “When you’re finished, will you give me a call? I’d like to talk to you.”
“I’m ready. I just need to write my note.” She was looking at him with a puzzled expression, as if she couldn’t quite figure out what he wanted to discuss. No surprise, since he wasn’t sure what he was going to say to her once they were alone either.
Regret, mingled with guilt, continued to weigh on his shoulders. He couldn’t help feeling her divorce was his fault. Especially since he suspected Tom’s infidelity might have started before the wedding. Maybe he could have prevented her from marrying Tom if he’d really tried.
“I’ll wait.” Luckily, the ED wasn’t too busy. He’d seen and written orders on all the patients who’d been brought back so far. Mark was the only serious case needing his attention.
Holly strode to the closest computer and signed in. His gaze roamed over her familiar features. She was more beautiful than ever. Her shoulder-length dark hair framed a heart-shaped face. Her dark brown eyes were always warm and smiling.
“Has Mark taken a turn for the worse?” she asked, logging off the computer.
“No, I just sent him to the PICU.” He took Holly’s arm and steered her toward the physician lounge, grateful to find it empty. “And I changed his antibiotics, as you suggested.”
“Good. I’ll go up to visit him in the PICU later. I’m still very worried about him, I hope he turns around with the antibiotics soon.” She glanced around at the empty lounge, then back up at him. “So what’s up?”
He hesitated. There was so much he should say, but part of the problem was that he should have told her his suspicions a long time ago, even without proof to back up his claim. Yet just like all those years ago, the words seemed to stick in his throat.
She sighed and jammed her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. “You don’t have to do this,” she said slowly. “I already know why you left the church the day of my wedding.”
His mouth dropped open in surprise. Had Tom told her about their fight? If so, he’d no doubt left out key details. “You do?”
She nodded, finally bringing her gaze to his. “It was my fault. Because of the night I ruined everything by almost kissing you.”
CHAPTER TWO
THERE. She’d said it. Boldly brought up the night she’d crossed the line, ruining their friendship, forever.
After admitting the truth, Holly felt as if a huge weight had rolled off her shoulders. It was good to have everything out in the open between them. At first she’d been so angry at Gabe for walking out on her wedding, until she’d realized it had been her own fault.
Looking back, she realized she should have taken her subtle feelings toward Gabe, and his subsequent leaving of the church, as a sign. Especially after the horribly public and painful way her marriage had ended. Still, wasn’t it always easier to look back after the fact, to realize what you should have done?
“Holly, it wasn’t your fault at all.”
He was just saying that to be nice. The night she’d almost kissed him, he had been the one who’d pulled back, who’d stopped her from making a terrible mistake. She hadn’t even had a good reason, the situation hadn’t started out as anything more than two friends going to check out a band for her wedding. Tom had been called into surgery, so Gabe had gone with her instead. They’d crashed the wedding, had a few drinks and danced, deciding then and there to hire the band. She’d only intended to thank him for coming along. But the moment she’d looked up into his dark eyes the atmosphere had changed. Suddenly she’d wanted to kiss him. Had actually leaned toward him, until he’d pulled back, making her realize what she’d almost done.
Afterwards, she’d been horrified at her near miss. And, right or wrong, she hadn’t said anything to Tom. What could she say? That she’d almost kissed his best friend? She hadn’t, but being tempted even for a second was bad enough. She’d tried to brush the whole episode off as a foolish mistake, a result of too much wine, but that moment in time had bothered her long afterwards.
“When did you divorce Tom?” he asked.
Her eyes widened. Good grief, had the news of her divorce traveled all the way across the country? A note of panic laced her tone. “What makes you think I divorced him?”
For a moment he looked taken aback by her question. “Because you’re using Davidson, your maiden name.”
She let out an exasperated huff, realizing she’d overreacted. Thank heavens the gossip mill hadn’t reached this far. She didn’t want Gabe to know the gory details. “Not all women take their husband’s name,” she pointed out. After the divorce she’d wished she hadn’t, as changing her medical license in both the state of Minnesota and the state of Arizona had been a pain. “But you’re right. Tom and I split up almost two years ago.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
He was? She ignored the tiny pang of disappointment. “So am I. But I’m over it now.” She didn’t care about Tom anymore. Any feelings she’d had for him had been wiped out by his betrayal.
But she didn’t think she’d ever get over losing her daughter. The familiar wave of grief tightened her stomach. She’d wanted children so badly, had been so thrilled to become pregnant. Looking down into her daughter’s sweet, tiny face and knowing she’d been too young to survive had been heart-wrenching.
She’d never forget Kayla. Lost in the sorrowful memories, she belatedly realized Gabe was staring at her. With an effort she tucked her daughter back into a protected corner of her heart and glanced around. “I, uh, need to get back to work.”
“Wait.” He held out his arm, stopping her from brushing past him. “I’m sorry, Holly. You have every right to be angry with me.”
“I’m not,” she protested. His fingers were warm against her arm and she must be pathetic and desperate to wish he’d haul her close. She needed to get a grip on her emotions and keep a polite distance between them. “Honest.” She stuck out her hand. “Friends?”
He stared at her outstretched hand for so long she feared he wasn’t going to take it, but then his large hand engulfed hers, easing her inner tension. “Of course, Holly. I’ll always be your friend.”
“Good.” One could never have too many friends, right? She missed her friend Lisa from Phoenix, but somehow suspected Gabe wasn’t going to be able to fill that role. She shook his hand firmly, before stepping back. Nothing good would come of rehashing the past. Moving forward was what was important. Taking this position at the Children’s Medical Center was a huge step forward in her career. Now that she was here, she wanted to do a good job.
And if that meant working with Gabe on a professional level, then fine. No problem.
“Gabe?” One of the nurses poked her head into the lounge. “There’s a call for you. It’s JT,” she added when he looked as if he would brush her off.
He nodded and turned away. “I have to take this, Holly. Excuse me.” Without waiting for a response, he strode out to the closest phone.
Curiosity compelled her to follow him, shamelessly listening to his end of the phone call. “JT? What’s wrong?” He paused. “Another nightmare? Hey, it’s all right, buddy. I understand. I’m glad you called, see? I’m here at work. Everything is fine. I love you, JT.”
Holly sucked in a harsh breath, shock rippling all the way down her body to the soles of her feet. From the tone of his voice and the brief reassuring conversation it was easy to deduce JT was a young child.
His son. Gabe must have a son.
Which meant he was likely married, too.
A stab of disappointment pierced her heart, stealing her breath.
“Maybe you’d better let me talk to Marybeth, okay?” Gabe said in a cajoling tone. “Don’t worry, I promise I’ll run home to see you during my lunch-break.”
Holly turned away, feeling slightly sick. Why she was bothered by the fact that Gabe had a son and a wife, she had no idea. He certainly deserved to be happy. But she couldn’t help feeling as if the rug had been pulled out from beneath her.
Maybe because Gabe had a family.
And she didn’t.
For a moment she remembered the excitement of being pregnant, the thrill of carrying a tiny life in her womb.
But she’d lost her small daughter. And in almost the same moment had lost her husband.
No, a family wasn’t in her future.
She must have been standing in a daze because suddenly Gabe was back. “I didn’t mean to ditch you like that, but when JT has nightmares, he needs to talk to me right away.”
“Sure, I understand. Congrats.” She pushed the word through her constricted throat, trying not to dwell on the painful past. “On your marriage and your son.”
“I’m not married,” he said, a slight edge to his tone. “Marybeth is JT’s babysitter.”
He wasn’t married? Skeptical, she found herself wondering if he was really telling the truth, but then remembered how he’d referred to Marybeth by name. He hadn’t said maybe JT should let him talk to Mom, he’d said maybe JT should let him talk to Marybeth. The difference eased the tension in her chest.
“Sounds like you have your hands full,” she murmured. She wondered where JT’s mother was. Had Gabe gotten a divorce too? Did they share custody?
“Yeah, a bit.” He shrugged, although his expression was still troubled. “I’d ask you out for dinner, but I can’t leave JT home alone and his babysitter takes night classes.”
Dinner? As much as she was tempted, she knew seeing Gabe outside work was just asking for trouble. The last thing she needed was to be seen with one of her colleagues outside work. Still, it sounded as if he might need some help. And she was more curious than she had a right to be about JT’s mother. “It’s okay, but if you need help with JT, let me know.”
He flashed a lopsided smile. “Thanks. But I think I have everything under control.”
Of course he did. Gabe was always strong, and extremely competent. The way he’d taken control with Mark proved that. “See you later, then.”
“Take care, Holly.”
She turned away, heading back to her office where she’d left the list of patients she was scheduled to see.
The list was long, but that was all right. Better to keep busy than to wallow in the mistakes of the past.
Or to wish for something she could never have.
After he found someone to cover over his lunch-break, Gabe rushed home, knowing he didn’t have a lot of time. “Hey, JT, how are you?”
“Uncle Gabe!” The five-year-old threw himself into Gabe’s arms. “I missed you,” he mumbled against his shoulder.
Gabe closed his eyes, holding the little boy close. The poor kid had been through so much, yet he couldn’t keep leaving work every day either. “I missed you too, sport.” He hugged JT tight, then eased back to look into the boy’s eyes. “You had the bad dream again?”
JT nodded. “Wild animals came out of the woods and tried to bite me.”
Gabe didn’t understand this sudden fear of wild animals that JT seemed to have. But he suspected the real underlying factor was losing his mother. And worrying if he was going to lose Gabe too. “Last night, before you went to bed, I explained how I had to work today. Remember?”
JT’s lower lip trembled, his blue eyes wide. “I know, but when I had the nightmare, I forgot.”
“It’s okay.” He couldn’t be mad at the poor kid, after everything he’d been through. When his sister, Claire, had been killed in a car crash, he’d taken custody of JT. His mother, who’d recently moved to Florida and remarried, had offered to move back to help out in raising her grandson, but he’d declined her generous offer. After all these years, his mother deserved to be happy.
So he’d taken JT because there wasn’t anyone else. And he’d even gone as far as to apply for formal adoption. He’d managed to get things moving the week after Claire’s death but now they were waiting on DNA tests from the two men who, according to his sister’s diary, may be JT’s biological father. Despite the security he’d tried to give his nephew, JT had a deep fear of losing Gabe in the same abrupt way JT had lost his mom.
He’d hoped the boy’s nightmares would fade over time, but so far no luck. Of course, it had only been four weeks since the funeral.
“Everything all right?” he asked Marybeth, JT’s babysitter. The girl was a young college student who watched JT during the day and took a graduate class two evenings a week, on Mondays and Wednesdays. He was lucky to have her, especially when she’d established a great rapport with his nephew.
“Fine,” she reassured him. “JT is always better once he talks to you.”
Crisis averted, at least for the moment. “Do you think he’s okay to attend his pre-school this afternoon?”
“Sure. I think he’ll have fun.”
“Okay, then. I’ll pick him up on my way home.”
“Let me know if you run into trouble, I don’t start class until six o’clock.”
“I will.” The few times he’d had to work late Marybeth had been more than willing to pick JT up after pre-school. He turned back toward JT. “I’m going back to work now, but I’ll pick you up at four. You know how to tell the time, don’t you?”
JT nodded with enthusiasm. “Yep. When the big hand is on the twelve and the little hand is on the four.” He hopped from one foot to the other, his earlier fears seemingly forgotten. “Me and Jeremy are going to play swords this afternoon.”
“Be careful.” Why did boys always want to play with weapons? Gabe figured he must have done the same thing at JT’s age, but it was amazing how almost anything he gave the boy to play with ended up as a sword, a knife or a gun, no matter how hard he tried to discourage it. Maybe JT could use the sword to kill the wild animals in his dreams. He pressed a kiss on the top of JT’s head. “All right, then. I’ll see you later, buddy.”
“Bye, Uncle Gabe.” JT’s face was relaxed and smiling, making him feel better about going back to work. As he strode to his car, he noticed he’d barely have time to wolf down a quick sandwich before seeing patients. But the potential indigestion from eating too fast was worth taking the time to calm JT’s fears.
Too bad he hadn’t been able to ask Holly out for dinner, but leaving JT wasn’t an option. The boy’s emotional status was still too fragile. Would probably be too fragile for a long time to come.
Yet after meeting Holly again that morning, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. Interesting how she’d assumed he’d left because of the moment he’d sensed she’d been about to kiss him when in reality it had been his own response he’d run from. She couldn’t know how close he’d come to crossing the line that night, too. Stepping back from her had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do.
Tom had been right during their argument on his wedding day. He had wanted Holly for himself. But that was then, and things had changed. He wasn’t just a single guy anymore, he had JT to think about now. The boy needed a home, stability. Besides, he wasn’t still hung up on Holly.
He’d moved on with his life, had been engaged to marry Jennifer before Claire had died. Their engagement had been broken off when he’d discovered that she hadn’t been at all willing to take JT in as their adopted son. She’d kept arguing that they needed to find JT’s real father, something he was trying to do. His plan all along, even once they found JT’s biological father, was to fight for sole custody of JT.
Forced to make a choice between Jennifer and JT, his young nephew had won hands down. And if the reality of living with a young boy day in and day out was overwhelming, he’d have to learn to deal with it.
He caught a glimpse of Holly leaving the ED and his pulse kicked up in awareness. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore his body’s reaction, telling himself it was only physical because he hadn’t been with a woman since Jennifer had walked out on him.
There were more important things to worry about than the last time he’d gone out with a woman. Right now, JT had to come first.
With everything that had happened in the past, he knew better than anyone that he and Holly could never be more than friends.
Holly spent the rest of the afternoon trying to keep her mind off Gabe and figuring out how to balance the stat calls with the scheduled patients she needed to see. At three-thirty, her mother called to let her know she was finished with dialysis. Holly had just finished seeing her last patient, so she readily agreed to drive her mother home.
