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Mae put her phone down as Bubblee switched on my bedside lamp and looked around my room.
‘Every time I ask she just replies “Fine.” I think you need more colour in this room, Fatti. Maybe a painting or two? Something to add a little character.’
What did she mean? Doesn’t she think I have character?
‘Are you gonna marry that Malik guy?’ asked Mae.
My heart seemed to beat a little faster.
‘Over my dead body,’ replied Bubblee, observing my bookshelf. ‘There’s something very reflective in the orderly way you’ve piled your books, Fatti.’
Mae shot a look at me, suppressing a laugh. I had to hold mine back too.
‘I mean, we can really draw parallels from our surroundings about our personalities.’
‘Oh yeah,’ said Mae. ‘What’s your flat like then?’
‘You can come visit and see for yourself one day.’ Bubblee looked at her. ‘If you do well in your GCSEs, you can even come and stay with me for a while.’
Mae sat up. ‘Shut your face.’
I had a sudden bout of panic. If Mae leaves here, then I’ll be alone – with my parents.
‘We can go to exhibitions and sit in cafes. You can get a part-time job.’
‘A job?’ said Mae.
‘Yes. A job. That thing that funds the life we want to lead.’
Mae lay back down. ‘London would be something.’
‘Fatti, you can come too,’ said Bubblee, hitting me on the leg.
I said: ‘That’d be great.’ But a hundred questions came to me: What would I wear? How would I act with Bubblee’s artist friends? I need to lose at least twenty pounds before going to London. The whole idea made me want to reach into my drawer for cheese, except I couldn’t with Mae around. But she was right, London would be something.
‘You’d better not marry that Malik before I get a chance,’ said Mae.
Bubblee threw a pillow at her. ‘I’m not marrying him. He’s so uninspired.’
‘But you don’t even know him,’ I replied.
Why do people make such quick judgements about others? Why does no-one give anyone a chance? I think Bubblee said something, but I was too lost in these thoughts to hear. So lost that I ended up saying aloud: ‘I feel like I know him.’
Mae let out a snort of laughter. I felt my face flush, unable to look at Bubblee, who I could tell was staring at me.
‘Haha. Fatti fancies Mal-meister,’ said Mae, getting her phone out again.
‘Don’t even think about hitting the record button,’ I said, the heat in my face rising. ‘And I don’t fancy him. I’m just saying. He is family, anyway.’
‘Exactly,’ said Bubblee. ‘It’s unwholesome to even think about marrying him. I mean, Farah married her cousin and that’s bad enough.’ Bubblee looked at the ground. ‘Look what she’s got to show for it,’ she added.
It seemed so obvious to me. Was I being stupid? Did no-one else see what I saw?
‘Let it go, man,’ added Mae. ‘How much longer are you gonna hold that against her?’
‘I’m here, aren’t I?’ replied Bubblee. ‘Can you believe how Mum was going on and on about Jay? I was embarrassed for her.’
‘He does send money,’ I said.
‘Not nearly enough to make up for the fact that we never know where he is, or what he’s doing. He couldn’t give a crap about any of us.’
I wondered if Bubblee realised that a lot of the time we don’t know where she is or what she’s doing either. My bedroom door opened again and it was Farah. ‘This is where you’re all hiding.’
I folded my legs to make room for Farah on my bed.
‘Bubblee’s the one hiding,’ said Mae, still tapping on her phone. ‘From her husband.’ After which she made kissing noises.
‘She could do a lot worse than him. They’re a good family. Good brothers,’ replied Farah, still standing at the doorway.
‘Good enough for someone else, maybe,’ mumbled Bubblee.
‘What?’ said Farah.
‘Nothing,’ she replied.
Farah’s hand rested on the door handle – she was still as a statue. ‘If you have something to say, you might as well say it. It’s not like I have other things to deal with.’
‘Nothing,’ repeated Bubblee.
I don’t understand how someone can be so stubborn about something. I’ve seen the way Mustafa is around Farah – the way he’s looked after her. He might not be funny and clever – all those things that Bubblee goes on about – but he was kind, at least. Is kind. Which is more than can be said for a lot of men. God, I hope he lives.
‘Mae – get off your phone and sleep in the room with me tonight,’ said Farah.
Mae sighed deeply, picked up her pillow and left the room with Farah closing the door behind her.
I watched Bubblee who was staring at the closed door.
‘You can sleep on the bed,’ I said to her. ‘I’ll take the floor.’
‘Thanks,’ she replied, sounding as if she were somewhere far away.
*
I woke up early, absolutely starving. Creeping out of the room, I walked passed my parents’ room and heard weird noises coming from inside. Sounded like Mum’s arthritis was pretty bad, as she seemed to be moaning. When I went downstairs Malik was at the breakfast table, eating a bowl of cornflakes.
‘Oh,’ I said.
‘You’re up early,’ he replied.
I couldn’t think of anything to say and wished I’d at least put my bathrobe on. My green polka-dot pyjamas weren’t exactly the most flattering in the world.
‘My jet lag’s bad,’ he added as I went over to the kitchen cupboard, forgetting what I was looking for. A plate – that’s it.
‘Yeah,’ I replied. ‘Must be.’
What I wanted was squeezy cheese and mashed prawns on my four slices of toast but I couldn’t let him see me do that. I grabbed an apple and sliced it into pieces, along with some tangerines and a banana.
‘Fruit?’ I offered.
‘Yes. Please. Thanks.’
I handed him the plate of chopped fruit and made myself another one, thinking of the cheese I couldn’t eat. As I took the plate and made my way out of the kitchen, he said: ‘Sit with me, Fatima.’
No-one ever calls me Fatima like that. It’s always Fatti, Fatti, Fatti. As if even my name lives up to the expectation of who I am. I took a seat opposite him and looked at my plate, feeling my face flush again. He’s meant to marry Bubblee. Even if she won’t marry him. It doesn’t matter. He’ll never look at you after having looked at her, anyway.
‘You’re very shy for the eldest,’ he said.
I shrugged. ‘I don’t have much to say.’
‘That can’t be true,’ he said, putting a slice of apple in his mouth, munching so loudly it filled the room.
‘Did you sleep okay?’ I asked.
‘Yes. Thank you.’
When I looked up he was staring at me. Our eyes met and he didn’t look away, just smiled. I peeled off the white veins of the tangerine.
He seemed to laugh at something.
‘What?’ I asked.
‘Nothing, it’s just that … well, you have your kala’s hands. My amma’s hands.’
He observed my hands carefully.
‘They’re beautiful,’ he said.
That much I knew was true, or I wouldn’t be modelling them – long, slender fingers, petite and soft, finely shaped nails that never really need to be filed. It’s the only attractive thing about me.
‘Oh. Thanks.’
‘Tell me about yourself, Fatima.’
The house felt so quiet we could’ve been the only two people there. Is this what being with someone would be like? You’d wake up in the morning and just talk casually about anything; this little space made of you and them, like a secret society of privileged members. For a moment I pretended that we were married and that it was just another day in our lives – the happiness seemed to swell inside me, until I realised that it wasn’t real and that I was even more pathetic than I thought.
‘Nothing to tell,’ I said.
‘What do you do? What do you like?’ He paused. ‘Have you had many marriage proposals?’
Many? The banana pieces were already getting black, the juice from the tangerine touching the sliced apples.
‘I er … no. I’m learning how to drive.’
He leaned forward, putting his plate to one side. ‘And?’
‘Well, once I pass, you see, I’ll be able to get around and maybe get a proper job. Right now, I just help around the house.’ I put out my hand. ‘I make money modelling my hands in a magazine.’
‘Good. I’m not surprised,’ he said, looking at my hands again. ‘Why haven’t Kala and Mama found you a husband yet? You’re the eldest – you should be married now.’
Imagine if he’d said that to Bubblee – she’d have thrown her plate at him. But it was nice being asked, because it was as if it was possible that someone like me could be married. In his eyes, it wasn’t only possible, but actually weird that I wasn’t married.
‘Maybe. One day,’ I replied.
‘Someday soon, inshallah,’ he replied. ‘There should be no maybe. Of course you’ll get married.’
It was nice to have someone believe that would happen for me, even if it was just to make me feel better.
‘And how’s your brother,’ he said, clearing his throat. ‘Jahangeer? He hasn’t come home for Mustafa?’
We heard something drop and looked outside into the passage.
‘Oops,’ said Mae, bending down to get her phone.
‘Mae, if you were recording without us knowing …’ I began.
‘I wasn’t, I wasn’t,’ she exclaimed.
Her eyes rested on my plate of fruit.
‘Amazing, Fatti. Well done. Better than those hundred slices of toast you eat when you think none of us are looking. All right, Mal-meister?’ she added, opening the fridge and getting some kind of smoothie concoction out.
‘Mal-meister Baia to you,’ he replied, his back turned to her as he winked at me.
‘Ooh, yeah, of course,’ she said, making stupid hugging gestures while he couldn’t see. ‘Doesn’t Fatti have to call you Baia out of respect too? I mean, if you’re my brother then you must be hers too, right?’
I could’ve killed her, laughing like that, without him seeing, while I could do nothing but look and listen. She took a sip of her smoothie.
‘Ugh!’ she exclaimed, spitting out its contents and looking at the bottle and wiping her mouth. ‘Gross. Dad’s at it again, isn’t he? He made me this weird smoothie days ago and it tasted like he’d put a spoonful of sewage in it.’
She tipped it out into the sink and threw the bottle in the recycling bin.
‘You’re almost half her age. She deserves your respect,’ said Malik.
‘And she gets it, don’t you, Fats?’ she said, messing up my hair while she walked past.
I tried to hit her on the leg but she just about escaped out of the kitchen. He must think everyone walks all over me. I just shook my head and pretended to laugh. ‘Kids,’ I said.
He leaned forward and put his hand on mine. I was so taken aback, I couldn’t move. What was he doing? Why was he touching me? No-one’s ever held my hand before. All that fruit was churning in my stomach, and it wasn’t sitting very well.
