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“She is, but it’s not in the cards. Besides, I could never know for sure.”
“Know what?”
Colin scrubbed the towel over his body, looking away at nothing in particular. “If she was with me or if she was with Derek’s brother.”
“What the heck does that mean?”
“Think about it. She was in love with Derek. You know that. She was devastated when he died. We all were. I figured that’s why she left and never came back much. Even if it were a remote possibility for us to get together, I would always be second string, Trav. That’s not good enough.”
“I don’t know, Col. I may be off base, but it seemed that when we got together the other night there was definite chemistry working between you two. We were all dancing, but you two kept gravitating back to each other. High school is a world away—you’ve barely seen each other for years—you’re like brand-new people now.”
“You can’t just erase the past, Trav. I mentioned something about Derek to her, and I could see it in her face. Something changed in her eyes. I don’t think she ever quite got over him. If we danced a lot together the other night it was just because you kept trying to maneuver Penny into that dark corner.”
“Yeah, not very successfully. I do like watching her dance, though.”
Colin smiled at Travis and turned back toward the lockers. In spite of the vigorous exercise, talking about Miranda had stirred up the feelings he was trying to exorcise. As his skin heated with familiar waves of desire, he wondered if being second best would be better than nothing at all, or if it would be worse.
MIRANDA AND PENNY SAT crunched into a small booth at their favorite waterfront pub. The place had been around when their parents had been kids and was still going strong. The heady aroma of garlic and freshly baked pizza permeated the air and had made Miranda’s mouth water as always when she’d walked through the door. Though she’d sat in this booth a hundred times, everything seemed sweeter, more pungent now.
She looked around, soaking up the atmosphere. They had been working on a large pizza for the past hour, and finally the subject that had been left behind at the salon reemerged.
“So, what’s your plan for dealing with the Colin situation?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”
Penny sent her a definite “oh, c’mon” look across the table, and she caved.
“Okay, I have been thinking about it, but thinking and doing are two different things.”
“The other night you two seemed to have some real sizzle going. He asked you to dance.”
Miranda shrugged. “Yeah, but the four of us danced together. I danced with Travis as much as Colin, so did you. Colin and I are close, and he’s been great since I’ve been back.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Every now and then I do think I catch a little sense of something more, something different between us, but I think it’s just me and wishful thinking.”
Miranda looked intently at the pizza and seriously considered another slice. Nerves made her want to eat and she had plenty of them. Thank God for elliptical trainers and a fast metabolism.
Grabbing the slice, she took a bite to avoid continuing and then reached down into her bag, taking out the magazine from the salon. She met Penny’s questioning eyes squarely. “What? They said I could take it.”
“Did you tell them you wanted it for a recipe?” Penny’s eyes danced with evil mirth as she glanced over the cover story. “Or is this research?”
“It was an interesting article.” Miranda slumped back in her seat, pizza forgotten. “Yeah, okay. It got me thinking about Colin. What doesn’t? I want to do something, but I don’t want to lose him as a friend. It’s driving me crazy. I would have thought I was over this a long time ago. Then wham, since I’ve been back it’s been full-force adult lust. Very frustrating.”
Penny squeezed her hand and smiled before she resumed eating her pizza. “You’re such a romantic. It doesn’t surprise me that you feel this way. You were crazy about him then. Going out with Derek was a mistake.”
“I know. I guess I just thought since one brother wasn’t interested, maybe the other one would do. Or in truth, I was hoping to make Col jealous, though I know it was awful to use Derek that way. And I know he used to rub Col’s face in it, but I thought maybe that would jar him, make him come around, but I guess he really didn’t have those feelings for me. Then or now. But I look at Colin still and it’s like…”
“Everything else disappears?” Penny finished her sentence, and shared her own insights.
“Colin always had that extra, I don’t know what to call it. He was just…deeper. I mean, he’s gorgeous, but he’s also a nice guy. Rare combination.”
“I know. He’s almost too nice, though.” Miranda grimaced. “I wish I could get him to be a little naughty.”
“I think he was always trying to make up for Derek. Derek was great, but he was such a bad boy. God, remember how he gave Joyce and Ed fits?” Penny laughed softly, remembering the good old days. “He was always in trouble. And he was just as gorgeous as Colin, but I can see how Colin would have felt like he had to behave, you know, to balance out Derek.”
Penny sighed, tipping her empty bottle at the server to indicate she would like another before continuing. “You know, after you left, it was so sad. He got sucked up in school and taking care of his parents. He and I hung out a little, but we didn’t have much in common.”
“Why not? You’ve known him as long as any of us, and you were in school, too.”
Penny’s mouth twisted self-derisively. “Hardly the same as what you guys were doing.”
“Penny, you got a good two-year degree, you graduated at the top of your class, and you’re doing a job you love, not to mention you’re great at it. You’re amazing with those animals. And with the people, too. Don’t sell yourself short.”
“Yeah, being a vet’s assistant is fun, but it’s hardly like being a doctor or a professor. Or having your own business. Speaking of which, how’s that going?”
“Good so far. Starting up is slow, but I owe my ability to pay the rent to you. With the clients you’re sending my way, I’m getting more referrals and business is picking up. It was a good idea to set up shop so close by the vet’s. A lot of folks seem to walk their dogs in that area, too.” She lifted her beverage in a salute to Penny, and continued. “I think I may start some group classes at the shelter, and split the proceeds with them. I need to do more formal training in some advanced techniques, though, so I can maybe pick up some contract work with the police, or search-and-rescue teams. Then maybe I can afford to do some free classes for people who can’t afford to pay.”
“That’s good thinking. I’m glad it’s going well for you—you deserve it. If you could get things going with Colin, life would be almost perfect, huh?”
Miranda considered what Penny had told her about Colin. “I hate it that he sees me as Derek’s girlfriend instead of just me.”
Penny nodded. “Then I guess you have to tell him. I can see why you wouldn’t have said anything right away, but I think it’s time to tell him you’d actually broken up with Derek the night of the accident and see if it makes a difference. It could clear the air for something to happen between you two.”
“Ha! Talking to him directly? I don’t know about that plan—far too much fall-flat-on-my-face potential. That would be too sensible and straightforward for me.” She smiled reluctantly over her drink. “Why do you always make sense?”
“Hey, that’s me. Sensible Penny. Just like the loafers.”
“Stop it. You are as wildly lacking in sense as the rest of us, and I won’t hear any differently. Hey, a couple guys at the bar haven’t been able to take their eyes off you all night. You are such a sex goddess.”
Penny grinned and looked toward the bar, her green eyes impish. She was cute—the type of woman men were automatically attracted to. A small, pixielike redhead, Penny had an innate, feminine sex appeal that Miranda sometimes envied. Miranda liked her own straight, statuesque build well enough—being strong and streamlined had its own advantages—but sometimes she wished she was curvier and cuter like her friend.
A laugh bubbled up from Penny when she waved playfully at the guys at the bar. Penny routinely underestimated herself, which Miranda found frustrating. She knew it came from the fact that Penny had grown up in less comfortable circumstances than the rest of them, but it bugged her that Penny insisted on downplaying herself much of the time.
“Yeah, I’m a real sex kitten.”
“Hmm. Maybe one who’s interested in curling up in the lap of one particularly cute resident doctor that we both happen to know.”
“Eww! Hardly. Though maybe I’d like to scratch him.”
“Why do you even bother to hide it? You guys are obviously hot for each other.”
“Um, Miranda, have you been in a room with us lately—or, come to think of it—ever?”
“Actually, yes. You argue like cats and dogs, but that is just the adult version of the playground-punch-in-the-arm. Face it, you’re a smitten sex kitten.”
“Puh-leese. Clever way to sidetrack this conversation, but let’s get back to you.”
“Coward. I still say if you made a move on Travis, he’d cave like a house of cards. I, on the other hand, am facing the sexual Berlin Wall with Colin.”
“Well, you know, they did tear that down, so there’s hope.”
“Okay, fine, Great Wall of China then, smart aleck.” She grimaced playfully. “I have to think of something. If I store up any more sexual energy I am going to explode. And it won’t be pretty.”
“So are you seriously thinking of implementing the five-step plan here?” Penny gestured at the cover story in the magazine lying between them.
Miranda took another bite of her pizza and chewed, mulling that idea. “Maybe. Some of the ideas were good. And if it doesn’t work, I can at least say I tried. Life’s too short to be wishy-washy about things. You just gotta jump in and see what happens.”
She didn’t really feel that casual about it—the feelings she had for Colin were strong, if confusing, and if he rejected her, it would hurt. But she’d survive. She’d discovered that about herself: she was a survivor.
There was something about quiet, responsible Colin that made her want to burrow down under the layers and see what was there. She wanted to release the wild man underneath all that calm. If she could do it, she had a feeling it would be worth the risk.
She couldn’t believe it when she’d returned home and he was still here and single. But he was different. Grown-up, a man now, and even more gorgeous than she’d remembered. Those tawny, hazel eyes seemed to stare straight through her, and though she knew it was corny, she longed for the kind of deep connection that she imagined a woman could have with a man like that. The kind that lasted forever.
Penny reached over and waved the magazine in front of Miranda’s face. “Earth to Miranda, so what’s step one?”
“They suggest a woman should take control of the relationship as a first move. No waiting around for the guy to decide, or to make up his mind about when and where. You decide how, you decide where, you decide when. Men have always been under pressure to make these big decisions, and they face rejection all the time. So, you relieve pressure by being the one to take control. It’s supposed to energize your relationship and push things to a new level.”
Putting the magazine back down on the table, Penny nodded approvingly.
“Sounds good. How do you do that, exactly?”
“They have several suggestions, from simply inviting him out on a date to doing a striptease, or setting up a seduction, including bondage and other kinky stuff that is control related. It depends on the existing relationship you have with the other person, and your personalities. Something tells me Colin would run for the hills if I pulled out the handcuffs.”
Penny’s eyes widened. “You have handcuffs?”
“I was speaking hypothetically, Pen.”
“Oh. Well, sounds like it’s worth a try.”
Miranda felt a naughty smile twitch at the corners of her lips. Her mind was made up. Her skin tingled with excitement. She had her plan in hand. She was going to seduce Colin Jacobs.
2
Colin,
Come to my house at seven tonight—I have a surprise for you. Come alone, and you can’t say a word until I tell you to. Oh, and don’t be late. I know this probably sounds strange, but just do it. Remember, no talking!
Randi
COLIN STARED at Miranda’s e-mail in the dim light of his office. Books were stacked everywhere and piles of student tests cluttered his desk, leaving just enough room for the laptop that glowed in the darkness. To the outside observer it looked like a complete mess, but he knew exactly what was in every spot. Research projects, student papers, faculty documents—he could find anything he needed quickly. Why bother with extras like filing cabinets? But at the moment, he simply narrowed his eyes as he read the screen, murmuring to himself.
“No talking? Just do it? What the heck is she up to?”
His curiosity was piqued. It had been two nights since he’d seen Travis and discussed his feelings for Miranda. Maybe Travis was right—maybe he should just take a chance. God knows he’d thought about it enough. But as soon as he seriously considered it, the same heaviness would settle in his gut and he couldn’t go through with it. Quick affairs were nice, and he’d had his share of them, but with Miranda it would have to be something more. He knew they could never really have a future together. And worse, their friendship could be destroyed in the process.
He could hear his brother Derek’s voice in his head as clear as if it were yesterday, bragging about how he and Miranda were dating, and how they had made out for hours in the back seat of his car. It had driven Colin nuts, but his brother had beaten him to her and there was nothing to be done about it. The best man—or at least the braver man—had won.
Colin hadn’t been completely honest with Travis. He’d thought about approaching Randi a million times since she’d returned home, had played out what he would say, how he might ask her out, and it had never felt right. In his head, she was his brother’s girl, not his. She was only Colin’s in his fantasies, which had been long dead until she returned, when they had refueled with an almost cruel ferocity.
He closed his eyes and pictured her, feeling his insides tighten and his skin go warm. She was almost his height—nearly six feet—slim, and strong. She had…presence. There was intelligence in her face and, God knows, her voice alone could inspire his fantasies for nights on end.
She was beautiful, no doubt, with long, curling sable hair that tumbled everywhere and deep brown eyes that didn’t miss a thing. He’d often dreamed about wrapping those tresses around his hands, or burying his face in them. But she was more than beautiful.
She had a kind of fire that always seemed to be burning just under the surface, a quiet intensity. Yet she was one of the most open and friendly people he knew. If only he could bring himself to take the chance—
“Dr. Jacobs?”
Shaken out of his reverie, he looked up and saw Nell, his teaching assistant, standing in the doorway. It was getting dark outside and he switched the small desk lamp on, glancing at his watch. He was due at Miranda’s soon. He was curious as to what had prompted her to send that strange e-mail telling him to show up but remain silent. Probably Penny and Travis were in on whatever it was as well.
“Hello, Nell. What can I do for you?”
She stepped tentatively into the office, laying a stack of papers down on the desk.
“These are done. I applied the grading criteria you gave me as best I could, but I marked some of the ones that were less clear with Post-its for your review.”
He smiled. Nell was a first-year doctoral student in clinical psychology, and she worked hard—maybe too hard. Her straight black hair was pulled back tightly from her face and she wore no makeup, not even lipstick. Shadows showed under her eyes. It made her appear very…sparse. And exhausted.
“I appreciate you getting these to me so quickly, but you could have taken a little longer. I know you just got out of your own version of midterm hell. How are your classes going?”
She bit her lip, looking down.
“Oh, they’re fine. Quantitative stats is giving me a little bit of a problem, but I’ll get through it.”
“You will. Smythe is tough, but she’s a great professor. I’d be happy to help you with some of the problem sets if you get stuck, just let me know. Quantitative is important.”
She nodded and turned her head to glance out the window that overlooked the quad.
“You’re here pretty late. I didn’t expect you to be in, but figured I would leave the tests on your desk for morning.”
“Yes, well, I’m trying to get through this grading. There may be a few students from your section I’ll need to confer with you about before this is over.”
She smiled, and he thought she might actually be pretty if she tried.
“Okay, just let me know when you need me to do that. I am usually near e-mail.”
He was eager to draw their conversation to a close, but wanted to be supportive. “You’re doing a great job, Nell. Above and beyond. Tell you what, let me take you for a coffee next week and we’ll talk about the tests in a more pleasant place than the office. Sound good?”
She nodded awkwardly and in the low light he could just see pink stain her cheeks as she backed away from the desk. He stepped around the desk, looking at his watch again, and knew he had to hurry her out of the office if he was going to make it to Miranda’s in time.
“Listen, I remember what it was like, and I want us to have a different kind of relationship than I had with my advisor. Hopefully a much more friendly one.”
He slipped a companionable arm around her shoulders and guided her to the doorway, needing to hasten her departure so he could leave. He gave her arm a quick squeeze before reaching for his jacket. Her eyes widened and she nodded before saying a quick goodbye and exiting the room. He shook his head, hoping he’d gotten his point across. This was the first semester he had had his own teaching assistant, and he didn’t want to get a reputation as an ogre.
He was all for hard work, but sometimes if you over-did it, your production could actually suffer. He saw it happen all the time in burned-out students and colleagues. Other advisors had their T.A.s over to dinner, and created more of a social situation, treating them like colleagues more than students. He made a mental note to make more of an effort in that area. Coffee would be a start.
He shut down the laptop. It was later than he had thought, and he had to get going. Closing up his briefcase, he grabbed his jacket and shut the light off behind him, wondering again what Miranda’s mysterious e-mail was all about. He expected to find out soon.
MIRANDA HEARD the truck pull up in front of the house and looked out into the lighted driveway, confirming that it was Colin. She peered through the curtain, watching all six feet of him slide out of the heavy-duty pickup, and sucked in a breath. He stood for a moment, as if he wasn’t sure what to do, or why he was there, and then closed the truck door.
He wore the years well, the man fulfilling the promise in the boy, his lanky frame filled out, muscular and hard. She watched him approach the door, the muscles of his thighs stretching against his jeans with each long step. Miranda had frequently treated herself to the view of those jeans from behind and quivered in anticipation of seeing what was underneath them. He still fried her brain cells like no other man ever had.
