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“I’ll read it here,” she said.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
She opened her mouth, then quickly snapped it shut. Emma held out the library card and Lily snatched it from her fingers and hurried out of the library. Emma drew a deep breath and sighed. Childhood was such a complicated time for some kids. She couldn’t help but empathize with Lily Harper, so scared and vulnerable. At times like this, Emma wished she had more than books to offer.
She picked up the bouquet that Mac had brought her and drew in the scent of the flowers. All the troubles of her own adolescence had made her into the woman she was today. But her lack of sexual experience kept her anchored to that vulnerable girl. She couldn’t truly feel like an adult until she’d left that part of her behind. And she was determined that Mac would be the one to help her do that.
* * *
MAC SORTED THROUGH the stack of scribbled notes, then stared at the computer screen. He was supposed to enter his crop-dusting jobs into the accounting program so invoices could be generated, but Buddy’s program was ancient and nothing seemed to work properly.
The screen door creaked and he looked up to see Charlie Clemmons standing in the late morning sun, a large plastic bag tucked under his arm. Mac straightened, shoving the bookkeeping aside. “Hi,” he said. “What can I do for you?”
Charlie approached the counter, reaching to pull his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. He cleared his throat nervously. “I want to hire you again to fly another banner for me.”
Mac shook his head, holding out his hands. “Listen, Charlie, I get how you feel—”
“This is different,” Charlie insisted. “I bought a new banner. I want you to take it up this morning. She and Trisha always meet for coffee on Saturdays so she’ll be sure to see it.”
“Emma Bryant came in here after the last banner,” Mac said. “She was pretty angry. I don’t think a new banner is going to make her happy.”
“This one will make her very happy,” Charlie said. “I’ve decided that I was moving too fast. I have to slow down and court her. A girl like Emma doesn’t want a pushy guy. A girl like Emma needs time to fall in love.”
“A girl like Emma?” Mac asked.
Charlie shifted uneasily. “Yeah...you know.”
“I do?”
“Yeah. ’Cause she’s a virgin.” He paused. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, to be honest, I’m lacking in that department, too. That’s why we’d be an excellent match. There wouldn’t be any...expectations.”
Mac groaned inwardly. This was too much information! Was this the gossip that Emma had referred to? Mac let the information sink in. Though it didn’t change his desire for her, it certainly changed his attitude about seducing her at the next available opportunity. One didn’t just ravish a virgin without a care for her limited experience. Being a woman’s first lover was a tremendous responsibility—the kind of responsibility he wasn’t sure he was ready to accept.
“So what will it take?” Charlie asked.
Mac blinked and met his gaze. “What?”
“What will it take to get you to fly my banner? I paid you two hundred dollars for the last flight. I assume this one will cost the same?”
“Are you sure you want to waste—I mean, spend—your money on this? I’ve talked to Emma and she really isn’t impressed. Maybe you ought to turn your attention to another woman. Someone more...obliging.”
“What does that mean?”
“A girl who might welcome your affections?”
“But the book said that I should be persistent and not give up. No matter what.” Charlie pulled a dog-earred paperback out of his jacket pocket and dropped it on the counter.
“How to Catch a Mate in Ten Easy Lessons,” Mac read out loud. “Which lesson are you on?”
“I can’t seem to get past number three,” Charlie said with a dejected sigh.
“Maybe you should start over...with a different woman. A guy has to know when to cut his losses and move on.” Mac couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for his suggestion. After all, he did have ulterior motives. But it wasn’t just because he’d been suddenly captivated by Emma Bryant and wanted her for himself. He also wanted to save her the irritation and embarrassment of dealing with another of Charlie’s banners.
Charlie set the banner on the counter. “You’re probably right. You might as well toss that,” he said.
Mac nodded. “Good call. You’ll see. You’ll find someone who’ll appreciate your romantic gestures. There are a lot of fish in the sea.”
“Where? What sea have you been looking in? There are only so many women in this town who’d consider dating a guy like me and I’ve run through them all.”
“Maybe you ought to aim higher,” Mac suggested. “Shoot for a girl who’s out of your league.”
“The book doesn’t help with that,” Charlie said. “I wouldn’t know what to do.”
Mac paused. If he really wanted a clear road ahead with Emma, then he had to be willing to help Charlie out. It wasn’t as if business was booming for Buddy’s Flying Services. And he did have knowledge he could impart. “How about if I help you out?” Mac offered.
“You’d do that?” Charlie asked. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want to see you make a fool out of yourself. We’ll hang out. The 49ers are playing on Monday night. Is there a sports bar around here?”
“There’s Shooters just east of town.”
“All right. I’ll meet you there on Monday night. We’ll have a few beers, talk to a few women and see where it goes.”
“You’ll be my wingman,” Charlie said, grinning. “That’s been my problem all along. No wingman.”
Charlie left the banner sitting on the counter. It was still there when J.J. came in through the shop door. He stopped and stared at it, then winced, shaking his head. “Charlie again?”
“I talked him out of it,” Mac explained.
J.J. seemed surprised. “That guy is like a terrier with a bone. He once decided that he was going to get on that show Gladiator Games. He trained for three years. By the time he was ready, the show had been canceled. Charlie has the worst luck. That’s why people avoid him. They’re afraid it might rub off on them.”
“I’m just going to distract the guy for a while. Give him some good advice and maybe find him a different girl.”
J.J. gave Mac a dubious look. “You’re fixin’ to steal his girl away.”
“Emma is not his girl.”
“That’s not what most people in town believe. Most folks around here are all for the match.”
“You didn’t mention that she was a virgin,” Mac said.
J.J. shook his head. “Why should that make a difference to you?”
“It doesn’t,” Mac said. “It’s just something most guys would want to know.” He cursed beneath his breath. This was suddenly getting far too complicated. Too many people had a stake in his relationship with Emma. Mac had always preferred to keep his social and sexual life simple. It made for easier exits. And he’d be the first person to admit that he never wanted to stick around for long.
He was all too familiar with the consequences. There would be questions—about his parents, his family, his background. Where was he born? What were his parents’ names? What about grandparents? So many questions that he didn’t have answers for.
For any other man, that might have made a difference. But for Luke MacKenzie—or whatever his name really was—he’d put those questions aside. He’d determined at a young age to let the past go, to focus purely on the present.
Hell, it made for a much happier life. The past was all about mistakes and regrets, lost opportunities and broken promises. And the future? Well, that was about goals and dreams and aspirations. All those things just out of a guy’s reach.
It was, and always would be about the present for Mac. He knew all too well that life could change in a split second. Dreams could be shattered and the future turned upside down. His mind flashed an image of that night, of the empty motel room and the police cars outside. So many questions and never any answers.
So he lived for pleasure and adventure, excitement and spontaneity. He never knew what the new day would bring, but Mac was always determined to make the best of it.
“Any idea how to work this computer?” Mac asked, turning to J.J.
“Yeah,” the mechanic said. “What’s the problem?”
“I have to enter these time slips and fuel receipts to generate an invoice and I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong.”
J.J. grabbed the stack of notes. “It would take me longer to explain than it would to do the invoices,” he said. “I can take care of it.”
“Are you sure?”
“No problem,” J.J. said.
“Can you keep an eye on the front desk? I have something I need to do.”
“I have to leave in an hour. We have some final work on the set before the show tonight. You still planning on coming?”
“Yeah, absolutely,” Mac said. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” J.J. joked. “I’m not that good.”
Mac chuckled and clapped J.J. on the back. “Don’t sell yourself short.”
Mac walked out into the hangar and pulled open the passenger door of his plane. It was the closest thing he had to a home. Mac crawled through to the tail, rummaging around until he found what he was looking for. He took the small tin box out and sat down on a crate, pulling off the lid in the light of day.
The rusty tin held all that was left of his old life—his only clues to his past. He picked up the larger of the two wedding bands and stared down at it, then slipped it on his finger. Marriage had never been a part of his future. Until he had a past, he couldn’t have a future. But how did one go about finding ghosts? The police had tried and failed.
Did he even want to find them? Wouldn’t it simply be easier to know nothing? And why did it make a difference now?
Mac closed his eyes. Emma. For some reason, she made him think about the future, made him question his past.
But why? He’d met her only a few days ago. There had to be a reason for this unreasonable attraction. Some quality that had captured his attention. It wasn’t her virginity. Had he been aware of that, he would have run in the opposite direction. Charlie was right—there were too many expectations.
And yet, the news hadn’t changed his interest in her. Emma was smart and beautiful and vulnerable and strong. She was the kind of woman who needed a partner to help her navigate the world, yet would never admit she couldn’t do everything alone. But was he that man?
Mac slipped the wedding ring off his finger and held it up to the light. His gaze focused on the inside of the ring. “For Benjamin, with love,” he read.
Who the hell was Benjamin and what was Mac doing with his wedding ring?
Mac tossed the ring back into the box. Probing the past was too dangerous. He’d been right before. It was better to live in the present.
* * *
“I’M READY,” EMMA SAID, holding the phone to her ear. “I’ve been going over it in my head all day long and I’m ready.”
“This is a dinner date,” Trish said, her voice crackling over the connection. “Not the D-Day Invasion.”
“I realize that. But I have to have a plan, don’t you think? We’ll have dinner, we’ll discuss the book, have a little wine and then, sometime around dessert, I’ll make my proposition.”
“I thought you guys were going to see Oklahoma.”
“I hope that’s just his backup plan, in case the date is a real disaster.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t plan too much. Just let it happen,” Trish said. “You know, organically.”
“And here I was thinking I’d just force the issue up front and forget about the date entirely.” Emma stood in front of the mirror and studied her reflection critically. “Why is this so complicated?”
“It isn’t. Thousands of couples go out on first dates. And hundreds of them go home afterward and have wild monkey sex without suffering even the tiniest twinge of guilt. You bought condoms, didn’t you?”
“Four different kinds,” Emma said. “I had to drive all the way into Petaluma to get them. You should have seen the look I got from the clerk. I think she assumed I was going to an orgy.” Emma groaned. “I have to go. I hear his car. Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need luck,” Trish said. “Just be yourself and see where it goes. No pressure, no expectations.”
Emma switched off her phone, then checked her appearance once more. She looked nice. She’d taken extra time with her hair and put on a tiny bit of mascara and lipstick. The outfit she wore wasn’t blatantly sexy, but it hugged her body in all the right places.
A knock sounded from the front door and Emma jumped, pressing her hand to her heart. Her pulse began to race as she approached the door, and for a moment, she felt light-headed and dizzy. She drew a few deep breaths, then pasted a smile on her face. Emma reached for the door handle and swung it open. Mac stood outside, another bouquet of flowers clutched in his hand.
“Hi, there,” he said with a wide grin. “You look great.”
“Thank you,” she murmured. “So do you.”
Emma’s hand trembled as she reached for the flowers. His hand brushed against hers. The touch was enough to send a shock wave coursing through her body and when he grabbed hold of her fingers, her pulse leaped.
For a long moment they stood frozen, neither one of them ready to move. But then, Emma groaned softly and threw herself into his arms. They stumbled inside the house, her lips searching for his before settling in to a deeply passionate kiss.
This wasn’t the way things were supposed to begin. But as his tongue tasted the warm depths of her mouth, she forgot all about her plans and decided to surrender herself to fate.
His hands spanned her waist as Mac pressed her against the wall, his hips meeting hers. The control had suddenly shifted. Emma had never been kissed like this, with such single-minded desire and such overwhelming passion. It was as if he’d lost the capacity to think and was operating only on sexual instinct.
Her heart pounded out a quick rhythm. She tried to catch her breath and when she couldn’t, she stepped back, gasping, her face flushed with warmth. “Sorry,” she said in a shaky tone.
Mac pressed his forehead against hers. “Is everything all right?”
Emma shook her head. She felt as if she was about to pass out. “No, it’s not. I don’t think I can do this.”
“Kiss me?”
“All of it,” she said, throwing her arms into the air. She walked across the room, putting a safe distance between them. “I thought it would be easy. But it’s always just looming on the horizon, this huge, black cloud that at any moment is going to surround me and smother me with guilt and shame and—”
“What are you talking about?” Mac asked.
Emma began laughing and suddenly she couldn’t stop. Why was this so difficult? Women lost their virginities every day. And yet the longer she held on to hers, the more it seemed to define her.
“Are you all right?”
